The cause of this mischief, in fact,
Is the Digital Mellennium Act;
Copyright owners
Can search in its corners
And justify any attack.
--- Dr Limerick 03-22-02

Viewing Stonehenge leaves folks at a loss
To explain "How"? It's up for a toss.
Druids' prayers, arcane moans
Spoke to those rolling stones,
Which quite magically gathered no moss.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202

On the beach, it's undoubtedly neat
To see acres of torsos and feet.
But in Thessalonians Three
You will find this decree:
If you don't work, you don't eat.
--- VOL 7

In Haiti they practice voodoo;
Among the weird things that they do,
Is stick pins in the side
Of your effigy's hide
And believe the pain comes through to you.
--- Warrick Elrod

A religion a week is our vow,
But you took to the koans and how! (**)
Never mind; though, satori
Is now a past glory,
Adapt: that was Zen; this is Tao.

(** - paradox for zen contemplation, one hand clapping, etc)
--- S A McBurnie

I do love a good Buddha Belly;
It makes my knees go to jelly
I rub it for luck
And oh what a fuck!
Another trip down to the deli?
--- Anon

Of Buddha, his praises I sing;
To my city, he visited last spring.
Said he, in his splendor,
To a hot dog vendor:
"Make me one with everything."
--- Anon

I'll tell of the heretic Buddha,
Who boasts that he sinned all he coulda.
With women, one hears,
His base side appears,
And he's done rather more than he shoulda.
--- Annie Jay

But now I want to be chummy!
How about a game of gin rummy?
And for your good luck,
As we play for a buck,
You may rub several times my round tummy.
--- Tutta Gioia

The lovliest Buddha I've seen
Had eyes of an emerald sheen,
Tummy quite round,
That's down on the ground,
Just like his most innermost bein'.
--- Matthew Montchalin

The most gigantic Buddha I've seen's
Been brought down by big guns and machines,
By the Taliban
In Afganistan...
They've blown them all to smithereens.
--- Observer

Fanatics and guns do not mix,
Nor hammers that smash up old bricks,
Or machines that knock down
Old things to the ground.
Then grind them to gravel, for kicks.
--- Matthew Montchalin

And ancient old idols of stone,
Poor silent old things as is shown;
Mere landmarks in time,
Exotic to find,
But losing them, soon they're unknown.
--- Matthew Montchalin

For Buddha to live was to suffer...
Than to suffer there was nothing rougher.
So to get to Nirvana,
Stop with "I wanna" --
You'll need 'gainst desire, a good buffer.
--- Tutta Gioia

At first Buddha's search was for nothing.
After years of his terrible suffering,
He found moderation
Was for the duration
Of his life; a very good thing.
--- Karen

He came to the realization,
Nirvana's not found through starvation;
That this life's good pleasures
Are truly the treasures,
And now bellies are rubbed in all nations.
--- Karen

An ascetic, Gautama was not!
Yet his Third Noble Truth means a lot.
With excessive desire,
One's caught in the mire,
And with pain, one's whole life will be fraught.
--- Tutta Gioia

A Zen Buddhist used his mind
To move things on earth; you will find
If you try to ambush him,
You won't get to push him;
You'll find yourself on your behind.
--- Anon

To Buddhists life is a wheel,
Of what we do and what we feel.
We should not long
For right or for wrong,
But make of air our daily meal.
--- Timothy Torkildson

I am meditating on your protruddha,
And the thought of it just makes me shudda.
Is it considered a sin
To put the thing in?
Would my karma feel bad or feel good uh?
--- Anon

The depth of your sensitive karma
Will love my protrudda's long charma;
And sinful it's not,
In your holey spot;
It's blessed, so there's no fear of harma.
--- Anon

There by a river did linger
A small Buddhist Monk choir singer.
A soprano came by;
Tried to sing really high.
The monk simply gave her the finger.
--- Anon

