The coroner's daughter, Miss Gail,
Was having a cold piece of tail.
She preferred her men dead,
And the reason, she said,
Was that heads which are cool, will prevail.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2878

Delights of my life ain't forgotten;
For instance, that boff in the cotten
Last week with Sue Ginty,
Who died there in '20
And, thus, has grown perfectly rotten.
--- Anon

My Jimmy was handsome and brave.
He died of a very close shave.
But now he's (I've checked)
Forever erect,
And that's kept him out of the grave.
--- Ericka

There once was a woman named Kit
Who kept a dead lover named Brit.
I don't care if he reeks
After all of these weeks,
But I'm madder than Hell that he split!
--- Anon Z

There was the dead body of Ernest,
Who Polly, the trainee stlatternest,
Decided to fuck
Just once more for luck,
Before he was covered and furnaced.
--- Archie

She did up her hair in long dreadlocks.
To Glasgow she went, tried to bed jocks.
They, too, spurned her, so
To the morgue she did go,
And got all her fucking from dead cocks.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Re: dead men you ladies have squired,
I'm sure that they never got tired.
And though they came off
In the midst of a boff,
I doubt any babies were sired.
--- Anon

A man is no good when he's dead;
Not much good when alive, it is said.
Still stinks up the house,
The dirty old louse;
At least he won't have to be fed.
--- Marlene

In the morgue under false pretenses,
A nurse, who was having her menses,
Screwed a well-hung dead male
(At least that's the tale)
And transfused him back to his senses.
--- Frank Fazed

The embalmer's wife knew what it meant,
When in bed her husband was spent.
So she opened the freezer
And found her a pleaser,
By the sheet that was propped like a tent.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said Bruce, "To ravish a lass
Who's dead is both brutish and crass,
But to bury the buns
Of your brothers and sons,
Is a waste of some beautiful ass."
--- John Miller

A dweller in classical Greece
Was caught loving the corpse of his niece.
He said, "Others have boys
As their classical toys,
Why complain just how I get a piece?"
--- John Miller 0157

Funny Bone went to the store
For duct tape and putty and more.
He's not making stuff;
His dead momma's muff
Just needed some patching -- it tore.
--- H Welchel

Of all my beloved memorabilia,
The best concerns old Aunt Amelia.
The dildo she cherished
Went with her when she perished.
You just can't beat Faux Necrophilia.
--- Theo M Heller P9308

There was a young fellow named Perce
Whose antics were somewhat perverse,
For he cried and he cried
When his grandmother died,
But he buggered the corpse in the hearse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2910

When our cow turned up badly diseased,
Sister was cruel and she teased,
"Dad's better than you!
Mom thinks so too!"
(Now dead, she's more easily pleased)
--- John Miller

Little Jack Horner sat in his corner
Playing with his grandma's twat.
He stuck in his pinky,
And got it all stinky,
And said, "Damn! You're beginning to rot!"
--- Anon

My Mommy once said with a groan,
"You can't play with your sister, Joan.
I know that she's nice,
But she's colder than ice.
Will you please leave the coffin alone!"
--- Charlie Roe

"My head hurts, doc. Don't stand there scoffin'!"
"My boy, you must take care when boffin'
Your granny at night,
By the gibbous moon's light,
To take the lid right off the coffin."
--- Tiddy Ogg

An old undertaker named Flock
Once lifted a young lady's frock.
She was fucked without strife
For the time of her life,
But he fucked her with grandfather's cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2874

An old undertaker named Jock,
A corpse on the slab did unfrock.
In a coffin he tucked her,
And he laughed as he fucked her,
For he fucked her with grandfather's cock!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2889

There once was a corpse-fucker bold,
Who liked them at least ten years old.
He'd keep his begetter
Wrapped in a French letter,
Because it was allergic to mold.
--- H Welchel

One day, when I strayed to a glade,
I lay with a maid in the shade.
Though fresh then, and dining,
She died, and I'm pining;
For time's caused her beauty to fade.
--- Q

Just remember what Ben Franklin said;
Think it's true even when she is dead;
Slow, with time, she will wrinkle
Down towards tasty tinkle;
For a while, all you'll need's a cheese spread!
--- Allen Wolverton Q

My darling is pallid and cold.
My darling will never grow old,
And when she is rotten,
I will have forgotten --
Another young belle will have tolled.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9511

A man who is lacking in pride,
Attends funerals far, near, and wide.
When asked about this,
His reply is, "It's bliss
To bugger a piece of dead hide."
--- L0506

A necrophile name of Ned Shultz,
Often brags of his deeds and exults,
"'Tis legal, It's said,
To make love to the dead,
If performed by consenting adults."
--- Anon

There was a young man from LeHavre,
Who cornered a lovely cadaver.
And though our young Stanley
Realized it unmanly,
He knew when he wished he could have her.
--- Anon

If, lads, you've no money for whoring,
And think you have no chance of scoring,
Then try necrophilia,
I'm sure it will fill ya
Sex needs, though it's really dead boring.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Reminds me when I was the secon' in
Command of a trawler, and beckonin'
The corpse of the mate,
Who'd died around eight
Days before, he was using dead reckonin'.
--- Anon

There once was a young man called Jack,
A proud necrophiliac.
The girls he preferred
Were always interred,
Though the digging was hard on his back.
--- RB

I found a dead nun in a sewer;
I knew then and there that I'd do her.
I started to stab it;
I came on her habit,
And filled her cunt hole with manure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once were two necrophile queers
Who purchased a corpse in Algiers;
But it's ass was packed tight
With fossilized shite,
And claims for a refund met jeers.
--- Simon Whitechapel

