A wayout teenager from Poole
Necrophilia dug after school.
Oh, Death, where's thy sting?
After doing his thing
He murmured, "She's cool, man, real cool."
--- G2455a

A French necrophiliac called Jacques,
Was doing a corpse in a truck.
As they passed East Berlin
Rigor mortis set in,
And the poor little froggie was stuck.
--- Sten Svensson

Advantages many there be,
In corpse screwing; here are just three:
No chatting-up so;
They never say no;
And the ladies are wholly nag-free.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Observed old philosopher Hearst:
This one is by far the world's worst.
It does not cause surprise
To see so many flies,
But I think I must scrape her off first.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2884

When necrotizing our dirks,
Well-mellowed stiffs have the perks
Of maggots and rot.
So who needs a twat?
Any old soft tissue works.
--- H Welchel

"Oh damn!" said illusionist Drew,
"Now I've cut my assistant in two.
It would seem I've misplaced
Her from head down to waist;
Though what's left is still good for a screw!"
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm just sick of the constant palaver!
What I need is a freshish cadaver...
No Trojans to buy,
Just myself gratify,
And whenever I want I can have her!
--- TuttaGioia

The local pathology labs,
Have often, fine gals on their slabs.
So that's where to go;
They never say no;
And care not if you give them crabs.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Old one-legged Jake goes each day
And gets his sick kicks that-a-way.
And then the old cripple
Will cut off a nipple;
He's dozens at home, on display.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I bet he remembers young Babs;
The last time he had her, the crabs,
Like rats, were desertin'
Their homes in her skirtin'
And jumping all over the slabs.
--- Peter Wilkins

In the pathology lab, our new
Recruit said out loud "Whew!
The quim on this dish
Sure looks like a fish."
Said the doc, "Sure tastes like one too."
--- Tom Accousti

Once while in the embalmers shed,
I gave a young corpse some head.
I was so good,
She jumped up and stood!
You see, I brought her back from the dead!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said a bleeding heart liberal hemophiliac,
Who's a funeral home necrophiliac,
"Though I'd give girls a stab,
As they cool on the slab,
It plays hob with my poor sacroiliac!"
--- Ward Hardman

The mortuary opens at two.
No shoving back there in the queue;
We've oodles of fresh
And delectable flesh
For the Old Necrophiliacs' do.
--- Anon

We've buckets of Bertha and Brenda
And slabs of old biddies most tender,
Awaiting dissection;
A wicked selection
Of thawed-to-perfection pudenda.
--- Anon

But, Sir, I must protest, I must!
I'm angered and filled with disgust,
Because you've allowed
Old Ogg through the crowd
To sample first -- stirring up dust!
--- Anon

A pitiful sight was young Eanus,
Bemoaning the size of his penis.
But the girls all agree
He's better than me,
Despite seven inches between us.
--- Anon

No worries; we've thought of that too;
We've buckets of heifer and ewe.
Our mortuary ball
Is intended for all
With a philia, necro- or zoo-.
--- Anon

While embalming a beauty named Phyllis,
The mortician had thoughts necrophilous,
So he garnished with gook
Both her cranny and nook,
But contracted her fatal bacillus.
--- Hugh Clary

Now forensics ain't nothing for jokin',
Though scientists, clearly plainspoken,
Confess that cadavers,
Like Davy palavers,
Are cheaper than hookers for pokin'.
--- Hugh Clary

A necrophile fellow named Perce
Once kissed an old corpse in a hearse.
He drew back with a shiver
Which threw chills down his liver;
Then he tried something more and fared worse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2455

A necrophile named Ab
Sneaked into the coroner's lab.
He went down on a stiff
Who had died of the syph,
And choked to death on a scab.
--- G1846

The embalmer a corpse did prepare --
On the hard granite slab, she lay bare.
Then he started with screwing
And said, "How'm I doing?"
But she gave him a cold glassy stare.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2916

There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who worked in the morgue, the poor sinner.
His mind had some warps,
For he'd pull out a corpse,
And he'd have a few fucks before dinner.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2927

Some funeral parlors are whoring
Cadavers, and money is pouring
To their coffers from crowds
Who like women with shrouds.
But to me, necrophilia's dead boring.
--- Anon

There once was a mortician dude,
Whose methods were often quite crude.
Whilst making a slit
His member would twitch,
And he'd embalm with his own special fluid
--- Lanark

I gaze upon Lucy McTraver,
And feel that I just have to have her,
For one final poke
'Fore she goes up in smoke...
Today they cremate her cadaver.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said the old undertaker named Pete,
As the corpses he studied, discreet:
"Though I know I can't tarry
And the dead we must bury,
But first I must bury the meat!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2911

An old undertaker named West
Remarked with much candor and zest,
"Though I find I'm confused --
By a cunt that's not used,
Yet a fuck in the coffin is best."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2900

The train struck Miss Senter and bent her.
At the morgue they reviewed what did dent her.
Said old coroner Skinner,
"It is not time for dinner,
But first I must get off dead Senter."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2858

A mortician whose name it was Jim
Just delighted in 3-day old quim.
It sure wasn't the scabs
That smelled like dead crabs,
But the green pus that just covered him.
--- S C Saint

Minger is at it again;
Bi-sexual necro's is a sin.
His illusion of fun,
Is to suck down a cold-one,
And there's no way to tell where he's been.
--- Anon

He grins and says, "I'm a shit,
But it does have it's own benefit;
My date's don't talk back
While I work on their crack,
And they've never once told me to quit."
--- Anon

This is file uhl

Dr Minger's date's have all died,
And they all smell like formaldehyde.
He gets down in the lab,
Boring stiff's on the slab;
Now he's re-named his dick, "Dr. Hide."
--- Anon

