Flag student, VEXILLOLOGIST,
Was named so by philologist,
So they neither would
Pursue tissue wood
With vigor of xylologist.
--- Daniel Ford

VEXILLOLOGY, study I'll waive;
Salutes, one or two, then I'll save.
Though 'skull and crossbones'
Trip to Davy Jones,
I'd rather not brazenly brave.
--- Chris Papa

To study flags, VEXILLOLOGY
May prove vexing to philology;
When learning's dragging,
Interest is flagging
For seeing new terminology.
--- Daniel Ford

Man wed to AILUROPHILE, quit her,
And cleft in divorce, quite bitter.
The complaints were troop,
From fur in the soup,
To bed sheets wet with kitty litter.
--- Chris Papa

The drapes were all shredded, not nice
And kitty brought in some live mice,
Or red cardinal's head,
She'd decapited,
And dead squirrels, too, once or twice.
--- Chris Papa

Poor chap, couldn't quite take it all,
Hoped kitty might choke on fur ball,
All to no avail,
She just swished her tail,
While marriage crashed in final brawl.
--- Chris Papa

The moral, dear friends, can't be clearer,
When wives hold that pussy is dearer,
Than hubby's interest,
You all know the rest,
The loss of big tom who is near her.
--- Chris Papa

An ailurophile I can't be;
Those critters are just not for me.
I itch and I sneeze,
Then I start to wheeze,
And soon, I can not even see!
--- Maggie

So I will stay clear of the cat,
Even the one in the hat.
Thus far, in my house
I've not seen a mouse.
If I do I will get out the bat!
--- Maggie

Among witches' memorabilia
It's usual to find a familiar;
It might be a rat,
More likely a cat,
Because of their AILUROPHILIA.
--- Bill

An ARCTOPHILE had just one bear,
The best she could find anywhere.
Her friends thought her passion
Was way out of fashion:
"We much prefer boys who are bare."
--- Win

An ARCTOPHILE, lover of teddies,
Said "They make the pain in my head ease.
I've some as small
As a ping pong ball,
And others as big as yetis."
--- Norm Brust

A young lady was ARCTOPHILE,
But she grew up after a while;
That liking expunged,
Soon after she plunged
And became firm erectophile.
--- Chris Papa

It's tough for most parents to cope
With COPROLALIA's wide scope.
Foul words fill the air,
As their youngsters swear,
Then get a good mouthfull of soap.
--- Chris Papa

The scat-talking COPROLALIA,
Heard on visit to Australia,
Greatly bothered the Queen,
Who worried, being seen
With copro-tarnished regalia.
--- Daniel Ford

With elephant turds in the Art,
The Queen might give in and take part.
That fresh dab of brown
Right there on her crown,
Will sure make a resplendent start.
--- Chris Papa

The joys of our logophilia
Offset dreary atrabilia, (gloomyness)
And some verse rhyming
Gets the pump priming,
With enough happiness to fill ya.
--- Daniel Ford

NOTAPHILY, hobby I venerate,
But no wealth will it generate.
With bills, large and small,
I paper the wall,
Since they are notes Confederate.
--- Chris Papa

NOTAPHILY thoughts make me squirmy,
For bills are disgustingly germy.
Get bug (what bad luck)
From old paper buck,
End up underground and quite wormy.
--- Elois

It's sad how once can be so silly,
Granted a wish, I asked for a willy
With same genetic code
As the creature I rode...
Should have been on a horse, not a filly.
--- Gunjan

"Oenophile," a word so pretentious,
It makes me feel very contentious.
Some folks, well they think
The wine that they drink
With French name won't make them licentious!
--- Barb

I'd like to state, right from the start,
Though OENOPHILES pump their great "art,"
My alternate view
Is: more than a few
Are nothing but "winos" at heart!
--- Chris Papa

He believed that he was a master
Of words that made hearts beat faster.
But his patter thrasonical
Most ladies found comical,
Earning rep as a sexist PHILOCASTER.
--- J'Carlin

