The penis of Grandfather Lynch
As a clothesline is used, in a pinch.
On the days his wife washes,
He dons pipe and galoshes,
And reels the thing out with a winch.
--- Grand Prix Lim 836 G0386

A buddy who's nicknamed Big Pete
Can perform a most magical fete.
With a laugh and a chuckle,
He undoes his belt buckle,
And his penis rolls out to his feet.
--- Karl Sydney

He had to go with his friends to eat
And his dick was about 7 feet
He wrapped it 'round his thigh
And went walking; what a guy!
But there he hid it under his seat.
--- Anon

One glance at our new Chief of Staff
Is enough to make anyone laugh.
The silly old fool
Has a seven-foot tool,
Which he drapes 'round his neck like a scarf.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a young man from Hong Kong
Whose pecker was seven feet long.
By careful recursion,
He'd engage in perversion
With a gay, two girls and a gong.
--- John Miller 0137a

There once was a man from Hong Kong
Whose pecker was seven foot long.
He said with a smile,
"Let me strum it awhile,
While my wife entertains with a song."
--- John Miller

A lusty old guy from Lahore
Had a penis of six feet or more.
You'd think he'd be glad
But instead he was sad--
He could use but the first three or four.
--- G0378

A young guy who hails from St Peters,
Had balls which contained sixty litres.
They called him a wimp,
'Cause he walked with a limp,
But his cock, it measured six meters.
--- Anon

Though when she reads this, she'll frown,
I made the girls go to town.
I kept them not lonely,
Although I am only
As tall standing up as lying down.
--- Anon

A buxom young girl named McLoutch
Was screwed by a man on her couch.
He was robust and strong,
With a pecker so long
When he walked, he would step on it -- OUCH!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0538

There once was a young man named Rick,
Who had a ten-foot prick.
He showed it to the neighbor next door.
She thought it was a snake.
She hit it with a rake.

Now it's only four-foot-four.
--- Anon

A Jazz-bandsman had such massive sacs,
They took all the room in his slacks.
His dong was so long,
He could drum to a song,
When he stood up to play tenor sax.
--- Hamilton Zealand

"These SPAM adverts all can't be wrong,"
I thought, and applied to my dong
Pills, patches and creams;
They all worked, it seems.
The damn thing is now 30 feet long.
--- Tiddy Ogg

That lovely young lady, Culard,
Met a man who prick measured a yard.
Although he was black
She would lie on her back
As long as nine inches were hard.
--- G0556

You've seen penile ads on the line;
Well I've tried them all, upon mine.
The trouble, my friend,
It won't cease to extend;
Now I must skewer three at a time.
--- Tony Burrell

So you guys who claim up to a meter,
Just what do you do with your peter
To stay in control
When it snakes down the hole,
Or mingles with shit by the liter?
--- John Miller

There was a young fellow of Strensall,
Whose prick was as sharp as a pencil.
On the night of his wedding,
It went through the bedding,
And shattered a bedroom utensil.
--- Playboy Mag L0242

There was a young man on a yacht
Who could tie his long dong in a knot.
His girlfriend, named Daisy,
Said it drove her crazy,
Each time it was stuck in her slot.
--- Anon

I woke up one hot summer morn
And found, with that curse, I was born;
But I'm not remorseful,
It fills my ol' horseful,
And ties around my saddle's horn.
--- Anon

In the temple they prize Brother Wong,
Whose wang is a dozen feet long!
It can ring all the bells,
And whenever it swells,
It's quite handy for bonging the gong!
--- Vassar W Smith P9304

The boners of Bernie McRose
Could not be concealed by his clothes;
For when they got hard,
They grew more than a yard,
And they rose to the tip of his nose.
--- Cap'n Bean P0111

There's a young man, pretty as a picture
Whose dong reaches the ceiling light fixture.
In the socket flourescent
It will fit when it's bent.
Good Lord! What an enlightening stricture!
--- Arthur Deex P0409

