St Paddy's day was such a treat;
The sun shone and we all felt the heat.
The bands were quite smashing,
With uniforms dashing;
All in all, the whole days was so neat.
--- Mul

The corned beef and cabbage was nice.
That feast is my only one vice.
Keep your old mutton;
For me I'm a glutton,
So much so that I had it twice.
--- Mul

To all of my internet friends,
As this sunny and greeny day ends,
I went to my vault,
Extracted a malt,
And Salute! this old fucker sends.
--- Mul

Kevin will join all the fun and say
'Twas a great time this Saint Patrick's Day.
The Irish are keen;
We all wore the green;
I hope next March, the rainbow will stay!
--- Dick Hull

On St. Patricks, drink lots of green beer.
Get drunk and go boom on your rear.
Stumble around in a trance,
Puke your guts, wet your pants,
Be an asshole and again next year.
--- John Chastaine

Forgive me from my lack of shyness,
To question your comment on guy-ness,
But Eire's color is green,
And St. Patrick no queen,
Else the day would be called St. Her Highness.
--- Grammar Moses

In Ireland, we're all of us just.
Seven deadlies? You think that we must?
There's one of the seven
Will bar you from Heaven -
North or South, its anathema - Lust!
--- Sydney B Smith

We've inverted the rest (aren't we snide?)
And partitioned them out, three a side.
So the Northerner's claim
To a virtuous name
Rests on Covetous, Anger, and Pride.
--- Sydney B Smith

While the Southerners swear, little loath -
Economic and spiritual growth
May be part of the story,
But where lies true glory
In Gluttony, Envy, and Sloth.
--- Sydney B Smith

Said Francesca, "My lack of volition
Is leading me straight to perdition.
But I haven't the strength
To go to the length
Of making an act of contrition."
--- Edward Gorey

There once was a lass from Berlin
Who predisposition was sin.
Each time she repeated
A scene which was heated,
It was deja vu, all over again.
--- Literary Group

He's reposed with exposed messy chin,
And I'm thinking of him with a grin;
See, the "Man from Nantucket"
Last night kicked the bucket
While consuming original sin.
--- Mark Levy P9609

The time of the telephone bell,
Says it's someone with something to sell.
"How are you?" they begin
And I begin to sin,
By wishing they'd all go to Hell!
--- Bob Davies

There's a village called, "Come to the Good",
Where the people don't do as the should.
Every lad and his dad,
Has gone to the bad --
And the women would too, if they could.
--- Anon

Asked sweet wide-eyed young Suzi Flynn
When her date had been in, in and in,
"If it's three times or more,
And you quit keeping score,
Is it still called original sin?"
--- Jane D Hughes P9104

If you are a girl who is winsome
And would like a respectable income,
Then take my advice:
Be especially nice,
But also be ready to sin some.
--- Norm Storer P0012

Her daughter, thought worried Ms. Coffin,
Had morals the city might soften.
So she phoned and asked, "Lynn,
Are you living in sin?"
Lynn said, "No, but I visit there often."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

The pifalls of sin look delightful,
But the end results, Sonny, are frightful!
So the pure and etherial
All shun the venereal,
More in fear, than desire to be rightful...
--- Grand Prix Lim 868 a

For sins that degrade and disgust
It's hard to do better than LUST.
It may be a crime
But half of the time
You can't keep your hands off her bust.
--- Larry P8712

Looked upon by most men as a saint,
Candi rarely receives a complaint.
Like the Lord up above,
She is free with her love...
But a Mother Cabrini she ain't.
--- William N Nesbit P9609

The doc said, "You've syph, Mr. Durrance;
You problem demands strong deterrents.
Since the mess that you're in
Is the wages of sin,
Request unemployment insurance."
--- Armand E Singer 739

I once knew a sad girl named Hortense
Whose mind was chock-full of ill portents.
She expected the worst,
And she thought we were cursed
By original sin and its torments.
--- Fish Fowl & Lims P9601

There was a young lady of Lynn
Who was deep in original sin.
When they said, "Do be good!"
She said, "Would if I could!"
And straightway went at it again.
--- L Murphy

There was a young girl on a mission,
Who was siezed by an awful suspicion,
That original sin
Didn't matter a pin,
In an era of nuclear fission.
--- A H Baynes G1586

A filthy young man named Ketter,
Liked whores but thought he could do better.
He took out an ad:
"Wanted: girls gone bad.
Please list your sins in your letter."
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

There was an old fellow named Sturgeon,
Whose faith did not need any urgin'.
He felt favored by God
And did not find it odd
When his daughter gave birth, though a virgin.
--- Albin Chaplin

The saying is "PRIDE BEFORE FALL".
There's no truth in that shit at all.
Like many old saws,
This flaunts nature's laws.
It's summer that comes before fall.
--- Larry Davis P8712

There was a young fellow who knew,
Drinking, dicing, and whoring won't do.
Which one might suppose,
In plain fact, though, God knows,
Such knowledge is given to few.
--- John Ciardi

To temptation I'm quick to submit.
I regret many sins, I admit.
Yet, this is no boast:
I regret the most
Those sins that I failed to commit!
--- John Miller 0021

An arrogant child named Bart
Was just a little too smart.
His dad made him bend,
Then across his rear end
Bart learned what it felt like to smart.

--- Joel Rothman P9104

A senile old man from West Broughton,
Fancied some females and sought 'em.
He'd often run after
The women with laughter,
But quite forgot why when he'd caught 'em.

--- Joel Rothman P9104

A captain yelled out with great force,
"Oh where, oh where is my horse?"
His men looked around,
But none could be found--
So the captain grew madder, of course.

--- Joel Rothman P9104

A haughty young man playing chess
Made his moves with the utmost finesse,
But he pondered his fate
When his friend shouted, "Mate!
I've won and I'm thankful, God bless!"

