I'm sorry you cried your way home,
Rejected by your honeycomb.
I'm not Deaar Abby,
I'm just a crabby
Writer of an anti-man poem.
--- Marlene

Don't ask me if you're sensitig,
Although I won't call you a pig,
I use another name
If a man I would maim;
I'd say he's a dirty earwig!
--- Marlene

I was horny as hell in my youth,
When I first met my lady friend Ruth.
I would ram with my stalk,
Without waiting to talk.
My seduction technique was uncouth.
--- PeterW

She said to me, "Please take your time.
If you finger me first, then I'll climb
To the heights of orgasm
With more than one spasm.
Be gentle. It isn't a crime."
--- PeterW

Taking notice of what she had said,
I invited her back to my bed.
Where, with no more dissention,
I turned my attention
To stroking her pussy instead.
--- PeterW

When I asked, "Am I doing it right?"
She replied, "Yes, it's such a delight
To be fingered like this.
It's the ultimate bliss.
Will you do it the rest of the night?"
--- PeterW

I fondled her pussy some more,
But frustrated, I said, "I implore
You, dear Ruth, let me fuck."
But she said, "No such luck.
Your caresses have left me too sore."
--- PeterW

By now, I was stiff as a bone
And I fell to my knees with a groan.
When I said, "It's unfair."
She replied, "I don't care."
And she left me to toss off alone.
--- PeterW

Her actions were cruel and unkind
And I fear they affected my mind;
For my doctor has said
That my pleasures, instead,
Will undoubtedly make me go blind.
--- PeterW

I'll save your eyes!" a voice said.
"I have a plan to spearhead;
A blow for the good
Of your peterhood.
It's me Petal, over here in your bed!"
--- Ericka

"Close the shade, I feel so insecure."
When she said this, I felt she was pure.
"What happens next?"
She said as pretext,
But I think that she felt cocksure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

As soon as she gave her consent,
I felt more and more confident.
John Thomas expanded,
But I'll be quite candid
And at the wrong moment, it bent.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Undressing a maiden called Sue,
Her seducer exclaimed, "If it's true
That a nipple a day
Keeps the doctor away,
Think how healthy you must be with two."
--- Brian Algar

There was a fierce soldier from Parmer,
Who lovingly fondled his charmer.
Said the maiden, demure,
"It's delightful, I'm sure,
But it's better without all that armor."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady of Wheeling,
Said to her beau, "I've a feeling
My little brown jug
Has need of a plug",
And straightway she started to peeling.
--- L0120

There was a young lady called Tessa,
A quite unrepentant transgressor.
When sent to the priest,
The lewd little beast,
Began to undress her confessor.
--- Anon

My Sweet P, I cannot sit still.
I'm squirming around, and the frill
On my edible panty
Is melting andante.
Won't you please come and give me a thrill?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In Grimethorpe one day, me and Pete
Were looking for somewhere to eat.
It was now late at night,
But we saw a dim light
From a restaurant down a side street.
--- Tiddy Ogg

We ordered and passed time away,
By discussing the events of the day,
'Til a buxom waitress
In a low-cut short dress
Brought along our entrees on a tray.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I think then that Pete must have goosed
Or otherwise sexually abused
The girl, 'cause she fell
With a sharp piercing yell...
And her bra snapped and she was unloosed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And now she had cause for her yellin'
For into my soup dropped her melon!
But I was quite keen
And licked it quite clean,
That titty which had my soup fell in.
--- Tiddy Ogg

We were then to a back room escorted,
And stripping, she gaily cavorted.
And when all's done and said,
We were all in one bed,
Where happily we three now sported
--- Tiddy Ogg

At the end of it; she shook my hand;
And said to us: "Ee, that were grand.
I've not had such fun
Since 1961,
When I had all the Grimethorpe brass band."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Wilhemina from old Willamantic
Had a date with a guy from Niantic.
Said he, "Let's repose
Without any clothes."
She said, "My God! How romantic!"
--- Prusch

There was a young fellow named Hodge,
Who lured girls to his dear-hunting lodge.
Once they were there,
He made them hunt bare.
Serves them right, it's a corny old dodge.
--- John Ciardi A

Says my girlfriend, "It's not really lewd
To say that I like being wooed,
Till I'm ready to climb
Into bed because I'm
In the mood to be screwed in the nude!"
--- Norm Storer P0509

There once was a maid named Suzie,
Who was fondled on Christopher's knee.
Said the maid to the lad,
"I think I've been had.
Saying please! Do more to me."
--- Skumbunny

Said Christopher to the young lass,
Let's have a quick peek at your ass."
She spun right around
And dropped her pants down
And said, "Let us become en masse!"
--- Skumbunny

Chris wondered why his sweet Susie
Spent so much time in the Jacuzzi --
She said with a laugh,
"I'm just taking a bath,
But this bath really makes me feel oozy!"
--- Kaylin

Chris had never been in a Jacuzzi,
So he hopped right in there with Suzie.
He snuggled akin
To her silky smooth skin,
And soon oozy Susie became woozy.
--- Kaylin

All night long Chris and Suzie
Played games in her Jacuzzi.
It was so fun with Chris,
She tried four friends of his --
That Suzie was really a floozy.
--- Kaylin

It's true what they say about Suzie;
She never was very choosy.
If there is not a man,
It won't spoil her plan;
She's got a dildo. A doozie!
--- Kaylin

When using it, Suzie was zealous,
And that make poor Christopher jealous.
He said, "I wouldn't mind it,
If you didn't find it
Much better than all of us fellas.
--- Kaylin

