There was an old hag of Malacca,
Who smoked such atrocious tobacca,
When tigers came near,
They trembled in fear
And didn't attempt to attaca.
--- W Parke

A tiger who brandished a nipper
To maul an accomplished unzipper,
Must make reparation
To cash compensation,
For what she'd have earned as a stripper.
--- Anon

Just as Mowgli his supper began,
A tiger came up, scenting Man.
The man-cub said, "Hi!
Can you eat some pork pie?"
Said the tiger, "Oh yes, I Shere Khan."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A belly's a small price to pay,
For if you eat an oggie a day,
As the ancients all knew,
And is proved to be true,
That will keep the wild tigers at bay.
--- Anon

The tyger burns ever so bright
In the forest and deeps of the night.
Should your hand seize the fire,
Ease your grasp, or expire;
Don't antagonize -- the tygers bite.
--- David Morin

Said Tiger to Zebra, "Oh cripes!
You've out-of-date black-and-white stripes!
What could be duller
Than absence of color?
We tigers are high fashion types.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

A tiger, by taste anthropophagous,
Felt a yearning inside his esophagus;
He spied a fat Brahmin
And growled, "What's the harm in
A peripatetic sarcophagus?"

(paripatetic - wandering, anthropophagous - man-eating)
--- Anon

While hunting white Tiger, Lord Frumps
Missed his shot, so to smooth out such bumps,
Practiced his marksmanship
But his calm would have slipped
Had he seen Tiger rehearsing some jumps.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

To the new movie show at the malls
In great numbers came guys and dolls.
It was billed as a thriller,
With the jungle cat killer;
It was Tigers Revenge by Claude Balls.
--- Albin Chaplin

A panther much blacker than ink
Was about to go out for a slink,
When he heard his mate say,
"You have been out today,
And I'm not as dumb as you think."
--- Lims Unlimited

If ever you're chased by a cheetah
And doubtful of whether you'll beatah;
Don't throw in the towel
But let a loose bowel,
And out of her dinner you'll cheatah.
--- Irving Superior P8812

Said a lady gazelle to the cheetah,
"Now, who do you think is the fleeter?"
In the race that ensued
The cheetah was rude,
For he not only beat 'er but eet 'er.
--- Lims Unlimited

I once knew a lady called Schatz,
And we had some remarkable chatz.
But she travelled one day,
To a place far away,
And got eaten up by some catz.
--- Anon

We don't sing here about the car,
But of the feline jaguar.
The jaguar's a spotted cat;
South America its habitat,
So to find him, you must travel far.
--- William K Alsop Jr

"Ever since I first started to date her,
My wife," said a magnate named Prater,
"Has asked that I buy her
A Jaguar. Well, Sir,
I finally did, and it ate her."
--- A N Wilkins P0401

"Ever since I first started to instruct her,
My wife," said a magnate named Pructer,
"Has asked that I buy her
A Colt. Well, Sir,
I finally did, and it bucked her."
--- Arthur Deex P0401

"Ever since I first came across her,
My wife," said a magnate named Prosster,
"Has asked that I buy her
A Mustang. Well, Sir,
I finally did, and it tossed her."
--- A N Wilkins P0401

"Ever since I first started to laud her,
My wife," said a magnate named Pawder,
"Has asked that I buy her
A (Jeep) Eagle. Well, Sir,
I finally did, and it clawed her."
--- Arthur Deex P0401

A short-sighted warden named Ted
Once sat on a jaguar's head.
He was not aware
That the creature was there;
Ted's no longer alive -- he's quite dead.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

You must look so very hard
To find the spotted le-o-pard.
He lies in the shade,
'Til his dinner kill's made.
Do no confuse him with the cameleopard!
--- William K Alsop Jr

Apologia penned by a leopard
Who'd eaten his owner, a shepherd:
"Feel guilty I should.
My master was good...
But better when salted a peppered.
--- Sally Porter P8812

Spotty, a stealthy young leopard,
Devoured some sheep and their shepherd.
Amid their sad wails
He put salt on their tails,
And the shepherd he generously peppered.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305

A leopard, while counting his spots,
Was confused by the tittles and jots,
For a jot was so little,
It looked like a tittle,
And the tittles were smaller than dots.
--- Lims Unlimited

A leopard let out a sad cry:
"My spots have gone pale. Death is nigh!"
But his friend, a wee bear,
Said, "Do not despair.
I'll touch them all up with some dye."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Consider, dear lady, the leopard. He
Eats both the sheep and the shepherd. He
Will dine off you too;
And, especially if you
Wear a leopardskin coat, you're in jeopardy.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

The leopard, my guidebook assures,
Can not change the spots he abjures.
But why should he want to?
There's one thing he can do:
He will happily re-arrange yours.
--- Laurence Perrine P9004

There was an old man with a pipe
Who inclined to talk terrible tripe,
Such as, "So to be peppered
Looks wrong on a leopard.
It ought to consider a stripe."
--- Anon

An african hunter named Wise
Looked up into four gleaming eyes;
He claimed double jeopardy
On facing twin leopardy,
And quick mouthed some hasty goodbyes.
--- Armand E Singer 267

Consider the ferocious lynx,
He's savage, and sullen, and stinks.
Though he never has stunk
Like the scandalous skunk,
'Tis a task far beyond him, methinks.
--- Langford Reed

They say of the lynx that he slinks.
They say of the lynx that he stinks,
And one has to add
If he thinks it too bad,
That the lynx like the sphinx never winks.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812

Even though he does cost a lot,
I wished I owned an ocelot.
Although he is fast, sleek, and slim;
No car's yet named for him.
He lives down where the weather Is hot.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There once was a finicky ocelot
Who all the year 'round was cross a lot,
Except at Thanksgiving
When he enjoyed living
For he liked to eat cranberry sauce a lot.
--- Eve Merriam

