On Saturday night, up on Mars,
All the Martians are hitting the bars.
With 30 foot schlongs,
Nothing can go wrong,
'Cause they all like to screw from afar.
--- DButt

Though her thigh rubbed at just the right angle,
My dingle continued to dangle.
So I don't know why
It popped out of my fly,
Where it lay on the ground in a tangle.
--- John Miller

That beautiful lady, Culard,
Said, "Men can earn all our regard.
My man has a cock
As hard as a rock,
And in length, it is almost a yard!"
--- G0302

Voir le jeune matelot de Quebec,
With a dong that hung down to the deck;
So to keep it from harm,
And to keep himself warm,
He just wound it around at the neck.
--- Keith MacMillan 41b

A farmer I know named O'Doole,
Has a long and incredible tool.
He can use it to plow,
Or to diddle a cow,
Or just as a cue-stick at pool.
--- L0206

My new pharmaceutical rep
Sells vitamins that give me pep;
They made my dong grow;
It hangs down so low,
I now have to watch where I step!
--- Travis

There once was a voyeur named Tom,
Whose dick was incredibly long.
While watching a tryst,
He made his thing twist,
And blew himself out on the lawn.
--- J Fitts

There once was a fellow named Eric
Who truly was quite esoteric;
At last year's election
He got an erection
Extending from Blue Point to Merrick.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Pete,
Whose privates hung down to his feet.
When she asked him to dance,
It fell out of his pants
And bounced on the floor to the beat.
--- Brad

A fellow I had once when young;
Who was extremely well hung;
We were havin' a whack
When I felt something crack;
Broken ribs tore a hole in my lung.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from Bangkok
Who boasted the lengthiest cock.
When asked to impress
He wouldn't undress;
But just point to the bulge in his sock.
--- SFA

Miss Applebee's brother, Bernard,
His member is generally hard.
She said to her bro,
If you want to show
Your pole, why not charge by the yard.
--- Anon

There's also a guy I was poking
So fast and hot, we were smoking.
Gadzooks what a schlong,
At least two foot long,
But we had to stop - I was choking.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fruiterer, out of Wascana,
Grew the world's most expansive banana.
He could normally swell
Way beyond Fort Qu'Appelle
And when specially roused, to Montana!
--- Keith MacMillan 86a

There was a young man in Hong Kong,
Who grew seven fathoms of prong.
It looked, when erect,
About as you'd expect,
When coiled, it did not seem so long.
--- L1439

The penis of long-peckered Baste,
He keeps neatly coiled 'round his waist.
When a girl shows affection,
He uncoils in erection,
And she's knocked galley-west by his haste!
--- G0247

There was a young harpist named Bong,
Whose cock was exceedingly long.
He could sit on a stool
In front of our school
And still screw a girl in Hong Kong.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A filthy young boy in Manuka
Used his private appendage for snooker,
Till a waitress came by
And unsettled his eye
By pretending his cue was a hookah.
--- Roger Ley

The reason he had so much charm,
His dong was as long as your arm.
But no girl complained
Or was unduly pained,
For they said that it couldn't do harm.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I've searched and I've searched 'round the clock
To find me a super-sized jock;
But since they're not sold,
(Or so I am told),
I'll stuff my long dong down my sock!
--- Anon

True, nurses don't do it for me;
A well-hung hunk I'd rather see.
But, elephant size?
Now, that's telling lies!
It shouldn't hang down past the knee.
--- Anon

A well-endowed man who's named Thor,
Caught his prick in the elevator door.
He felt a good whack
when it picked up the slack
As it reached the eleventh floor.
--- Fabrika Lims

There was a young Turkish cadet,
And this is the damnedest one yet.
His tool was so long,
And incredibly strong,
He could bugger six Greeks 'en brochette'.
--- Playboy Mag L0351

The penis of Reginald Dole
Was described as a forty-foot pole;
But he'd never been laid
By a willing, young maid,
For the lack of a deep enough hole.
--- Cap'n Bean P0408

There was a young fellow from Juilliard
With a penis that measured a full yard.
The girls whispered and leered
And most of them cheered,
Whenever he ran through the schoolyard.
--- Isaac Asimov

The women out west often prattle
'Bout a fireman who lives in Seattle.
They say that his hose
Hangs half-way to his toes;
It's great for big girls and small cattle.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208

There was a young lad, Peter Flagon,
With a long dick, always a-draggin'.
It scraped in the dirt
And started to hurt,
So he hauled it around in a wagon.
--- Snakespeare

There once was a boy from Toulouse,
Whose prick was very long and loose.
And when he went to a dance,
He would not take a chance,
But slide the head into his shoes.
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a fellow named Fong
Whose dick was incredibly long;
He screwed Miss Larue
While she lay in Peru
From his bedroom in lower Hong Kong
--- Cap'n Bean P0408

Book a room in a local hotel
'Cause I'm feeling as funky as hell.
Stay a minute with me,
And then you will see
That I'm hung like a donkey as well.
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a fellow named Feeney
Who sported a really long weenie,
Which climbed up his chest,
Out of the top of his vest,
Then he wrapped up the rest in his beanie.
--- Cap'n Bean P0206

Little old Johnny Wong
Had an arm incredibly strong.
He jacked off all day
And that is, so they say,
Why his dick was two foot long!
--- Lazy Geezer

There was a young fellow named Jerry,
Whose prick was the longest in Kerry.
When he came to a stream,
He would lower his beam,
And skim folks across like a ferry.
--- G0369

