A just divorced actor named Ted
No longer off limits, not wed,
Overproud of his tool,
Advertised it, the fool,
And painted the thing Day-Glo red.
--- Armand Singer

There was a young fellow from Stockholm
Who was cursed with an imperfect genome.
While his pecker's mutation
Meant great elongation,
It was plaid and shaped like a gnome.
--- Robert Elliot

There once was a limerist, Puff Adder,
Whose trouser snake one day grew fatter.
And then he took notice
That there on his scrotus,
Strange patches appeared on his matter.
--- Anon

It turned such a strange color purple
That he went to see old Doc Urple.
Who said simply "Puff,
Don't play with your stuff,
After mashing up grapes like a twerp'll!
--- Anon

So Puff took his leave from AJL
For it caused his 'passions' to swell.
But now he's returned,
Because he has learned
That a purple mast suits him quite well.
--- Anon

Oh lover, my metal is rusting;
It's missing its regular dusting.
Please polish my knob
And do a good job;
Make it lustrously lusty for thrusting.
--- Peter Wilkins

Your blood has all gone to your head;
A great problem that you should dread.
Makes your thinking stop:
Not your head up on top --
The SMALL one -- it's all stiff and red!
--- Anon

There was a toolmaker named Jack
Whose tool had an uncommon knack.
He could fit each and all,
Whether large, short or tall,
And change color to suit white or black.
--- Albin Chaplin

She offered me sex, thought I'd try it,
I stripped off, and then saw her eye it.
"Look at the state
Of your body," said Kate,
"I think really you ought to diet."
--- Anon

You'll realise that this made me dolor-
ous, then she snapped with her polar-
oid. "Now you go take
A look." Thus she spake.
"OK dear," said I, "But what color?"
--- Anon

There's a cafe frequented by teens,
Where the waiters wear very tight jeans.
With an awfully large bulge,
Which when asked, they'll divulge,
Is in fact, a few tins of baked beans.
--- Bill Wall

While sucking my cock, my wife sneezed;
Believe it or not, I was pleased.
And she's quite elated,
'Cause it was inflated,
And now it hangs down to my knees.
--- Mike M TP9802

A perverted young fellow named Steve
Spent lots of time on his knees.
One day he got sick
And blew up a dick...
While sucking, he suddenly sneezed!
--- Wildman TP9802

A crafty old boy was named Dick
Dipped his waxen tool ever so thick.
He's a candlestick maker
But he couldn't fake her,
For she knew the size of his wick.
--- Gibbon the Troubadour

Electrical wizard, Tess Tarjer,
Connected my dick to a charger
In order to shock it,
But, fast as a rocket,
My twelve-incher grew three times larger!
--- Anon

And so, gentle reader and friend --
As girls say when they watch it distend,
Slowly shifting their grip
From the root to the tip --
At last we have come to the end.
--- Isaac Asimov

He measured his willy, did Cliff. He
Was 3 inches long and thought if he
Were 4 inches bigger,
Then no-one would snigger,
When holding and stroking his stiffy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

He went to a shop out of town,
Where he furtively looked with a frown,
At the range of devices
For solitary vices,
In flesh-colored tinges of brown.
--- Peter Wilkins

Artificial synthetic vagin-
as at 44 dollars were fine;
And vibrators the size
Of which watered his eyes;
And dear "Karen" who sounded divine.
--- Peter Wilkins

With her "apertures ever invit-
ing" and panties designed to excite,
He chose from those toys
Designed only for boys,
An enlargement device for his plight.
--- Peter Wilkins

With embarrassment turning him red,
He paid 22 dollars and fled,
With his toy and a mag
In a brown paper bag,
To his house where he lay on the bed.
--- Peter Wilkins

With excitement arising inside,
He misread the instructions supplied;
The device he misused,
'Til his willy refused
To relax and completely subside.
--- Peter Wilkins

For he pumped all the air in a trice,
From his vacuum enlargement device.
Now he's thoroughly stuck;
He can't pee; he can't fuck;
And can't practice his favorite vice.
--- Peter Wilkins

Let Cliff be a lesson to you;
Read the manual before you screw.
If you can't wait,
Then don't hesitate,
But forwarned is forarmed, as you knew.
--- Karen

Entre nous and just strictly between us,
Everybody except Uncle Remus
Sends me constant e-mail,
Every day without fail,
All obsessed with enlarging my penis.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410

Plastic surgery reached new dimensions
With modern techniques and inventions.
In two landmark cases
They've transplanted faces;
The next step is pecker extensions.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

The procedure could change Sammy's life,
If he would go under the knife.
With expenses defrayed,
The bill gladly paid
By Sam's secretary and wife.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

A man with such vim and vigor,
Needs just a touch to get bigger.
A gentle caress,
Done with finesse,
Is all it takes to pull your trigger.
--- Anon

A God-fearing man they called Jeeter,
Had tattooed on his prick the completer
Bible; so small
You could not read at all.
Till he rubbed the Epistles of Peter.
--- Knotweed

He'd read scripture on any occasion.
(How he learned at the hands of frication!)
But his self-study ended
When bad news portended;
'Twas the day that he grasped Revelation.
--- Knotweed

So he tutored in Biblical facts.
A young lass, teaching that which she lacked,
And her work was the sort
Done by oral report --
Till the day they were caught in the Acts.
--- Knotweed

It's been years, and he still seldom budges;
And self-studies, which no one begrudges.
While he sits in his cell,
His Old Testament swells;
Now he abrades at the law of the Judges.
--- Knotweek

In comparative sizing arenas,
My brain tends to outscore my penis.
But as each of them swells,
It's the schwanz that excels;
If it please you, we'll keep it between us.
--- Steve Anderson

