That's right. They all went the wrong place!
I never even got to first base.
Since I am so short,
I just got ignored;
She was posed in pearls and lace!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I can see how you could confuse us;
I sound taller when I write; thus
Your report was sincere,
Even though I fear,
You assigned the wrong name to the fuss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While thinking one day on the crapper,
Of gentlemen handsome and dapper,
At forty unbrided,
Aunt Gertrude decided
To go find a man to unwrap her.
--- Younger Brother

Her plan was decidedly simple,
She changed mini-skirt for her wimple.
By showing some leg,
There'd be no need to beg;
She'd just smile, so to show off her dimple.
--- Younger Brother

On her first night out, Gertrude met Fred.
He was older, but better than dead.
But he wasn't too rich,
And his eye had a twitch,
So he never got into her bed.
--- Younger Brother

Gertrude's failure at first had her grievin',
But she persevered 'til she met Steven.
His hand stroked her breast,
Her crotch he carressed,
And she said, "Now you've got me believin"!
--- Younger Brother

Gertrude said, "I want more than just kissing;
I want to know what I've been missing!
I like to get stroked,
But I'd love to get poked!
Don't limit its talents to pissing!"
--- Younger Brother

Oh Archie, my sweet little 'possum,
My lust is beginning to blossom.
Your place or mine?
We'll shag all the time...
And your teeth, don't forget to floss 'em.
--- Jayne

My heart is beginning to thunder;
All that passion you exude from down under.
The words that you said
Make my cheeks go all red,
And blood rushes to places of wonder.
--- Jayne

Now that our passion is mounting,
My juices are flowing like a fountain.
I might let you lick it,
(Even though you like cricket)
Till next time we meet, I am counting.
--- Jayne

The girl that I've always dreamed of
Has stolen my heart, I'm in love.
Her thighs I caressed;
She quickly undressed,
And whispered, "Oh, heaven's above!"
--- Anon

She knelt over me and some strands
Of her hair had a brush with my glands;
With a flick of her wrist
I knew I had kissed
It. My heart was held tight in her hands!
--- Anon

That beautiful girl next door, Nance,
Caused the front of my pants to advance
'Till the zipper gave way,
Which caused her to say,
"Do you think I could joust with that lance?"
--- Anon

When I said I'd not joust, with one voice
All the knights could be heard to rejoice.
They hadn't a chance
With sword, mace or lance,
When I used my weapon of choice.
--- Anon

I wilI put off the load from your back,
When at my place you go hit the sack.
Be a sonofagun;
Tonight we'll have fun;
Relight your fire in Gwennie's crack!
--- Anon

The fare for the ride, it's no jest,
Is modest compared to the rest.
And I don't have to skimp
'Cause this chick has no pimp.
In this business, Gwen's simply the best!
--- Anon

On the beach shore somewhere off in Spa-in,
A beautiful girly was layin',
Sprawled out on the beach
And just outta reach,
Her bodacious bootie displayin'.
--- Anon

I advanced and I give her a glance.
She told me to discard my pants.
I did as she said
And she gave me some head,
And then she sat down on my lance.
--- Anon

She rode hard my broad throbbing beast,
An hour or two at the least.
And when she'd decided
She'd long enough rided,
She left me right there for deceased...
--- Anon

My legs, with his glance, he took in
The sweetness of glistening skin.
By the time that he said
He desired them outspread,
His joy stick I'd pulled deep within.
--- Emma Mara

We ride like a pair near possessed;
To his stamina I will attest.
I'm filled with this fire
And scream to go higher.
A replay, my instant request.
--- Emma Mara

Now please do not think I am forward,
If I start by promoting my sword.
Though I'm only a bard,
If I come on real hard,
Do you think I deserve a reward?
--- Archie

I think that you're quite a sharp fellow;
Your sword makes my knees turn to Jello
But all knaves here, they say
Are proportioned that way,
So who really is my Longfellow.
--- Emma Mara

As critic I think I'm a stain,
An amateur I must remain.
But as for your style,
It brought me a smile,
So do it again and again.
--- Cyber Wizard

From blue words you know I would shrink,
Like fucking and boffing and kink?
But I turned a page.
No fear to engage
When often my mind's on the pink.
--- Emma Mara

Don't flash that fine pink to these fellas!
You want to be naughty? Just tell us!
There's plenty to scratch
And grab at your snatch,
As long as your hubby's not jealous.
--- Cyber Wizard

When randy or naughty I feel,
I'll show up, and then clothes I will peel.
Please give me the chance
And unleash your lance.
I think you'll enjoy the raw deal.
--- Emma Mara

While lurking can be a fun sport,
One needs to break free and consort,
So I'll spill my soul
If I'm on a roll;
As always I'll read your retort.
--- Emma Mara

So you'll care about my reply?
Read obscenity with your head high?
Do deeds under covers;
Take many new lovers?
We all here are your kind of guy!
--- Emma Mara

Some deeds, under covers, are fun.
And a roll, out of doors, in the sun?
In moonlight, 'tis nice;
In the rain? That adds spice.
There's no place we won't come undone.
--- Emma Mara

A farm girl from Clanfield named Joyce;
She wooed with her come-to-bed voice.
She'd coo, "Plant your seed...
But first you must weed.
The rake or the hoe, that's your choice."
--- Tiddy Ogg

But raking and hoing's no thriller;
They both are a back-breaking killer.
To tend Joyce's furrow
Before one can burrow,
Requires a good gas-powered tiller!
--- Travis Brasell

She said, when he called on the phone,
"I'm patient, but want you alone.
Not later, but sooner;
Let's go for a nooner.
I'll wrap myself 'round your wishbone."
--- Emma Mara

This is file zrl

As hard as he buried his bone,
She just didn't whimper and moan.
Though hard as a rock,
She felt that his cock
Was really no more than a stone.
--- SFA

