I've got a black cat called Sam,
Whose favorite catfood is lamb.
He eats like a pig;
Has a belly so big,
That he's almost as big as I am.
--- Funny Bone

A grey Persian cat we called Myer,
Loved to sit and look in the dryer.
One day he fell in,
And went for a spin.
Now his fur looks just like barbed wire.
--- PCPoetry

Have you heard of the fabulous cat,
Whose tail was most strangely flat?
So, when hunting up mice,
It could slap in a trice,
With a deft and quite messy "SPLAT!"
--- Jan Sand

In Cupar there lived a wee cat
Which foolishly on the road sat,
'Till along came a car
That was going afar
Brum brum brum brum brum brum brum brum SPLAT!

(notice 9 lives - McW)
--- Anon

I apologize, right? Yeah, I'm sorry.
I regret having caused you much worry.
I'm remorseful. Contrite.
It was dark out that night
When I flattened your cat with my lorry.
--- Anon

There once was a cat named Fanucis,
Who constantly made up excuses.
When flossing her hiney,
She'd get very whiney,
But came up with many new uses.
--- Anon

We found Pussy inside the deep freeze
When we heard her emit a harsh sneeze.
The poor pet was chilled,
But at least wasn't killed,
Though decidedly stiff at the knees.
--- X Rowland Burnham P8512

One night when milk froze in the saucer,
By hunger disposed to be crosser,
Foss curled up in bed
And dreamed that Lear read
The Fryer's Tail, chosen from Chaucer.

(Foss was Lear's cat)
--- Bill Cooke

I no longer have any cats,
For cats are just natural brats.
I've put them to use
As plant-feeding juice,
And calico muffs and fur hats.
--- H Welchel

My dear pussy-cat sat in some dung,
I must wash all the crap from her bung;
She gives a soft purr..
I so like cleaning her,
But I hate all the fur on my tongue.
--- David Miller

A fearless old hunter named Hurd,
Once tackled a lion -- absurd!
Though he fought with great zest,
He came -- not second best --
But it seems that he came a poor turd.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2119

A daring young lady from Maine
Rode a lion while clutching his mane.
They returned from the ride
With the lion astride
Flaunting his might and his main.
--- Arthur Deex P9112

I don't know what's wrong with my cat;
It's stopped curling up on the mat.
Up-right shoots its tail
When it sees a female,
Or anything else, come to that.
--- Anon

We have a black cat named Socks,
Who has white on his legs to his hocks.
He is mostly nice
Till he hunts for mice,
Then he turns sly as a fox.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There once was a cat lover, Miss Thou,
Wrote verse in cat-litter. See how
Me thinks it's perverse,
Her pussy's in verse
But see who's immersed in verse now. MEE-OW!
--- Jim

Said a cat, "I've some real useful claws
That are just at the end of my paws.
But they're so nice and clean,
That I keep them unseen,
And catch dirty mice with my jaws."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many,
So they quarreled and fit, they scratched and they bit,
Till barring their nails, and the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there weren't any.
--- Anon

Now forgive me all you who love cats,
'Cause I'd like to make them into mats,
That are covered with fur,
And that say "His" and Hers",
And that cover the floors of our flats.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A stingy old maid in Big Flats
Had thirty-one underfed cats;
One day the whole bunch
Consumed her for lunch,
When someone declared she was bats.
--- Lims Unlimited

A friend of mine who was called Russ,
Went dashing for the 8:20 bus.
He leapt from the curb,
Missed by inches one-third,
And flattened Miss Riley's new puss.
--- Milford

I have a small kitty named Susan here;
I've learned not to go with the Hoover near.
She arches her back;
Her bowels go slack;
And leaves me an odorous souvenir.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a girl from Great Britain
Who carelessly sat on a kitten.
Imagine her surprise
And the look in her eyes,
When on the behind, she was bitten.
--- Asher

There was a young man who was bitten,
By twenty-two cats and one kitten.
Cried he, "It is clear
My end is quite near.
No matter! I'll die like a Briton!"
--- Anon

Two kittens whose tails were entangled,
Fell from the couch and were dangled.
To the rescue I came
And stopped their dumb game.
Dumb cats! They nearly got strangled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The kitty makes sounds like a snore,
Then pukes on my socks in the drawer.
I'd kick him apart,
But don't have the heart --
He leaves me dead mice at the door.
--- H Welchel

A Young Lady with birds in her bonnet,
Became cross when Cat Foss leaped upon it.
As the birds flew away,
The Young lady did say,
"Now you've gone and done it, dog-gone it!"
--- Terry Nordal

Then there was a kid and his cat.
One was a pussy, one was a brat.
One licked his nuts,
The other no guts
To try and lick his own gonats.
--- Anon

"Cat?" he said at the bar. "Really is
That for Katherine, Miss? Mrs? Ms?"
She blinked blankly at him,
Lifted one lazy limb,
Licked her privates and trod upon his.
--- Anon

Said a dreadfully literate cat,
"I have my Litt.D. and all that,
And in New York, my dear,
When I see 'Litter here',
Why I litter at once, and I scat!"
--- Conrad Aiken

My sweet old gray pussy seems lost!
Please find her and I'll pay the cost
To have her returned;
Oh! I have so yearned
To have her tucked in before frost!
--- Anon

I really like cats: I had three
Sauted in a nice white Chablis;
So John, if you can,
And I've greased up my pan,
Sent me your kittens, COD?
--- David Miller

A man with traits to endear him
To cats, which he lauds, if you'll hear him.
"Big cats, ounce for ounce,
Are a far better pounce.
It's better to love cats than fear 'em."
--- Anon

I really like cats: I've eleven
Thousand one hundred and seven.
Cat skins on my walls,
Including their balls...
I love them to death: "It's Heaven!"
--- David Miller

