But regarding the bird, in a pinch,
I'd have to exclaim, "It's a cinch,
The one you are seeking
Is known for its squeaking:
Serinus canaria (finch)!
--- Izzy Cohen

I'm used to most limerick quirks,
But bird-wise you guys are all jerks.
Your ignorance shows;
Why ANYONE knows
The Turkey came straight from the Turks.
--- Hugh Clary

Etymology's always precarious,
Since origin's secrets are various.
But responding to Ogg,
It's thought that the dog
Is the reason for "Islas Canarias."
--- Hugh Clary

Reg, she is a Wiccan;
In bed she really is ticking.
And to some, it is kinky
To feather a winky;
Reg uses the whole chicken!
--- Balaclava Beauty

A bird chirped fowl words for a week,
Which brought his dad's ire to a peak;
"You squawk like a dunce,
I'll warn you this once:
Now, dammit, Son, watch how you beak!"
--- Anon

A hen who resided in Reading,
Attended a gentleman's wedding.
As she walked up the aisle,
The guests had to smile,
In spite of the tears they were shedding.
--- Anon

The patient gave vent to a howl,
One long inarticulate vowel;
"In his razor-sharp talons
My life's held in the balance.
Help me, doctor, I've swallowed an owl!"
--- Anon

The best surgical brains, cheek-to-jowl,
With world experts in night flying fowl,
Fought almost a week,
But that hidious beak
Merely tightened its grip on the bowel!
--- Anon

They were ready to throw in the towel,
When the faith-healer rang--Reverend Powell.
He advised them to pray
And came round straight away
With some string, a live mouse, and a trowel!
--- Anon

My Bubos have eaten the squirrels.
They're Great Horny Owl boys and girls,
That whooo for a thrill --
This bodes rabbits ill --
'Cause after they do it, they're churls.
--- Anon

They're cruel and fly soft as a moth;
For cute little tit-birds they froth
With hunger and rue.
I'll ship you off two.
They'll stop that loud humping, I troth.
--- Anon

I'll send, too, a fart in a can:
Propulsion and fuel for your plan.
Too potent? I know.
The Army says so:
They're stockpiling near to Iran.
--- Anon

Said a lonely old owl, full of gloom,
"Over field, town and village I zoom;
But I don't get to know
The folks down below;
I call out 'to whit', but to whom?"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There was an old owl in Smoot
Who lived inside of a boot;
He sat in the gloom
While saying, "To whom,"
And showing he'd not give a hoot.
--- Lims Unlimited

I once met a man from Peru,
Who taught birds to talk at a zoo.
He coached a brown owl,
A recalcitrant fowl,
Who said only -- you guessed it -- "To whooo..."
--- Monique de Plume TP9804

There once were three owls in a wood,
Who always sang hymns when they should.
What the words were about,
One could never make out,
But one felt it was doing them good.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Peru
Who owned a big owl who went "Whoo."
So loud was his peep
That no one could sleep,
So he hit that damned owl with a shoe!
--- Karen and Debbie

Hello little bird. How you twitter
And squawk as you flutter and flitter.
Oh look! There's a tawny
Owl looking real horny
And ... WHUMPH!! That's got you up the shitter.
--- Anon

Those costive old owls that emit
Painful hoots, when on perches they sit.
Like marksmen, strabismal,
Whose aim is so dismal,
They shoot but infrequently hit.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9710

An amorous owl called Carew
Was courting another, named Lou.
When it started to rain,
He said with disdain,
"I'm going. It's too wet to woo."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

An ornithologist, Mark,
Went out in the park for a lark.
He heard an old owl
With an uncontrolled bowel,
That went "poot 'stead of "hoot" in the dark.
--- Pierce Evans

Chapter 2 finds our bird watcher, Mark,
And the foul old owl in the park,
That went "poot" 'stead of "hoot"
And the "poot" it would shoot,
Went unerringly straight to the Mark.
--- Pierce Evans

