I prefer my screw quotidian
To take place ante-meridian.
Sitting or standing,
Flying or landing,
With instrument long and ophidian.
--- Sansuesi

An unquenchable strumpet cast an eye
For well endowed hunks, she'd sell a lie.
A limbless dwarf came,
Saying, "You better be game!
I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
--- Bruce Thompson

A chinatown hooker named Hong
Likes the dicks of her tricks to be long.
If you think these occasions
Are all with Caucasians,
Then you haven't met Wally Wong.
--- Chuck Davis P9408

There once was a man named Dick Lonnecker,
Who was born with a monstrous donnicker.
The size of his tool
Compared with a mule;
Donkey Dick was Lonnecker's moniker!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

After a bottle, a bang, and a bong,
I sang an unsavory song.
"All these pleasures," I cried,
"Should not be denied
To a man with a very long dong."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A Yank engineer named Demeter
Was proud of his twelve-inch repeater.
He could not get a piece
From a harlot in Nice,
For the system they used was the meter.
--- Albin Chaplin

An old Jewish prophet named Moses,
Said, "A girl is a fool who supposes
That a man, as a rule,
Can boast of a tool
Proportionately long as his nose is."
--- P8207

A tommy I knew in Calcutty.
Used plastic to line his left puttee.
So my question was begging,
"Why line just one legging?"
He said, "So me dick don't get muddy."
--- MrMalo

Said his dad to the lad from Nantucket,
"Son, your dick will soon grow, till with luck it
Will hang down to the floor;
That'll help you to score,
Or if not, you can stay home and suck it!"
--- Ceejay

My girlfriend said once you've gone black
To white, you'll never go back.
The dongs are so long
You will never go wrong
In getting the best in the sack!
--- Anon

There once was this man from Verdun;
Had the longest dick under the sun!
But it gave him no trouble,
'Cause he never paid double
For the same price of pussy as one!
--- Laurence Craft

A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies,
Renowned for the length of the weenies.
The hair on their balls
Sweeps the floors of their halls,
But they don't look at women, the meanies.

(So long are their things, They can use them as strings,)
--- L0244

A well-equipped fellow at school
Has the whole class admiring his tool.
This magnificent dong
Is just twelve inches long,
But he don't use it much -- as a rule.
--- G0445

A man with a prick of obsidian,
Of a length that was truly ophidian,
Was sufficiently gallant,
To please girls with his talent,
Each day in the midpostmeridian.

(ophidian - snake-like, midpostmeridian - midafternoon)
--- Isaac Asimov

There once was a young man from Venus,
With an armbone as long as his penis.
I can't tell from this song,
If his boner was long,
Or his arm was too short for his genus.
--- Ken Kaufman V

For sex, our man Joe's always yelling.
At the sight of a breast's slightest swelling,
He would pull out his cock, (He wanks in his hanky)
From the top of his sock, (To prove he's a Yankee,)
Then what he'd do next, there's no telling.
--- G2234

There once was a man named O'Hare
With eight inches and then some to spare.
So when fucking some twat,
You could say that he got
Twenty eight percent more than my share.
--- Anon

A well endowed fellow called Skinner,
Got a girl, thought he'd found him a winner.
But his dong was so long,
And so strong, all went wrong,
When he found to the bed, he did pin her.
--- Anon

A well-endowed lover named Walter,
In charging his girl, did not falter.
But he tripped on a stone,
And instantly shone,
As a great (accidental) pole vaulter.
--- Isaac Asimov

The ladies with Dave like to swing,
'Cause he has a very long thing;
Though slim as a pencil,
It's very prehensile
And quick satisfaction will bring.
--- Chris Papa

A learned young lady named Fong,
Learned all about men in Hong Kong.
She defined the word penis:
There is nothing between us.
And a prick: "Something twelve inches long."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2052

