I clawed at my balls and my thighs,
Ripped hair from the root of my "rise"
(My Cunt-Seeking Pointer
And Pussy-Annointer),
And further, emitted wild cries.
--- Anon

I was sure that the cute little nipper
'D be shocked when I zipped down my zipper
But she only said, "Gosh,
If only you'd wash,
It would smell a bit less like a kipper!"
--- Anon

Petunia, Petunia, Petune --
Now now, please me don't impugn.
I'm thick as a brick --
I do mean my dick --
Cocked, loaded, and set to harpoon.
--- Wicked Mick

But Peter, but Peter, but Pete --
You're so quick to brag on your meat.
If that's a harpoon,
My ass is the moon.
There's no whale here, Nemo, retreat!
--- Jason

I don't have too much, bless my soul --
Hung less like a horse than a foal.
Yet it still doesn't fit
While sitting to shit,
And collides with some part of the bowl.
--- John Miller

I'd guess mine is two to three feet;
It won't fit; this huge piece of meat.
The toilet's too small,
So I piss on the wall,
'Cause mingling with shit is not neat.
--- Tom Wolfley

He told me an elephant fable
Concerning the size of his cable.
Turns out that his size
Was no pack of lies!
I'm running away while I'm able.
--- Anon

I really can't hide my dismay
This sounds like a really good lay.
Most women would die
For what hangs from this guy,
And here you are running away.
--- Anon

Young Jason's tool was a fright,
It stood up all morning and night.
It was so big and long
And incredibly strong,
That to pull up his pants was a fight.
--- Tim Fisher

"The problem," said Mary to Jim,
"Is with passion you're filled to the brim.
Now get out that beast,
And slap it with grease,
And then you can borrow my quim."
--- Tim Fisher

But Mary she couldn't withstand
The size of his big purple gland.
It made her so sore,
He had to withdraw,
And finish the job with his hand.
--- Tim Fisher

But to Jim there was just no appealing,
As his eyes in his head started reeling.
Then with one massive shout,
His seed, it flew out,
And made a small mark on the ceiling.
--- Tim Fisher

I can't find a babe who is fuckable
Or smiles with a mouth that is schmuckable.
I'd trade you my meter
For your teeny peter.
At least it is something that's suckable.
--- Anon

I've squeezed it inside a glass tube.
I've lathered on gallons of lube.
It never will fit.
So fuck all this shit -
I'll tuck it up under a boob.
--- Anon

Girl's asses I love to give pinches
And they don't seem to mind. I mean that is
When they turn around
Their jaws drop, dumbfound-
Ed. Because I am sporting 12 inches.
--- Anon

Wouldn't mind gettin' a pinch from you,
'Cause now I know what to do.
For a 12 inch dick,
A mint's the trick,
Makes lots of slippery goo!
--- Anon

Gosh, Nancy! A mystery's afoot!
Where, I say, have my ruler you put?
Now I can't know
How long I can grow,
But for my best guess? A foot!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young man from the banks of the Po,
Found his cock had elongated so,
That when he would pee
It was not only he,
But all of his neighbors who'd know.
--- L0218

To his innocent bride said young Jack,
"Here's a prick which will pleasure your crack."
But she said, "What's between us,
I would call it a penis,
For a prick is much longer and black."
--- Albin Chaplin

There was a old critic named West,
Whose penis came up to his chest.
He said, "I declare,
I have no pubic hair,"
So he covered his nuts with his vest.
--- G2549

There was a young fellow whose dong,
Was prodigiously massive and long.
On each side of this whang,
Two testes did hang,
That attracted a curious throng.
--- L0157

There was a young fellow whose staff,
Was, in inches, some twelve and a half.
It was used as a cue,
As a baseball bat, too,
(Which always produced a good laugh).
--- Isaac Asimov

On Main Street at high noon in Dallas,
A young man unfurled his long phallus.
Girls ran amok
Seeking a fuck.
Others said, "Run or he'll ball us."
--- Tom Patton P9804

Said the man from Nantucket, "I'm sick
Of being asked 'Do you suck your prick?'
I'd rather my dong
Were a quarter as long
And, to compensate, four times as thick."
--- CeeJay

A Southern Alberta Rotarian,
Was possessed of a long and a hairy 'un.
It was always erect
And is why, we suspect,
He was known as 'Bone-on the Calgarian'.
--- Barrie Collins

She said: "I am sorry to say,
That wasn't the biggest, no way!
That old geezer next door's
Packing six inches more.
Such a pity the bugger was gay."
--- Frank

There was a young fellow from Lees,
Who handled his tool with great ease.
This continual friction
Made his sex a mere fiction,
But the callus hangs down to his knees.
--- L1290

The limerick about the young man,
And the feats that his long pecker can
Perform in his mouth,
Or in parts North or South,
Does not include leading a band.
--- Fredric Cohen P8305

On guard by the bridge of Carquinez,
With his eyes on the evening star, Venus,
With the sky full of blimps,
And the town full of pimps,
And an incredible length to his penis.
--- L1385

The skies loomed with impending storm.
To be nude in my house is my norm.
When she came for the census,
With one look reached concensus.
"My dear sir, you'll need the long form!"
--- Travis Brasell

There once was a young man, or course,
Who was explicitly hung like a horse.
When asked how it lengthened,
He said that it strengthened
By the use of centrifugal force!
--- Chuck Sta

The girls all flock around Finn
Because of his humorous grin.
As he serviced one lass
With his cock up her ass,
She said, "Go slow, You're tickling my chin!"
--- Stan

Floating idly one day in the air,
A circus performer named Blair,
Tied a sizable rock
To the end of his cock,
And shattered a balcony chair.
--- L1364

