While hunting around Ballybay,
Pretty Ellen gave no man his way.
Though pressed hard to yield,
Trotting over a field,
Her horse answered for her, "Neigh, neigh!"
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

I once thought a lot of a friend
Who turned out to be in the end,
The southernmost part
(As I'd feared from the start)
Of a horse with a northerly trend.
--- Anon

Yelled a jockey at Epsom race-course,
As he galloped with hurricane force:
"I've beaten the lot!"
But the crowd cried, "You clot!
Go back! You've forgotten your horse!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Carthorse or shetland I don't care
So long as when I arrive, you're there.
But I do want starters
(I don't mean tomaters)
Because if it doesn't last, it's not fair.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow from Potton
Who tethered his horse with thin cotton.
He said, "When a colt,
It know how to bolt,
But now it's so old, it's forgotten."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Human avarice hurts the prized horse,
Who makes profits for men on the course.
What becomes of him when,
He's stopped winning? Why then
He gets flogged in to fields to graze gorse.
--- David A Brooks

There once was a lass christened Cass,
Who rode around town on an ass.
Cass wasn't shocked
When her neighbors mocked,
'Cause she never had to buy gas.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There once was a zebra who said,
"I wish that my stripes were all red."
"Just wait," said the jackal,
"Both the white and the black'll
Be crimson before you are dead."
--- Limber Limericks

The was a young lady from Morse,
Who was always found riding a horse.
While riding she bounced,
She floated and flounced,
And ended up in some green gorse.
--- Clare Waldon

There once was a fake vet named Morse,
Brought in to inspect a sick horse,
Soon scheduled to race.
So he kept a straight face
And said, "Just let this thing run its course."
--- Graham Lester

A greedy young pony from Bray
Filled his throat with a large hunk of hay.
When they said, "Are you hoarse?"
With a sigh of remorse,
The nag gagged, "I cannot say neigh."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A well known horse breeder from Chile,
Told his daughter she's awfully silly.
If you belonged to my herd,
I would not say a word;
I'd train you like I train a filly.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Sir Charles bought a horse for a guinea,
And the brute was so dreadfully skinny,
That a friend said: "Of course
It was meant for a horse,
But he hasn't got room for a whinny!"
--- Verses From Nam P0605

In Turkey, they have an old saying,
"A tired horse never stops neighing."
So slow to a trot,
So he doesn't get hot,
And vet bills you won't need to be paying.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A breeder of horses named Cunningham
Worked hard to stay solvent by running 'em;
He sighed, "They're not fast
And come in dead last,
But the action is useful in sunning 'em."
--- Armand Singer P0301

The horse, of course, is a noble steed,
Noted chiefly for his great speed.
His diet every day,
Is oats; lots of hay.
We give thanks for this equidae breed.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The horse is a beautiful thing.
I find that they frequently bring
A tear to my eye,
When they start and shy
And stomp my foot on the downswing.
--- Marlene Lewis

A horse-loving lady of Hote,
Said, "I'm changing my name, so take note.
I intend, for a start,
Not to dine al la carte,
But to eat with my nag table d'oat."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

I took out my hammer and saw
A horse who was breaking the law.
So I harnessed his feet
To a stone in the street,
And nailed half his tail to his jaw.
--- Heather McCabe

Miranda was riding her horse.
He threw her head first in the gorse.
"I'll oft do a trick
With a good stiff hard prick,
But this number I cannot endorse."
--- Anon

There once was a small boy named Tony,
Whose parents had bought him a pony.
He fed his pet oats,
Some hay and some groats,
So his pony never got bony.
--- William K Alsop Jr

I pulled in the "drive-through", of course,
At Burger King, then heard a voice
Say, "Hi, may I help you?"
Yelled I, "I should whelp you;
This speaker's too low for my horse."
--- Travis Brasell

Trigger died and got packed in a crate
Then put on a train labelled "freight"
And was shipped -- clever ploy --
To a very big Roy
Rodgers restaurent in the next state.
--- Michael Weinstein P8412

