There was an old widower, Doyle,
Who wrapped up his wife in tinfoil.
He thought it would please her,
To stay in the freezer,
And anyway, outside she'd spoil.
--- Anon

A foolish old codger from Goring
Was asked why he'd taken up whoring.
"It's simple," he said,
"My wife is stone dead,
And necrophilia's simply dead boring."
--- Michael Horgan

My "Ex" is some fifty years back;
No doubt she has worms in her crack.
We find that disease
Goes real good with the cheese,
That they have as their usual snack.
--- Anon

Sounds like you gave up quite a feast,
When this blessed union ceased.
Perhaps her fine fare,
She's still willing to share,
To dine on her buns made of yeast.
--- Anon

Said a man to a widow named Jill,
"Tell me, why don't you bury poor Bill?"
She replied, "Though he's dead,
I will keep him in bed.
He's my darling and I love him still."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2887

A widow whose singular vice,
Was to keep her late husband on ice,
Said, "It's been hard since I lost him,
I'll never defrost him!
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price."
--- L1359

I married this wonder filly
And since then I have not sunk my willy.
But I have a surprise,
'Cause after she dies,
I'll exhume her and fuck her quite silly!
--- Friar

There was a young fellow named Porter
Whose wife was blown up by a mortar.
All his nephews and nieces
Helped him gather the pieces,
So he gave each young helper a quarter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2913

He studied the pieces, did Porter.
Then he labeled each piece and did sort her.
And this fellow, so foxy,
Had her glued with epoxy,
And he fucked her, but had to support her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2914

An old couple just at Shrovetide,
Were having a piece, when he died.
The wife for a week
Sat tight on his peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.
--- L0345

A cylindrical grinder named often
In the Times, had started to soften
When grinding his wife
All during her life,
But stayed hard when he opened her coffin.
--- Anon

He married an ugly old hag
Who did nothing but grumble and nag.
'Til one day he said, "Stuff
It; I've had quite enough!"
Lopped her head off and gave her a shag.
--- Peter Wilkins

He shagged her for hours before flagging;
Then rested a while before bagging
Her up in a sheet
For his next Sunday treat,
Saying, "Thank you, my dear for not nagging."
--- Peter Wilkins

A newly-wed man of Peru,
Found himself in a terrible stew.
His wife was in bed,
Much deader than dead,
And so he had no one to screw.
--- L0079P

A stolid old widower Gorceau
Would sleep with his lifeless wife's torso.
And his reason, he said,
Was for years she'd been dead,
Only now she was just a bit more so.
--- Albin Chaplin

A mortician who practiced in Fife,
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How would I know, Judge?
She was cold, did not budge,
Just the same as she'd acted in life."
--- Playboy Mag L0466

There was a young butcher named Caesar
Who froze his dead wife in the freezer.
On the day of Yom Kippur,
He proceeded to strip her,
And he took her to bed and did tease her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0660

Dead whores you may think are insane,
But it beats jacking off, that is plain.
The best kind of wife
Is devoid of all life,
'Cause they don't fucking whine and complain!
--- MrMalo

Thought Bob, "It takes days I suppose",
As he watched his wife Rose decompose,
"But it's years since we boffed,
So I'll wait 'til she's soft,
Then I'll show her what for with my hose."
--- Peter Wilkins

"I love you, Sweet Rose, decomposed;
I'll have you stuffed, mounted and posed
In my favorite position
For bedtime coition,
With all your sweet places exposed.
--- Peter Wilkins

If you pop your clogs before me,
Dear Bert, I'll go jumping with glee;
For sure I won't shag you,
But chop you and bag you,
And drop your remains in the sea.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was an old fellow named Baynes,
Whose dear wife was sick and in pains.
When she died on the bed,
He did not lose his head,
For he managed to fuck the remains.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2854

To the madam went money-short Kyes;
His fifty cent piece he thought wise.
But he felt something queer
When he patted her rear,
And from out of her asshole flew flies.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2892

A Frankenstein surgeon named Bloom
Arose from a period of gloom
To distort the vagina
Of a dead whore from China,
And he fell to his doom in her womb.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2859

Said a madam named Mamie LaFarge,
To a sailor just off of a barge,
"We have one girl that's dead,
With a hole in her head;
Of course, there's a slight extra charge."
--- L1024

Martina has met her demise
But she said ('fore she died) that us guys
Can have one final boff in
Her Y-shaped oak coffin,
Especially designed for her thighs.
--- Anon

A chap who was sailing for Singapore,
Left room in his seabag to bring a whore,
Then forgot that he had,
Until she turned bad,
Which tended to make the whole thing a bore.
--- John Ciardi

A wily old butcher named Pete Cook
Was fucking a whore with a beat look.
She dropped dead with a twitch,
So he finished the bitch
As she hung by her ass from a meat hook.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2912

There once was a young man named Ed,
Who found a dead whore in his bed.
Just like her twat,
Her mouth was still hot.
Some men will do anything for head.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While screwing a harlot, old Waring
Did not like the way she was staring.
She was not very spriteful
But he thought it delightful
Till he found she was dead as a herring.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2929

There was a young man from Nantasket,
Who screwed a dead whore in a casket.
He allowed 'twas no vice,
But thought it was nice,
She had needed no money, nor'd ask it.
--- L0493

There was an old pimp from the East,
Who kept some old harlots deceased.
Their ass is for rent,
Not to any old gent,
But the bishop, the pastor, and priest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2871

A frugal young fellow named Wise
Gets the most from the dead whores he buys.
After sporting awhile
As a gay necrophile,
For dessert he has maggot surprise.
--- L1736

