I reckon I may be a lout
But if pants is what this is about,
Well why fight agin 'em?
No need to get in 'em,
Much better to get her ass out!
--- Anon

If her ass though is big as a hill,
And you ain't got too much time to kill,
Can't get in, can't get out,
Save the thrashin about,
There's only one option -- to drill!
--- Anon

You're right, there's not much room for two,
So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do --
Before filling her parts,
I will use all my arts
And post off her panties to you!
--- Anon

Do these five lines we avidly coin
Spring mainly from aches in the groin
And the verses we scan
Give faint hope to each man
That his limb may lie down with her loin.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9106

As to limericks you'd avidly coin
Because of the ache in your groin.
Do the verses you scan
Make it likely, young man,
That your limb will lay down with her loin?
--- Bob Giandomenico P8807

Tonight I'll invite her to dinner;
Those oysters are surely a winner.
Combined with champagne,
I shall try once again
And with luck nad surprise I'll be in her.
--- Peter Wilkins

For sure, I'll seduce her alright,
In the glow of the candles I'll light.
With the music turned low,
She'll just go with the flow;
Yes, I feel in my bone it's tonight.
--- Peter Wilkins

After having a bit of good wine,
On this terry-clothed pad, do recline;
If you please, in the buff!
I won't pull funny stuff;
Just relax, love; this treatment's benign...
--- Anon

With my fingertips, softly I'll trace,
Where your hairline meets neck and your face;
Love, I hope all this serves
As to sooth your face nerves;
Let your mind just become a blank place!
--- Anon

On your shoulders, this oil's a great charm;
I'll be vigorous with both hands and arms;
I will rub your fair hide,
'Til my hands no more slide;
Do your collar and shoulders feel warm?
--- Anon

Your back muscles need to be browsed,
To your hips where your joy center's housed;
With more oil from the spout,
This here scent sends me out;
Love, I'm getting a wee bit aroused!
--- Anon

On your spine I will do a good job;
Kind of easy, more lotion I'll swab;
On your sides, my hands rest,
Lightly touching each breast;
My Big Willy's just started to throb!
--- Anon

So by now, hope you're limp as a rag;
Sort of floating, with nowhere a sag;
You should sway for a spell,
Like in mid-ocean's swell;
Do you like this? I hope it's your bag!
--- Anon

Your thigh muscles need a good churn;
Your well-being's at stake, you will learn;
Now your rump I do thump;
(Love, I'm dying to hump!)
Now my sweat-suit comes off 'fore I burn!
--- Anon

Now, my love, I can't leave you half done;
Roll on over, don't miss the best fun;
Turn the lights down a bit;
Here, a candle I've lit;
By no one will I be outdone!
--- Anon

My neighbor's off working in Ayr
And left his young ladyfriend Claire
To look after his place;
Should I risk an embrace
And suggest that we start an affair?
--- Anon

Well, would you believe it? I saw
Her just now at a quarter past four,
And I couldn't keep my eyes
Off her golden brown thighs,
As she walked through my living room door.
--- Anon

"You must be quite lonely", I said,
Now your boyfriend (ol' wotsisname Ted)
Is off working in Ayr."
But she said, "I don't care;
I can do what I like now in bed."
--- Anon

Now all of you know I'm no sinner;
I think though I'm onto a winner.
I asked her to dine
With me well before nine;
She's agreed to come over for dinner.
--- Anon

You're wicked, you know that my girl,
And you're sending my mind in a whirl.
You've no shame or remorse;
So dismount from that horse,
For you're causing my dick to unfurl.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now peel off those jodhpurs so tight.
Do it slow to ensure you excite.
Now show me, my lass,
How you wriggled your ass
When you rode in that saddle last night.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now on your saddle, I ride.
Your texture, so smooth, it's rawhide?
And your horn is so hard,
My sweet limerick bard,
I'll just mount up and ride you astride.
--- Ericka

