When sated, our cat would sprawl flat
In the sun by the wall, and with that
Would announce to us all
That if vermin should call,
She would rather not maul them, so scat!
--- Anon

The cat is a curious creature,
There's nothing that you'll ever teach her.
Except when she flees
To the top of the trees,
Where even firefighters can't reach her.
--- Tony Burrell

There must be a clause in the laws,
That says you can't cut my claws.
It doesn't make sense
To remove my defense,
When you damage my quadruped paws.
--- William K Alsop Jr

We have an intelligent cat
Who refuses to hunt mouse or rat.
She'll lie and wait
For food on her plate.
Now who can blame her for that.
--- Anon

The he-cat sat on a high board fence,
The she-cat sat on the ground.
The tom made a pass
At the pussycat's ass,
And the world went around and around.
--- G1234

There once was a fellow named Matt,
Whose dick was quite long and quite fat.
But I'm willing to bet
The only pussy he'll get
Is when he goes home to his cat!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The brave lion tamer McGee
Leapt into the cage with great glee.
Leo Rex gave a start
And said, "Hi there, thweetheart.
Ooooh, a whip! I juth love B and D."
--- Michael Weinstein P8711

A young lion tamer named Gibb
Is usually brave; that's no fib.
But he ran out with a shout
When the lion whipped out
Some A1 Steak Sauce and a bib.
--- Michael Weinstein P8711

Dumb Androcles left his young squaw,
Walked out in the jungle, and saw
Around half past noon,
In the light of the moon,
A lion a-licking his paw.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now, where was I? Andy, half-wit,
Goes up to the beast: "Kitty kit.
Come show Uncle Andy,
What's that in your handy?"
And pulls a big thorn from its mitt.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A melon, quite hairy, rolls by.
"Hi lion"'s its most friendly cry.
It doesn't reply.
The melon asks why.
"I'm shy, hairy melon, I'm shy."
--- Tiddy Ogg

You what? It's a very old pun?
And how, even I, think it fun,
Is surely a mystery?
Look kid, this is history,
And back then it hadn't been done.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The lion says: "Andy, that trick
Was neat, and they say you are thick.
So you I'll not maul;
But give me a call,
When you're stuck and I'll get you out quick."
--- Tiddy Ogg

So Andy goes off, with a wave,
To see his old mate, hermit Dave.
But troops, far from home,
From Egypt or Rome,
Soon carry him off as a slave.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He worked there for Queen Neferblutu,
Who danced in a leopard-skin tutu.
On an errand to town
To the park he went down...
In the zoo he viewed someone he knew, too.
--- Tiddy Ogg

You guessed! It was that hairy melon,
On roller skates, going like hell on
Wheels, but our man
Simply grabbed it and ran,
With it stuffed up his shirt, wicked felon.
--- Tiddy Ogg

What now? Yes, of course they had skates,
They raced them downhill in those states,
That's what, nothing more,
The pyramids were for
As Ovid or Homer relates.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He's caught! What's the sentence? To die on
A cross? Or a spit roast to fry on?
The judges all ponder,
Say "Send him out yonder.
The zoo. Throw him in with the lion."
--- Tiddy Ogg

And the lion is? That's right, you guessed!
Dumb Androcles, too, is impressed.
"I pulled from your pad,
A thorn, my old lad,
So now, puss, of friends we're the best."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Old Leo, he opens one eye,
And pityingly looks at the guy.
"You sure are a twit,
So far we are quits,
You soothed my sore foot, son, but I...
--- Tiddy Ogg

..."Then let you escape with your life,
I then went and ate up your wife.
So now I'll eat you,
With no more ado."
And he did, without fork, spoon or knife.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So Andy got no laurel wreath,
This moral, though, he did bequeath:
With pussy's take care,
And always beware,
'Cause some have got bloody great teeth.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a mean man of Melbourne,
Whom folks wished had never been born.
So they bid him adieu
Via lions at the zoo;
Then went off to party till dawn.
--- Don Humphries

Last night, with my friend, old Bill Ryan,
We crawled round the pubs, got real high on
That apple-based brew,
Then went to the zoo,
And there fed the squirrels to the lion.
--- Anon

Some seasonal spirit you lack;
Them squirrels were merely a snack,
Like eating a bunch
Of small mice for your lunch;
Now go back and feed Leo a yak.
--- Anon

Simba's lord of his lions no more,
Because Africa's unwritten law
Forces leaders who're tested
To go when they're bested.
Simba left with a half-hearted roar.
--- David A Brooks Q

The lioness charged at their backs;
The woodsman turned back with his axe.
The lion, outsmarted,
Her head and neck parted,
In consequence ceased her attacks.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

This puss was abandoned, James knew,
And a stray takes a risk near the zoo.
So he whispered, "Here kitty,"
And held out, from pity,
A hand but the lion took two.
--- David A Brooks Q

There was a little man from Zion
Who believed that he was a lion;
He roamed on the plain
With might and with mane;
His roar could be heard at Orion.
--- Lims Unlimited

He was a quite important lion,
Who then begat a weighty scion.
He roared like all hell,
But he could not tell
An atom from a charged ion.
--- Limber Limericks

A lion-tamer once said to a child:
"Meet Leo, my lion. He's not wild."
The man left the room,
Returning quite soon,
And asked: "Where's the kid?" Leo smiled.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A hunter and huntress from Lyonesse
By chance killed a lion and lioness.
Appalled and afraid,
They knelt down a prayed,
"Noble souls of the dead, do not lie on us!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

A mad scientist loved kitty-kats;
For his research, much better than rats;
But a lion espied him,
Gulped doc down inside him;
All's left of the Doc now are scats!
--- Allen Wolverton