There once was a mechanic named Bench,
Whose best tool was a sturdy rape-wrench.
With this vibrant device,
He could reach, in a trice,
The innermost parts of a wench.
--- L0129

A handsome young devil named Fred,
Could talk any girl into bed.
But his dick was so long,
And incredibly strong,
That most were left crippled or dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young girl from Miami
Who dated a fellow named Sammy.
When Herb came along
With a magnificent dong,
She gave poor Sammy the whammy.
--- Ralph T Rehwoldt P2005

A dong like a rope had young Pruitt,
And throngs came for miles just to view it,
But it tangled a lot,
Into such a hard knot,
That it took a Scout Troop to undo it.
--- Pierce Evans

There was a man with a long dong;
She would scream because it was so long.
She was shocked to find
It went up her behind,
And was happy when she rang his gong.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The weatherman dated Miss Kay --
Eight inches she got in the hay.
Though her pussy was sore
She requested some more,
So she got one more inch the next day.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2136

A young man with first name of Clay
Would spend time in the bathroom to play.
With hiccups so strong
And his dick dangling long,
He could siphon the water away.
--- Tom Patton

A long-peckered fellow named Slaughter
Wished to hell he'd been born a daughter:
If he hiccuped a bit
While taking a shit,
He siphoned the whole bowl of water.
--- G1454

When Tony was coming on strong,
And bragged on the size of his dong,
Young Bess, unimpressed,
Said, "Mike is the best!
He's been sitting on his all along!"
--- Cubby

There once was a young man named Enos,
Who had a sixteen inch penis.
Two hookers named Claire,
Said, "Sir, if we share,
We'll still have eight inches between us."
--- Anon

The wife of El Hassan the Turk,
Fell in love with a fellow named Burke.
When he got to the palace,
So long was his phallus,
He had to stand back from his work.

(must be historical because it does not make sense - McW)
--- G0475

There once was a well-hung machinist
Who danced with a cute little Venus.
"Please be careful," he said,
"When you step, where you tread.
That's twice now you've tromped on my penis."
--- G0387

This is file tbl

I had me a beauty last night.
My quim was so full of delight
And tight like a vise,
I had to come thrice.
Still pleasantly sore as I write.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Another young man in our section,
He had an eternal erection.
In his gay, carefree way
He bought doughnuts each day,
Which he wore on his tool for protection.
--- G2501a

Said the lady to old butcher Carr,
"Your sausage is not up to par."
But his sausage went in,
Till it tickled her chin,
Which was stretching a good thing too far.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0078

It's a pity that Casabianca
Was using his tool as an anchor.
If he'd had it up higher,
He'd have put out the fire;
You never did see such a wanker.
--- Victor Gray

A sailor who slept in the sun,
Woke to find his fly-buttons undone.
He remarked with a smile,
"Jesus Christ, a sundial!
And now it's a quarter past one."
--- L0103

A cute wealthy girl from Cape Cod,
Has such a magnificent bod,
She only puts out
To men who have clout,
Or those with a big ten-inch rod.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Old Willy was kind of well-built,
You could tell by the tilt of his kilt.
It had a nice nudge,
As you probably could judge;
It was ten inces long to the hilt!
--- Bobby

He was brought up in Warsaw a prole,
Not overly smart on the whole,
But the prick of the guy
Hug down to his thigh,
So the whores nicknamed him the long Pole
--- A N Wilkins P8908

When I see a beautiful creature,
I know just the gambit to reach her:
I'll tell this sweet chick
Of my 13-inch TV screen; (dick)
It's really my only good feature.
--- Norm Storer P9911

There once was a man with a piddle
Thirteen inches long down the middle.
But his girlfriend was squat
With a four inch twat,
So he'd fuck her three times and a little.
--- MrMalo

There was a young man with one foot
Who had a very long root.
If he used this peg
As an extra leg,
Is a question exceedingly moot.
--- L0162

I hate it when I stick mine in,
Then see the girl's big, silly grin;
She says that her smile
Will last all the while,
She feels my cock tickling her chin!
--- Anon