Joy, I afraid I'm too tired
To have a real date, let just ride.
We'll talk; for a lark
We'll find somewhere to park,
And we'll just sit there, side by side.
--- Archie

It's nice to relax with a friend,
While tired brains we try to mend.
I've been working too hard.
(It's an old canard --
What you make, if you're dead, you can't spend.)
--- Archie

Why your hand is quite cold, my dear.
I'll warm it so just give it here.
I'll rub it and kiss it
And closely caress it.
Oh No, your top fell down, I fear.
--- Archie

Beneath that thin T-shirt there's nought,
Except what from nature yo've brought.
And they are divine.
I wish they were mine,
To hold, not to have, like you thought.
--- Archie

They are quite cold, I'll warm them too,
So we'll cling quite close, me and you.
It's just a big hug,
Here under the rug...
My pants are now getting tight too!
--- Archie

This night has now turned into fun.
Why Joy, now you're squeezing my bum.
But I'll fix you,
I'll squeeze yours too.
And I'll kiss what you've got there in fron(t).
--- Archie

I'll just draw the curtains right there.
No need for the others to stare.
I just used the word front
And, as is my wont,
I hate obvious hands WHERE?
--- Archie

A look and a touch that inflame,
Wild feeling burst forth without aim;
Overwhelming desire,
All senses on fire,
Mad passionate love that's not tame.
--- Anon

Bodies pressed with excitement infusion,
Moist kisses exchanged in perfusion;
Arms and legs in love knot,
With the blood piping hot,
Wetness matched with a rock hard protrusion.
--- Anon

Clothing ripped to the floor without care,
No thought given to how or where;
Both lovers are randy,
A rug or couch handy,
Bare rumps and sweet bumps that they share.
--- Anon

Two partners that fit like a glove,
Long moments of unfettered love;
Motion at fevered pitch,
Each relieving their itch,
Unconcerned with which one is above.
--- Anon

This is file zkl

Joint explosion will soon be at hand,
The lovers have reached Promised Land;
Sighs and cries interweaved,
Perfect sex is achieved,
Grand fulfillment for each firebrand.
--- Anon

The eye of the storm is now here,
Restful lull with low whispers so dear;
Loving cause for refrain,
Passion builds up again,
Full arousal and thrill reappear.
--- Anon

When one's in the mood for romancing,
There's nothing much finer than dancing.
To help a girl find
The right frame of mind,
So she won't mind a little depantsing.
--- MrMalo

It's all too often been said,
That dancing will lead you to bed;
For it's love set to music,
And activates your dick
So her clothes can be easily shed.
--- Arden

Can you do the horizontal mambo?
In motion not quick, but so slow?
To prolong the pleasure
Of the little treasure,
The baton will steadily grow.
--- Arden

I wish more of the males just would see
That the girls really would love to be
Twirled cross the floor...
You guys would get more
If you treated them romantically.
--- ROE

My four-year-old has an old bear
Who is devoid of almost all hair.
The lack of his fuzz
is simply because
Of the kisses and cuddles they share.
--- Joy Clare

My teddy's a different matter!
Sink and lace, my figure to flatter.
Between its suspenders
I won't accept 'benders';
Much better, the longer and fatter!
--- Joy Clare

Your cunny, I hope, too is fuzzless.
If fuzzy, I might tend to spuzz less.
Of course I am dreaming;
My hand takes a creaming.
Why, last week I bought it a sun dress.
--- H Choad King

But if you have want for a tryst,
And horsemeat is what you have missed,
My humble bone's
As long as a roans,
And probably thick as your wrist.
--- H Choad King

Hung like a horse, did you say?
Perhaps then one day we could play!
But if you think me a filly
Go away; Don't be silly...
This girl wasn't born yesterday.
--- Joy Clare

'Tis true! Spring chicken I'm not
(Though younger by far than a lot!)
If the truth will be known,
I MIGHT fancy your bone.
Come on then, let's see what you've got.
--- Joy Clare

