"So tell us, does size really matter?"
Said the bride to her seamstress and hatter.
"Five and an eighth --
You'd have to have faith;
But seven will make you much gladder!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said a plucky young girl in Monticello,
When she saw the big cock on a fellow,
"That oversize pecker
Looks like a cunt wrecker,
But let's try it, man--I ain't yellow."
--- G0405

A well-hung old midget named Clyde
Dressed up as a boy and he cried.
He said, "Lady, help me
For I want to go pee."
When she pulled out his PRICK, she near died.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1996

Kay wants a man hung like a horse,
So I'm picked as a matter of course.
When all other dates fail,
I can count on her tail,
Which is twice as hot since her divorce.
--- G0363

I once met a girl that had said,
"I like my men big in my bed.
A big twelve inch whopper
Is my kind of chopper!"
So twice, gave six inches, instead.
--- Steve Hocking

My pecker is not limp today;
My girlfriend just loves it that way.
Twelve inches in all
And almost as tall,
And she says she just wants to play.
--- Digital Warfare

A condiment salesman named Firkin
Went courting with old Mrs Birkin.
He said: "If she tickles
Me under the pickles,
She'll faint at the size of me gherkin."
--- Paul Graham

Wise Hoagy, the yogi from Rawls,
Toots away as he sits on his balls.
Thus parked on his glands,
His vast penis stands,
The sight of which shocks and appalls.
--- G0432

To measure our size is a pain,
With little or no other gain
The size counts for naught,
But all men are taught,
That its worth more than Oil to Hussein.
--- Anon

I have heard that good lovin' takes charm
And tenderness to avoid harm.
And between his thighs,
Who cares about size,
If it's long and as thick as his arm.
--- Marlene Lewis

I've listened to women who natter;
They're saying that size doesn't matter.
But if twenty guys
Should offer their prize,
They'd always be choosing the fatter.
--- Anon

Happily for me I've no spouse,
And my pecker's not sized for a mouse.
'Cause when you mom said,
"I've had Dave in bed,
And his dick is the size of a house!"
--- David Miller

My own dad was hung like a horse,
Though I peeked only once, of course.
It hung to his knees;
It was nothing to sneeze
At, though Dad was only five foot four.
--- Anon

Once you get their attention,
Try not to keep them in suspension.
The cock in my trousers
Is such a great wowser!
A winner that gets special mention.
--- Ginger

There was a young lady named Psyche,
In bed with a fellow named Ike.
Said he, "Now don't worry,
Or hurry or flurry,
But that ain't my prick -- it's a spike."
--- L1324

Things in Texas are big, that's the hype;
How do yo live up to that stereotype?
If you're nibbled and bited
And generally excited,
Can you still reach the keyboard to type?"
--- Ericka

A gourmet with a enormous tool
Liked to stick it in pasta fazool.
It made him feel macho
To come on a nacho,
And he used it for stirring his gruel.
--- Anon

Just concentrate nurse, it's a trick.
Please pass me that saw and be quick.
I said, 'Pass me that saw.'
Yes, I know it's enor-
mous; stop messing around with his dick!
--- Anon

Detective inspector Don Wrangler
Desperately hunted a strangler.
Because the evil beast
Did not care the least
If he used his hands or his dangler.
--- Paul Westwood P9607a

He'll be there to inspect me,
With a big syringe to inject me.
Oh, I'll be humpbacked
Before I get back
To Ten-Ten-Tennessee...
--- L1108

There was a young fellow named Harry,
Had a joint that was long, huge, and scary.
He pressed it on a virgin
Who, without any urgin',
Immediately spread like a fairy.
--- L0171

A massive thrust to her slit,
Brought a fart that should have been lit!
"Oh pardon," she sighed,
"It's nothing," he cried.
"Most girls usually shit."
--- Connie Lingas

The models who lie on my couch
Are gals who confess I'm no slouch;
They know that my art
Is grand, in large part,
As evidenced when they yell "Ouch!"
--- Travis Brasell

There once was a man named Rock,
Whose libido was up 'round the clock!
The women revered him,
Though some of them feared him,
Because of his 13 inch cock.
--- Skippy T9707

A woman once told me "Your loss,
Your 'meager' one's not worth the toss.
You told me, you see,
You have only three."
"Oh, but darling, I measured across!"
--- Anon

"It grows to three inches," said Rick,
When describing the size of his dick.
But no girl ever laughed
Or rejected his shaft,
For they all seemed to like it that thick!
--- Lims For Year - 01

There was a young woodsman named Kimber
Whose cock was so long and so limber
That when brought to erection
'Twas a work of perfection.
When it fell, all the ladies cried, "Timber!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0502

Said a fat old whore of Big Rise:
"I can hardly believe my own eyes!
But there waves a pecker
That's certain cunt-wrecker,
And I ain't fuckin' none of that size."
--- G0254

The sheriff to wife said "Babe, this
Dooley is getting me pissed.
Should be bloody well hung!
The wife bit her tongue,
But thought: "And he certainly is."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now, if like old Archie, your hung,
And barely the size of a bung,
When she licks your bitty,
Old H needs your pity,
He ne'er gets the throat, just the tongue.
--- H Welchel

A teenager known as Big Rick
Had quite a magnificent prick;
When his girlfriend sighed,"Quickly!"
He looked rather sickly,
For friction spent Rick's prick too quick.
--- Mark Levy P9308

There once was a belle from Toulon,
Who said to her beau, "Pas si bon!
I admire your technique,
It's really tres chic,
But you're still both Toulouse and Toulon."
--- Anon

Poor Cubby set fire to her eggs,
While bouncing around 'tween her legs.
She hatched out a child
That giggled and smiled.
He knew he'd leave dad with the dregs.
--- Marlene Lewis

