She thought for a minute; said "Bless
My soul, dear, I'd say at a guess,
I reckon there be
About two or three
Odd inches, thereabouts, more or less."
--- Q

A geezer rushes off to pee,
Then unzips his fly just to see
A wrinkled old prune,
That makes him near swoon...
"There's no way that belongs to me."
--- Anon

The tool doesn't have to be big,
But it can't be as small as a twig.
But if it's a small one,
Use fingers and tongue,
And soon you'll be ready to frig.
--- Arden

So when you put size to the test,
Though testing is truely a fest,
Size isn't all
You need for your moll;
It's all in who uses it best!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A particular lulu named Lawler
Cried, "I like guys whose tassels are taller!"
And so they won't fool her,
She whips out her ruler
To measure the rule of each caller.
--- Grand Prix Lim 322

Quoth the man with a miniscule dong,
"I never did anything wrong
To deserve such a fate,
Yet I know it's too late.
Why can't we all just get a long?"
--- Stiffy Joe T9707

Mrs Whitehouse, mixed bathing at Deal,
Emitted a loud piercing squeal.
It seems she had fingered
A something that lingered,
And certainly wasn't an eel.

(Mrs. Whitehouse - noted champion against sex and violence)
--- T L McCarthy

Just out of her wedding day white,
She peered at his inner thigh site.
She giggled, the meanie,
Said, "Look at your weenie!"
And he didn't think that was right.
--- Chris Bolivar

"Dear, we're married and now we should say
Things in a more mature way.
It's better to pick
A name such as "dick"
When naming the thing you survey.
--- Chris Bolivar

I've done some things when I was poor,
And I have seen dicks by the score.
When out of their clothes,
I've seen lots of those,
But that is a weenie for sure.
--- Chris Bolivar

An erudite spinster named Frances,
Who delighted in ribald romances,
Resolved to find out
Beyong physical doubt,
What the point of the joke in men's pants is.
--- G1554

Shan't brag 'bout the size of my rod,
Nor being a well endowed sod.
Suffice it to say
When the gals come my way,
They are saying "Amen" and "Oh God!"
--- Anon

Browsing near Papua, New Guinea,
I searched for one dick-tube from many.
The chief's bulging eyes
Divulged his surprise --
"Your club makes ours look like antennae!"
--- Anon

In Africa a young man, Abdul
Proved that he was nobody's fool.
Without diamonds or pearls,
He'd attract all the girls;
Just imagine the size of his tool!
--- Tom Patton

There was a young man from Rangoon
Whose prick was much like a balloon.
He tried hard to ride her
And when finally inside her,
She thought she was pregnant too soon.
--- L0221

There once was this fellow MacAgis
Whose phallus resembled a haggis.
It was long, it was wide,
So the lassies all hide;
"We hope that he never will bag-us."
--- Little Potts P8604

"Would I like some nookie? Well, ra-ther!
Are you the Smith son or his father?
Any small whippersnapper
I drop in the crapper,
So unless you've nine inches, don't bother."
--- G0430

Jill spoke of her French lover Jaques;
Decried his anatomical lack.
Said her girl friend, "I hear ya;
Find a guy from Nigeria.
They make them much bigger in black."
--- Parker Waterman P0206

Whoever said size doesn't matter
Must be mad as the wonderous Mad Hatter.
There's no worse surprise
Than a dick of no size;
And leaner is not better than fatter.
--- Anon

In a whorehouse in Cunt Lane, Devizes,
They take on men's cocks of all sizes.
From one inch up to ten,
It depends on your yen;
For still bigger knobs, there's free prizes.
--- G1772

There was a young man named MacDougal
Whose cock was bell-shaped like a bugle.
Well adapted for pissing,
'Twas delightful for kissing,
And for blissing that's known as conjugal.
--- G0390

But so far I've had no complaint,
Nor suffered from undue constraint,
Although truth be known,
At times I am prone,
To feel just a little bit faint!
--- Anon