--- Joel Rothman P9104

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An Italian, Valentino,
Whose appetite was obsceno,
Filled his belly
With vermicelli,
And several pints of red vino.

--- Joel Rothman P9104

There was a young lad named Frank
Who wanted some fish from a tank.
As soon as he saw them,
He dived stright in for them;
But right to the bottom he sank!

--- Joel Rothman P9104

There was a young girl called Daisy--
Not smart, but not at all crazy.
Did she work? Not at all,
She was what you might call
Just clever enough to be lazy.

--- Joel Rothman P9104

A young Catholic fellow was fain
To protect reputation from stain.
But of course he could sin,
Then confess and begin
To be guilty of sin once again.
--- Warrick Elrod

It's time to make love. Douse the glim.
The fireflies flicker and dim.
The stars lean together
Like birds of a feather,
And the loin lies down with the limb.
--- Conrad Aiken G0082

An antichrist known as Carruthers,
Waxed bitter when speaking of mothers.
"When that six sixty-six
Puts the world in a fix,
They shall go straight to hell with the others!"
--- Paul Hoffman

The young lady tickled my chin
And said, "Would you like to get in?"
I said, "Oh you bet!"
Then broke into a sweat,
And worried like hell about sin.
--- Mikey TP9901

Hindu rituals are fun, you'll agree;
There's water and lamps filled with ghee.
Plus singing that's hearty!
And fire! Join the party!
An aarti's a great place to be.
--- Doug Harris P0608

A fearful young lady named Bostick
Was asked if her fears made her caustic.
She said, "Mother fears God,
And I fear this is odd,
For my father, I fear, is agnostic."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2459

Mother Ann Seaton wasn't a faker;
Many though mistook her for a Quaker.
Perceiving folks' needs
From her England home, Leeds,
She became both a mover and Shaker.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0207

From my postings you just might guess,
My bones in Utah, they rest.
Don't ask religion,
That tired old pigeon,
I find not committing is best.
--- Marlene Lewis

The Sacred Name now has been spoken!
May mystery sweet not be broken!
Mention of 'Choad'
Will no doubt forebode
The worship of that which is oaken!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It's the age of harmonic convergence,
A time for idyllic emergence;
We've shed all our sins
And a new life begins;
We've been cleansed by celestial detergents.
--- Hector Lee P8709

There once was an old Dalai Lama,
Who followed a young Delhi mamma,
To a night school of art,
Without either part
Of his top or his bottom pajama.
--- Limber Limericks

A traveler hailing from Parma
Fell afoul of the new Dali Lama.
On his way home again,
He had no end of pain,
Attributed to his bad karma
--- Tim Tudd

In pre-history the people were weird;
I'm afraid it was worse than you feared.
At Stonhenge, a young druid
Used his seminal fluid
As a tonic to strengthen his beard.
--- Bob Mornington

That young druid's beard was so stiff,
He then used it to fashion his quiff.
He then made the spell,
"My spunk is hair gel!
Come get it on tap girls! -- as if!"
--- Bob Mornington

Those Druids, a very mean crew,
Were outraged by Winnie the Pooh.
They thought it no joke
When he peed on an oak...
They tried him, then dined on bear stew.
--- TuttaGioia

Druids greeting an eclipse
Sacrificed virgins with red lips.
To prolong their pleasure,
They used strips of leather
And beat them first with chains and whips.
--- Bob Mornington

The decline and fall of the Druids
Can be traced to an unruly few ids.
And all that disrobing
And probing, rerobing,
And exchange of bodily fluids.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407

The Druids found ways to PLACATE
Their gods in a manner first rate.
On sunny spring day,
They'd hump in the hay,
Not leaving the harvest to fate.
--- Chris Papa

Fertility rites were their creed.
When it came to the planting of seed,
Although it is reckoned,
Much peeing was beckoned,
From swigging a great deal of mead.
--- Chris Papa

At Stonehenge in those days of yore,
If taunted by any young whore,
She they would grab,
Lay her down on the slab,
And show her what big dicks were for.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A pious young fellow named Widgeon
Did claim to me mild as a pigeon.
But then it was no bother
In the name of the Father
To slaughter a foreign religion.
--- Albin Chaplin

A heathen can be just a clod
Who does not know about your god;
He lives in bliss
And he doesn't miss
The things that make your god so odd.
--- Lims Unlimited

The Hindus, in their catechism
Treat sex as they do mysticism.
It seems an orgasm
Is not just a spasm,
But more of a great cataclysm.
--- T9707

It's good you're a godless young boor.
I'd hate to find you, with brochure,
A-knock on my door.
I'd be pretty sore,
And make you feel quite insecure.
--- H Welchel

In temples lived two eager lamas;
They left and they toured the Bahamas.
There were girls on the beach
But they kept out of reach.
They returned to their temples with traumas.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2151

In temples lived two horny lamas.
They left to chase girls in pajamas,
But girls in pajamas
Are faster than lamas,
So they're back in their temple with traumas.
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 1426

Of the need to believe, I've no doubt,
Said the sage as he looked all about,
At the annual fete
Of the psychics who meet
In convention, their claptrap to tout.
--- James Randi

There was an old mother named Hubbard
Who moaned of her bare little cupboard,
Till her son named L. Ron
Wrote a book that caught on
And family wealth was discovered.
--- Keith Gilman P0112

Google could not think what to do
When Scientology threatened to sue;
The cult said a site
Infringed on its right,
And Google'd be liable, too.
--- Dr Limerick 03-22-02

But then Google's lawyers opined
"You'd be better off growing a spine;
You shouldn't surrender
At first demand tendered;
Tough it out to see what's on their mind."
--- Dr Limerick 03-22-02