Since Emma has been going steady,
She knows how to get her boy ready;
Just blow in his ear,
And tickle his rear,
Wearing naught but a whipped cream teddy.
--- David Miller

Whipped cream is a favorite of mine;
Delicious to spread, it's divine.
So tasty and thick
But gone in a lick.
I've a can, always chilled, by design.
--- Emma Mara

I once had a friend called Ayr
Who thought blokes at Madras did dismay her.
She examined their thought
And became quite distraught,
On finding their aim was to lay her.
--- J Davie and C Hilditch

There was a young lecher named Sean
Who'd fuck all his girlfriends `til dawn.
But when they would wake up
To put on their makeup,
They'd find he was dressed and long gone.
--- Armand Singer

As they kissed and caressed in a hollow,
He said, as they noticed a swallow,
"You have got me, I find,
By the heart and the mind,
And where they lead, my balls want to follow!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I once met a beautiful Persian,
A shy one who needed coercion.
So I gave her a smile
And she thought for a while,
Then allowed me to make an insertion.
--- CM

Said Big Randy Dan of Pinole,
"The new schoolmarm is my sexy goal!
I've a wide choice of frails,
Each with more willing tails,
But she'd be the best on the whole."
--- Grand Prix Lim 243

There was a young lady named Brigid,
Who everyone thought was quite frigid.
But a passionate Celt
Made her reticence melt,
And with passion our Brigid grew rigid!
--- G0023

There was a young lady named Astor
Who claimed that no man was her master.
She had a long drink
With a fellow named Brink,
And by Brink she was led to disaster.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1307

"Yes, of course," said a girl from Latrop,
"But it's hard to know quite where to stop.
A boy lifts your slip.
Then you hear him unzip.
Then what do you do?, Call a cop?"
--- John Ciardi

I would say she had beautiful eyes
And I'd laugh at her witty replies.
(But if I confessed
To my fetish for breast,
I'd be clutching my balls, I surmise!)
--- Peter Wilkins

The Director said, eyeing her rear,
"Let's examine your profile, my dear."
(And being no slouch
On his casting couch,
Will further project her career...)
--- Val Burns P0512Q

Chief censor Adolphus MacHugh
Gasped, "Darling what I wouldn't do
To turn down the lamp
You suggestive, unprintable you!"
--- Forbidden Limericks P8802

In spring a man's fancies turn naughty.
Even ladies prim, proper and haughty
Are the aim of his lust.
So if he gains their trust,
He shouldn't refuse them, now ought he?
--- John Miller 0276

Girls polish the membrum virile
Of that lustful old satyr, O'Reilly.
He lures them indoors
And slips down their drawers,
Gets their little cracks quivering highly!
--- G0216

I'm not interested now in your coffee,
But looking this time for a boffie.
I am combing the beach
And inspecting now each
Chick for a fuckable moffie!
--- Anon

There was an old sheik of Algiers,
Whose conquests outnumbered his years.
When asked for his style,
He said he just smiled
Sympathetically under the ears.
--- Glimmerick Book P9006

"Dinner? Your place? How romantic!
Why Peter, you've got me just frantic!
What on earth shall I wear?
I suppose you don't care
Since I've got these bazooms so gigantic."
--- Anon

No fool is a friend of mine, Herman;
He's studied for years to determine
How to win a slick chick,
Who's both sexy and chic:
Rob banks and then dress her in ermine.
--- Armand E Singer 533

There was an old maid name of Hoyt,
Seduced by a man from Detroit.
Her feeble resistance
Was more like assistance;
It was best to relax and enjoy it.
--- Albin Chaplin

My pickup lines are about etchings,
And disclose much about all my letching.
A cask of Madiera
Lets me come neara,
To her whose downfall I am fetching.
--- Archie

There was a young lady named Hatch,
Who would always come through in a scratch.
If a guy wouldn't neck her,
She'd grab hold his pecker
And shove the thing right up her snatch.
--- L0307

A randy young girl called Miranda,
Wanted laying by someone much grander,
Than an ill-favored chump
Who was nearly all hump,
And so Ferdinand easily manned her.
--- Peter Alexander

Here's the sad tale of Matilda,
Seduced as she was by a builder.
No-one else ever did,
'Cause she couldn't get rid
Of the concrete with which that bloke filled her.
--- Anon

A very wise lady called Anne,
Would have nothing to do with a man,
Until a pools winner
Took her out to dinner,
And flew her off to Japan.
--- Anon

There was an old fellow named Coombs
Who rented apartments and rooms.
His rents were reduced
For the girls he seduced,
And were free to the ones with tight wombs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1762

A Montreal woman named Alec,
Would swoon for a smooth talking Gallic.
An accented imploring
Of tender "amour"-ing,
Would prime her for overtures phallic.
--- Alex Heydon P0402

His romance is beyond comprehension,
Perhaps because of his dimension.
The women succumb --
Indeed they all come --
And they always give him special mention.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Of his face, she thought not too much,
But then, at the very first touch,
Her attitude shifted.
He was terribly gifted
At frigging and fucking and such.
--- L0070

Be discreet and modest and wise,
Fuckabilitys no function of size.
Be subtle, don't boast;
Be nice to your host;
Then give her an enormous surprise.
--- Anon

An observant young man of the West
Said, "I've found out by personal test
That men who make passes
At girls who wear glasses,
Get just as good ass as the rest.
--- G0222A

A frigid old lady named Bogg
Had a pussy as cold as a frog.
A man with dispatch
Lit a flame in her snatch
When he slipped her a heat-warming log.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old maid of Peru,
Who swore that she never would screw,
Except under stress,
Or forceful duress,
Like, "I'm ready, dear, how about you?"
--- Isaac Asimov P