This is file uil

That's disgusting -- offensive, old man!
I vote that such posts we should ban.
As everyone knows
Algeria blows --
I always buy mine in Sudan.
--- Hugh Clary

There was a young man of Brasilia,
Whose hobby was gerontophilia.
Then his partner dropped dead.
"I guess now," he said,
"I'll have to take up necrophilia."
--- Alexander Baron

Your offer's attractive, very,
A warm cosy place to make merry.
And if you've the space,
I'll fill up the place
With the girls from the whole cemetery.
--- Anon

There was a young man named McNull,
Devoid of all brains and so dull,
When he found his girl dead
From a shot in the head,
He buggered the hole in her skull.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0734

Said Marvin, "Most people, when dead,
Are inert and poor givers of head.
Inside a closed coffin,
I stick to straight boffin',
Or bugger the bastards instead."
--- John Miller Q

Said a necrophile lad in Iraq,
"It's virgins I once use to lack.
But thanks to the Yanks,
With their bombs and their tanks,
My pecker now never goes slack."
--- John Miller

Now this is offensive to me!
It's sick and repungent, you see...
So get up and go!
Be gone! Can't you know,
We'd like you to jump in the sea!
--- Joker

If sonny, by that you're upset,
Then out of this place you should get.
We're rude and we're crude,
So fuck off you prude,
And go and get chopped by the vet.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh Tiddy, good Tiddy, my dear,
You've misunderstood me, I fear.
I just tried to be cute
But bombed, big time. Shoot,
Guess I'll just take my lumps in the rear.
--- Joker

A medical student named Poole
Kept a corpse in his room at the school.
He said, "Why I have her --
This lovely cadaver --
To slip into something that's cool."
--- P8305

To erode my post-holiday weight,
I forswore any food from my plate.
Then I asked all my pals
If they knew any gals
Who would like a sex fiend for a mate.
--- Ward Hardman

I made love to a fixed-up blind date,
Who they told me in church would await.
A fun exercise,
But my greatest surprise,
Was to find she was "lying in state."
--- Ward Hardman

Sometimes it is really hard workin',
While givin' a corpse a good porkin'.
If you wait for consent,
Before plumbing the vent,
You'll get maggots all over your organ.
--- Lewis

A grave digger once did exhume
Two corpses, intending to scrume.
To make them the moister,
He hacked up an oyster,
And lubed their dry quims with his rheum.
--- H Welchel

The old archeologist, Lew,
Remarked to his wife, "We are through!
For a mummy I've fucked
And from this I deduct
That a mummy moves quicker than you!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2161

The old undertaker named Niven,
A fuck to a lady was givin'.
He said to her, "Jill,
Lie perfectly still,
For I never have fucked with the livin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2905

Coitus upon a cadaver
Is the ultimate way you can have her.
Her inanimate state
Means a man needn't wait,
And eliminates all the palaver.
--- L0458

Grinned a grave-robbing hermit named Reese:
"It enhances my jism's release
If there is lack of palaver,
And a female cadaver
Is a non-conversational piece!"
--- Jim O'Conner P8801

Though, truly, there's much can be said
In favor of girls that are dead.
But I'd rather their squirm
Didn't come from a worm,
And they seldom are good giving head.
--- John Miller

The virginal Miss Estelle Greeley
Won't ever let men cop a feely.
But Waterford said,
"She takes her men dead."
But it's he that enjoys necrophily.
--- Mike Tice

The graveyard's where I met Matilda;
With seminal fluid I filled her.
She said not a word,
As I'd just disinterred
Her... And wished for a while I'd not killed her.
--- Anon

There was an old barber named Moffin,
While shaving a corpse for the coffin,
Did embrace it profuse --
But he had an excuse --
He did not get this chance very often.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2901

Said a gruesome grave-robber from Wapping,
"A mummy's not rummy for clapping.
It's a bit of a bust
With the dirt and the dust,
And your penis gets caught in the wrapping."
--- G1078

I once loved a girl with no head,
And asked her to meet me in bed.
She wouldn't put out;
I started to shout,
And then I noticed she was dead.
--- James

Meet Elmer, young son of Thorpes,
Afflicted with psychotic warps.
His idea of fun
Is to bugger a nun,
And then vomit all over the corpse.
--- L0517

There was a grave digger named Vance
Who just couldn't handle romaance.
He'd skulk around town
And people would frown.
They wondered what smelled in his pants.
--- H Welchel

I know a gay necro named Ward
Who goes for dates in a churchyard.
When he digs up a twat,
He's not that distraught,
But flips her and plays his hole card.
--- TuttaGioia

There was an old pander from Perth
Who wanted so much to unearth
A female cadaver
(No need for palaver!)
Who'd never poke fun at his girth.
--- TuttaGioia

A young Pennsylvanian, Norm,
Loved screwing in all of it's forms;
With girls, front and rear;
With boys, now that's queer;
With corpses, preferably warm.
--- Marge

"Ah'm praying fuh guidance" says Blab,
Who fucks corpses laid on on the slab.
And he searches his bible
In case he'd be liable
To get his ass lost in the flab.
--- G2259

There was a necrophile named Ron,
Who met a bestialist named John.
They found a man with a lobotomy,
And they now practice sodomy,
And they still don't see anything wrong!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"As for women," said old hermit Mottsum,
"In the past, I must say I have bought some.
But I don't anymore;
I go down to the shore
And I search through the jetsam and flotsam."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2903

A pervert just went simply wild,
When the beautiful corpse he defiled,
'Stead of lying inert
When he started to spurt,
Gave a shudder and hauntlingly smiled.
--- John Miller