An owl cannot move eyes side to side,
Although she can open them wide.
She must turn her head
To see if you're red,
Or tell if your frenches are fried.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0105

Hoots the owl, "To wit, or to woo?
That's the question. Which ought I to do?
To wit: that's to study.
To woo: that's the body.
I know which that cockdoodler'd doo!"
--- Lance Payne P8405

A bird-watching fellow named Ferd
Was indulging his hobby, I've heard;
When besmirched by an owl,
He suppressed a loud howl --
And continued his watch undeterred.
--- Five Line Frolics P0201

There was a young maid from Nepal
Who had practically no bush at all.
The reason, she said,
Was on top of her head
Perched a thatch-eating yellow macaw.
--- Anon

A female grey parrot named Jill,
Was feeling terribly ill.
Her beak got encrusted,
Then rusted and busted,
The problem was barnacle bill.
--- Anon

There once was a parrot named Boo;
He was bossy and obnoxious too.
Then a cat came along,
And poor Boo was gone.
But the cat can now talk! This is true!
--- CattKidd

A budgie, all yellow and green,
Found a sleeping young nudist, named Jean,
So he built a warm nest
On the slope of each breast,
In the cleavage that ran in between.
--- Cap'n Bean P0501

Cockatoo is a talented bird,
Who can squak or can talk to be heard.
This bird with a crest
Is unlike the Redbreast,
Who can't say a mumblin' word.
--- Tony Davie Collection

I once took a trip to the zoo,
Just to view grumpy creatures that flew.
I saw a canary
Who's very contrary,
And a crabby old blue cockatoo.
--- Irish

A straightlaced old chap named McFritter
With his dumb parrot shares a bed-sitter.
But McFritter's not glum,
'Cause his parrot keeps mum,
For he loathes birds which chatter or twitter.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Bird thefts are happenin' world-wide;
Pet parrots are plucked, roped and tied;
And though not a whopper,
He'd be, except for copper
'Chicken nuggets'...Kentucky Fried.
--- David Miller Q

This is file lbk

Our parrot once let out a shriek
So that no one could hear himself speak.
But now we can hear
Since a bright engineer
Fixed a volume control on its beak.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A horny parrot in the zoo,
Fell in love with a gay caribou.
He slipped out one night
In seach of delight,
Saying "Do you fancy an odd cockatoo?"
--- Bill Wall

Polly, a gold-digging parrot,
Said, "Sugar Dad, I want a carat!
To hell with the crackers,
Give me some smackers,
And a condo instead of this garret."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306

There was an old maid in Peru,
Who'd a dog and a cat and a gnu.
From a sailor named Harrot
She bought an old parrot,
And he threw in a young cockatoo.

(He already had a cunt or two - McW)
--- L0886P

The talking parrot sounded like a rogue
And spoke with a superior brogue.
He was far from refined,
Didn't care how he dined
And was once seen eating a toad!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a fellow named Ollie,
Who went off to buy a Border Collie.
But in the High Street
He was swept off his feet
And came back with a Pretty Polly
--- Funfax Limericks

The young parrot I had long ago,
Was vulgar; put on a bad show.
Got me often quite mad,
Because all that he said
Was foul language in a constant flow.
--- Dirruk

When someone came close to his cage,
He got furious and in his wild rage,
The bird slapped its wings,
Shouting horrible things,
In the guest's or the visitor's face.
--- Dirruk

Maybe born in a bad neighborhood;
Raised in the poorest neck of the wood,
Where his friends were tough;
Got used to play rough.
Threatening others as much as he could.
--- Dirruk

Many times, though, I did him berate.
Made it clear, no more would tolerate
His behaviour so rude.
Become no misfit, dude!
Change your manners before it's too late.
--- Dirruk

He grew nastier in time, threw me sneers;
All I'd say fell on just two deaf ears.
But I kept a cool stance;
Gave him still one more chance.
Sent him to boarding school, a couple of years.
--- Dirruk