This is file skl

Though mine is not three foot of stuff,
Upon which you lovingly puff,
I'm sure it will do
All that you want it to;
You're muff says his length's just enough.
--- Anon

Tom's ladyfriend's amorous cheering
Changed quickly to hissing and jeering.
"You have lengthened your cock
With a tackle and block--
That's not love, it is mere engineering.
--- Norm Storer

Pistolino is just a small hose,
But when my sweet darling then blows,
It remembers it's duty;
To serve my dear cutie;
Like Pinocchio's nose then it grows.
--- Dirruk

If you're studying natural science,
I suggest that you wear this appliance.
You strap it on, thus,
Then just hop on a bus.
You'll find you get masses of clients.
--- Bill Wall

I know what I want for my present!
A penis enlarger and crescent.
With no ifs, ands, or buts,
I'd tighten my nuts,
With a penis size bigger than pleasant.
--- CyberCelt T9712

The choice of a Jovian king
Is determined by the size of his ding.
Unscrupulous lechers
Use pecker-stretchers,
And pumps to inflate their thing.
--- G2608

Mr Hyde said, "My pleasure increased
Since I first soaked my penis in yeast.
It's fun and surprising
To see myself rising
Each morn like a lecherous beast."
--- S D Bismark

The young man's new penis dilator
Was bought with the hope he could sate her.
But when tested in action,
Her dissatisfaction
Proved a serious satyr deflater!
--- Bill Talmadge P9709a

I gave up my job, no regret,
For the lure of the Hollywood set,
When I met a Producer
(One day I'll seduce her)
Who said, "You're an actor, I bet."
--- Peter Wilkins

The Casting Director said "Start."
So I saw the Director of Art,
Who said, "Didn't they mention
The penile extension
You'll need if you're taking this part?"
--- Peter Wilkins

I said "No, but I'm quite well endowed;
Of the size of my pecker, I'm proud."
But he said, "In the clinches
You'll need thirteen inches
To make you stand out from the crowd."
--- Peter Wilkins

I said, "If I give it a tweak
And I masturbate four times a week,
Do you think it will grow?"
The Director said "No,
'Cause the chance of improvement is bleak."
--- Peter Wilkins

I thought to myself for a while,
Then agreed I would give it a trial.
So without further urgin',
I went to the surgeon,
Who gave me a wink and a smile.
--- Peter Wilkins

"I think you'll need more than an inch,
Maybe seven or eight at a pinch."
Said the surgeon with glee
As he fondled my knee,
And assured me the op was a cinch.
--- Peter Wilkins

So under the scalpel I went,
Having given the surgeon consent.
With a poke and a prod,
He inserted a rod
And then dipped the whole lot in cement.
--- Peter Wilkins

And when I awoke to inspect
The result and the general effect,
I was shocked to the core;
It was six inches more
Than the length I was led to expect.
--- Peter Wilkins

In a state of priapic distension,
I said, "This excessive dimension
Is over the top.
How the Hell do I stop
This incredible sexual tension?"
--- Peter Wilkins

Dear Boy," said the surgeon, "You need
All those inches I gave you. Indeed,
In the cinema arts,
You will need bigger parts,
If you seriously want to succeed."
--- Peter Wilkins

By strapping my dick to my thigh,
I succeeded in zipping my fly.
Then I staggered about
Till I found a way out,
And I wished him farewell and goobye.
--- Peter Wilkins

I passed the audition with ease.
(The Producer just gave it a squeeze.)
The Director of Art
Said, "I'd like you to start
At a quarter to nine, if you please."
--- Peter Wilkins

I performed with Loretta and Alice,
(Two hookers from Houston and Dallas)
Who opened their thighs
And their eyes in surprise
At the size and the rise of my phallus.
--- Peter Wilkins

But half way through filming that night,
The Director said, "Cut and re-write!
And he told me to go.
I said "Why?" He said "Joe,
It's your dick! It's reflecting the light!"
--- Peter Wilkins

My dong is now touching the floor,
And my girlfriend can't take any more.
A fortune was charged
To have it enlarged,
Now sex is a cumbersome chore
--- Anon

A moral young man of Belize
Tried for fourteen long years to devise
A conditioned reflex
That did not involve sex,
Yet would make his prick triple in size.
--- Isaac Asimov

A certain romantic young poet
Put dung on his donger to grow it,
So people would talk
Of the length of his stalk,
And the size of the bollocks below it.
--- Michael Horgan

She thought I was one of those sorts,
A sailor who docks in all ports.
But to her disdain,
I had to explain
'Twas bubbles inflating my shorts.
--- SFA

But that's what ballooned out the back
Of your pants and took up the slack.
She held you in awe
Until by chance, she saw
The bulge in the front that you lack.
--- Marlene Lewis

There once was a guy from Kilkenny
Who had gone a long time without any,
Till he added dimension
With a penile extension,
From Ronco(r) and now he gets plenty.
--- Anon

Get rid of those size apprehensions
And banish all sexual tensions.
Begin life anew
By taming your shrew,
With SFA's phallic extensions.
--- SFA

So phallic extensions, you say?
Extended the natural way?
Or do you mean wrap-ons
Like foam rubber strap-ons?
Please explain before I outlay.
--- Sister Christina

No, these are the real McCoy;
They guarantee very deep joy.
One customer found
An extra half pound;
Turned her from a girl to a boy.
--- SFA

A groom from the County of Devon
Ate raw yeast which started to leaven.
His modest sized prick
Grew enormously thick,
While his bride measured inches, eleven!
--- Tutta Gioia

Fellatio wanted her boss;
She dared not to make the man cross.
To hide her distaste,
She did it in haste,
And dipped it in barbecue sauce
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0303