This is file tcl

A modest young fellow named Dodd
Had over ten inches of rod.
Although such a projection
Never knew one rejection,
He gave all the credit to God.
--- Armand E Singer 326

The sex kitten gasped when friend Decker
Brought forth his long, red-headed pecker.
After one frightened glance (She wailed, "It's a shock,)
She pissed her pink pants, (So much meat on a cock--)
And cried, "Not for me, that cuntwrecker!"
--- G0307

There was a young lady named Pritchett,
Who had a diminutive twitchet.
He stuck in ten inches; (When you got in her pants)
She squealed, "How it pinches! (She would moan in a trance)

(pitch it - makes more sense)
--- G0424

An aptly named gent, Peter Long,
Was inordinately proud of his dong.
To a lady he'd boast,
It was stiff as a post,
But alas, poor Long's dong did him wrong.
--- Karen B

A college professor named Klees
Had a whang which hung down to his knees.
When it bounced on the floor
He would beat is some more,
Till it came with a hell of a wheeze.
--- G2153

There once was a man from Belize
Whose pecker hung down to his knees.
The gals all adored it,
But him, he abhored it,
For each time it stiffened, he'd sneeze.
--- Lusty Limericks

The screwing device of Buck Blast
Made the nudist camp members aghast...
For poor Buck had found
That it dragged on the ground,
So he carries it now at half-mast.
--- Grand Prix Lim 633

"What to do?" said a lady distressed,
As a fifteen inch prick she caressed.
So he said to his date,
"The first nine can be ate,
And prepare to get fucked with the rest."
--- Albin Chaplin

There once was a young man named Randall,
Who had more than most girls could handle.
He'd often bisect 'em,
Go right through the rectum,
Then at twenty yards piss out the candle.
--- Anon

There was a young man, a Maltese,
Who could even screw horses with ease.
He'd flout natural laws
In this manner because
Of his dong, which hung down to his knees.
--- L0618

A stereo jock in Vancouver
Had a two-channel, fifteen-inch woofer,
Overloading his wife
In their sexual life,
With an output sufficient for two of 'er.
--- Hugh Oliver 106b

Under sands of Karakortum,
Lies a horseman in a stone tomb.
Remembered in song
For a sixteen-inch dong,
His horse tripped on it; it was his doom!
--- Phil T

I met a young man of Chungking,
Who had a very long thing.
But you'll guess my surprise
When I found that its size,
Just measured my third-finger ring!
--- L0142

I once knew a fellow named Rick
Who boasted of a fourteen inch prick.
But the girls all took flight
'Cause of snatches too tight,
To take such an enormous wick.
--- Bob G

Being cursed with a very long member,
My friend Shorty Dunn must remember,
To open his fly,
On the Fourth of July,
In order to piss in September.
--- Anon

A dirty old man from the shore
Packed a hefty erection in store.
Its size was so big,
That he started a SIG
For those with ten inches or more.

(SIG - special interest group of Mensa)
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208

"The length of your dong, my dear Earl,
Is enough to amaze any girl.
But it's thin as spaghetti,"
Said observant Aunt Betty.
"Come here and I'll give it a twirl."
--- Anon

A fellow I knew back in school
Had a lovely metallic-hued tool.
It was twelve inches long
And we knew it was wrong,
But we girls called it "The Golden Rule!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

After wondering the length of his dong,
Bill measured it and found it quite long.
Though shorter than Simon's,
It could penetrate hymens,
And cause women to burst into song!
--- Dohpaz

"Eight inches!", said Hugh with a sigh,
"You're dreaming! I just wish that I
Could keep it that small.
I'll stay in the hall,
And just the far end I'll supply."
--- John Miller

There was a young flasher named Trout;
No wonder the women did shout;
As he stood on the edge
Of a third-story ledge,
His prick and his ballocks hung out.
--- Armand E Singer 435

A well-endowed guy called Apollo,
Remarked as he larked in the hollow,
"Darling, my dong
Is twelve inches long."
Said his girl, "That's a hard one to swallow."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

For a house-to-house salesman named Moore,
Getting housewives' attention's no chore:
He's endowed with a dong
That is twelve inches long,
So he wedges his foot in the door.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Said a certain curmudgeon named Beecham,
"The ladies? Be certain I'll teach 'em,
To do as I please;
And if too far to seize,
Never fear. I've a part that will reach 'em."
--- Isaac Asimov

In choosing the High King of Quong,
They'd measure the length of his dong.
If he's nagged by his harem,
The band plays to scare 'em,
And "God Save the Queen" is the song.
--- G0429

My cattle would all be in shock,
If I came to show you my cock;
But if you've no fear,
Just come over here,
And watch me pull it from my sock!
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Dutton,
Whose balls were the size of a button,
But he had a dong,
Some ten inches long,
But what could he do with it? Nuttin'.
--- G0318

A theorem I want like Pythagorast
To be named after my ingeniast
Way to measure
The length of my treasure
From the length of the shadow my peni-cast
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A wench from the Lesser Antilles
Says dog fashion gives her the willies.
Except big long cocks
That stay hard as rocks,
But it's seldom she's fucked by such dillies.
--- G0508

I know a male stripper called Noel,
Who is blessed with a thirteen-inch pole.
And he's doing all right
Giving three shows a night--
Well, it's better than life on the dole.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a young man from Maine,
Whose prick was a strong as a cane.
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
--- L0197

A hotblooded swordsman named Doyle,
Didn't fence quite according to Hoyle.
When challenged to duel,
He would whip out his tool,
Which he brandished about like a foil.
--- G2320

While playing strip poker with Kate
I noticed I'd gotten a straight.
But just to the six
And Katie restricts
Her folds to those having an eight.
--- Anon