At a funeral home tonight,
I heard (as the body took flight)
The mortician's curse.
He said, "We will hearse
And rehearse 'til we get it right."
--- Anon

Young Lucy lay dead on the slab,
But the mortuary assistant, McNabb,
Who had cravin's and urgin's
For decomposed virgins,
Took Lucy back home in a cab.
--- Peter Wilkins

He left poor young Lucy to thaw
In the dark with some seafood. The flaw
Was his plan went to Hell;
He could not, by the smell
Pick her out from the oysters (all raw)!
--- John Miller

Necrophiliacs are those who will yearn us
Before, to our graves, they will turn us.
"We've so much in common,
'Cause during embalmin',
"We're both stiff!" Tom affirmed, in dead earnest.
--- Hugh Clary

A horny old bastard was Perce;
He buggered a corpse in the hearse.
He arose from the dead
With a smile and he said,
"This day I forever shall curse!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2908

A cute morgue attendant named Lynn
Played strip poker, but just couldn't win.
As she bared her tail section,
One corpse had an erection,
And Lynn nearly jumped from her skin.
--- Michael Weinstein P9511

An embalmer in ancient Karnak,
Oozed it into a fresh corpse's crack.
Rigor mortis set in,
And clamped off what had been
His pride, which he didn't get back.
--- L0480

There was an embalmer named Muffin
Whose work kept him late very often,
For when anyone died
He took personal pride
In laying each corpse in its coffin.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0735

This is why I haven't been here,
'Cause Le Geeze to me was so dear,
That I opened his casket,
Put the bones in a basket,
And then waited 'til all was clear.
--- Anon

I read up on medical books,
And bought me some butchers' hooks.
I used my clothes-line
Each piece to define,
And managed to bring back his looks.
--- Anon

But the body parts were all inert,
So dressed in a black mini-skirt,
I inserted a battery,
Whispered some flattery,
(Please don't think that I'm a pervert).
--- Anon

Imagine what rose from bone-dead?
None other than his throbbing head.
Le Geeze is pure bliss,
I shouldn't hide this;
So will let you all join instead.
--- Anon

There once was a doc, forensic,
Who like to give corpses a lick.
When I asked him why,
He said with a sigh,
"Why to ease the way in for my dick!"
--- Lyonesse

"My head hurts, doc. Don't stand there scoffin'!"
"Well Sir, you must take care when boffin'
Your granny at night,
By the gibbous moon's light;
To take the lid right off the coffin."
--- Anon

They called him "Minger the Necro" for shorts;
A sick one, who liked a cold corpse
To a shapely warm lass,
With a curvy, warm ass,
And a good case of genital warts.
--- Frosty

A funeral director named Cliff,
Had wanted to marry a stiff.
Before long, of course,
He got a divorce,
Because of the maggots and whiff.
--- Anon

He's something, that young Dr. Cliff:
Though riddled with virulent syph,
He claims, "Look, I don't mind;
When I need to unwind,
I just hop a safe med-school stiff."
--- Armand E Singer 848

A necrophilic mortician named Fred
Whose sex life really was dead,
Said, "Just every so often
I'll get in a coffin,
But I think 'twould be more fun in bed."
--- Frank Ward P9312

The young necrophiliac, Hurst,
Did become a mortician at first.
When they brought in Mrs. Palmer,
Before he'd embalm her,
He shagged her until her head burst.
--- Paul Graham

There was an old lady named Mopsy,
Who died with a bad case of dropsy.
But the old undertaker
Said he'd not try to make her
Until doctors performed an autopsy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2902

The embalmer's apprentice, young Jack,
Said, "I fondle each dead lady's crack.
Though they're cold on the click,
They sure do the trick,
For they never complain or fight back."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2886

A girl of strong will was Miss Baker;
She swore that no fellow could make her.
Sometime later she died
With a smile of great pride,
But was fucked by the old undertaker.
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 1950

There is a young medic named Fletcher
Whose actions bespeak the true lecher.
On catastrophe calls
Like tornadoes and squalls,
He screws female stiffs on the stretcher.
--- Armand E Singer 45

On the slab in the forensic lab
Lay the corpse of Gertie the Crab.
When old doctor Minger
Slipped in her his finger,
He added a grand to the tab.
--- Frosty

An enbalmer from old Canterbury
Would drink with his stiffs and make merry.
He never would fracture
A virgo inacta;
His preference was that of a fairy.
--- Jim Jambor P9101

Old Doc Rigor Mortis boffed Babs,
On one of the morgue's coldest slabs;
"She was quite a lay,"
Said Doc, "But I may
Tomorrow remove all her scabs."
--- Anon

There once was a pervert mortician,
Who fancied a young dead beautician.
He sawed off her legs,
And hung her from pegs,
And spun her till getting emission.
--- H Welchel

A perverted embalmer named Bauer
Started using his staff to deflower;
This did change his whole life;
He now holds off his wife
Saying, "First take a very cold shower."
--- Armand E Singer 716A

They embalmed the poor lass (drowned at sea)
When the assistant said to his boss, "Gee,
There's a shrimp in her works!"
"That's her clitoris, you jerk."
"Oh, it tasted like shrimp to me."
--- Tom Accousti

A girl of strong will was Miss Baker;
She swore that no fellow could make her.
She expired, in fact,
With her hymen intact,
But was fucked by the old undertaker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2851

An old undertaker named Rand
Once screwed a dead whore in the sand.
He performed his rendition
In the finest tradition;
An embalmer conducted the band.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2920

The embalmer had a certain proclivity
For girls in a state of morbidity.
'Twas the shock of his life
To be caught by his wife,
And she took the prize for lividity.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A wealthy old harlot named Commer
Fell dead after fucking old Palmer.
Though her will did declare
The last fucker would share,
Palmer lost to the wily embalmer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0673A