There was a fat bastard called Buddha
Who weighed thirty stone though he coulda
Laid off the lard,
And ale by the yard,
Like a proper divine being shoulda.
--- Lester Haines

A Zen Buddhist Master named Honder
Said, "Saints never let their minds wander."
And how it would tax him
To know that's a maxim
Upon which I frequently ponder.
--- Graham Lester

If you haven't been Islam aware,
Now's the time to show that you care.
Kick off both your shoes;
Pour away all your booze;
I'm sure they've some places to spare.
--- Tony Burrell

It's the week to be Islam aware;
You didn't know they were there?
I hear that Kabul
Is completely full.
We're bombing them now from the air.
--- Tony Burrell

If you ever should greet a relation
With anything less than elation,
You're considered a ham;
But I don't give a damn
Allah often competes with temptation.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111

Every mosque shall have a Disney Day.
Thou shalt eat McDonalds, we say.
Tell Bin Laden jokes,
Buy all the kids cokes;
That's Islam the American way.
--- Antony Burrell

Everyday shall be Groundhog Day;
George Jones and Tammy will play.
Don't you be meanies;
Make girls wear bikinis,
And take dope the American way.
--- Antony Burrell

First we'll teach you how to kick ass,
Then we'll teach you how to smoke grass,
Just like in Viet Nam
Didn't do any harm;
By the way, we will want all your gas.
--- Antony Burrell

What Uncle Sam's really saying:
You gotta cut out all that praying.
Just let it hang loose
Like an old burnoose;
Yank tourists are coming -- and staying!
--- Antony Burrell

You'll learn to use language that's vile;
All your betters, you'll learn to revile.
With Hollywood's urgin's,
They'll be no more virgins,
Or anything left to defile.
--- John Miller

You'll drink 'till you're drunk as a skunk;
Buy goods that are mostly sad junk.
You'll forget paradise;
Drink rum Cola with ice,
And orgy six kids to a bunk.
--- John Miller

This is file ypl

If you're young, you'll be taught it's not cool
To be cultured. In fact, as a rule,
If smart, you'll play dumb
And the one rule of thumb
Is a person with honor's a fool.
--- John Miller

Pretty soon you'll be saddled with debt;
When questioned, you'll say, "It's no sweat,
There's Chapter Eleven."
And you'll know that heaven
Is the getting of all you can get.
--- John Miller

When you're old, you'll be sadly neglected,
Forgotton and seldom respected.
In a home for the old,
Where your kin are all told
That it's fine, 'cause it's governent inspected.
--- John Miller

Be aware that all those nice bits
Like moist lips, tight cunts, and sort tits
Of that fully clothed Venus
Can be touch by your penis,
Only through carefully cut slits.
--- Dirruk

Don't mind if I have to use slits
As long as my pecker still fits
And I can begin
My quest to get in,
By cupping my hands on her tits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if we meet at the Ritz
Or struggle with battles of wits.
Or I fail to impress
When she whips me at chess,
If I just can get at her fine bits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if on Wednesdays she sits
At a bar where she flirts and she flits,
Provided that I
Get into her pie,
A little while after she quits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if it sinks in the pits
Of the world of supoenas and writs,
Or contracts with Hell,
If she thinks that as well,
I'm master of G-spots and clits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if its Danish or grits
She eats every morning or spits
A wad of Red Bull,
If she can just pull
My dick deep inside her where she splits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if she's swaddled in glitz
Or wipes off with mink when she shits,
Or greases her sluice
With caviar juice,
Then rinses my tool with a spritz.
--- John Miller

Don't care if she swallows or spits
Or farts when she squats down and sits
Akimbo, astride
My joy and my pride,
And laughs at you prudes and you twits.
--- John Miller

Don't care if she sit there and knits
If, doing a loop in my Pitts, (Pitt Special stunt plane)
At my beck and my call,
She'll screw in free fall
And give back as good as she gets.
--- John Miller

Don't care if she's English. The Brits
Have upstanding traditions, though twits.
Sure, I'll take her standing
Outside on the landing,
Reminiscing the while on the Blitz.
--- John Miller

