The monkey, he fingers his dink,
No matter what onlookers think.
All this horny behavior
Makes us blush for our Savior --
We know who's the true missing link.
--- Armand E Singer 81

There once was a fellow named Bunky,
Who slaughtered a fat little monkey,
That he stole from the zoo,
And he cooked in a stew,
That was meaty and chewy and chunky.
--- Cap'n Bean

The monkey's a cute cuddly fellow;
He's mostly mild-mannered and mellow.
Just take, though, a grape
From that mild, mellow ape;
He'll slash you with fangs long and yellow.
--- David A Brooks Q

In a Mississippi town they call Chunky,
A young man kept a pet monkey.
The man's name was Ned;
The monkey's was Fred.
Ned used Fred as his flunky.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A gorilla from Puget Sound
Was arrested, handcuffed and bound,
When he acted crudely
And rudely and lewdly
And furthermore monkeyed around.
--- Michael

A chimp and a monkey are kin,
Collaterals under the skin,
And either means trouble
Alone or as double,
With monkeyshines mischief within.
--- R J Winkler P8408

A musical monkey called June
Will play in our orchestra soon.
She's practised for weeks,
Instrumental techniques
For her debut next week on baboon.
--- Peter Wilkins

I looked up my family tree.
They all came from apes, except me.
The females and males
All swung by their tails,
But I came direct from the sea.
--- Al Willis

Do you mean that you sprang, just like Venus
From sea foam and clam shell and green moss?
The daughters of Zeus,
Is that too obtuse?
And not from the end of a penis.
--- Arden

One monkey remarked to another,
"We monkeys look out for each other.
No creed hold I deeper
Than 'I'm my brother's keeper,'
But I'm damned if I'm my keeper's brother!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8408

"Why should I think of another?"
The monkey said this to his mother.
"So the keeper is sick."
Then he said double-quick,
"Do you think I am my Keeper's brother?"
--- Al Willis P9610

There's a zoo with a baby gorilla,
Whose name on the form needs a filla.
I submit that the name
Should be worth of fame;
Name him Elvis (unless he's Priscilla).
--- Limerick Man

This monkey disdained vivisection.
He frequently made this objction:
"You guys ain't too clean
In your cutting routine.
I don't want to get an infection.
--- Al Willis

A menagerie came to our place,
And I loved the Gorilla's grimace.
It surprised me to learn,
That he owned the concern,
Being human, but odd in the face.
--- Anon

Orangutans travel in trees,
Cavorting about as they please,
Where each of them swings
And does a few things
That scarcely a soul ever sees.
--- R J Winkler P8408

A well-educated gorilla
Sat earnestly reading a thriller.
"You cheat," said his friend;
"You peeped at the end,
So you know from the start who's the killer."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

This Salk, who was famous, named Jonas,
Promised wealth and a title and bonus
To those monkeys called Rhesus,
Who agreed, "You can lease us,
But don't come on strong like you own us."
--- Al Willis P9601

A monkey of masculine gender
Is playing one day with a blender.
As the blend speed increases
His best rhesus pieces
Are blended - this leaves him quite tender.
--- Prof M-G

A gibbon was rather astuter
Than supposed by his amateur tutor,
Who in jest one began
To teach him FORTRAN.
Now the ape operates a computer.
--- A N Wilkins P8408

Homo sapiens: Genius -- ferine --
Has got to learn what to confine
In the box of Pandora
If so, the Aurora
Borealis continues to shine.

