In the jungles north of Kampala,
A buck frolicked at a deer gala.
Then butchered the does
Though none were his foes.
You guessed it - Vlad the Impala.
--- Anon

A xenomorph-infested bird
Is scary, though somewhat absurd.
Your car's windshield
Is doomed for it wields
Its weapon; the big acid turd!
--- Phil T

Madagascar's extinct Aepyornis
The biggest bird ever was born is.
Its ten gallon eggs
And two metre legs,
Like no other fowl that is gone, is.
--- Anon

What's the feather beneath a black duck or
Some chick, whether tweeter or clucker.
Aftershaft! You're damn right!
Can you dig it? All night.
Aftershaft is a bad mother plucker.

(aftershaft is a small feather arising from main shaft)
--- Anon

When an eagle is soaring, he's king.
And to aerodynamics he'll bring
What to us is a thumb,
But in birds had become
Just an alula, a spurious wing.
--- Mike Scholtes

At the end of their New Zealand bee,
All those rare birds weren't able to flee.
A new law banned all flights
Without radar or lights,
And what's why they are flightless, you see.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

The apteryx (commonly Kiwi)
Outdoes the bird Scots call a peewee,
In terms of its size,
But not when it tries
To fly; 'cause it cannae, in theory.
--- Anon

You're just like a song bird, my lover,
A robin or peewit or plover.
You wake me at dawning
When I am still yawning,
And leave shit all over the covers.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A bird who flew high in the sky
Had a fear of being baked in a pie.
When gunshots were heard,
This wary old bird
'Round her head a tin helmet would tie.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

An eagle whose wings had been clipped,
From the clippings, took quills which he dipped
In indelible ink
On the door of the bird clipper's crypt!
--- Prof M-G

A carpenter living in Jens
Made dozens of houses for wrens,
But their holes were so small
That long before fall,
They were filled up with pencils and pens.
--- Limber Limericks

The bustard's an exquisite fowl
With minimal reason to growl.
He escapes what would be
By the grace of a fortunate vowel.
--- George Vaill

Pip, a carrier pigeon,
Was a criminal who had no religion.
Caught with fraudulent mail,
He was sent straight to jail,
Dry bread he was fed--just a smidgen.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305

A mucky old man down from Mull
Once tapped out his pipe on a gull.
The bird flew away,
But came back next day,
And emptied itself on his skull!
--- Clarkscript

The cormorant (common) or shag
Lays its eggs in an old paper bag,
For it thinks it's a way
To keep lightning at bay;
But I'm sure that there must be a snag.
--- Peter Wilkins

Clem was a low-flying crane
Who didn't have much of a brain.
On the mountain he crashed,
His poor body was smashed;
Now he hobbles around with a cane.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306

There was a man from Lane
Who found a whooping crane
That had the croup
And couldn't whoop
And nearly went insane.
--- Limber Limericks

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
Came untied when the birds sat upon it;
But she said, "I don't care
If the birds are all there.
What I don't like is what they do on it!"
--- Edwardian Leer 052

Embarrassed as it flew too low,
More crimson it surely did grow.
Till, all feathers and gore,
It then cackled no more,
When, Splat! Came the most crushing blow.
--- Doug Harris P0507

A Frederickton frigate bird bet
A Prince Rupert pigeon he'd get
Cross country, both ways,
In less than six days --
Then flew in Air Canada jet.
--- Jim Yeates, Toronto 34d

A cuckoo fell into a brook,
But was saved by a man with a hook.
It soon flew away,
And all the next day,
It "ooed" but it just couldn't "cuck."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

The cuckoo, all bird scholars attest,
Lays her eggs in another bird's nest.
She's not really crazy,
Just terribly lazy;
Thinks surrogate motherhood best.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim

Pigeon sounds drown our town's major street,
So the mayor with council will meet,
With a plan to usurp,
Every tweedle and chirp,
So that never the Main shall tweet.
--- Bob Giandomenico

Archeologists digging in Bobo
Found the fossilized beak of a dodo;
"This may sound absurd,"
Said that part of the bird,
"But I wish you had found me en toto."
--- Lims Unlimited

Oh for the wings of a dove,
High in the sky up above.
I was feeling quite fine
Until you, columbine (family of doves and pigeons)
Did shit on my new leather glove.
--- Professor

The bird, as he sat on the wire,
Thought he found his stomach's desire --
A long endless worm,
Which caused him to squirm,
Then vanish in a puff of fire.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

At the zoo I remarked to an emu,
"I cannot pretend I esteem you.
You're a greedy old bird,
And your walk is absurd,
But your curious feathers redeem you."
--- Anon

There once was a man named Gordon,
Who was certainly good at hoardin'.
But his most favored things,
Were endangered with wings,
Until he was caught by the warden.
--- B Olsen

They plod and strut over the ground,
Pecking at seeds all around
And fatten themselves,
Become steaks on shelves,
To feed the gourmets, I'll be bound.
--- Chris Papa

A child came home with a flamingo.
Said her dad, "Where'd you get that strange thing. Oh,
You wicked young Sue!
You've been robbing the zoo!"
She said, "No dad, I won it at bingo."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There was an Old Man on whose nose
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away
At the closing of day,
He could pick any time that he chose.
--- Edwardian Leer 077

A bird with a bad fear of height
Was too scared to attempt any flight.
And so to obtain him
The food to sustain him,
He'd fish every Saturday night.
--- Ryan Waldron

An inquisitive blackbird named Fred
Asked a jackdaw who perched overhead,
"If you wouldn't mind sharing,
For sake of comparing,
Are there any good rooks you have bred?"
--- Hugh Clary

This is file lek

Said a very small tern to his mother,
"I wish I had more than one brother;
I've been a good tern
And I want what I earn,
So I hope you will find me another."
--- Limber Limericks