This is file lok

There's nothing too wrong with my cat;
He has improved, I will admit that.
He used to be flawed;
The cat was a fraud;
He'd fallen in love with a rat.
--- Fredrico

There once was a deviant Manx
Who roused his cojones with spanks.
With the pussys he'd play
At the cat house each day.
And that's why all Manx tails are blanks.
--- Julia Strawn P8812

The scene is so touching and sweet,
As each kitten born is licked neat.
But smelling a rat,
A good momma cat,
Her progeny she will then eat.
--- Anon

"Why I can do better than that!"
Bragged Nathan Hale's patriot cat.
I have given four,
And I shall give five more.
My total benign! Howzzat Nat!"
--- Laurence Perrine P9004

A cat in despondency sighed,
And resolved to commit suicide.
She passed under the wheels
Of eight automobiles,
And under the ninth one, she died.
--- Anon

As far as the item, the mouse --
A name that technicians espouse --
My honest advice
Repeated not twice,
Do not keep a cat in the house.
--- Anon

I'm glad there're no cats in my house!
Those beasties apparently louse
Up all of those places
That they show their faces,
When they should be chasing a mouse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old spinster from Fife,
Who had never been kissed in her life.
Along came a cat,
And she said, "I'll kiss that!"
But the cat meowed, "Not on your life."
--- Anon

A neglectful and sneaky mean cat,
Wandered off like nasty big rat.
To a mammal like her,
It should surely occur,
That her kittens would need to get fat.
--- John Miller

There was an old woman named Bratt
Who owned a superfluous cat;
It was not only tabby
Quite incredibly flabby,
And it often got bit by a rat.
--- Limber Limericks

The cat killed a birdie -- oh dear!
Bloody feathers scatter far and near.
But whatever she does,
I forgive her because
She'd pretty and purrs in my ear.
--- Lynn Mostafa

I once found my pet Puss in Boots
Buying condoms and herbal cheroots.
I said, "Naughty cat,
You mustn't do that.
They will think we're a couple of fruits."
--- Bill Wall

The shipwreck survivor felt beaten;
Made a love slave by old Captain Keaton,
She wailed and she cried
When her pet cat was fried;
Moaned and groaned when her pussy was eaten.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

On the latest moon rocket unfurled,
A cat into orbit was hurled.
As it shot out of sight
They screamed with delight:
"That pussy is out of this world!"
--- Albin Chaplin G2542

Now my Pussycat's traveled away,
And without her I don't wish to stray.
So my Peter, he mopes,
Due to lack of warm pokes,
And my Pumpkins are swollen all day!
--- Eric Newberry P0208

A wiser young lady named Dawes,
Looks forward to Christmas because
She was taught last December
By a store Santa's member,
That a pussy is meant to have Claus.
--- Anon

There was a kind curate in Kew,
Who kept a large cat in a pew.
There he taught it each week,
A new letter of Greek,
But it never got further than Mu.
--- Anon

My calico kitty, Sabrina,
Never once, in her nine lives, has seen a
Mouse, mole, or rat;
She's a spoiled, sheltered cat
Who prefers salmon mousse and Wheatena
--- Blaze

There was a young hunter named Shepherd
Who was eaten for lunch by a leopard.
Said the leopard, "Egad!
You'd be tastier, lad,
If you had been salted and peppered!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Out with my friends for a night,
We stumbled across a catfight.
The screaming and bawling,
Was much too appalling.
So we walked down the street and turned right.
--- Anon

There once was a cat, so demure,
Who'd sit on a lap and just purr.
"Oh No!" said her owner,
"You're a generous donor,
But I'd rather sew cloth, and not fur."
--- Anon

Nineteen eighty-six, in September,
A date I will always remember,
A small cat with loud voice
Did not give me a choice;
She announced she was my new family member.
--- Anon

After the hundred fiftieth kitten
She liked it too much to be quitten,
So I had the gal spayed,
Now she never gets laid.
She's too busy just sittin' and sittin'.
--- Richard L Harrison P9012

A very cruel man fed a cat
On toe jam, old boogers, and fat.
But pussy's revenge
Sure made the guy cringe,
When he donned a shoe full of scat.
--- Anon

I really like cats: We have four
And it looks like we're gonna have more.
They're howling and mewing
And biting and screwing.
(And also, they shit on the floor.)
--- Q

"Hey you!", I hear my wife call,
"The cat has been sick in the hall."
What's that all about?
If she'd just let it out
Outside, it would answer the call.
--- Tony Burrell

The scrophulous family tomcat
Appears to be lazy and fat.
But make no mistake,
He'll keep you awake
With a fortissimo song in B-flat.
--- Al

My cat has always been bold;
It's instinct, or so I am told.
She's large and in charge,
And big as a barge.
But still smaller than a leopold.
--- Expo T9711

The hunter of game, unobtrusive,
Prepared all his rifles exclusive,
To pursue the big cat
In his wild habitat,
While his son sought the pussy elusive.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2352

My cat likes to stand in the doorway;
She must have it "mine" and not "your" way.
Once let in she'll complain
That she want out again.
I'll put her on a plane to Norway.
--- Foobert Dilbertson TP9807

A shit-crusted swollen cat's twat
Once left on my sofa a blot,
That Rorschach would love.
It looks like a dove,
And Pussy now plays swat the spot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

T S Elliot's cat CALICO,
When he would prowl and down alley go,
Would oft seek a date
With whom he could mate;
Screeching heard yet from each gal he'd know.
--- Daniel Ford

Old Edward Lear's cat, known as Foss,
Would grow rather canky and cross.
When Lear would say, "Christ!
You've once again miced;
Remind me to teach you to floss."
--- Cyber Geezer