"What is," Sam asked in a diffident way,
"The difference between war- and dray-
Horse?" I shook my head
And here's what I said:
"A war-horse darts into the fray!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

What a valuable asset the horse is;
I'm amazed at his strength and resources.
Though we ride everywhere,
I am left in despair,
For I'm never too sure what his course is.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2620

A herd of migrating jack-asses,
Fed on salt and molasses,
With hemorrhoids were afflicted;
But they knew how to fix it:
After shitting, just wipe with wild grasses!
--- Claire

In the zoo, there's a hog like a ham is on;
And a few of those crocs from the Amazon.
Though the name I can't find,
Anywhere in my mind,
There is also a horse with pajamas on.
--- Pierce Evans

The zebra is not a strip-ed horse;
He cannot be tamed using force.
His talents are hidden,
Because he can't be ridden.
You will not find one on a racecourse.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Edna St Vincent Millay
Was watching a zebra at play.
'Twas no unicorn
For it lacked any horn,
But it caught her and whisked her away.
--- W Paul Ganley P0501

Many female wear a B-bra;
Other are proud of their C-bra.
But were there a prize
For purely great size,
It's have to go to the Zebra.
--- Sam Chen

You can't see a black stripe at night;
In daytime you can't see a white;
These facts are based on
At dusk and at dawn,
A zebra remains out of sight.
--- Irving Superior P8511

There was a young zebra who said,
"Oh, mother, I wish I were dead!
My stripes are all black
Upon white on my back,
But white upon black on my head."
--- Lims Unlimited

A Grand Canyon mule had a spasm
Tossing rider and packs down the chasm.
"I'm sorry," he yelped,
"But I just couldn't help't
When I see the big hole I orgasm!
--- Actaeon

This is file lpk

My obstinate plow mule named Hestor,
Won't move even though you molest her.
A whip on her withers
Or jab with the scissors,
She'll kick in your head, is my guess, sir.
--- Joseph Eldridge

Nurse Wickenham looked and then snapped,
"Hell, Travis, your lips are damned chapped;
For chapped lip prevention,
I think I should mention,
Just kiss a mules ass when he's crapped."
--- Travis Brasell

"Well, how does that cure 'em, Nurse Wickenham?
And what if his feet, he starts kickin' 'em?
"Oh, kickin' he won't,
And cure 'em, it don't,"
Said she, "But it keeps you from lickin' 'em."
--- Travis Brasell

Mules can be meaner than sin.
They really get under your skin.
If you dare turn your back,
They are sure to attack,
And kick you where you have just been.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

If we look at a mule we will find
There are two legs before, two behind;
If we tickle back door,
We will know evermore
What be for those two legs that be hind.
--- Anon

A western muleskinner named Laster
Said, "A mule will, through peace and disaster,
Serve a man fifteen years
And not lay back his ears,
For just one chance to kick his master."
--- A N Wilkins P8412

A mule has a leg in each cornery;
Two at the front are just ornery.
Tickle his tail
You'll find without fail,
That he'll kick you to bits without warnery.
--- Anon

My sweetheart's a mule in the mines,
I drive her without reins or lines.
On the bumper I stand
With my prick in my hand,
And ram it up my sweetheart's behind.
--- G1283

A muscular Turk of Stamboul
Tried to pull out the tail of a mule;
But the mule rose in fury
And the coroner's jury
Brought in a quick verdict: "Damn Fool."
--- Vest Pocket Lims P9804

A lady was walking to mass,
When a mule then leapt out of the grass.
He donned her clothes braying,
Seized her hymnal, while saying,
"Now no one calls me an ungodly ass.
--- Heather McCabe

The City you speak of sounds gritty
And pardon, don't mean to be shitty,
But might I enquire
About possible hire
Of some tit for my cat, Max the kitty?
--- Anon