Excuse my quick outburst, oh please!
My brain is composed of Swiss cheese.
I had no idea
That I'd ever see a
Guy hung like you are, to the knees!
--- SFA

There once was a boy they called Rob,
Who had a real long, pointed knob.
He skewered four lasses
Right through all their asses
And had the world's first tush kabob.
--- David Miller

From the fly of a fellow named Young,
Twelve inches of penis had sprung.
He called it "Big Clyde,"
And the day that he died,
They framed it, and once more he's hung.
--- Bob Birch P0507

Cried a long-peckered person named Ed,
"I hate fucking flat on a bed.
With my twenty-inch tool,
I look like a fool
For I'm up near the ceiling, instead!"
--- G0320

The joyprong on Ichabod Creep
Makes trollops he trafficks with weep.
His twenty-inch tool
Gets small use, as a rule,
For you find damn few whores half that deep!
--- G0300

As a rule, a young sexy named Rose
Is more calm than you'd ever suppose,
But she did hit the fan
When in old Cy ran
And unravelled his twenty-inch hose!
--- Grand Prix Lim 607

No wonder that man of Devizes
Is the winner of so many prizes.
His staff, when at ease,
Goes twice 'round his knees,
And it tickles his chin when it rises!
--- G0311

There was a young man from Gomorrah,
Whose cock was two cubits or morrah.
Though not welcome in Sodom,
What really got him
Was rejection by every last whorah.
--- John Miller 0137b

The vicar of Chester-le-Street
Had a whang not far short of two feet.
He remarked rather smugly,
"It gives all the ugly
Old trout in my parish a treat."

(used as a pole or as a worm?- McW)
--- Anon

There was a young man from St Peters,
Whose dong measured fully two meters.
Just one thing was wrong,
This magnificent prong
Played only a few local theaters.
--- John Miller 0137a

There once was a man, name of Peter
Whose prick was just short of a metre.
When wanting to ball,
An assistant on call
Was needed to help just to feed her.
--- Onewayout

This is file tzl

There once was a hunk from Hong Kong,
Whose peter was two meters long,
Which he handled so slick,
He could enter a chick
'Neath the hem of her floor length sarong.
--- Jon Gearhart

This winter I plan to be bold
And hang it out, fully unrolled,
And see if I gets
To win a few bets,
In spite of the wind and the cold.
--- Anon

There was a young Commonwealth copper
Whose pride was a really fine whopper.
Twice 'round the bed,
Then over his head,
And then up his arse for a stopper.
--- G0299

There was a young cowboy out West,
Whose prick reached right up to his chest.
Girls fainted with fright
At the terrible sight,
So he hid it away in his vest.
--- Michael Horgan

A minstrel, a wonderful bard,
When aroused, was known to get hard.
He could hammer a nail,
Or skewer a quail,
Or hang clothes on it out in the yard.
--- Stan

A contortionist hailing from Lynch,
Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
A foot cost a quid,
He could and he did
Stretch into three in a pinch.
--- L0189

On the bridge they got out of their Jeep,
And unzipped without nary a peep.
One with ego quite bold,
Claimed the water was cold;
The other said, "Yeah, and it's deep!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from Dundee
Whose penis drooped down to his knee.
All the whores were impressed
As it rose past his chest,
And allowed him to fuck them for free.
--- Anon

My inches are now sixty four;
To drag it around is a chore.
It's one saving grace
Is back at my place,
I've taught it to open the door
--- SFA

An Abo his tribesmen all toast,
Has a penis so long he can boast,
It will glide out alone
Late at night on its own,
Seducing young girls of the coast.
--- G0468

A Goliath of Pine Island Sound
Had a dong that would drag on the ground,
So he carried it high,
Unconstrained by a fly,
Wound around...and around...and around...
--- Keith MacMillan A036Aa

A well endowed man from Dundee,
Did find it most awkward to pee.
At the end, to his friend,
Said, "A hand, can you lend?
As you're clearly much closer than me!"
--- Doug Harris P0607

But wait! It was me in the gloom,
When Maude slapped at my wonderful plume.
If indeed you were there,
It was next to Bev's chair,
On the other side of the room.