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A lioness the hunter spied,
A decided to go for a ride.
The lion awoke
And ate the poor bloke
Thinking he'd injured his pride.
--- Macsam

The king of the jungle just cried
When his harem got sick and all died,
"Oh my Gracious!" cried he,
"It's a cats ass tro fee,
And I'm heartsick. What's more I've no pride!"
--- Brandy Brandon P9408

On their trip to the jungle, his plan
Was to shoot him a lion, The man
Had returned with the quarry,
As his wife told the story,
He had run the beast down with the van.
--- A N Wilkins P9203

The reason they call him a lion,
For victims in ambush he'll lie in.
And those who protest
That he's not the best,
Inside of his stomach are lyin'.
--- Irving Superior P8812

The lioness in her domain
Competes with her mate for the reign.
In hunting she's stunning.
In courtship, she's cunning,
And wrestles with might and with mane.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308

The kings of the beasts are the lions;
The grasslands they stalk with defiance,
Their pride in full view;
But seen in a zoo,
They're nought but a passel of lie-ins.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308

In Circus Maximus berserk,
The lions on the Christians work.
As Romans blase gaze
And grisly paraphrase,
"Inside each beast a man doth lurk."
--- Irving Superior P8711

King Lion calls no one his brother.
He is fierce like his noble Queen-mother.
When the animals gather
For feasting together,
The menu reads simply "Each Other."
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

I'm the loin of Babylon town;
I'm the lion what ain't loin down;
Goodbye obelisk,
Farewell odalisque,
I'm the loin what ain't lion down.

(odalisque - female slave or concubine)
--- Conrad Aiken

No matter how friendly their features,
All lions are dangerous creatures.
Take care what you state
Of their pride or their mate,
Or they will with might and mane eat yours.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

Said the boss, "I'll end up in a hearse,
For this deadline I find is a curse."
Said a hunter named Harry,
Who'd been on safari,
"You will find that a live lion is worse."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2613

A handsome young noble of Spain,
Met a lion one day in the rain.
He ran in a fright,
With all of his might,
But the lion, he ran with his mane.
--- Anon

A most kingly beast is the lion,
And you'd best keep your eye on his scion.
The princeling's grown quick,
His jaws and claws click,
And believe me, he's no dandelion.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

There once was a fellow named Brian
Who was bitten one day by a lion.
He went on the prowl
And he started to growl,
But other than that, he's just fion.
--- Mary Volk

The lion, as king of the beasts,
Loves to sponsor magnificent feasts.
If you are invited,
Reply you're delighted
If your role is as guest's, not a yeast's
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

When I was out doing my chores,
I found a poor lion with sores.
I gave it some pills
To cure all its ills.
Now it never pains but it roars.
--- Ericka

A bull, when it's mad enough, gores;
You get vicious bitings from boars.
But a toothless old lion
Won't leave people cryin';
It never pains but it roars.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A tamer stood in the lion's cage,
Attempting to curb the beast's rage.
The creature awoke;
The chair quickly broke,
And the man stopped increasing in age.
--- Anon

Why do lions who answer a call
To arrive in September, have all
Of their traveling done
By the equinox sun?
Because pride always comes before fall.
--- Peter Wilkins

In the heart of the jungle lived Ryan,
The world's one and only GAY lion.
The prospect of his service
Did render most nervous
Each male animal he had his eye on!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A tamer of lions from Maine,
From opening their mouths couldn't refrain.
One day he got bold,
And now I am told
He's as headless as Ichabod Crane.
--- Macsam

A lion in search of red meat
Decided a zebra to eat.
But during the chase,
Got kicked in the face,
And returned to the pride in defeat.
--- David Lauridsen

Having been kicked more than thrice,
And not thinking it very nice,
He turned to his son,
Saying, "Son, be the one
To follow this piece of advice."
--- David Lauridsen

"Whether they're dark or they're pale,
Don't mess with equines in yon vale.
Those black and white stripes
Are clearly the types
Of uniformed horses in jail!"
--- David Lauridsen

An ad by a clever old lion
Was run by all papers in Zion:
"Please respond to this ad,
When unhappy or sad,
Looking for a warm shoulder to cry on."
--- Graig Gigol P0308

A retired Civil Servant from Gatelely,
Who lived in a home known as stately,
Kept lions, for fun,
In a wire-netting run,
But he hasn't be seen around lately.
--- Ida Thurtle

A lion with a surgical truss
Said: "I don't want to make any fuss,
But that damn unicorn
Keeps on showing soft porn.
It's nothing that I care to discuss."
--- Kevin Hale Q

There was a young girl called O'Brien,
Who tried to teach hymns to a lion.
Of the lady, there's some
In the lions tum-tum.
The rest twangs a harp up in Zion.
--- Anon

The tiger is king of the cats,
He's fond of the leans and the fats.
And if you should say
To a tiger, "Go `way!"
You may be inside when he scats.
--- Limber Limericks

A male tourist from Wapakonetter
Leaned too close to a tigress to pet her.
But we must not forget
That they'd not even met...
'Twas the etiquette breach that upset her.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

"Tell me Tiger," said Isobel Stranks,
"Have you always had stripes on your flanks?"
"The Tiger said, "No,
I'm ambitious and so
I just worked my way up from the ranks."
--- Eric Sykes

An eager young man from the Niger
Was counting one day with a Geiger;
He found that the clicks
He had heard in the sticks,
Were the teeth of a man-eating tiger.
--- Lims Unlimited

A little striped tiger called Tig
Said, "When I'm enormously big,
I'll devour all the prey
That come 'round this way."
His mother snarled, "You're just a pig."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

To ride on a tiger's absurd --
I solemnly give you my word.
For I rode on a tiger
On the banks of the Niger,
And I found I was changed to a turd.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1186