This is file tfl

A prospector who lives out in Dallas
Lays a claim to the world's largest phallus.
But a guy in Fort Worth
Has the biggest on Earth --
Twenty inches of uncontrolled malice!
--- Hugh Oliver A113C

There once was a Scotsman named Rod
Who lifted his kilt for some broad.
She liked his dick,
For 'twas two inches thick,
And about a ten or so inch prod!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young fellow named Rod,
Renowned for the size of his prod.
He attempted to stuff it
Up Little Miss Muffet,
And the last words she spoke were: "My God!"
--- G0437

So his dick's too big for your gob,
A fact that just makes you sob.
But if you had waited
Until it's part inflated,
Then it won't be such a prob.
--- Anon

This nymph thought big pricks were a treasure,
And searched for the ultimate pleasure.
Each man had to prove
He could stretch her big groove,
As determined by her yellow tape measure.
--- Laurence Craft

There once was a boy from New Brunswick,
Who had a very large stunstick.
With the stick, he would whack
What he'd caught in his sack;
The whole thing was enough to make dung sick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While lying here having a beat,
I gaze on this thing we call meat.
It's so long and fat,
If on it you sat,
I'd ruin you for Frank, John, and Pete.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from Dallas,
Who had an exceptional phallus.
He couldn't find room
In any girl's womb,
Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.
--- L0150

Men hung with out-sized genitalia
Are welcomed by gals in Australia,
Peru, Greece, Iran,
Hindustan and Japan,
Arabia and Main Street, Westphalia...
--- Grand Prix Lim 314

An art buff in London named Snow,
Accosted a fortnight ago,
Is alleged to have quipped
When a flasher unzipped,
"Your exhibit's well hung, sir, Good show!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A passion-struck tourist named Eunice
Was laid by the Emir of Tunis.
She said, "Very few guys
Can approach him for size,
Which makes his a prize by its fewness."
--- G0680

The French can brag on romance;
The Spanish, flamenco dance;
Ubangis, their lips;
Russian women, their hips;
But I'll brag on what's in my pants!
--- MrMalo a

Some of the girls are quite brave --
They gently squat down on my stave.
They stop about half,
But then I just laugh,
And slam the whole bear in the cave.
--- H Welchel

So now you know I'm a show stopper,
Though never intro'd myself proper.
The laughs that I bring
Is surely nothing,
Compared to the size of my whopper.
--- Anon

My wife is faithful, I know;
Wild oats she has no need to sow.
For morning to night
I can turn on that light,
With my aptly named Giant Marrow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I once knew a Scotsman named Jock,
Who had an enormous great cock.
The lady next door
Couldn't take any more,
As it woke her about five o'clock.
--- Anon

There was a young man from San Dimas,
Who had such an enormous penis,
All the women would cry,
As they went by,
Please let us share it between us.
--- William Ted

Once a rakish young Frenchman named Jules
Said, "In romance, I'm nobody's fool.
Women think me a bore;
In the end they want more --
So impressed with the size of my tool!"
--- Scott Oliver

I wish I were eighteen years old
And dashing, and handsome, and bold.
While (just for the record)
I'm pretty well peckered,
More girls I would get with more gold.
--- Anon

There once was a soldier named Purvis,
Whose cock was the pride of the service.
They'd come in on trucks
To watch one of his fucks,
Though he always said, "Crowds make me nervous."
--- G0428

A sturdy young fellow named Schmidt
Was blessed with an oversize kit.
When he took off his clothes
His new ladyfriend froze,
But she felt it would not hurt a bit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0326

Here are my penile parameters,
Set in iambic pentamter:
My great manly shaft
Is an inch and a half,
But it's well over ten in diameter.
--- Phil T

A guy with a build that was stallionate,
Found it harder than Hades to copulate.
When sexually charged,
His appendage enlarged
To the girth of the girl he took out to date.
--- L1639

There's a pickled stiff pecker in Florence,
One can view at the shrine of St. Lawrence.
Aghast at its size,
Some lower their eyes,
While some others just stare and weep torrents.
--- Anon

There once was a young man named Lanny,
The size of whose prick was uncanny.
His wife, the poor dear,
Took it into her ear,
And it came out a hole in her fanny.
--- L1722

There was a young man named Cribs
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
That's not so bad,
But what really IS sad
Is that his balls are so big they have nibs."
--- Anon

There was a young fellow of Harrow,
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's that for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."

(marrow - spouse, lover)
--- L0170

There was a young idler named Blood,
Made a fortune performing at stud,
His fifteen-inch peter,
(A triple repeater)
Would come like the Biblical Flood.
--- L0273

There once was a man named Paul,
And although he wasn't so tall,
His dick was quite large,
As big as a barge.
Sometimes when he walked he would fall!
--- Anon

There once was a young man named Terrell,
Who was always considered quite virile.
The women he'd lay
Would all talk and say
That "his pecker's as big as a barrel."
--- DJ

A boatman by the name of DeFarge
Had a pecker exceedingly large.
He was arrested one day
For public foreplay,
With two pleasure craft and a barge.
--- John Chastaine TP9901

We're in debt to a Sheikh; way back when;
He gave sage advice with his pen;
The chicks will be glad;
And, with joy, driven mad,
If your tool's of the size of Big Ben!
--- Anon

Mother! Oh Mother! Come down to the crick;
There's an Irishman down there who's washing his prick.
It's as long as your arm;
It's as thick as your wrist;
The knob on the end is as big as your fist!
--- Laurie Broughton a

A fellow of Ness, name of Jock
Who boasted, "The size of my cock
Is far bigger than
That of any man,
Or of anything found in the Loch!"
--- Alexander Baron