This is file zml

Now Chris soon became very pissed,
And said, "Stop that now! I insist!"
Suzie said with a moan,
"Just leave me alone --
This was way too much fun to resist!"
--- Kaylin

We slept like two spoons in a drawer,
Then I wiggled my aft to your fore.
You snapped to attention.
(Did I happen to mention
I'm not really tired anymore?)
--- Ericka

There was a young lady named Rand
Who said to her man, "I demand
That you take your hand off,
For my clothes I must doff,
As the matter is now out of hand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0310

The girl that was pledged to young Pursall
Proposed how to forestall reversal.
To avert any woes
They removed all their clothes,
And they went through a full dress rehearsal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0304

Three lassies swam nude in a loch
When a laddie then hailed from a rock.
They cried, "Oh what luck!
We're in for a fuck!
So glad we have trolled for Scots cock!"
--- TuttaGioia

She stripped off her panties and skirt,
Her blouse, to reveal nipples pert,
And to her boss said,
As she lay with legs spread,
"I hope I'm not being a flirt."
--- Tiddy Ogg

He told her, "When taking dick-tation,
Your job is to nurture inflation.
I'll not lightly suffer
A non-rousing fluffer.
Now demonstrate woody creation!"
--- Randog

Observing the size of his gland,
She pondered on how it would stand.
There'd be no fellation
Of his aberration,
'Cause this one was needing shorthand.
--- SFA

He told her, "Your shorthand's inspired,"
Whilst feeling the touch he desired.
"I'm really impressed
And when I divest
My stuff in your muff, you are hired!"
--- Randog

She said, "Please ejaculate --
Oh sorry! I meant please dictate,"
So I unzipped my flies
And gave her a rise,
Way above the inflation rate.
--- Borg

He seduced her (it didn't take long)
By reading her Solomon's song;
At "My hands dripped with myrrh,"
His hands dripped with her.
Subsequently, he dipped in his dong.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707

How excited was lovely young Ann
About her date with a real Plastic Man.
He'd wine her and dine her
And probably mine her,
If it all went according to plan.
--- Neal Wilgus P8208

When looking for sex with abandon
Avoid making any demand on
Your first introduction.
Then play the seduction
As though it had never been planned on.
--- Alex Heydon P0501

A man's at his best when he humors;
Good wit can drop a girl's bloomers.
The girls on the street
Will flock to his feet,
Begging to be one of his roomers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

We'll go strolling tonight in the park;
In some shadows we'll light our own spark;
Where my fingers' sure touch
Love, will please you so much;
Sure, I do my best work in the dark!
--- Anon

A naughty young miss is Mikaela,
Adoring a randy old sailor.
He wines her and dines her;
To lust he inclines her.
She now wants to check his impaler!
--- Anon

I've got chocolate here for my fox;
And I hope opportunity knocks;
There's a ribbon to shred,
Then some wrappings to shed.
Then I'll be opening up the sweet box.
--- Allen Wolverton

Your lips are candy sweet!
Just to look at you is a treat!
(I hope that this finds
You in the right frame of mind,
To tumble awhile in the sheets!)
--- Gerry Pelzer

There once was a woman named Nancy,
Who waltzed with a man they call Clancey.
Soon after the dance,
He pulled down her silk pants,
Proceeding to tickle her fancy.
--- Coops

Outdoors, the young lady of Harrow
Adhered to the path straight and narrow.
But she'd fuck in her flat
At the drop of a hat;
My goodness! There goes a sombrero!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2100

A suave handsome bastard named Moffat,
At seduction was one very cool cat.
He spread open thighs
With sweetly-voiced lies,
While whispering "Exitus acta probat."

(the end justifies the means)
--- Anon

I've practised and practised and practised
And now I'm becoming distressed
I just want to teach,
So hark while I preach
The joy when we're safely enmattressed.
--- Anon

Two eager young fellows of Dover
Made Mary when out in the clover.
When Mary played coy
They both jumped with Joy,
And later felt Rosie all over.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0116

A man who made Mary in Dover
Had Mercy when out in the clover.
With Joy he did jump
Then with Ethyl did pump,
And of course, he felt Rosie all over.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0117

A virile young fellow of Dover
Made Mary when out in the clover.
He was found weak and wan
At the crack -- yes -- of Dawn.
He looked pale but felt Rosie all over.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0115

A spinster left burning with grief
Had been partially raped by a thief.
By a matter of luck
She observed a fire truck,
And the flame was put out by the chief!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1347

Oh Sarah, I would be remiss
If I never did tell you this:
I want to be naughty
And fondle your body.
Can I start with a hug and a kiss?
--- Mr B

A gentle seducer named Gott
Pouter, and nicer than not,
Said, "Forgive such intrusions
Which could spoil your illusions,"
Then rammed his device up her twat.
--- Armand Singer

Each man that Miss Ross chose to wed with,
She first liked to paint the town red with.
For having made merry,
She then became very
Hot stuff and fantastic in bed with.
--- Anon

A hunter, he'd mounted the head
Of many an animal, dead.
"I'm fearful," teased she,
"Lest you shoot and mount me."
"I'd happily mount you," he said.
--- Lance Payne P8405A

At a three-star hotel in Medan,
A girl dined alone with a man,
And horny, yet nervous,
She knew once room service
Was over, her service began.
--- Anon

Hugh Hefner can extoll VERBATIM
On everything needed to mate 'em.
Gourmet food on table;
Fine wine will disable;
Suits off, surf's up, no need to date 'em.
--- Gene

Can this counsel you give me be true?
Is this what you want me to do?
Think of St. Jerome
In his celibate home
When I'd rather be thinking of you?
--- Larry Davis P8601