When 14, my Great Auntie Joan
Caught me, up in my bedroom alone,
Curtains drawn in the gloom.
She peered into the room ,
And remarked (as she did), "How you've grown!"
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a man from Australia,
Who was hung with amazing paraphenalia!
On his honeymoon flight,
His bride stayed up all night
Exploring with his huge genitalia!
--- Laurence Craft

A cunt-happy coot of North Galion
Is hung, so they say, like a stallion.
Effecting insertion
Takes grease and exertion,
And he drives the girls nuts with his dallyin'.
--- G0417

"Tissues for my issue, dear, please!
My stocks in Kleenex, I will seize.
I've the greatest demand
(You must give me a hand)
'Cause I'm bloody well hung to the knees!"
--- Anon

There once was a man from Australia,
Who had rather large genitalia.
He said to his bride,
"Don't try to hide,
'Cause where ever you go, I can nail ya'
--- Craig Mack

I feel just like a damn fool,
Discussing the size of your tool.
I do know of course,
You're hung like a horse!
(A hankie! I've started to drool!)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The girly told Herman J. Dunn
As she took his fantastical bun,
"Your big ruddy tool
Is a shocker, you fool!
It's immodest, immoral...and FUN!
--- Grand Prix Lim 747

There once was a man named O'Dailey
Whose manhood looked like a shillelagh.
His sweet Irish lass
Was heard to have gasped,
"Do you want to make love or impale me?"
--- Anon

A cowboy named Bill from Dallas,
Sported a tremendous phallus,
Mainly of callous,
He worked without malice,
In a Fort Worth sporting palace.
--- Masquerade: Queer P0606

At one time the size of our poles
Was likened to that of a Rolls.
But women complained
'Bout how much it pained,
When men got to plundering holes.

(so it's smaller now via evolution? - McW)
--- SFA Q

I hear that your dick is tremendous,
When erect, it is something stupendous.
But if I were impaled,
I'm sure you'd be jailed
For my injuries most horrendous.
--- CyberCelt T9710

A petite girl, who begged for some action,
Told a guy with a nine inch attraction:
"It would cause me dismay
If you went all the way --
But I'd settle", she smiled, "for a fraction."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was a young sailor named Claude,
Renowned for the size of his prod.
He attempted to lay
An old whore in Malay,
And the last words she spoke were, "My God!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0422

My wife's friend said she saw King Kong;
Her words to my wife were all wrong.
She slugged her friend's face,
Saying, "Out of my place!
Just when did you see my man's schlong!"
--- Travis Brasell

A guy with a big massive prick,
When asked, "How long is your dick?"
Said, "If my pants stop holding
My cock from unfolding,
You'd be knocked on your ass, mighty quick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A butcher who works in Cologne
Has a clientele all of his own.
What the ladies like most
Is the weight of his roast,
Not to mention the size of his bone.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

How they marvel at Joe's penile vigor,
At its size and magnificent rigor.
When he was a lad,
'Twas already not bad,
And with age, it keeps on getting bigger.
--- Isaac Asimov

Why do men pay such heed to mere size
Of the organ we all dearly prize,
Rather than learning best
To ply that which we're blessed
To capture us rapturous cries?
--- Bob Giandomenico P9102

Said a passionate lady of Ewell,
"The fellows, of course want my jewel.
But I make my selection
By length-in-erection--
Twelve inces is fine, as a rule."
--- Grand Prix Lim 951 G0324

There was a young boy named Jed,
Whose dong was big and blood-red.
Said his girlfriend, "Your prick
Is too rough and too thick--
Let's go to the movies instead."
--- G0098

I just could not believe my eyes --
This stud was truly a prize!
He had a great dong,
So thick and so long --
I thought 'twas a bat 'tween his thighs!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fellow called Owen had once
A pecker the size of a donks,
Until he met Sue
Who gave him the flu,
And said, Darling, your conk I could bonk!"
--- Mystelle