On TV there's the ocelot.
With playful cubs she'll 'orse a lot.
But when she'll chase a fawn
And when she pounces upon,
The jaws outnumber the 'awes' a lot.
--- Irving Superior P8812

This is file lmk

With his last dying breath cried the ocelot,
"Being wrapped in these coils hurts an offa' lot.
I've made a mistake
In judging this snake.
I'd thought that boas were a docile lot".
--- Anon a

Once a pound-keeper chanced to impound
An ounce that was straying around.
The pound-keeper straight
Was fined for false weight,
Since he'd only one ounce in his pound.
--- Oliver Herford P8811

There was a young man from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies
Under hot western skies.
The puma had no sense of huma.
--- Ogden Nash P9602

A Boston boy went out to Yuma,
And there he encountered a puma.
And later they found,
Just a spot on the ground,
And the puma in very good humor.
--- Anon

Said a tourist, when faced with a puma,
"I've been told it is best to assume a
Complete lack of fear
While the animal's near,
And trust in the beast's sense of huma."
--- Anon

There was a young man from the city,
Who met what he thought was a kitty.
He gave it a pat
And said, "Nice big cat."
But it swallowed him whole -- what a pity.
--- Anon

Drawing my second-hand Luger,
I pointed it straight at the cougar;
The cougar said, "Mister,
I just ate your sister,
And now for dessert I'll eat you. Grrr!"
--- Lims Unlimited

My cat Basingstoke, I admire
He's furry, black, white -- and entire
Well, entire and bold
Until that night unfold --
The night that he jumped in the fire.
--- Anon

So now hang on tight to your seat
With this tale you are in for a treat
And when it is told
Your blood will run cold
At the fate that this cat will soon meet.
--- Anon

Now Basingstoke was never wary
Till he tried to kung-fu the canary
He jumped for the sky
And soared up quite high -
The soaring stopped (here it gets scary)
--- Anon

Because he dropped, into the fire
The flames and the smoke seemed his pyre
With his fiery tum
And blackened bum
He went round the room in a flyer!
--- Anon

Who could have guessed he'd beat out his chest
And desperately tried with some zest,
To see if his rear
Would fit in a beer
And still this poor cat couldn't rest.
--- Anon

He'd guts, and he sang while in pain
Tho you should have seen him next strain -
He was stuck like glue
In the bottom of the loo
And trying to pull on the chain!
--- Anon

And there is an uglier rumour
He lost more than his sense of humour
So life is no joke
For poor Basingstoke
Became a bit of a gloomer.
--- Anon

His sad tale, it is truly tragic
The flames and the smoke robbed his magic
He sits and he sighs
With tears in his eyes
While thinking sad thoughts, hemorrhagic.
--- Anon

Our Basingstoke was such a charmer
But he should have worn some armour
He only raises smiles
And suffers now from piles
While ladies all say "like a farmer."
--- Anon

He was happy and handsome and hairy
Red-bloodedly liking canary.
Since walking the fire
He's had to retire
Somewhere between fritter and fairy!
--- Anon

A curious cat likes to climb.
Why should that be such a crime?
Don't get all upset
When your pretentious pet
Meows: "Please let me have a good time."
--- Virge

To avoid any misapprehension
You may like to note my convention
Of yowling to test
If you really need rest
Or are wanting to pay me attention.
--- Virge

Your judgment is heading downhill.
I fear you are mentally ill.
You must lack a brain
Or be quite fond of pain,
If you think you can feed me that pill.
--- Virge

Just ignore them when you're busy stalking.
When they call for you, just keep on walking.
Treat them all with disdain.
You don't have to explain.
When in doubt, let your tail do the talking.
--- Virge

In the morning the east window's best.
After midday migrate to the west.
If you sleep the whole day,
Then at night you can play
By pretending you're demon possessed.
--- Virge

In Australia my home, cats are bad.
Locals are defenceless; it's sad.
Those nasty moggies
Eat wombats and froggies
And pre-singing nestlings, I'm mad!
--- Archie

Ferals would never be here
If old Aussies had taken more care,
And not loosed their kitties
From England's old cities
On a land of cat predators -- bare!
--- Tutta Gioia

The ecology screwed up en-masse?
Feral cats you're bemoaning..."Alas...?
So who's run amok?
It's man who has stuck
His penis up Ma Nature's ass!
--- Tutta Gioia

Old Chelsea the cat has a pooter
Surrounded by fur-locked manooter.
Her dreadful posterior
And hygiene inferior
Have won her a rat as a suitor.
--- Taxciter

Her natural enemy? Aye.
But nature has kissed them goodbye.
The amorous rodent
Will nibble her dough-vent
As long as the cake's in supply.
--- Taxciter

Our Kitty has only one flaw,
She is rather ticklish of paw.
She shits in th grass,
But does not wipe her ass,
And she suffers from sharpness of claw.
--- Jayne

You've angered this haughty old hag;
A sharpened claw at you I wag.
You foolish young lass,
For my shit does pass
Straight into my colostomy bag.
--- Kitty

I just heard a terrible splat;
I'll bet you my tire has gone flat.
I'll get out and check;
Oh golly! Oh heck!
So sorry I flattened your cat.
--- Ericka

Said Ericka's neighbor, "That splat,
Was my pussy, and yet, not a cat,
But my lover Jim,
Who *does* like his quim,
Will soothe it in ten seconds flat."
--- Anon

There was a young lady from Eiger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride,
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

(published 1873 or before)
--- Cosmo Monkhouse

Is this to say that the tiger,
Rode to town the lady from Niger?
Was the smile on his face
From her succulent taste,
Or rather from being inside her?
--- Sam Schleman