An Ornithologist from Worchester
Grew feathers and crowed like a rooster.
To the bird God he prayed:
I want to be laid!
But she fell down to Earth and he goosed her.
--- Garold Amadon

There once was a blooming Great Auk,
Couldn't fly, and it hardly could walk.
The ignorant picts
Used to beat it with sticks,
For the pleasure of hearing it squawk.
--- Anon

There's an eager young guy of St Kitts
Who excitedly stares at great tits.
His instrument high,
He will spot them and spy
On each bird as it flutters and flits.
--- David A Brooks Q

A bird-watcher, lost in the rain,
Fell into a large open drain;
He was nearing his end
When a big feathered friend
Pulled him out and said, "I am a crane."
--- Lims Unlimited

A bird-watching fellow named Ferd
Was indulging his hobby, I've heard;
When besmirched by a crane,
He exclaimed, "Not again!"-
And continued his watch undeterred.
--- Arthur Deex P0201

There was a man from Albuquerque,
Whose thoughts you might find rather quirky?
Near a yacht by the hull,
He spotted a gull,
And said, "Look, it's an albino turkey!"
--- O V Michaelsen P9811

Today I'll put right, all my wrongs,
And I'll listen to beautiful songs.
The birds in the tree,
Are they singing to me?
Or going like hammer and tongs?
--- Anon

Birds are creatures who crap from on high,
As they flap, and they crap in my eye.
Though they do make me mad,
They remind me I'm glad
That the featherless pig cannot fly.
--- Anon

By some fabulous stroke of luck,
Our teacher (like a chicken) does cluck.
He lifted his leg
And out rolled an egg.
And if "How's" on the test, they we're fucked.
--- Robert Keim

On the market (for folks in the know,)
Is a thing called a ponders' scarecrow.
Activated by motion,
Gives herons the notion .
There's somewhere else they'd rather go. .
--- Anon

A strange little bird is the hoopoe;
The things that he does are just coocoo.
In his nest, he would piss
And he ate dentrifice,
And for kicks he would walk in his poo-poo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A hummingbird sits in a tree
And looks at his feeder to see
If one of his cousins
Will zoom in with buzzins,
To drink of his dinner for free.
--- Anon

Asked a hummer about what was wrong;
Why not join other birds in their song?
Putting me in my place,
It said with straight face,
Their songs, I enjoy humming along.
--- William D Robinson

To hummingbirds I feed two quarts
Of nectar a day. Each cavorts
And pays for its rations
With dips and gyrations --
Bet YOU'd like to join in such sports!
--- Anon

Consider in Taxonomy
Errors do occur regularly.
Hummingbirds are misnamed.
They don't hum as is claimed,
But if they did, they might hum off-key.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

The ibis lives along the Nile,
And is neighbor to the crocodile.
When he stands, he's quite tall,
Although his chicks are small,
Which is very hard to reconcile.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Extinction is Nature's home wrecker;
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker,
We could save "ivory bills"
And no little blue pills
Are needed to bring back this pecker.
--- Limerick Savant

There was a young man from the junction,
And often his brain would malfunction.
He'd kill chickens and owls;
Swallows, magpies, and fowls,
And all without any compunction.
--- John Blyth

In a masquerade ball for the school,
The bird theme was adjudged at the pool.
One young girl, all agree,
An adorned Christmas tree,
Won the prize as a young gallinule. (Grebe family)
--- J Maynard Kaplan

I'm afraid something bad has occurred,
That my animal magnetism's erred.
In her mesmerized state,
Polly's losing some weight.
Did you sell me a moribund bird?
--- Mike Scholtes

Bird lovers with praise like to rant
About feathered friends VOLITANT.
Most soar in sweet flight,
Displaying winged might,
'Cept emus, who certainly can't.
--- Chris Papa

The ostrich has long limber legs,
Or is otherwise fitted with pegs.
But he could have neither,
For how would he either
Climb onto or off his mate's eggs?
--- David A Brooks Q

"That ostrich sure isn't a quitter,"
Said the chef in a rage hot and bitter;
All covered in scratches,
"Just wait 'til I catches
It. Dammit, I'll fritter the critter."
--- Peter Wilkins

An ostrich who lived at the zoo,
Was feeling uncomfortably blue.
So he stuck his whole head
In the sand in his shed,
"It's not fun, but it's something to do."
--- S Barry

The ostrich, its head in the ground,
To escape a big threat going 'round,
Or some big enemy
Which it wants not to see,
Or to hide a treat in the ground.
--- Aaron Bell P9702

"Oh my," said the ostrich, "it's grand
To eye in this wonderful land.
For when trouble appears,
I just plug up my ears
And I bury my head in the sand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2602

An ostrich, knocked down by the tackle
Of a hungry old near-sighted jackal,
Exclaimed to him, "Jake,
You have made a mistake!
I'm only a big purple grackle."
--- Limber Limericks

A peacock they call this flash bird.
Well, really! I won't say a word.
Oh, darn. I must ask
Just who has the task
Of measuring bird cocks? Absurd!
--- Anon

A peacock does not drive a car,
Fix his hair with that goo from a jar,
Or dress in black leathers.
But with his fine feathers,
The ladies all think he's a star.
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105

A horny young man from Iran
Was facing a court-imposed ban.
He was heard to exclaim,
I have no one to blame,
Except perhaps the pelican.
--- Robert Elliot

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill can hold more than his belly can.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week,
I'm damned if I know how the hell he can!
--- Dixon Merrit

The bill of the pelican relican
Hold more than his pelican belican.
People still see how wellican
But not how the helican
Stock more than a pelican delican.

(apologies to Dixon Lanier Merritt)
--- David A Brooks