An expert at kissin' and dallyin'
Had a prick quite like that of a stallion.
His success would be cosmic
But for shortcomings osmic,
For he reeked very strongly of scallion.
--- Isaac Asimov

My personal trainer, Miss Stounds,
Said, "Travis, forgive how this sounds,
But if I could choose
The weight you should lose,
I'd say, in your dick, 30 lbs."
--- Travis Brasell

I once met a boy from Toledo,
Who in his pants kept a torpedo.
At first, I said "Ow!"
And then I said "WOW!"
I'm in love with his dick and libido.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

He was only a gay caballero
Dressed in shorts and a wide-brimmed sombrero,
But his prick and his knockers
Made believers of mockers,
Not to speak of a friendly vaquero.
--- Armand E Singer 887

"In our cult," said the girl, "it was true:
The Mahatma'd get stoned and then screw.
In the buff, he'd smoke bhang,
While his drug-plugged-in-whang
Just guh-rew and guh-rew and guhh-rew."
--- Anon

A staunchly built fellow named Pratt
Had equipment resembling a bat...
Once a pixie in Pismo
Cried, "Man, what a gizmo!
Do you really make babies with THAT?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 554

Quite a looming big bloke am I;
For a snack I eat a huge pie.
And the size of my dick,
Makes the women quite sick,
And I have yet to find out why.
--- Anon

I once knew a bloke, Davey Borse;
They say he was hung like a horse.
I just had to know
So I said, "Is it so?"
He promptly replied, "Yes, of course!"
--- Aussie Owl

There once was a widow named Reilly,
Who esteemed her late husband most highly,
And, in spite of the scandal,
Her umbrella handle,
Was made from his membrum virile.
--- L1505

Men always want a big prick,
But too deep down my throat makes me sick.
Size doesn't matter;
Bigger's not fatter;
Girls like me just want a good lick.
--- Tjarda

Old Cappy and me were at sea,
When all at once, we had to pee.
Mermaids hid 'neath the rails,
With numbers on their tales.
'Twas a 10 for old Cappy and me.
--- Anon

This is file tgl

There was a young man from Nairobi
Who lived in a house of adobe.
He believed his "front tail"
Was as big as a whale's
And that's why his called his dick "Moby".
--- Robert Elliot

I know that you've all heard the chatter,
Which tells you that size doesn't matter.
"The fatter the batter,
The bigger the splatter."
So sayeth Sis Chris, female satyr.
--- Sis Chris

Yiddle, the orchestra fiddler,
Has such a magnificent diddler,
That girls, on first viewing,
Scream in shock, "Nothing doing!"
Though now and then one lets him twiddler.
--- Grand Prix Lim 320 G0330

Ah, a maiden has taken my bait,
Unsuspecting I really have eight
Fat inches of gristle
That I'll launch like a missile,
The dusty, hot box to dilate.
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Chester,
Who fell in love with a jester.
Her breath came out hotly,
At the sight of his motley,
But the head on his wand most impressed her.
--- G0292

Exhibitionist Enos
Oft exhibits his extra-large penis.
I'll tell you a secret,
If you promise to keep it.
He is ME -- so please keep it between us!!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man named Mahoney,
Who was thought of, by some, as a phony.
He did talk up a storm.
But come time to perform,
He sure had a lot of baloney.
--- John Ciardi

A well-endowed man was dejected,
Though his organ's great size was respected.
When tumesced it would drain
All the blood from his brain,
So he fainted each time he erected.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9307

Clyde, with his dick at attention,
(The size of his balls we won't mention.)
He popped Daisy Mae
Who knew not what to say;
But he sure didn't need an extension.
--- Queentut

She stared at the size of my schmoe,
Exclaiming, "My god, it won't go!"
So kissing her lips
And tweaking her nips,
I diddled her cunt with my toe.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Schilling,
Who said to the oil man, "I'm willing
To engage your fine rig,
But it looks mighty big,
So forget any off shore drilling."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0322