If stockings and lace are your thing,
Come on, let's give it a fling.
My place or yours
When we drop our drawers.
Let me know; just give me a ring.
--- Joy Clare

A young millionaire from near Nottingham
Paid court to the chicks after spotting 'em.
He tried money and liquor
But soon saw it was quicker
To do it at sea, while he's yachting 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 221

The wealthy young Viscount of Nottingham
Loved chicks and had servants out spotting 'em.
As soon as they'd find 'em,
He wined 'em and dined 'em,
And sweetened his offer by yachting 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 221A

An angry young reader named Brooks
Denounced the book dealers as crooks
Who sold Shakespeare, Rousseau,
Sainte-Beuve, and Thoreau
By labeling them 'Adult Books'!
--- A N Wilkins P8401

A student from Texas named Bess
Passed Drama but failed to impress.
For she said, "It was hard
To master the bard,
But all's swell that ends swell, I guess."
--- Graham Lester

If Shakespeare were writing today,
His thoughts about loving would stray
To porn and to pics,
About condoms and tricks,
Should we bring him back for a day.
--- Sandy Shalott TP9901

B2, the bomber, U.S.A.
To Yugoslavia every day.
Two choices -- what to do,
B2 or not B2,
As William Shakespeare used to say.
--- Irving Superior

That David has spoiled me, I fear;
I'm no longer happy in here...
Instead of the poop
We post in this group,
I ought to be reading Shakespeare.

(DM appends a Shakespeare quote to every submission)
--- John Miller

Birth! Wilt thou bring want or plenty?
Death! Art thou peace or tormenty?
Lest thou makest me rich,
Thou twain are the hitch:
Mine April day foe -- "three and twenty!"

(birthday and death day -- April 23)
--- Hugh Clary

A cicatrice? What the hell's that?
"A scar", says a know-it-all brat.
But in context thus,
I think that is must
Undoubtedly mean Mary's twat.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Dear Anne Hathaway called to The Bard,
On a Sunday, "Come in from the yard."
Bill said, "Anne, if you wish,
I'll start frying those fish.
It's a cinch now that I've found the LARD."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh

Said Kate, "Scott, let's go see if we can
Go start us a fire 'neath that pecan.
Though Dave makes me horny
He sure can be ornery,
But no one quotes Shakespeare like he can!"

He seldom produced the uncouth
And rarely avoided the truth,
But Shakespeare sure wrote
Some stuff you don't quote
To children or parsons - forsooth!
--- R J Winkler P8401

To Shakespeare be grand panegyrics!
O, would he had written our lyrics
For most that we hear
Today do appear
Designed to engender hysterics!

(panegyric - laudatory public speech, eulogy)
--- R J Winkler P8401

As Shakespeare once said, "Thou hast bounce,
M'dear, in thy breasts in amounts
That causes a quaking
On Earth and I'm making
Great effort upon them to pounce!"
--- Travis Brasell

Poor Falstaff, that knight of full lard,
Was writ in two plays by the Bard.
Position demeaned,
Alleged sex fiend,
Which Slick Willy says is CANARD.
--- Chris Papa

I have never conversed with a youth
Who would start off by saying "Forsooth";
Yet when Shakespeare or Bacon
Heard "Forsooth" forsaken,
They did not think the speaker was couth.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

If Shakespeare were writing today,
Methinks he'd be openly gay.
But dating the Bard
Might prove a bit hard --
He's passed his four hundredth birthday.
--- Finnegan

Ham actor was quick to EMOTE,
And would Shakespeare frequently quote,
Till his friends vanished,
And he was banished
To Russia, to tundra remote.
--- Chris Papa

Dr Bowdler complained, "All that smut!
Shakespeare's Muse was a regular slut.
For surely it's hard
That the plays of the Bard
Have so much that has to be cut."
--- A N Wilkins P8401

Shall I compare thee to a sum-
mer's day? Fie! That sounds dumb!
Methinks I'll just say
Th'art a helluva lay,
And it's lots of fun making thee come.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401