A Chinese coolie named Wong
Had the longest dong in his tong.
His fellows all voted
To have him promoted,
And used it for striking a gong.
--- G0494

So here was this fellow named Wong,
Attached to this monstrous great dong.
Said his girl, "Yes, your prick
Is remarkedly thick,
But why must it be so darned long."
--- G0495

An Alaskan and Tex had drunk masses
Of beer in the largest of glasses.
Going home, they said, "We
Ought to stop for a pee."
On a bridge they sat down on their asses.
--- Stan Armstrong

The Texan was such a big creep,
Telling tales that were awfully steep.
"We must really be bold,
This water is cold!"
But his buddy said, "Yeah, but not deep."
--- Stan Armstrong

Friday night at the club, Miss Diane
Made it known that she wanted a man.
We all sprang to our feet,
Each inflating his meat,
But I lost her to Dan by a span
--- Lotho Baggins

A loss like that cuts like a knife
And causes a feller much strife;
But don't worry, son,
Go on and have fun:
I'm takin' good care of your wife.
--- Travis Brasell

Two Bros, after drinking some beer,
Took a whiz off the end of the pier.
One Bro said "Mother!
Water's cold!" Said the other,
"And the bottom is muddy, too, here."
--- John Miller 0007a

(Just in case you are one of the few
Who don't get the joke on these two:
Both men are bragging
'Bout how much they're dragging;
How they knew what they knew is a clue.)
--- John Miller 0007b

I was born with a slight birth defect;
A penis that when it's erect
Was longer by three
Inches than me.
And which no one saw fit to correct.
--- Paul Boston

It's a big one and make no mistake,
About twenty four inches, give or take.
It's difficult to sit
Without sitting on it,
And erections give me a headache.
--- Paul Boston

You'd think it was some sort of crime
Having a penis like mine.
The last whore I tried
Took one look and cried,
"I'll charge by the foot, not the time!"
--- Paul Boston

An aptly named fellow named Lance
Was perpetually bulging his pants.
It was too painful to ride;
Walking injured his pride.
He retired to farming in France,
--- Stephen Ross

With his perpetually priapic tool
That had once made him feel like a fool,
He could furrow the fields
For enormous yields,
And need neither harness nor mule.
--- Stephen Ross

You post a fifteen incher, pard?
The girls around here won't be scarred.
I hope you've good mirth
Or it's made up in girth,
'Cause we measure out by the yard.
--- Cyber Wizard

Of Sister Chris, I've not had the pleasure,
I'd gallop forty miles for her treasure;
Caressed by her hand,
My fifteen inch gland
Would pleasure her treasure "sans measure."
--- David Miller

She said, "He is handsome and smart,
And sports a tremendous long part.
I love him to death,
But can't catch my breath
Whenever he tickles my heart.
--- H Welchel

When tickling her heart with my futcheon,
She barely can breathe, I've so much in.
She can't cry or speak,
Much less poop or leak,
And farting is out of the question.
--- H Welchel

Some people now think I just brag
About my long dong that I drag
Or use when Ms. Dole
Says, "Bring over that pole;
We need it for hoisting the flag!"
--- Travis Brasell

You run up the flag, I'll salute.
Since my eyesight is not too acute,
My dear, but I'm glad,
Though it makes you sad,
That your flagpole's so very minute.
--- Marlene Lewis

I offer this brief explanation
With hope it will end speculation,
About my own whereabouts
A fortnight or thereabouts,
Lest morons are thinking: "Vacation?"
--- Travis Brasell

While digging, in June, a new well,
I tripped on my dick and I fell
Inside the deep hole
And, Oh!, bless my soul,
The landing, of course, hurt like hell.
--- Travis Brasell