The ladies of Eigg, Muck and Rhum,
Though mainlanders claim them real dumb,
Will give satisfaction
In all carnal action,
You're guaranteed, fellas, to come.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The ladies of Rhum, Muck and Eigg
Show acres of stomach and leg;
But when they want stuffin',
They strip to the buff 'n'
Lie down on a hummock and beg.
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a young man from Guam;
Indeed, Guam was where he was from.
He was not very old
And so it is told
That this man was a young man from Guam.
--- D Hall

This young man from Guam had a dad,
But just one dad was all that he had.
He never did bother
To get a new father,
Since one was enough for the lad.
--- D Hall

This Young man from Guam had a mother;
Like his dad, he did not need another.
This woman from Guam
Proved to be a good mom,
So the kid didn't want any other.
--- D Hall

This Guam family needed a pet;
With that, they'd be perfectly set.
So they went out and got
A small wombat named Spot,
The best Guam family pet they could get.
--- D Hall

This family lived in a house
That amazingly had not one mouse,
Justt a roof and four walls
And some room and some halls,
And a wombat, young man, dad and spouse.
--- D Hall

It was said of the family from Guam that
Though they were quite pleased with their wombat,
They soon were inclined
To get a feline,
So they went and obtained a small tomcat.
--- D Hall

The family from Guam with the wombat,
The same ones who owned the small tomcat,
They found out belated,
The two pets had mated,
And produced an offspring: a womcat.
--- D Hall

"I know just what I want for my present,"
Said the wife in a rage, incandescent.
"When I said 'distant and hot'
I meant Hawaii, you clot!
Not a picture of the Sun from our crescent!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

If you fasten your ear to a shell
It will conjure a magical spell.
The sands of Hawaii
Will whisper "How are ya?
Aloha. Hello and farewell."
--- Laurence Perrine

Hawaii -- it's not called the Dole.
(The Pineapple King's in control).
The question -- assure
There's bread for the poor.
The answer (Hawaii) is Dough'll.
--- Irving Superior P8609

Life on a tropical isle is stupidity,
As many men learn with rapidity.
Their organs will wilt,
And lose their fine tilt;
It is not the heat, it's humidity.
--- Lynn Mostafa

A hummer in little Havana
Was used in an interesting manner.
Stuck on Lauderdale Beach,
With the sea within reach,
It makes a convenient cabana.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

After hours of rumblin' and shakin',
We pulled into Clap -- I was achin'.
Then I missed my next train,
So numb was my brain
That I couldn't decipher Jamaican!
--- Anon

I dream of a tropical isle
Where the maidens, unconscious of style,
Are dressed in a fashion
Designed to impassion,
Wear only a lei and a smile.
--- Laurence Perrine P9411

All tourists Hawaii--a lei.
Temptation they then must allay.
Those wits that are dim,
Will lei homonym
While others with more class will Ole.
--- Irving Superior P9411

The Light House, not far from Brighton,
Is manned by a fellow named Crichton,
But lately 'tis found
Many ships run aground...
"Well," he says, "I can't sleep with the light on."
--- Anon

We are now on the isle of Kaua'i,
Where prices of food are quite hai.
So it's true, I confess,
That we're eating much less,
But we're making love three times a dai.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Don't look forward to springtime and hay,
Because Eva won't be there in May.
She will be southward bound
On Maltese lovely ground.
For at least fourteen days she will stay!
--- Anon

A man once from Martha's Vineyard,
Had a cock 'twas especially hard.
So he could get laid,
He found a fair maid,
From Nantucket, where he had been barred.
--- Arden

The President's in Martha's Vineyard--
I sure hope he doesn't get injured.
I've had such a hard time
Getting "Vineyard" to rhyme....
I wish he had gone to Nantucket.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While watching this hula on Maui,
My hormones and I shouted, "Waui!"
As closer they drew,
To better the view,
Her boyfriend or husband went "Paui!"
--- Irving Superior P9411

Nan, Saw, and Paw, of Setucket,
Between them had only one bucket.
Nan took it and ran
And the trouble began;
Sawtucket, Pawtucket, Nantucket.
--- Conrad Aiken

Nantucket is near Cape Cod Mass.
Getting there is a pain in the ass.
But it certainly is pretty
When compared to the city,
But when there, do not walk on the grass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Now, getting there is not a pain;
I often have done it, by plane.
But you took the ferry,
Which isn't so merry;
Go by air if you go there again.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a place called New Zealand
With white, black, and red colored sea sand.
No signs do they post;
You just go and roast;
The beaches unequaled - all free land.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I never go out on the sea,
It is deeper than water should be;
It's not fit to drink,
And in it I sink,
And that's enough reason for me.
--- Lims Unlimited

This tale is of Abigail Slaughter,
The Bishop of Bean Blossom's daughter.
When she went to the beach,
She let out a screech.
She wouldn't go into the water.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Each time you pronounce Oahu
Make sure your sweetheart's with you.
Your lips purse to O;
Then AH your lips go;
And then you prolong U to OO.
--- Irving Superior P9411

There's a place that's called Westcliff-on-Sea;
A paradox quite seems to me,
For its cliffs have "Gone West",
And as for the rest,
There's mud where the sea ought to be.
--- Archie

There once was a Filipino hombre,
Who ate rice, pescado y legumbre.
His trousers were wide,
And his shirt hung outside,
And this, I may say, was costumbre.
--- Anon

But now it is time to depart;
We must get our next travel's start,
And hop on a boat
From this island, remote,
To leave for an exotic part.
--- Anon

This is file kzm

Young Robinson Crusoe would laud
The island he found far abroad;
Though for England he yearned,
He never returned,
Preferring his own native sod.
--- Anon

But no more the rat-race he'd run;
He spent his time basking in sun.
He'd much time to play,
And not like today;
By Friday his work would be done.
--- Anon

I did my young Sue in the sea.
Libations rinsed off in the lea,
And smidgens of sand
Soon ravaged my gland.
I later went hands-free to pee.
--- Anon

Sand 'twixt your cheeks is a pain;
When you walk, you can feel every grain.
Makes you walk like a cowboy,
Makes you want to say "Ow! Boy,
I'll never try that way again!"
--- KJ A

On a small desert island young Jay
Viewed with horror the coming of day,
For he still felt the effects
Of three weeks of straight sex...
--- Grand Prix Lim 97

Each week end, here come the shoebies,
To suntan their backs and their boobies.
They stake out their turf,
'Twixt dunes and the surf,
And beach space becomes rarer than rubies.

