There was a young fellow named Lancelot,
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.
--- Anon L1623

The cause of his swelling was clear;
'Twas the fair Lady Guinevere.
The cure per King Arthur
For it not to go farther,
Was "Lop it off, back to his ear!"
--- Chinook

Cerne Hill's like a huge picture book,
Whose scale leaves us all thunderstruck.
Apropos of the latter,
If size doesn't matter,
Why DO women smile when they look?
--- Anon

He's a man with a pivotal pole
In achieving Cerne's financial goal.
Drawing tourists world-wide,
To this Dorset hillside,
With the aid of his "magnetic" pole.
--- Anon

The ancients were craftsmen, not fools,
Well versed in mechanical rules.
And they were, as you'll learn,
If you're ever in Cerne,
Enormously proud of their tools!
--- Anon

The man with the world's longest dick
Went to hospital feeling quite sick.
The nurses who swore
They'd seen peckers galore,
Were amazed at the size of his prick.
--- Anon

They gathered around for a look,
Checking up in a medical book.
They found that he beat
The old record by feet,
So a full-color photo they took.
--- Anon

To give an idea of the size
Of the gentleman's genital prize,
They each gave a pull
On his massive great tool,
'Til it quivered and rose to the skies.
--- Anon

As that medical specimen grew,
It was filmed by a camera crew,
Beneath an umbrella,
In case that huge fella
Erupted in mountains of goo.
--- Anon

Still squealing in utter delight,
All the nurses took turns to excite
This monstrous great knob
'Til it started to throb
And pulsate at its maximum height.
--- Anon

...Then explode with incredible power,
An eruption which lasted an hour.
(They called in the cops
Who used pulleys and props
To prevent the collapse of the tower.)
--- Anon

The nurses were taken away
And arrested for public affray.
But the man with the dong
Will be wealthy ere long,
For the video's out any day.
--- Anon

You non-British readers, you'll see
A merry translation from me --
A willy it lies
(When relaxed) 'tween men's thighs,
And ends somewhere down by the knee.
--- C M

This Texan's reply's sure to rankle
(But if I don't answer, some Yank'll):
The British are silly,
The American willy
Comes closer, we're sure, to the ankle.
--- John Miller

My Willy is always in view.
I lost my leftleg, that is true.
I didn't feel bad,
I just went and had
Willy fitted for a left shoe.
--- Frank

Don't you find that size is a bore?
A hindrance, whenever you score?
I suggest you'd be fine
With a willy like mine,
Which reaches right down to the floor.
--- D M

My condolences. You sound a good sport
With such limits on how you cavort.
Will you take me to task
For the cheek just to ask,
"How come both your legs are so short?"
--- John Miller

To have such a length is a trick;
If I were to be given a pick,
It isn't a crutch,
Two inches ain't much,
But some women like them that thick.
--- Rastus

A young man who came from Manila
Had a dick the size of Godzilla.
Though too big to fuck,
Ladies wanted to suck,
'Cause he'd dipped it in bowls of vanilla.
--- Martin V Jensen

It is true just what he said,
That dick had an enormous head.
You can chew on his knob
Like corn on the cob.
I sucked it till my gums all bled.
--- Jule

When I was a tot, my old nursey,
At diaper change, looked at my percy,
And said: "When you've grown,
The size of that bone
Will make all the girls cry for mercy.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And now, so I am not disgraced,
By percy escaping, it's placed
In loops of strong felt,
Attached to my belt,
And wound several times 'round my waist.
--- Tiddy Ogg

These words are like music to me!
I've been blind, but now I can see!
Hallellujah! I'm saved;
This length I have craved
Since the last time I let Ogg go free.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Everything's quiet and then
I stir up a hornets nest when
I made a small error,
Unleashing the terror
Of Sis Chris on the rampage again.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I think it's because you're a-merkin
Why you're such a lover of ferkin
Out here in the Isles
We give women piles,
Because of the size of our gherkin.
--- Anon

I am not impressed with your pickle.
How well can you do slap and tickle?
And I don't want piles;
I'd rather have smiles
From one charming man who ain't fickle.
--- Anon

On my grave will be chiseled, "It's chilly
And cold in the place where that silly
Old duffer has gone.
What a rougue and a con;
He had only nine inches of willy."
--- Peter Wilkins

Nine inches...Well that is petite,
When you look at the size of your feet,
Your not in proportion.
So please heed my caution
And limit the food that you eat.
--- Jules

It won't help the size of your member
But I'm sure that, come next September,
When you jump on the scale,
You won't feel like a whale
And you may stoke up that dormant old ember.
--- Jules

Nine inches; alas and alack.
It's not much, my dear Jules, but lie back
For I've just noticed these;
Your 38C's,
And I fancy a bit of a snack.
--- Peter Wilkins

A whopper thus handicaps me;
If you were my size then you'd see.
A hefty thick cock
Is cause of jaw-lock,
Unless one just sips it like tea.
--- H Welchel

I must be content with the tip,
Just cozied 'tween ivory and lip.
While you're slamming skull,
And getting brutal,
I'm barely just getting a dip.
--- H Welchel

I need some advice from you guys,
'Bout a dick of enormous size.
Should I just give him head,
When he takes me to bed,
I'd like to keep this prize.
--- Anon

This is file tdl

If it don't fit, then you haven't tried
Lubricants from far and wide.
They'll make it seem
There's enough room to ream
Even a hole that's pinsized!
--- Anon