A PHILOPHASTER just shouldn't
Discourse on a subject he couldn't
Touch with a long pole,
Or he'll dig a deep hole
Where he Kant get out, or just wouldn't.
--- Chris Papa

SCRIPOPHILY, if you could care,
Is search for stuff extremely rare,
Like stocks and bonds old,
Whose value, I'm told,
Has long since vanished into air.
--- Chris Papa

Classic stocks and bonds, SCRIPOPHILY,
Collected books, bibliography;
Collections like these
Often many please,
But rag-tag ones appear scruffily.
--- Daniel Ford

In my mind it is very easy
To dismiss in a manner quite breezy,
Joining in the pile
I'll not belong to group so cheesy.
--- Chris Papa

The cheese conoisseur is TUROPHILE,
Tasting cheeses from many a style,
Though not at all piggish,
Perhaps somewhat priggish,
And given to smells moldy and vile.
--- Daniel Ford

ACARAPHOBIA, which is,
Sometimes seen as bizarre itches,
Brings sufferer grief,
Will trade, for relief,
All of world's pleasures aand riches.
--- Chris Papa

ACARAPHOBIA, scream at the sight,
Fear that you might get a bite,
Jump off the high ridge,
Confronting a midge,
Or a wee acarid mite.
--- Chris Papa

Mite fearful, ACAROPHOBIA;
Strangely scared like xenophobia;
And now the otter
Who needs the water
Had developed xerophobia.
--- Daniel Ford

ACROPHOBIA, cliff edge fear,
Also afflicts one I hold dear,
But the aeroplane
Presents her no pain --
No high point cues her visual sphere.
--- Daniel Ford

ACROPHOBIA, mental disturb,
Must walk in surrounding suburb,
For fear that one will,
Avoid a sure kill,
From stepping far off of street curb.
--- Chris Papa

This is file ktl

There's ACURAPHOBIA, as well,
With speeding Jap car, sure as hell,
To flatten your toes,
And what else, God knows,
I think I'll stay in for a spell. (agarophobia)
--- Chris Papa

AGAROPHOBE fears stuff of culture, (fears agar-agar)
Smells of carrion liked by vulture.
But it grows to verger (grows to green carpet)
Of colonies to merger;
Tossed out it becomes a good mulcher. (holds water well)
--- Daniel Ford

AGORAPHOBIA, fear's face,
Hanging around your home place.
You're sure if you go,
To the store or a show,
You might disappear without trace.
--- Chris Papa

You can't go for a walk in a park,
Because of the unnamed fear stark.
You won't heed advice,
Stay frozen, like ice,
Or sit in a small closet dark.
--- Chris Papa

AGORAPHOBIC, fear of space float,
Causes one to retreat behind moat,
And into the room
To work on the loom,
Unless ANGORAPHOBE fears long-haired goat.
--- Daniel Ford

There's never a puss at our sill;
Its presence there certainly will
Enrage our brave Dobe,
Against whom, puss's chances are nil.
--- Chris Papa

Some folks over bugs and germs linger;
Consider life just disease bringer.
Their fear never small,
Each is a hand washer and wringer.
--- Chris Papa

NOSOPHOBIA doesn't worry me one whit.
At my age I'm feeling quite fit.
But hypochondriacs
And those supporting their acts
Makes me think they are not worth a shit.
--- Barb

As scribbler, the worst PAN of all,
Comes with severe critic's sharp call.
The message acerb,
With PAN as a verb,
Can bring on at once, "writer's stall."
--- Chris Papa

Conubial fear of a man,
Is the force of his wife's frying PAN.
An awkward word said,
And Crash, on his head,
Then get sex wherever he can.
--- Chris Papa

Another verb PAN is for miner,
Seeking a rare metal finer
Than silver, it's gold.
With his PAN, I am told,
He's visions of wealth's grand designer.
--- Chris Papa