(ferine - feral, wild)
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8511

An ape at the zoo in Racine
At learning sign language is seen
As a positive whiz
For already his
Repertoire includes gestures obscene.
--- Arthur Deex P8408

The luckiest monkey I've met
Is the smallest, the small marmoset.
He's more lucky by far,
Than the big monkeys are.
When it rains, he's the last to get wet.
--- Night Lights Fights P9811

At the Ten-County Zoo in Calhoun,
They had a sagacious baboon;
When given oatmeal,
His face would congeal,
And he'd bite off the end of the spoon.
--- Limber Limericks

Said a safety director named Clive,
"Chimpanzees can be taught to drive,
And unlike human fools
They observe traffic rules
And keep their speed at 55."
--- A N Wilkins P8408

A monkey exclaimed with great glee,
"The things in this zoo that I see!
The curious features
Of all the strange creatures
That come and throw peanuts at me."
--- Frank Richards

There was a young man from Westphalia
Who yearly go tailier and tailier,
Till he took on the shape
Of a Barbary ape,
With the consequent paraphanalia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Two gentlemen apes from Penang, Sir,
By name of Orang and Utang, Sir,
When hungry for leaves,
Ring a bell for young Jeeves,
Who replies with a bow and "Urang, Sir?"
--- Peter Wilkins

I've looked at your monkey in Dorset.
She could probably do with a corset,
Because of her feeding
On more than she's needing.
As the plumber said "Why try to faucet?"
--- Anon

A gorilla who wasn't too hairy
Was granted a wish by a fairy;
The ugly one said,
"More hair on my head,
I want to be hippie and scary."
--- Limber Limericks

Two monkeys, a he and a she,
Were naughty as naughty could be.
A twelve-year-old kid
Watched to see what they did,
Then he went in the closet to pee.
--- G1319

There was an Old Man of Dundee,
Who frequented the top of a tree;
When disturbed by the Crows,
He abruptly arose.
"Now where can that darling ape be?"
--- Edwardian Leer 081

Ingenious indeed was old Feenery;
In factories he changed all the scenery.
He replaced all his men,
At least nine out of ten,
And used monkeys to wrench the machinery.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2567

Inventions devised by young Bunky
Did render the factories junky.
All the men, out he chased them,
And with apes, he replaced them,
And machinery was wrenched by a monkey.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2483

This is file lfk

The ZENITH of zest in the zoo:
A cage full of monkeys, or two,
Behave in ways antic
Which we think as frantic.
So what's a poor primate to do?
--- Chris Papa

An artiodactyl's a pig
Or a camel; some little or big
Even-toed sort of beast,
Says my uncle, at least.
It's an ungulate, sonny, you dig?
--- David Morin

A venturesome three-week old chamois,
Strayed off in the woods from his mammy,
And might have been dead,
But some picnickers fed
Him with sandwiches, milk and salami.
--- Anon

Female gnus at the end of their tether...
They'd heard shots and wondered if whether
Their mates were okay;
That they heard a voice say:
"That the end of the the weather."
--- Gunjan

Foot and mouth is so widespread,
Many cows and sheep, now dead.
Stacked so high, getting higher,
Like a big funeral pyre;
Less being done, more being said.
--- Anon

There once was a girl called Estelle,
Who liked to ride a gazelle,
But it galloped too quick,
Then started to kick,
And off the gazelle Estelle fell.
--- Zebedee

There once was a gnu in the zoo
Who tired of the same daily view.
To seek a new sight,
He stole out one night,
But where he went gnobody gnu.
--- Patricia White

There was a young woman named Sue
Who saw a strange beast in the zoo;
When she asked, "Is it old?"
She firmly was told,
"No! Certainly not! It is gnu."
--- Linda Marsh Coll

A strange-sounding beast is the gnu,
Whose name I pronounce with some rue.
The cause of my fits
Is, were all names like its,
Just think how we'd have to spell gSue.
--- Macsam

The zookeeper asked his boss who
Had tiled the gnu cage at the zoo:
"Two talents are his.
You see the beast is
A typical gnu, tiler too."
--- Irish a

A gnu spells her name with a "G",
And if ever you have her to tea,
She likely will tell you
Her name sounds like "new",
And the "G" just as well might not be.
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105

The gnu's a bit shaggy, it's true,
But well known and quite popular, too.
In France he's adored,
But Italians are bored,
And frequently ask, "What's a gnu?"
--- Anon