How they did it, I really don't know.
Though the progress was painful and slow.
Now a likeable bird
In his nice green shirt.
His teachers said we can knead him like dough.
--- Dirruk

He had turned into a bright parrot boy.
When he showed up, spread laughter and joy.
Went into peanut trade;
Proved that he was just made
Of the purest and precious alloy.
--- Dirruk

In his late teens he happened to meet
"Ein Papagei", fair-feathered and sweet.
Gave him a good feel;
He fell head over heel
For her charms and her Austrian treat.
--- Dirruk

Some five years have now gone away
And I'm more than happy to say:
Got a nice telegram;
Parrot's wife became mom --
The couple has a young Parragei.
--- Dirruk

A parrot named Alex the Great,
Is renowned for the size of his pate.
He knows different from same,
And all colors by name,
And is able to count up to eight.
--- Prof M-G T9711

A certain old maid in Cohoes
In despair taught her bird to propose;
But the parrot, dejected
At being accepted,
Spoke some lines too profane to disclose.
--- Archie

There was an old parrot of Wye,
Whose humor was naughtily sly.
When asked, he would squawk
As he went for his walk,
And say, "Sure I can talk! Can YOU fly?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A chappie who came from New York,
Tried to teach a parrot to talk;
But, what a curse!
It worked in reverse;
Now he goes around saying "Squawk!"
--- Spike Mulligan

There once was a parrot named Huey,
Who said, "The poems on this page are all phooey,
When you say them, your lips
Do somersaults and backflips,
And end up all crumpled and gooey.
--- His Peace

I'm glad to hear you're psittiscine;
I trust his vocab's not obscene.
But if I heard of a thrush
Saying something to blush,
I'm sure he'd appear on your screen!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Many Christmas birds sing, well some SQUAWK.
Then there are, of course, birds that can talk.
The latter speak highly
Of others, if wily,
But of Puffins, most Parrots say, "AUK!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

When John Silver returned to this shore,
His parrot was eighty -- or more.
The bird could still speak
But its voice was so weak,
It could only croak, "Pieces of four!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

The clever old sea-dog Carew
Said: "My parrot looks fierce, that is true,
But he's quiet and tame;
Polly Styrene's his name,
'Cause he's made out of plastic and glue!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

"My Dear," I have said to the denizen
Of kitchen, my own bedroom citizen;
The bubble and strife,
You know her, my wife;
"Your nagging becomes almost psittacine!"
--- Archie

My toothbound parakeet's a rage
When gas he can't disengage,
Till he poots on his perch
And with one mighty lurch,
Shoots straight through the top of his cage.
--- Rowdy Rob

There once was a parrot who swore;
Its four-letter words you'd abhor.
I simply can't quote 'em
For fear you would note 'em.
But listen! He's swearing some more!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There was an old man in a garret;
He practiced to talk like a parrot.
On the street one fine day
When he asked for the way,
They said "Back to your garret, you parrot!"
--- Mike Crowley P0606

There was a young man from York,
Whose budgie began to squawk,
So he said with a grin,
As he pushed the beak in,
"I only like budgies that talk."
--- Malcolm Farrow

A geometry teacher named Don
Kept a parrot encaged on the lawn.
The cage door was ajar
And the bird had gone far.
"I wonder where has my parrot gone?"
--- Tom Patton P0409

A grumpy old blackbird named Shirley
Complained, "Though I'm always up early,
I can't find any bugs,
Caterpillars or grubs,
And the worms that I catch are too curly.
--- Funfax Limericks

At a pet shop, a chap named McCreep
Said, "Canaries might sing me to sleep.
I'm a poor man, you know--
Is the price of them low?"
Sang the birds, "Yes, we're all going cheap!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There once was a lady named Muir,
Whose mind was so frightfully pure,
That she fainted away
At a friend's house one day,
When she saw some canary manure.
--- L0724

When the swallows come back to Capistrano,
There's an unholy problem with guano;
The padre can't use,
Any shotgun: Church rules,
Just a water-proof wide hat, you know.
--- Anon