I hear that your thing is tremendous;
The very thought of it does over bend us
Right over a chair,
With our ass in the air,
To receive the Bolognus stupendous.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An Indian maid was elated
To think that she soon would be mated!
She was asked how she knew
That her brave's love was true.
Cried the maiden, "The buck is inflated!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Herr General von und zum Hallus.
Had a caisson attached to his phallus,
And would ride into battle,
With his brass balls a-rattle,
While singing "Deutschland Uber Alles!"
--- John Ciardi

Said consumate cockster, Bill Graff,
Indulging his huge bulging staff,
"I've no special quarrel
With early withdrawal,
But chastity, hell, that's a laugh!"
--- Armand E Singer 548

There once was a woman named Becker,
Whose boyfriend propositioned to deck her!
Upon seeing his pole,
She immediately extolled
"Would you settle for a fast game of checkers?"
--- Laurence Craft

A busy young fellow named Jasper,
The size of whose cock was a gasper,
Met hardly a maid
He hadn't waylaid;
He'd exhibit his tool, and enclasp 'er.
--- G0368

My beau is so kind and so strong,
But he thinks of some things that are wrong.
He just thinks that he's
The very bee's knees,
Because of the size of his dong.
--- Anon

With a single quick pull on his wick,
Young Fred could make all the boys sick.
His magnificent size
Made wide all their eyes;
Of the girls, he could just take his pick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

As she squatted to ride on Dick's pecker,
A luscious blonde nympho named Decker
Said, "I seldom meet guys
With kidneycrackers this size,
So I hope yours won't prove a cuntwrecker!"
--- G2044

There was a Greek sailor from Thalia
Who knew several ways to regale ya.
He principal trump
Was his cute little rump,
Just behind his huge male genitalia.
--- G1068

A husky young fellow named strong
Was hung with a mighty big prong.
Said he with a grin,
"It's a strain getting in,
But once in, it sure rings the gong!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 101

This is file thl

So tell us, does size really matter?
Is it better when thinner or fatter?
I think it depends whether
You are using a feather
Or if you like yours on a platter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Yes, my name is the Artful Dodger,
With an incredibly large sized Todger.
It hangs down to my knee
And will give you some glee,
As you open your legs for a rodger!
--- Anon

It's too dull to watch TV at night
When the neighbors don't turn out the light.
There they are, laying 'round
And the sight every night's a delight.
--- Grand Prix Lim 789

There's the very sad story of Klute,
Being hung as big as a brute.
He went out of his mind
'Cause he never could find
A cunt that would take his giant root!
--- Laurence Craft

This 'shamus' was good at detection,
And his female client was perfection.
"I don't care what you charge,
You can make it quite large."
Which he did with an eight-inch erection!
--- Laurence Craft

"How big's your dick?", she said.
"Two inches," answered Fred.
"A tiny schlong!"
"Oh no! You're wrong;
It has an eight inch head!"
--- Wildman TP9802

There was a young chap from Australia
Who bragged on his huge genitalia;
"Top rated," he claimed,
"No matter where aimed,
But super at black bacchanalia."
--- Armand E Singer 743

On the subject of size, don't confuse it;
No woman would ever refuse it.
But what makes us drool,
Ain't the size of his tool,
But whether he knows how to use it!
--- Kaylin

The pendulous pecker on Pete
Protrudes to great length when in heat.
This protuberant treasure
Gives pussies great pleasure.
It's a fabulous pantsload of meat!
--- G0420

It's well known that the men of Westphalia
Have unusually large genitalia,
And spend much of their lives
Hunting wives the right size--
A search often ending in failure.
--- G0487

There's a mixed up young fellow named Gray
Whose prowess is hard to relay.
He feeds intravenous
His oversize penis,
But washes with Cashmere Bouquet.
--- G2357

"So tell us, does size really matter?"
Asked the boys during playful chit-chatter.
"Any size, five to nine,"
She answered, "is fine.
Though my preferences lean toward the latter."

