A fellow once lived in the sticks,
Who was born with three separate pricks.
He could not, though no dunce,
Get off all three at once,
Though he tried to with many young chicks.
--- John Miller

One time, while attempting to screw
Three girls at a time, he withdrew
From the one in the center,
While starting to enter
The pussies of girls three and two.
--- John Miller

The result of this multiple screwing
Was confusion that proved his undoing.
Between coming and going,
He ended not knowing
What each of his three tools was doing.
--- John Miller

The result, I am sad to relate
Was withdrawal from all three too late.
Each shot found its mark,
Up inside where it's dark.
Which came first, though, is up for debate.
--- John Miller

The upshot of this shooting is clear:
Two girls and a son he holds dear.
But what fate had in stock
For each girl was a shock:
Three pussies, two front and one rear!
--- John Miller

There was a young man from Hong Kong,
Who had a trifurcated prong.
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
--- L0174

A careless young fellow from Hobbs
Was blessed with a couple of knobs;
And with two girls each lay,
It is proper to say
That he risked being caught on the jobs.
--- Hugh Oliver A082B

Abe Quaker was put in the stocks
Because he did something that shocks:
He walked nude to Schuster
While toting his rooster;
Against the law for having two cocks.
--- Travis Brasell

There was a young man from Purdue
Who had not just one dick, but two.
He'd fuck two girls at once;
And two dicks in two cunts
Gives a really phenomenal screw.
--- G0427

There once was a fellow named Rick,
Renowned for his two-headed prick.
He found comfort in bed
While stroking one head,
And arranging the other to lick!
--- Rick H

A notorious freak "Double Dunn"
Was born with two organs of fun.
While maneuvering in bed
With his lover he said,
"Two heads are much better than one!"
--- Derry Down Derry P8701

That guy who's been peeking in windows
In our neighborhood, knows that sin goes
On here all the time.
He mimics in mime,
Just so he can show off his twin hose.
--- Anon

Said the two-peckered goon to Miss Kelly,
"I'm sorry my fucking's so smelly.
But to put it quite blunt,
With you with one cunt,
My other cock blows on your belly.
--- G0372

There was a young man from Ypers,
Who was shot in the prick by some snipers.
The tunes that he played
Through the holes that were made,
Beat the Argyll and Sutherland Pipers.

(Were the envy of all the bagpipers.)
--- L0763

A musicienne in gay Montebello,
Amused herself playing the 'cello.
But not a solo,
For she used as a bow,
The dong of a sturdy young fellow.
--- L1489

Great grandfather had a large cock,
Like a pendulum hung on a clock.
It went toc, it went tic,
This thick clicking prick,
And each time it chimed -- what a shock!
--- Franbo

They say that Galeazzo Ciano
Plays Bach with his cock on the piano.
If he does, it's the most
Fascist culture can boast,
In this day of dominae anno.
--- P8202

A marine out on guard in Beirut,
Played his penis one night like a flute.
Till up came a sad eunuch,
Who lifted his tunic,
And said, "Sir, my instrument's mute."
--- L1143

There was a young man of Canute,
Who was troubled with warts on his root.
He put acid on these,
And now, when he pees,
He can finger his root like a flute.
--- L1142

"My date was this guy who likes Bach,
I'll tell you," said Jean, "What a schlock,
He uses for plucking,
What should be for fucking,
You see, he's the man from Starved Rock."
--- Ed Potts P8507

There was a young fellow named Peek
Whose pecker had learned how to speak.
When it screamed in the cavern
Of the maid from the tavern,
It echoed the best part of a week.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0571a

A flutist who came from Iraq
Drilled holes like a flute in his cock,
And the ladies were thrilled
When he tooted and trilled
A concerto by Mozart or Bach.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0483

A native on the isle of Penang
Had a somewhat musical whang.
When taut for a fuck,
He'd give it a pluck,
And produce a melodious twang.
--- Thomas G Keller P9411

Last night as I fondled my wand,
I could swear that it lay back and yawned.
"Not tonight, dear,
I've a headache, you hear?"
(You'd think it not redhead but blond!)
--- Anon

There was a musician named Keitel
Whose pecker learned words that were vital.
It proposed to a twat,
Which responded, "Why not?"
And engaged in an organ recital.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0499

A yogi who came from Beirut,
For women he cared not a hoot.
But he'd get an erection
Which would stand to perfection,
When a snake charmer played on his flute.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0397

There once was a man with a cock
That had its own mind and could talk.
When asked for the time,
His trousers would chime,
Dear girl, time to lift up that frock!
--- H Welchel

A chap down in old Oklahoma,
Had a cock that could sing 'La Paloma'.
But the sweetmess of pitch,
Couldn't put off the hitch,
Of impotence, size, and aroma.
--- L0207

Once a blonde got a mailing obscene,
Which she printed off from a machine.
When advised, "Make a copy
On a 3.5 floppy,
She thought that it was a male pene.
--- Anon

If one's floppy is three inch and a half,
It is sure that one cannot but laugh.
Should be five point two five,
And grand sakes alive,
There should be standards for one's staff.
--- Anon

"Oh Calcutta" bombed out at the Palace
Because the singer-actor from Dallas,
Although great in the lead,
Did display one dire need.
He was seen to be short in the phallus.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q

This modest old chap from Helsinki
Had a dick the size of a pinky.
But whenever the dolls
Discovered his balls,
They screamed in terror, "That's Kinky!"
--- Grettir the Dong

A skinny old maid from Verdun,
Wed a short-peckered son-of-a-gun.
She said, "I don't care,
If there isn't much there,
God knows it is better than none."
--- L0905

This is file twl

There was a young lad from Fort Worth
Whose dick was the cause of great mirth.
They measured his dong;
It was half an inch long.
But was ten and a quarter in girth
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a gay parson named Thwart,
Whose prick, although thick, was quite short.
To make up for this loss, (But the dome of St Pauls)
He had balls like a horse, (Wouldn't cover his balls,)
And he never spent less that a quart.