A man who in speech was laconic,
Was considered to be quite moronic.
Though slow in the tongue
He was really quite hung,
So his sex life was quite supersonic.
--- Anon

The bigger the better's the rule;
I'm no "size isn't everything" fool.
I like 'em to wow me;
Not "are you in now?" me;
And dressing both sides would be cool!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The apex of Throckmorton Bleek
Is a rare anatomical freak.
He's attached to a dong
Brobdinagian long,
But he faints when it reaches its peak!
--- Grand Prix Lim 793

A lady who lived in Tzaneen
Was really delighted and keen
On a man from Tobruk
With a big sturdy snook,
Instead of a floppy sardine.
--- James Clarke P9702

I once had a friend, name of Lee,
Whose pecker hung down to his knee.
If he hadn't a' tied it,
The girls they'd all ride it,
Now he never could use it to pee.
--- Anon

Said a certain young well-endowed Finn,
"I can never do more that begin.
Though I try very hard,
My attempt is ill-starred,
I can't shove it all the way in."
--- Isaac Asimov

An astonished young lady named Bissell
Let out a lascivious whistle,
When her boyfriend stripped nude.
He remarked, "Though it's crude,
Please observe that ain't muscle -- it's missile!"
--- G0257

In the clearing, stark-naked I stood;
"As a model," Kate said, "You're quite good!
But the background is sparse
And blocked out by your arse,
And I can't see the trees for your wood."
--- David Miller

A pilot who visited tarts,
(Didn't care for those unexplored parts)
Earned thund'rous applause
From those Seen-It-All whores
'Cause his chopper was right off the charts.
--- Lucy

A generously endowed man
Will always be in great demand --
And he can get paid
By a wealthy old maid
And make quite a fortune, he can!
--- Kaylin Brandon

There once was an enormous dick;
The size of it would make you sick.
All the girls wanted it,
But it just wouldn't fit.
All's it got was a quick sick dick lick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was this girl named Alexis,
Thought all big pricks came from Texas.
But she made a mistake
When the man from Salt Lake
Filled her cunt with his "Pecker Erectus!"
--- Laurence Craft

A good-natured fellow named Wise
Had a dong of incredible size.
His gargantuan putter
Set the ladies aflutter --
Too bad! He only fucked guys.
--- John Chastaine

There was a young girl from Spokane,
Went to bed with a one-legged man.
She said, "I know you.
You've really got two!
Why didn't you say so when we began?"
--- L0240

"Hanging pictures", sighed clumsy Miss Young,
"Is a task that can make me unstrung.
Thank God for my neighbor
Who volunteered labor,
Both my pictures and he are well hung.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

I hear that your thing is tremendous;
Of a magnitude that just might send us
Over a sexual cliff,
But only if stiff.
If it's soft, from such fates please defend us.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A charming young man from LeMans
Had the world's biggest purplest glans.
It was shocking to know
That he'd poke any hole,
Then lick the remains from his hands!
--- Ahab

There was a young girl of Peitou
Who almost never said "No!"
She met up with a Winger,
Took one look at his stinger,
And said, "I'd prefer your big toe."

(written in Formosa by an Air Force man, hence 'Winger')
--- G0418

John Thomas is so well-equipped,
That all of his trousers have ripped.
The size of his wad
Is forcing this lad
To wearing his trousers unzipped.

Like the mighty majestic red oak.
With 'acorns' to make a squirrel choke,
Unmatched is your size,
When given to rise,
With a tender caressing stroke.
--- Anon

And Roger, that old skinless Louse,
Had offered his bait to my spouse.
But when she went round,
All that she had found
Was Roger had bragged of his house.
--- Anon

"My cock is the biggest," said Clyde.
His friend took a look and replied,
"You sure said a mouthful!
I'm not the least doubtful,
And I couldn't match that if I tried."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay