A bird-watcher down on Par Sands,
"This seagull I hold in my hands,
Has been fed every hour
On self-rising flour;
Watch out for the pop when it lands!"
--- Cornish Times contest '97

A curious woman from Marks
Was ordered to stay out of parks.
For whenever she sees
The birds and the bees,
She sends out a shower of sparks.
--- Lims Unlimited

In his garden remarked Lord Dunedin,
"A fig for your diggin' and weedin'.
I like watching birds
While they're dropping their turds,
And spying on guinea pigs breedin'."
--- L1412

Some bird watchers through their field glasses,
See flashes of heaving bare asses.
So do you see why,
Though bloodshot of eye,
Bird watching appeals to the masses?
--- G2331

I watched Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds,'
Bodega Bay's folks were all nerds;
With tons of fowl pecking
And stalking and wrecking
The town, I'd have feared most .. the turds!
--- Anon

There once was a girl named Jen,
Who liked to chase her fat hen.
Until one day she tripped,
Fell over and flipped,
And never chased the hen again.
--- Anon

In a chatroom, a man from Iraq
Boasted proudly of his twelve-inch cock.
All replied "It's so tall!"
But he typed, "Not at all,
I bred it from short chicken stock."
--- Anon

Two feisty spring cocks of New Browder,
Each wanted to cackle the louder;
They took a deep breath
And cackled to death.
Now in Browder they eat chicken chowder.
--- Star

Of all chicken coops made by man,
Two door models are the only plan.
If they just had two more
For a total of four,
Each would be a chicken sedan.
--- Tom Patton P0609

I started the day off by pickin'
Up eggs that were laid by my chicken;
At twilight I carried
The old hen I married
To bed where I gave her some lickin'.
--- Anon

Tomorrow while my chick is cluckin'
I'll kill it, then commence to pluckin';
My old hen and I
For supper will fry
That bird; then old hen I'll be fuckin'!
--- Anon

Since eggs the next day I'll have none,
I'll lay on my deck in the sun;
And while on my deck,
My old hen I'll peck
To fuck her at 8:00, 10:00 and 1:00!
--- Anon

CONUNDRUMS will clear answers beg,
Like filling round holes with square peg.
They discomfort bring,
No answer to thing.
Like, "Did chicken come before egg?"
--- Chris Papa

Chris, the answer to that is quite clear;
No conundrum involved I fear.
You see, reptiles lay eggs;
Have existed for megs,
While chickens are recent, my dear.
--- Anon

This debate about which came first,
Pretending that knowledge we thirst.
Does it really matter
Which former, which latter,
As long as chicks come when eggs burst.
--- Anon

The chicken knew she was a sinner;
Her faith in the Lord growing dimmer,
In a need to atone,
She cooked up her bones,
And offered herself as a dinner.
--- Heather McCabe

An unfortunate rooster named Rex
With two goose genes on chromosome X,
Has to honk at first light,
But don't laugh at his plight,
'Cause the other gene codes for his pecks.
--- Peter Wilkins

My cock struts and juts its large head;
The chicks love the show of 'Big Red';
What my cock's enjoying,
Though, can be annoying --
That crowing while I'm still in bed!
--- Anon

Last winter out in the barnyard,
Discovered my cock frozen hard.
Some murderous hen
Had done it again,
And helped him to hoist his petard!
--- Anon

In all and in every chicken run,
The rooster has much of the fun.
For every now and then
He cock-doodkes a hen,
The randy old son of a gun.
--- Al Lichtman

Hens however don't feel the same
About all this fine macho game.
'Cause they get pecks on their necks
From the overhead sex.
Isn't is just a poor fucking shame.
--- Al Lichtman

There was an old girl from Kentucky
Whose life-style was just a bit mucky.
She squatted in pens,
Pulling feathers off hens.
Still, I guess you could say she was plucky!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Two roosters were bragging away,
Of their talent for waking the day.
As they stood there aghast,
Dawn sneaked quietly past,
And was announced by a donkey's loud bray.
--- Joan Essinger

There was an old rooster named Clyde
Who crowed as he lay on his side:
Needless to say, he was fried.
--- Lims Unlimited

Our chickens are creatures, it's said,
We misteat for the time they are bred.
From the fact that we heat 'em,
Then serve 'em and eat 'em,
Before they are born, and when dead.
--- Hugh Clary

Old Tom, unaware of his fate,
Continued to eat and gain weight.
Come Thanksgiving Day,
They took him away.
Old Tom then wound up on a plate.
--- Gifford Wherry

The eggs that I purchased in Twickenham
Rolled about as if someone were kickin' `em;
When asked why they did,
The grocer said, "Kid,
They're ancient, and have a wee chick in `em."
--- Limber Limericks

A Saudi farm has just hatched it;
A local newsman dispatched it.
A four-legged chicken!
McDonalds is kickin';
As yet, you guessed, they ain't catched it.
--- Tony Burrell

Those that are called -- finger lickin',
If you saw how they're slaughtered, would sicken.
Prose from animal lib',
(Now put down that bib!)
Please people! Free the chicken!