(I don't think I could take one that's fatter)
--- Crazy Legs a

When a girl asked the size of his dick,
The Texan responded, right quick,
"Three inches or four."
"But my boyfriend has more!"
"Yes, ma'am. But lengthwise or thick?"
--- John Miller 0066

Fred Frilla, out flashin' his flasher,
Was called by Phil Fletcher, a masher.
But Phil's nymph wife Phyllis
Asked Fred to just peel his
Fourteen-inch flesh flasher to bash her.
--- Jon Gearhart

So you carry an eight-incher tool?
Two-thirds of a standard foot rule.
Fully extended
Or resting upended?
Sounds good to me! I'm no fool.
--- Arden

I heard of a man with a huge dick,
With big red knob gals liked to lick,
He often was showing,
So gals kept on blowing,
'Cause they thought: "Now this is a prick!"
--- Anon

The life of a clerk of the session
Was strangled in psychic repression,
But his maladies ceased,
When his penis increased,
In straight geometric progression.
--- L1687

An ex-submariner named Guido,
Had a tremendous libido.
When he got around women,
He couldn't go swimmin',
Because of his giant torpedo.
--- Popsicle TP9806

I don't blame you if you want to shout
That you have a great big waterspout.
But keep it indoors
Or in sophomores;
In public, don't let it hang out!
--- Al Willis T9707

An old sailor once loved dear Matilda;
His anchor was something that thrilled her.
Deep she sank it one night,
It went straight out of sight,
But his anchor's great size nearly killed her!
--- Anon

As the midget arose in erection,
Vi cried with delight and affection,
"For a wee guy, Pete Long,
You're immense in the dong...
Nearly half of you lives in that section!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 546

A muscular fellow named Mize,
Had a phallus of fabulous size.
Once, just for a laugh,
He cut it in half,
But still had enough for first prize.
--- Pierce Evans

A cautious young fellow named Tunney,
Had a whang that was worth lots of money.
When eased in half-way,
The girl's sigh made him say,
"Why the sigh?", "For the rest of it, honey."
--- L0253

That guy with three balls was my twin,
And my god could he juggle and spin.
He played pocket pool
With his fourteen inch tool,
And went 'round with a permanent grin.
--- Peter Wilkins

An Adventure Bay man, big down under,
Is known by the women as 'Thunder'.
One girl that he stuck
Passed out in the fuck.
The reason: I guess that he stunned her.
--- Craig Whitchurch

A negro possessed of a whopper
Was disturbed on the job by a copper.
When caught in the light,
He withdrew in a fright
With an audible 'plonk', like a stopper.
--- G0489

"I hear that your thing is tremendous;
So show us if it's so stupendous."
But when he complied,
She looked like she'd died,
Gulped three times, said, "Heaven defend us!"
--- Mido T9711

An extravagant fellow is Pender,
And his wang is superb in its splender.
It rises up huge
And shoots a deluge.
In his way, he's a damned heavy spender.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

An oversized man who was nasty,
Was the origin of the, well, Hung Dynasty.
It did never grow big
But his personal rig
Was referred to as "His Swinging Majesty".
--- Snaggletooth

The video "Horse Hung Hispanics",
Caused me and my lover to panic.
We've both taken dillies
Of overstuffed willies,
But those dongs could sink the Titanic.
--- Stuart Marzipan

Emily my dearest, you're short,
But still I'm glad to report
Because you are blond,
I'll show you my wand.
It's huge and it holds a full quart!
--- Kathi Webster

A well endowed fellow named Hopper
Would always do something improper.
Every night at the dance
He would unzip his pants,
And point out the home of the whopper.
--- Tom Patton P0208

According to a female copper,
My pants are a huge traffic stopper;
When I asked her why,
She said, "Well, big guy,
Girls know it's the home of the whopper!"
--- Travis

Lover, it's such a big cob!
And it's not a gelding? Good job!
I'm already hotter
Riding your trotter,
And my filly's beginning to throb.
--- Ericka