PAN, the God of delight,
To some women he was a fright.
He'd lay down his pipe,
The lay a few ripe
Nymphs, for the rest of the night.
--- Chris Papa

Then there's old Captain Hook,
Writer Jim Barrie's salt crook,
Of evil completer,
Fear of PAN, Peter,
Unless gist of play I've mistook.
--- Chris Papa

TAPHEPHOBIA, fear of the grave,
From which, of course, we would ourselves save,
Cannot be easy,
But when we're queasy,
It seems the grave is just what we crave.
--- Daniel Ford

Though new to my lexicon's beat,
The word TAPHEPHOBIA's neat;
Though I though it played
As someone afraid,
Of gooey, sweet, "Salt Water" treat.

(salt water taffy)
--- Chris Papa

The frighening end and death of me,
For numbers thirteen
Here cannot be seen
In buildings much taller than a tree.
--- Daniel Ford

XENOPHOBE, not me I cry;
I give all people a try.
It's just that I can't
Quite stomach their chant,
And would rather have white bread than rye.
--- B Smith

XENOPHOBIA, fear of the strange,
Often afflicted men of the range,
Whose friends were the cows,
No buildings did house,
No truck with members of the grange.
--- Daniel Ford

Frenchmen, Germans, and Serbs,
Eat fries, schnitzel, and herbs.
They sometimes eat fish,
Which isn't a dish,
So let them stay out of our burbs.
--- B Smith

XENOPHOBIA, fear that's so true,
With neighbor, or alien hue.
If I don't like me,
It's easy to see
That I'd worry about liking you.
--- Chris Papa

"Those gross allegations are vile,"
Cleopatra said, brimming with bile.
"I never boffed Caesar,
I'm not a prick teaser,"
Said Cleo, the queen of denial.
--- Tiddy Ogg a

Latin "dis" means "apart, disconnect."
Modern "dis" signifies "disrespect."
I grew up with phonics;
Don't savvy ebonics.
Guess I'm not politically correct.
--- Phil Kinay

So Jack said to Jill, "Would you mind
Me not climbing that hill, for I find
The strain on my knees
Is painful, so please
I rather think I'm dis-inclined."
--- Tiddy Ogg

I went to the theater one day,
When the ice-cream girl tripped with her tray.
She was wearing no pants;
She stopped the performance,
But the audience enjoyed the dis-play.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This next one, (I'm sure you won't buy it,)
Was one night when the ghosts caused a riot.
With their howling and moans,
Chain-rattling and groans,
They filled the whole place with dis-quiet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The wine shop with people was filled,
When a robber, exceedingly skilled,
And as sly as a fox,
Removed the cash box,
And like whisky, the shop was dis-tilled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It's not told in Old Testament fable,
But Cain knew it quick as a sable,
When he found a stone
In the ground he had sown,
That a blow to the head would dis-able.
--- Mike a

'Twould be great if the TV network news
Could only give us the chance to choose
Some bias from the right,
But every night,
It's left views we must DISABUSE.
--- Norm Brust

In tennis, a painful crashland-age
(From trying a awkward backhand-age),
Left the pro, at point deuce,
With an injured caboose,
And, of course, now at some dis-advantage.
--- Mike

A man was attacked while he farmed
By a group of bees that had swarmed.
The damage was great;
They had to amputate,
so now you could say he's dis-armed.
--- Claire

To the shamus she said, "It's alarming.
I must shoot you--and yet you are charming."
But her plan was undone
When he wrestled her gun
And remarked, "I am also disarming."

(in Ellery Queen magazine)
--- Mark Grenier P9108

"At the top of that wall", I told Steve,
Hangs a bell which was rung to relieve
The boredom each morn."
He looked at me with scorn.
I could tell that he must dis-bell-eave.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Dissembler does DISCOMBOBULATE
With reasons and whys which are late.
Though who can comare
Such whining, "Unfair!
We did not then even copulate."
--- Daniel Ford

Dyslexia does recreate
A confused and panicky state.
We should have concern
When some don't discern
--- Darryl