(shoebies - people bringing their lunch in shoe boxes)
--- William K Alsop Jr

Anthropologists, clear-eyed, sincere,
In the far South Pacific one year,
Discovered graffiti
On ancient Tahiti:
Kilroy and Paul Gaughuin were here.
--- Laurence Perrine P9411

In Spitzbergen each year this date
Their Annual Expectorate.
(If touring the land,
Do not down wind stand)
They're choosing their next head of State.
--- Irving Superior P8709

Don't think that the girls of Tahiti
Are sexy. They're bug-eyed and meaty;
And toothless and hairy
And have beri-beri,
And tattoos that look like graffiti.
--- Theo M Heller P9411

What a great place is this Tonga!
These men with a bare naked dong! A
Couple or few
Are wider than you,
But I've yet to see them have one longa!
--- Ericka

Oh god, I can't wait any longer;
My throbbing is getting much stronger.
Oh bugger! We've come
To a stop. What a bumm-
er! Good heavens! We're somewhere in Tonga!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I know that our sex was terrific
And worthy I'm sure of certific-
ates printed in gold,
But we seem to have rolled
Right across to the Western Pacific.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While aiming and firing my gun all
That time, while decoking your funnel,
(Remember those cheers?)
It appears engineers
Were constructing and digging a tunnel.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This tropical island is brimmin'
With good-looking bare-breasted women.
Oh sorry, my peach,
Let's go down to the beach,
And strip naked for skinny-dip swimmin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Utopia ... tropical seas,
Relaxing 'neath coconut trees.
A bottle of wine
With my dinner at nine,
And a twice-nightly squeeze with Louise.
--- Anon

Reality...mountainous seas,
No shelter from rain 'neath the trees,
Some water and bread
Before going to bed
And a kick in the balls from Louise.
--- Anon

It's true that when we reached our cave,
[No not the one where lives old Dave]
I took the plunge,
And absorbed like a sponge
All the juices that my tongue did crave.
--- Anon

Of Africa's large continent,
I hope that with this you're content.
If it's not to your liking,
You could always go hiking,
[And WASTE all this DOUGH I have spent!]
--- Anon

It's beautiful, St Croix, V.I.
The hills and the sea and the sky,
All green and blue
Of infinite hue.
Be good -- you'll go there when you die.
--- Karen

There once was a continent -- Mu --
That sank 'neath the waves near Peru.
The head Preying Mantis
Had moved to Atlantis,
And who took the gold with him? Guess who.
--- Neal Wilgus P8308

On vacation we hoped to explore
A little resort by the shore,
Till we heard the man say,
"It's so crowded today
That nobody goes there any more."
--- A N Wilkins P8709

"We felt," said the Lady of Strand,
"That the park on the beach is just grand.
There are plenty of benches
For young lads and their wenches,
And their fannies are out of the sand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0193

Said a cruise ship captain, Bruce Band,
"Females at sea are putty in hand."
On one cruise he found
His ship ran aground.
"Next time it's love on the sand."
--- Jack Benfield

The aging French courtesan said,
"I've had too many men in my bed.
And one of these days
I must change my ways,"
So she fucked on the sofa instead.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306

Way back in the old days of yore,
When young couples slept on the floor,
They were lucky to come
Without splinters in bum,
But it spurred them on to do more.
--- Anon

This story once gave me a kick,
About Flora was nailed by young Rick.
She was begging for more --
He missed her -- hit the floor.
And was thereafter known as Splinter-dick.
--- Frank Sfa

That neighbor of yours, he was fried.
He forgot all about his new bride.
His wife said to him,
You'll get none of my quim!
With your vows you have never complied!"
--- Tutta Gioia

The woman next door may have riches,
But she's known as a queen among bitches.
So who'd stand in line
For that wealthy old swine,
When wealthy young widows have itches.
--- Tutta Gioia

The truth 'bout that young man named Pete:
He just couldn't help being effete...
With that agelic face
And consumate grace,
The sodomite said, "He's up our street!"
--- Tutta Gioia

Poor Pete is so sore when he throws,
He no longer throws like the pros.
His rectum is wrecked,
Which has its effect
On his aim, which just add to his woes.
--- Tutta Gioia

The teen you accuse of voyeurism
Is addicted to much onanism.
He loves to pull pud,
Then come in the mud.
He just doesn't value his jism.
--- Tutta Gioia

The mouse that's known as Dufret
Is not off the hook, not quite yet!
It's still homicide;
There'll be no free ride.
She'll end up paying her debt!
--- Tutta Gioia

The gent 'cross the way may be gay,
But he laid those two chicks anyway.
"I'd like to have kids
Before time forbids,
And I end up all dusty and grey."
--- Tutta Gioia

If rumors about you are true,
To date you have nothing to rue.
It all seems quite proper;
You've not come a cropper;
But tomorrow you start life anew.
--- Tutta Gioia