So basically you are a tease,
You're boyfriend you don't wish to please,
Just to make him hot
And give him sex, NOT!
Blue balls though he's down on his knees!
--- Anon

But first I must give her a scrub,
'Cause she has been with you, there, bub.
There's filth in the mix
That Clorox can't fix,
But a flamethrower'll work 'cause she's grub.
--- Anon

I don't think that she'll miss you much;
She said that she can't stand your touch.
She likes my big pecker;
(the one called "homewrecker"),
I know by the feel of her clutch.
--- Anon

Old Hengst would have no discourse
With ladies -- he took them by force.
The girls didn't mind
Rough stuff of that kind,
For Hengst was hung like a Norse.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And Hengist had horns on his head,
Protruding from helmet of lead;
Those horns came in handy
For Brandy and Mandy,
Who used them in Hengist's Norse bed.
--- Anon

I've followed your big pecker woes
And the problems you have, I suppose.
That to stow it away
At the end of each day,
Is like rolling up a garden hose.
--- Rusty Smith A

It ain't only long, but quite fat;
It bangs on my thighs, pitterpat.
I sun in the nude,
And many have viewed;
It's visible clear from Landsat.
--- H Welchel A

Said an honest young woman, Ms. Dormer,
When asked if large cocks made her warmer.
"Any size, ten to six
Will satisfy chicks,
Though I'd personally rather the former.
--- Ulla

Her roommate was named Madame Jean,
Whose pussy was centered between
Two legs opened wide,
Which beckoned inside
Any cock up to inch seventeen.
--- Ardens

There's no one quite like Joey Spanic,
Who happens to be a mechanic.
All the young hens,
Bring their cars to him;
It's said his cock's like the Titanic!
--- Anon

He was not so terrific to me,
Mechanic though you said he may be.
He won't get in my car,
'Cause when I got so far,
He'd sink quite unexpectedly.
--- Anon

We all have a strength and a weakness,
Which serves to define our uniqueness.
My weakness? Divulge it?
Let's say I indulge it;
My strengths are length, width and meekness.
--- Peter Wilkins

We all know that your thing is mean;
Although it remains yet unseen.
But please at your leisure,
Will it give me much pleasure
As the spin on my washing machine?
--- Michelle

Aesthetically speaking, some guys
Are really a marvelous size.
They don't need a sock
Stuffed into their jock
Nor bean bags hid behind their flies.
--- Anon

If you're not concerned about size
You're giving it to the wrong guys;
Good size is much better
For making you wetter,
And giving you multiple sighs.
--- Anon

I am not so concerned 'bout the size
Just so long as the man really tries
But things here are so quiet
With no beer on my diet
To see ANY would be a nice surprise!!!
--- Anon

As for your comment about beer
That won't solve the problem, my dear
Get shot of the stump
And go get a lump...
That can shift from the front or the rear.
--- Anon

Hey there, you whorehounding bounder,
With your pitifully small quarter-pounder.
It's my half pound with cheese,
Hanging down to my knees,
That's bound to make her eyes go rounder.
--- F Ormatsee

Soon his mac bloomed long and round -
Tumescently over two pound!
She said to his raise,
"May I have mayonnaise?"
Indeed, it had quarts, and she drowned.
--- H Welchel

A half-pounder is cause for acclaim,
But the other's a low-down dirty shame.
I'm sure that the cheese
Is the result of disease,
And that's hardly a claim to fame.
--- S C Saint

The rumor I set out to scotch
'Bout the size of what's here in the crotch
Of my shorts, hasn't had
An effect. That's too bad;
So I might as well find it a notch.
--- Anon

But ladies I think it is fair,
Now you let me inspect you down there.
(Not forgetting your rear
And your mammary gear)
So come knock on my door if you dare.
--- Anon

In the mirror, he saw his reflection;
He'd grown an enormous erection.
Much too good to waste,
So with lack of haste,
He stroked it and gave much inspection.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And then in the mirror he spied,
His door had been flung open wide.
There's Prudence, his sis;
She mustn't see this,
But jeez, there was nowhere to hide.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She cried, "Brother! Tres magnifique!"
Goes over, kneels, holds to her cheek
That huge throbbing gland.
Holding firm with her hand,
As the great purple head starts to leak.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She stands, shrugs, and wiggles her hips.
Her dress falls, then swiftly she slips
Off panties, is spread
Legged there on the bed,
Displaying her pink pussy lips.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Continuing slow masturbation,
He shows not the least inclination
To honor the offer,
Leap on her and boff her;
She's seething with sexual frustration.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She's out of the room in a trice;
Returning with cleaver, to slice,
With anger and malice
That huge throbbing phallus,
Which then she proceeded to dice.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So lads, if a lady is hot,
And offering all she has got,
I have to advise
For the sake of your thighs,
Don't hesitate, hump on that twat.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've kept out of bragging contention,
But now I think I'd like to mention,
Mine is size ten,
And it's swelling again.
It's not yet drawn that much attention.
--- Gearhart

You all have minds that are dirty
And like writing limericks so flirty.
The size of my thing
Is for sizing a ring,
And the swelling makes my knuckles hurt me.
--- Gearhart

If I were to enter a contest,
I could 'hang tough' with the rest.
My length and my size
Is quite long and quite wide.
I refer to my shoe size in jest.
--- Gearhart

I wear a size thirteen triple-E;
I need them quite wide as you see.
As the old saying goes,
Compare feet and nose;
The size compares elsewhere with these.
--- Gearhart