This is file ugl

A madam who came from Belgrave
Kept all her dead whores in a cave.
For she said with some smiles,
"They have plenty of miles,
And they'd do me no good in a grave."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2856

In the snow, an old recluse named Watt
Found a whore, well-preserved, and no rot,
And her tits were still firm.
So he pulled out his worm,
And he dusted the snow from her twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2930

A necrophilic man named Philo,
Paid fifty bucks for a fat ho'.
After sliding the slab,
And lifting the flab,
He got the most for his dough.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When dead, an old harlot named Hayes
Received from devotees much praise.
She was kept on behalf
Of the coroner's staff,
For her pussy kept twitching for days.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2883

Necrophilia's perfectly norm-
Al in hell; so you'd go down a storm.
Bet you ain't never boffed
Such obnoxiously soft
Putrid whore-flesh so pleasantly warm.
--- Anon

Some quotes from my friend, the Grim Reaper:
"Dead whores never squeal, and they're cheaper.
A dead dick, though it's soft,
Can really come off,
And dead people do it much deeper."
--- John Miller 0155

"What price for a whore, cheap and old?"
Requested a man without gold.
Said the madam, "One buck,
And it's not for the fuck,
But the scraper to scrape off the mold."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2906

A maggot-infested dead whore
Was raped by some sailors ashore.
They thought she was drunk
Until spewing funk,
Erupted with noise like a snore.
--- Anon

There was an old fellow named Walker
Who froze a dead whore in a locker.
And on Christmas and Easter
He would thaw out her keester,
And the way that he fucked her would shock her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2928

In the winter, a strumpet named Flo
Fell dead when a blizzard did blow.
She was fucked by Count Rumford,
But gave him cold comfort;
She had lain much too long in the snow.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2872

A lonely old recluse named Skinner,
In his room kept a dead whore, a winner.
So each day licked her twice,
And he said, "It is nice
To have a companion for dinner."
--- Albin Chaplin

As I wandered around Evesham Vale,
I stopped at a pub for some ale.
A fair girl espied me,
And sat down beside me,
And offered her body for sale.
--- Tiddy Ogg

'Twas not though, quite what I'd inferred,
She said "No, you must have misheard.
I've something more juicy.
It's my sister Lucy,
Out there, she's just been disinterred."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"She's sealed in a casket hermetic,
While traveling peripatetic,
To stop the aroma.
She looks in a coma,
And looks fairly good from cosmetics."
--- Tiddy Ogg

I listened, then said "Sorry Norma,
The girls I prefer are much warmer.
But I know a cave
With trogdolyte Dave,
Who'd fancy a poke at the former."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"So honey, why don't we go wander
Off down to that meadow out yonder;
The weather's been dry
So there we can lie;
I'll show you my pet anaconda."
--- Tiddy Ogg

She said "No, I've got my own man
Who'd be as much use as you can.
I always can mate him;
I refrigerate him
With Lucy, out there in the van."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Before midnight I dug up a 'ho;
I was horny and raring to go;
And though nicely rotten,
No sex had I gotten,
As her body language said "NO!"
--- David Miller

You can get a girl under your spell
After "Maybe", and "Not now" as well;
No matter, I guess,
What girls say means "yes"
But a corpse saying "No"? -- Run like Hell!
--- John Miller

A thrifty old Scotsman named Perce
Encountered a matter adverse.
While he screwed an old whore,
She fell dead on the floor,
So he finished her off in the hearse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2909

The pedophile hears the lad moan,
"These woods are the scariest known!"
"Oh, stop all the tears",
The pederast jeers,
"It is I who must go back alone."
--- Anon

When they questions those priests who were sages,
Why they hadn't used bookmarks in ages,
The replies were unanimous
From those scholars magnanimous:
They prefered bending over the pages.
--- Hugh Clary

A fellow who called himself Mark,
Had episodes down at the park;
By the edge of a sewer,
With intentions impure,
He lured all the kids after dark.
--- Cap'n Bean P0207

In Birmingham, (not Alabama,)
With my niece at the zoo, watched the llama,
While my fingers caressed
Her bottom and breast...
Then she ran off a-calling for Mamma.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Foot fetishist/pedophile Blair
In agony cried, "It's not fair!
While doing the slipper
Of this little nipper,
The Velcro got caught in my hair!"
--- John Miller

Thank heavens for plump little boys;
Their pee-pees make wonderful toys;
Bend 'em over your knee,
If you're hungry, make free;
Their "tacos" will make squishy noise!
--- Anon

Thank heavens for sweet little girls;
It's so cute, how a little skirt twirls.
As you lift it right up,
And you pull out your "pup",
So to give her a fat string of pearls!
--- Anon

A sodomist jailbird named Dole
Said children were never his goal.
And with undue audacity
Claimed diminished capacity,
Thus wiggling out of the hole.
--- Armand Singer

This lad is so awfully young;
Come pose for a man who's well hung.
If I had that view,
You'd feel my lasso
The minute you stuck out your tongue.
--- Anon

Smirked an old sex offender, George Noyes,
"I do go for young kids, mainly boys;
You can't knock 'em up,
They give you no gup,
And they smile when presented with toys."
--- Armand E Singer P0202

Alternatively, young Fred Nast
Always saved men's gymnastics 'til last.
When he ogled those dears
With spectacular rears,
He was a Born Again pederast.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501

He's free, and his name will be cursed
By Fathers who share the same thirst;
Denied carnal joys
With willing young boys
By the curt statement, "I saw him first!"
--- Anon

I once knew a man from Lagrange;
His mind was completely deranged.
On playgrounds he hung,
Looking at ten year old bum;
This was his home on the range.
--- Anon