My faithful cat killed in a trice
By car-driving gentleman nice.
(Offered to replace)
She said to his face,
"How good are you at catching mice."
--- Daniel Ford

"Now running down cat was bad boner",
Said car driver to feline's owner.
"Can I please replace?"
Said she with straight face,
"Only if you catch mice as a loaner."
--- Chris Papa

We once had a tomcat named Liam
And goldfish, he sure loved to see 'em.
And though he but purred,
We quickly inferred
That his motto was this: "carpe diem."
--- Graham Lester

It's my own fault I have just one ball,
And it's lucky I have one at all;
I'm also cross-eyed,
And shouldn't have tried
To wear my poor cat as a shawl.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

There once was a man from LA,
Who ate twenty Big Macs every day.
He trod on a cat,
And crushed the beast flat,
And now has a cat-hair toupee.
--- Anon

Covering the twat of Ms Pratt,
Was an enormously large felt hat.
With a sly little grin,
She slipped her hand in,
And pulled out Dr Seuss's pet cat.
--- Mike Prsnut

There once was a man from old Rome
Who took a cat into his home.
It had fur so unruly,
The fellow said, "Truly,
This cat needs a good catacomb."
--- Paul Lusch P9402

A robin my cat once befriended,
Till one day the relationship ended.
I came home to find
My cat changed her mind;
From her mouth a lone feather extended.
--- Kathy Littrell

When a woman to cats is devoted,
She's maybe more lonely than's noted.
It's not that she's smitten
By a cute little kitten,
Just her surrogate child that's fur-coated.
--- Anon

A good Kitten, who purrs and caresses,
Who licks her lips as she undresses,
Whose cuddles subdue
The mice, helpless and few,
Then fall victim, and end up in messes.
--- Anon

Last Christmas when Puss was in boots,
He met a young tabby called Toots;
They looked at a condom
But found it beyond them,
So what do you bet on the fruits?
--- Gina Berkeley

Said Frieda, the talking cat,
"I'll tell you where it is at.
We have no objection
To a little affection,
But we'd rather have food, and that's that!"
--- Writerman

My cats are curled up on my bed,
Purring contentedly now they've been fed.
They'll soon let me know
When it's time I should go
To work, so they can sleep here instead.
--- Funny Bone

There once was a farmer from Maine,
Who left his cat out in the rain.
It snarled and hissed;
It really was pissed;
It chased field mice INTO the grain.
--- Treva Myatt T9710

Don't put your dead cat in a bin --
For soon rigor mortis sets in;
After which you can use
It for cleaning your loo's,
If its tail is more bushy than thin.
--- Anon

The Hoover, in grim silence, sat,
But sucking no more at the mat.
Quietly it grunted,
As slowly it shunted,
And messily disgorged the cat.
--- David Woodsford

A Geordie who lived with his cat,
Spent his day drinking beer from a vat.
Whenever he'd trip
On the damned cat and slip,
He would call out its name, Cooking Fat!
--- Arthur Deex P0507

There was a young man from Kamchatka,
Who owned an incontinent catka.
He fitted a cork an'
Sent him to the Balkans...
A shiite was shot when it shatka.
--- Anon

There was an old housewife of Staines,
Who complained to a man of the drains.
The councilman spat,
"I've removed the dead cat.
Now it's only the smell that remains."
--- E O Parrot

There once was an old cat named Fred,
Who enjoyed sleeping under his bed.
One nice day he lay
Out on the highway;
I quite understand why he's dead.
--- D'arcy

Mr Ford Aston-Martin Fiat
Is a beautiful marmalade cat.
He has a deep purr;
Sweetly warm is his fur,
And he'll sit on your head like a hat.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Our kitten, the one we call Louie,
Will never eat liver so chewy,
Nor the milk, nor the fish
That we put in his dish.
He only will dine on chop suey.
--- Anon

Felix's a most evil cat;
He cares not a jot where he shat.
Slippers and shoes,
He'd not care where he poos,
And he laughs when he hears your feet splat!
--- West End Writers