A long-membered man of Oolong
Just love to tie knots in his dong.
What to you might seem frightful,
He claimed was delightful...
And WHO is to say he is wrong?
--- Grand Prix Lim 194

On vacation in Ulan Bator,
I answered a knock at my door.
There stood a Mongol
With a humongus dong all
The way down his leg to the floor.
--- Ericka

There was a young lady from Sydney,
Who had it rammed up to her kidney.
Then a man from Quebec
Rammed it up to her neck.
My! He had a long one, didn't he?
--- L0350

There was a young fellow named Howard,
Who was thought to be magically powered.
His dick was so short
Many thought it a wart,
But when it stood up, it just towered.
--- Anon

A carpenter, fresh out of school,
Had forgotten his principle tool.
But he said, "In the pinches,
I've got this twelve inches,
That I can substitute for a rule."
--- Frank Ward P9312

A good-old-boy Texan had sworn,
That he was the Texas Longhorn.
Then a Scotsman named Jock
Showed him a twelve-inch cock,
And left the poor Texan forlorn.
--- Donald Britain

That super-cocked fellow, McDecker,
Is mighty damn proud of his pecker.
In sexual clinches
His turgid twelve inches,
A girl finds will nigh onto wreck her.
--- G0389

A well-endowed fellow named Melvin
Had a date with Georgina Spelvin.
She wasn't so tight,
But try as he might,
He just couldn't get his whole twelve in.
--- Popsicle TP9807

The dong of a fellow named Grable,
Was as pliant and long as a cable.
Each night while he ate,
This confirmed reprobate,
Would screw his wife under the table.
--- L1644

Ther was a young lady of Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave,
As to take out and wave,
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
--- L0031

There was a young man of Vinsizes,
Whose bollocks were different sizes.
His prick, when at ease,
Hung down to his knees.
Now what must it be when is rises?
--- Norman Douglas L0155

A red politician named Beria
Had a limb of such length that nary a
Girl that he tailed
But woefully wailed,
"You're up in the whooping cough area."
--- G0251

Expressing surprise at her shyness,
The butler said, "Your Royal Highness,
You'll find, beyond doubt,
When my snake is stretched out,
It'll reach almost up to your sinus!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 683

A timid young wife of Kenosha
Was frightened her husband would squash her,
So what did she do
But shorten his screw ,
By the use of a large metal washer.
--- Hugh Oliver A124A

I was wearing a speedo in Trent,
When some Girl Scouts ran up in a sprint;
They said "Mister, be kind,
We are in a real bind;
May we borrow that pole for our tent?"
--- Travis Brasell

There was a spry girl from Hong Kong
Who wouldn't let go for a song.
She'd steadily scan
For the trace of a man
Who could charge with a velly stlong plong.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8802

"Normal price--twenty bucks." Madame Rue
Said, "And short-cocked gents pay twenty-two.
Eight inches: ten bucks.
Nine inches: free fucks.
Ten inches or more: we pay you!"
--- Michael Weinstein P9206

He excited the girl on the phone,
When he mentioned his thirteen inch bone.
"Though you're hung like a king"
She said, "I'll make a sling.
It'll never stand up on its own."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305

There was a young Chinaman, Chang,
Who had a gargantuan whang.
Said he, "You just wait
Till I reel it out straight,
And I'll give you the world's biggest bang!"
--- G0289

There once was a fellow named Jim,
Who possessed a phenomenal limb.
So great was its length,
(As well as its strength)
It was said Guinness contacted him.
--- Sam Chen

The last time I trapped my poor dong,
I remember the suction was strong,
And confess the sensation
Was worth the abrasion;
And that's why my dong is so long!
--- Anon

There once was a baker named Kevin,
Who was over ten inches when leven.
Women would say
In a breathless way,
That eleven from Kevin was Heaven!
--- Yeast Infection