There once was a very old gnu,
Who was used by a chief in some stew.
He should have been told,
The gnu was too old.
For stews, only new gnus will do.
--- Anon

An adverturous hippo named Stu,
Once escaped from his cage at the zoo.
When he was asked why,
He replied with a sigh,
"I was making my way to the loo."
--- Anon

A young hippopotamus, Fred,
Had a pecker as thin as a thread.
And said, "Wish I'd been born
With a massive great horn,
Like my friend, the rhinoceros, Ted."
--- Anon

Hippos who get stuck in trees,
Get cold at night and start to freeze.
And if you are near,
For your life you should fear;
Especially if they start to sneeze!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

His victim squashed, a hippopotamus
Was arrested because of his bottom. As
He was led from the scene,
He said, "I'm not mean.
I tried to stop but I've a lot o' mass.
--- Richard Gaskell

A hippo from Chesapeake Bay.
Decided to take up ballet.
So she stood on her toes,
And said, "Okay, here goes!"
She made a big splash on Broadway.
--- Anon

I want a hippopotomus
For Christmas. I will make a fuss
I'll clean him and wash
Him -- massage, but gosh --
My mom has refused to discuss.
--- Anon

Consider the poor hippopotamus,
His sex life is sadly monotonous.
He lives half asleep, (His lady friend, Gyppo,)
At the edge of the deep, (Is a twenty-ton hippo,)
And his face is as big as his bottom is. (her)
--- G1254

In England the livestock are dying,
And Peter and Tiddy are crying;
Their cows, pigs and sheep
Are too sick to keep;
For boffing, what will they be trying.

(hoof and mouth disease)
--- Travis

An over-endowed male impala
Began growing taller and taller.
But it came at a price;
The new height was nice,
But his penis grew smaller and smaller.
--- Actaeon

Lucky's the beast called the kudu,
Which has very little to do,
But sleep, eat, and drink,
And that's why, I think,
It has much less stress than you do.
--- Macsam

To the office the antelopes went;
To the copier many were sent.
But some lacked the skill,
And others fell ill.
What was left were the gnus fit to print
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105

One day I went to the zoo
For I wanted to see the old gnu;
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu they said
Was too new a new gnu to view.
--- G T Johnson

The gnu is a barrel of fun
If you're thinking of making a pun;
So what is this gnu
That is pictured for you?
A nothing gnu under the sun.
--- Limber Limericks

There was an old lady from Dover
Who kept pigs as pets, and, moreover,
She owned several goats
Which she dressed in fur coats,
And fed on neat whiskey and clover.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

In Kenya, a clever young fox
Saw some antelope sleeping on rocks.
He thought "I could score
If I opened a store!"
He now sells box springs to springboks!
--- P Jordan

The springbok's a creature diurnal,
Cavorting when sun's rays are vernal.
One bok, Hope by name,
Sprang by night; gained great fame:
And now they say, "Hope springs eternal!"
--- Roxyl

A gentle young curate of Wells,
In his garden kept two pet gazelles.
He said, "You can't get
A more docile pet,"
But his neighbours complained of the smells.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

UNGULATE is not unguiculate,
Which points to nails, clawed or spatulate,
At the ends of digits,
For grooming and fidgets
(Known if in skin you matriculate.)
--- Anon

UNGULATES have a horny hoof,
Which makes clattering sound on the roof,
When Santa's reindeer
Bring kids Christmas cheer,
Causing neighborhood canines to woof.
--- Daniel Ford

While quietly waiting to graze,
An antelope caught a cat's gaze.
"Should I eat?" she then thought,
"Then I might soon get caught,
And no more little antelopes raise."
--- Leon Blum

A very slim lady gazelle
Could run like a bat out of hell;
To keep herself fit
She ran quite a bit,
And kept out of trouble, as well.
--- Limber Limericks