(Published 1879)
--- G0332

When the judge, with his wife having sport,
Proved suddenly two inches short,
The good woman declined,
And the judge had her fined,
By proving contempt of the court.
--- Anon L1542

There was a young eunuch from Tonga,
Who made up a dance called the Conga.
After dancing all day, (Said the queen, "This here dance)
He heard the Queen say, (Stirs the ants in my pants, But)
"I do wish your conga were longer."
--- G0470

There's a wood near the fair Castlefreke
Where short-taken gents sometimes leak.
If you've been well brought up,
And are not a pup,
Of the strange things you'll see, you'll not speak.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

I got this from the fellow what own it:
He declared that he boasted one mo' nut
Than most people sport,
But was terribly short,
In the part you might stick through a doughnut.
--- L1611

There was a young fellow named Hope
Who never with women could cope.
They would laugh and would snort,
That somewhere he was short,
And he was at the end of his rope.
--- Albin Chaplin

There once was a man with a dick
That was two inches long but real thick.
What was lacking in measure,
He made up for in pleasure,
When the girls realized it could lick.
--- MrMalo

It may seem to be quite a strange notion;
It would roll like a wave on the occean.
Two inches erect
With a rippling effect,
In a most pleasing up and down motion.
--- MrMalo

When his prehensile pecker would quiver,
It would set any lady a-shiver.
(And I mean that literally,
Stimulating her clitorally;
All that without poking her liver!)
--- MrMalo

Well mine doesn't hang to the ground;
Just 2 inches long when unbound.
That don't sound like a lot
But what gets the girls hot
Is its twenty-two inches around!
--- Anon

Wow! Twenty-two inches leaves lock-jaw!
Must leave those girls staring in awe.
Bet they squeeze their rear ends
And they go tell their friends,
"Girl, you must come and see now what I saw."
--- Anon

Out in El Paso Del Norte,
People are informal and sporty.
If you greet a girl, "Hi Lucy,"
(Referring to her coosie)
She will often reply, "Hi, Shorty."
--- Ed Wolfert P8405a

"All right, you bastards!" cried Norton,
"Of the people's choice there'll be no thwartin'.
My opponent may be
A true statesman--not me!--
But his pecker is surely a short'un!"
--- G2713

I think it's quite plain to see
You're addicted to hyperbole.
So when you say your dong
Is more than a foot long,
I figure four inches, maybe!
--- Kaylin

Hyperbole makes a fine jest,
So when I hear some bloke attest
That thirty centimeters
Is the length of his peter,
I figure four inches, at best!
--- Kaylin

There was an old man from the crump,
Had no dick, just a bit of a stump.
His girlfriend (an Aussie),
Said " My God, its Quassie; (Quasimodo)
You're always giving me the hump".
--- Anon

There was a young man from Westphalia
Who dressed in uncommon regalia.
In this plain fairy tale
He did fail as a male;
He was lacking in paraphernalia.
--- Albin Chaplin

Don't worry if measurements fail
To give boast to the size of your male.
You just need to realize
Your measurements gain size,
If you'd measure it like a cat's tail

(from the asshole out - McW)
--- Anon

There once was a bridegroom named Rex
Who revealed a short organ of sex.
His bride can't resort
To a domestic court,
For 'de minimis non curat lex'.
--- Anon

There was a young man of Lahore,
Whose prick was one inch and no more.
It was all right for key holes
And little girls' pee holes,
But not worth a damn with a whore.
--- L0183

There was a young fellow named Morton
Who went with his girl out a-courtin'.
Then they both got undressed
But she was not impressed,
"There is something," she said, "that you're short in."
--- Albin Chaplin

A good-looking fellow was Tim;
He played football; worked out in the gym,
And attracted the best
Looking girls in the West,
But denied any interest in quim.
--- Anon

"Ho, ho!" Said his mates, "He's a faggot."
"No, no!" Said young Tim, "There's a snag. It
Appears that my dong
(Only half-an-inch long)
Scares the girls who believe it's a maggot."
--- Anon

I've more polyurethane sheets;
You will need 'em to cover your seats,
And your sofa and bed
When you're giving her head,
Or expressing the milk from her teats.
--- Anon

The strong copulative attractions
Induce the insert and retractions,
And the requisite spasms
Preceding orgasms,
The intended result of such actions.
--- Anon

Confessed that good fellow named Tim,
"It's not only short but quite slim.
Unlike Sir Nantucket,
I truly can fuck it,
Unless my date's hat has a brim."
--- Anon A

The liquifous oozy explosion
Effusively lubing the motion
Of puds and pudendas,
Effectively rendas
A cuntriffic cockliscious lotion.
--- Anon

In the lab a young lady of Brest
Took a full inch of cock in a test.
In a minute or two
She exclaimed, "That will do!
Now provide me the rest with some zest!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1969

My husband, thank God, is kaput;
At love making he was "nicht gut".
Three inches ain't kind;
A man now I'll find
Whose penis length's nearer a foot.
--- Anon

From most of the wenches you've stuck,
We've learned that each inch cost a buck;
They also have shared
How once you despaired,
When a three dollar whore said, "Good luck!"
--- Anon

There once was a midget called Shriver,
Who only paid whores with a fiver.
But it wasn't his height
That made this price right,
He just had a two-inch pile driver.
--- Laurence Craft

An Amazon living in Chad,
Was wooed by a primitive lad.
She said, "Though you dig me,
My God! You're a pygmy.
Could you lengthen your pole just a tad."

(That's the smallest prick I've ever had.)
--- Giandomeni & Christ P8908