This is file tal

A man once from old Tel Aviv,
Kept his pecker and balls up his sleeve.
A nice friendly man;
Take care shaking hands,
Or a handful of semen receive.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man in the choir,
Whose penis rose higher and higher,
Till it reached such a height,
It was quite out of sight--
But of course you know I'm a liar.
--- L0281

If lying can make your dick grow,
I'd better be letting you know.
It gives me no pleasure.
(I'll just take this measure.)
My God! It's a meter or so!
--- PeterW

There once was a fellow named Mose;
His fame was a really long nose.
Pinocchio's equal,
This was the sequel;
When he lies with women, it grows.
--- DM

There once was a haughty old Baronet,
With a prick twice as long as a clarinet.
If the thing ever dangled,
'Twould be stepped on and mangled,
So he kept it tucked inside a hairy-net.
--- Isaac Asimov

The donkey who roams on the heath,
Is fitted with enormous great teeth,
Long ears and a dick
That's as long and as thick
As mine, if you look underneath.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Pray tell me, dear, who is that chump,
Who stands there, all naked and plump,
With his tool in his ear,
Appearing from here,
Like a rather obscene petrol pump.
--- Michael Horgan

One day, in the villiage of Hope,
The bell-fixer, Mr Bob Pope,
At work in the spire,
Became the town crier,
When they thought his dong was the rope.
--- SFA

There once was a man from Hong Kong,
Who had a big luminous dong.
"You light up my life,"
Said his satisfied wife,
"'Cause your pecker's a least two foot long."
--- David Miller

There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
The length of whose thing was immense;
It went off with one jerk
From Calais to Dunkirk;
A regular Maginot Fence.
--- Edwardian Leer 067 A

There once was a farm boy named Jock,
Whose fame was the size of his cock.
They say when it's hard,
It stretches a yard,
And even the cattle will squawk.
--- David Miller

There was a young man from Salinas,
Who had an extremely long penis.
Believe it or not,
When he lay on his cot,
It reached from Marin to Martinez.

(He'd deflower the Straits of Carquinez.)
--- L0224

A Texan quite boastful and callous
Belittled his brother's small phallus;
Then he bragged of his own,
Claiming, "When it's full grown,
It extends from McKinney to Dallas."
--- Cap'n Bean P0112

I fought all my life in the trenches;
Lost count of my flings with the wenches.
There's no match for my strength,
Nor my dick and its length,
'Cause its measured in feet, not in inches!
--- Travis Brasell

Your rhyme may not be what bewitches
Or cause libidinous twitches.
Far more apt than your ode
May be when you unload
That meter you have in your britches.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8807

Though lacking, when soft, quite a yard,
Condolences I'll disregard.
For I treasure the pleasure
I get beyond measure
From a meter of peter when hard.
--- Anon

A sturdy young fellow in Poole
Was blessed with a marvellous tool.
When fully extended
The bloody thing ended
A couple of miles north of Stamboole.
--- Michael Horgan

A gentleman name of Bouchard,
Whose cock measured more than a yard,
Said, "Life is a bitch!
The length makes it itch,
So the damned thing is constantly hard!"
--- Evelyn L

The man with the world's largest penis
Took his bride to a Doctor McEnus.
He said, "You know 'bout me schlonger,
Can ye make me wife longer?
I want nothing should e'er come between us!"
--- Kristen Coughlin

My new girlfriend I longed for to screw;
She said NO, you have not a clue.
To satisfy me,
You need 10 inches plus 3!
Cut 6 inches off! Not for you!
--- Anon

I once had a man, who when hard
Sported thirty-six inches -- a yard.
But he left me cold
Without cuddle or hold;
May as well have been a lump of lard.
--- Arden

Said the union leader from Leeds:
"Our picket-line's all a strike needs.
But don't use your prick
As a picket-line stick.
It draws too much attention -- and bleeds."
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8701

Because I am very well hung
I try not to puncture a lung.
But Saturday night
She gave me a fright
By saying: "That wasn't my tongue!!"
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Gumper
Who possessed a magnificent thumper.
He could smoke a cigar
In the back of a car,
While boffing a broad on the bumper.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8809

Since you promise to give me all nine
Inches of that which is so divine,
Your succulent sweet,
Whole meter of meat,
Then of course hon, I'll happily sign.
--- Anon

I won the prick contest again;
Biggest cock there ever has been.
"More!" I heard 'em shout,
But I'd not let it all out;
Only half - 'twas enough to win.
--- Anon

Long ago I picked up a whore.
"I charge by the inch, for sure."
"Two inches; my treasure."
"Just how do you measure?"
And my reply was, "From the floor!"
--- Anon

I'm awed at what my schlong can do;
For instance, when I'm boffing Sue,
It exits her mouth,
And dives again south,
Then drives itself up her ass, too!
--- Anon

There once was a stud called Carrouth,
Whose dick was crowned King of the South.
While screwing his love,
He'd give it a shove,
And watch it stick out of her mouth.
--- David Miller

There was an old man with a nose,
Who said, "If you chose to suppose
That my nose is too long,
You should see my dong,
And how over the shoulder it goes.
--- Edwardian Leer 062

The penis of Ethelbert Nevin,
When on earth measured just inches seven.
But when he reached Hell
It started to swell,
And the head of it now pierces Heaven!
--- G0413

The prick of the vicar of Fife
Is the longest I've seen in my life.
He stands in the garden
And uses his hardon
To prop up the clothes for his wife.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a young man named Pete,
Who was a bit indescreet.
He pulled on his dong
Till it grew very long,
And actually dragged in the street.
--- L1320