(the boneless variety will need lots of rehabilitation)
--- Anon

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called the hen a most elegant creature.
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat
And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
--- Oliver W Holmes

There was a chicken farmer from Hay,
Who found his hens wouldn't lay;
The trouble was Brewster,
His champion rooster;
You see, Brewster the rooster was gay!
--- Anon

Young farmers just have to learn
That chickens can be quite stern.
If you grab their eggs
From between their legs,
They'll bite your bum in return.
--- Anon

A rooster whose name was Girard,
In the morning, his cock was so hard,
When he rose from his pen,
That by quarter-to ten,
He had screwed every hen in the yard.
--- Cap'n Bean P0604

This is file lck

Jim's crowing made neighbors so sore
That they banged on the chicken-house door.
He exclaimed, "Don't they know
That a cockerel must crow?
To annoy them, I'll crow even more."
--- Funfax Limericks

"Of the feathers you'll find in the flock,
The smoothest are mine", crowed the Cock,
Completely unruffled.
From the henhouse he shuffled,
Henpecked by his jock!
--- Anon

If you visit in Federal Way,
You can witness a fabulous lay,
By a talented chick
Who can turn quite a trick --
A dozen brown eggs in one day.
--- Ed Potts P8710

There was a young girl from Eutoxeter,
Who kept hens but refused to have cocks. It a-
Rose from her youth,
When some rather uncouth
Farm hands raised up their smocks at her.
--- Alastair Chambre

While reviewing the barnyard parade
And the high-stepping Hen House Brigade,
One French chick asked her brother,
Referring to her mother,
"Did you notice l'orange marmalade?"
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A bird fancier of Leverstock Green
In his flat kept the first peacock seen;
Trained to warm its behind
At the stove when inclined,
With its tail spread to form a fire screen.
--- G2400

In the Spring now new grass can be seen
Through the stubble, a new growth of green.
If you're out before eight
The pheasant and mate
Walk proudly, full-feathered and lean.
--- Vicar Jane

A chicken was pickin' her nose,
Or rather her beak and she chose
To take up the tango
While eating a mango,
As she danced on her tippy-tiptoes.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0105

The people who just love chicken soup
Have probably not cleaned a chicken coop;
Do you think they would savor it
If they knew their favorite
Was started amongst that chicken poop?
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

At the 4H club fair in Little Rock,
Each farmer would exhibit his stock.
A prize went to Dick
For the weight of his chick,
And to LeRoy for the size of his cock.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310

I don't know too much about quail,
Except they have been known to sail,
When rousted by a dog,
As they hide 'neath a log,
Fallen in a lovely sylvan vale.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A hotelier, name of O'Rourke
Once had a quail that could talk.
It would make little nests
And shout at the guests
And warn against eating the pork.
--- Michael Palin

A city boy once took up farming.
Chickens he thought were so charming.
From his neighbor, old Mo,
He bought a hundred or so...
They all died! What could them be harming?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Then old Mo turned up in his cart.
Cried the young man with all of his heart:
"I don't understand.
Is it that I plant
Them too deep or too far apart?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

How convenient the common red rooster,
Who resides in Ohio at Wooster;
He can boast he's in rhyme
With his place and his time,
But not so for that straight Massachooster!
--- J Maynard Kaplan

There was a young fellow of Wooster
Who'd a red-hot Rhode Island rooster.
But when he grew old,
His rooster grew cold,
And could no longer peck like it useter.
--- G0496

Said a rooster, "I want you to know,
I'm really the star of the show.
The sun--the young pup--
Wouldn't even get up--
Unless I decided to crow."
--- Anon

An old lady living in Worcester
Had a gift of a handsome young rooster;
But the way that it grew,
As 'twould never get through,
Was more than the lady was useter.
--- Anon

My alarm clock goes off with a bleep,
But it can't rouse me out of my sleep.
I purchased a young cock
To replace the old clock,
And all it can say is "cheep, cheep!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A tired old hen lived in Worcester,
Who didn't lay eggs like she uster.
As a big morale booster,
They brought in a rooster
Who goosed her, seduced her, and juiced her.
--- Cunning Linguist

Once a rooster, who's such a night owl,
Was so tired of his job, he would scowl.
Now he crows before bed
At a distant cliff head,
And the echo at dawn wakes his fowl!
--- Prof M-G TP9807

I need a new Rhode Island Red;
No eggs have mine laid, but instead,
Since Rhode Island rooster
Found a coyote and goosed her,
They might just as well all be dead.
--- John Miller

Male Bonasa umbellus, ruffed grouse,
Creates music when wooing a spouse.
First he stands tall and thrums
With his wings, as on drums,
Then displays fan and ruff to the house.
--- Carol June Hooker

The Pastors berated Miss Fox
For corrupting the men in their flocks.
Said the winsome young charmer,
"I'm a mere poultry farmer,
Since I spend all my time raising cocks."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2062

I'm sick of the egg-laying chicken;
I hope that it will soon be stricken
With some fowl disease,
Get covered with fleas,
Then left for the buzzards to picken.
--- Carol

The farm bureau girl at Fort Knox
Rates the farmers by size of their flocks.
Candles eggs from their hens
With a well lighted lens,
Also noting the size of their cocks.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0402

Sally Hen fears the rooster called Jupiter,
Who is constantly aiming to swoop at her,
Should she lose her acclaim
As egg-layers' top name,
He might egg on the group in the coop at her.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A bum chicken farmer from Stoningham
Tried selling their meat by deboning 'em.
But the fact it was tough
And not tasty enough,
Reduced the poor loser to loaning 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 819

There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the ass by a man.
--- Roger Morris

He wore a red hat with a bobble,
The turkey who liked a good gobble,
He lived without fear,
Knew no festive cheer,
So sweet he'd make any chin wobble.
--- Anon

A gobbler, distinctively bloated,
Reflecting his fate, thus emoted:
"Should this be the day
I vanish away,
My exquisite taste will be noted!"
--- Lims Fables & Poems P0507

The turkey is quite a strange bird.
She's really from HoDu I've heard.
It's the meat of the beast
On Thanksgiving we feast.
Now isn't that really absurd?
--- Izzy Cohen

Tid goofed while attempting to rhyme
(Canaries and wary's a crime),
But I'm all in a tizzy
Since, finally, Izzy
Nailed a scan for the very first time!
--- Hugh Clary