Don't care if she consorts with ditts
And thinks that dumb Hollywood hits
Are a cultural high,
Providing that I
Can access the slash where she sits.
--- John Miller

I'd rather she didn't have nits
Or crab lice adorning her bits.
But shave all her hair
And I'll say all is fair,
If I just get her in to my mitts.
--- John Miller

This cat can have warts, moles and zits
And look like she's been through the Blitz.
She can do as she pleases
('Cept carry diseases)
As long as she doesn't have kits.
--- John Miller

Faith in HOURIS is a mystic
Man-centric tenet simplistic,
Of just a small band
With evil, black hand,
And inclinations atavistic.
--- Daniel Ford

TO TRADE: Vintage Coca Cola
And mementoes from Iran's old Shah
For aircraft and tanks.
You can earn Allah's thanks
Plus big bucks. Reply, Ayatollah.
--- Arthur Deex P8703

Could the reason the old Ayatollah
Has a temper like that of a pollah
Bear be, he's in pain
From a clot on the brain,
Or, perhaps, from a festering mollah?

(mollah - variant of mullah, the caller to prayer)
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407

Could I live for a year without liquor?
If I had four wives they would bicker.
No thank you, Islam,
I shall stay what I am.
Bloody Marys than water are thicker.
--- Laurence Perrine P8407a

Colette wants to "bone up" on Allah
Since Islam now holds her in thrall. A
Koranic flirtation
Is such a temptation,
She's swallowed a big Muslim scholar.

While teaching young boys the Koran,
The Imam, the dirty old man,
Will plunder the rear
Of every lad here,
And that's why his dick's a dark tan.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Mohammed Omar, the Mullah,
At a gin joint, is dropping some moolah.
And hittin' on gash
To do it for cash.
He's in pretty deep shit with Allah!
--- Anon

Who among you has read the Koran?
What was Mohammed's curriculum plan?
Was "Do unto others as ewe
Would have done unto you,"
In the book Ayatollah holds in his hand?
--- Mdt1

A Muslim, whose name was Rebecca,
Faced East and was bowing to Mecca.
Came the words of the prophet:
"This clothing, please doff it,
It stands in the way of my peccah."
--- John Miller

An old Persian thug, to instill
His assassins with fury to kill,
Fed them Hashish. Today
Ayatollah, they say,
Lets religion alone fill the bill.
--- A N Wilkins P8803

So what, I sincerely wonder,
Would tempt a female to blunder,
And blow people up
Then find in her cup,
Seventy HOURIS but nary a man there.
--- Esther Hecht

The growth of Islam is a-surgin' -
Abu Hamza and friends they are urgin'
More suicide bombs
To deliver, wherefrom
There's a promise of prizes of virgins.
--- Doug Harris

A chic sheik from Azerbaijan
Took a porno-film out of the can;
His harem girls, piqued,
Took a peek and then shreiked,
"There's our bare-cheeked sheik wrapped in Saran!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407

His ladies were not overjoyed
With the sheik's feats on hot celluloid,
So they stuck him in sand
With a stern reprimand.
Now he needs an appointment with Freud.

(Since his sex-life's completely destroyed.)
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407

An impassioned Emir named Abdul
Ran a harem with only one rule:
If a part became loose
Or exhausted from use,
It was HE did repairs with his tool.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407

A virtuous Muslim named Akbar
Met a hussy one day in a snackbar;
He commenced his decline
When she fed him white wine --
That's him, passed out under the back bar!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407

A satisfied sheikh in Bahrain
Exultantly sang this refrain:
"Hurrah and Hosanna,
My crowded zenana
Has houris I seldom disdain!"

(zenana - part of the house for the harem and wives)
--- Philo Logue P8407

The Muslims believe the divine,
As reward for a life that's benign,
On the heavenly shore,
Provides houris galore
Whose pubes are silken and fine.
--- A N Wilkins P8602