A student could not understand
Why the Back Bay is nothing but land,
Why the North End is down
To the south of Charlestown,
Or the East End's above Mattapan.
--- Bad Boy Beacon St P0606

My old Brooklyn shrink, Manny Freud,
Spouts crap I'm ashamed to have heard;
He claims I am gay,
Perverse and outre--
And can't pronounce words like "preferred."
--- Armand Singer

New York denizens, behold and lo,
At least those with a penchant for snow,
Are less sad and dreary
When they're near Lake Erie,
In that Eden they call Buffalo.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202

Of the climates where he'd ever been,
He discovered much to his chagrin,
Sledding was tough at home
For Miz Wharton's E. Frome,
Since in Buffalo he was snowed in.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202

Many brownstone apartments were rank;
Claustrophobic, neglected, and dank.
But astute renovation
And gentrification
Have made them look terribly swank.
--- Rory Ewins

We once had a mayor in my town,
Whose smile was a less severe frown.
He had all the humor
Of his prostate tumor;
He'd be happier wearing a crown.
--- Phil T

Today's KNICKERBOCKER's forlorn;
On Septembewr 11th, morn,
A new war came down,
To stun a proud town,
That Phoenix-like must be reborn.

(Sept 11, 1901)
--- Chris Papa

Though South Sea Islands lures are strong,
Bikini, Bali, the sarong --
A New Yorker, I!
Though others "stupid" cry,
My Island Paradise is Long
--- Irving Superior P9411

The worthy New Yorker named Bratton,
Guliani's old General Patton,
May shortly be seen
Under new Mayor Green
As Gestapo Chief of Manhattan.
--- Phil T

The lava that covered Pompeii
Still lies on the ground to this day;
A mayor who's Latin
In downtown Manhattan,
Would never allow such delay.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

Outsiders are constantly itching
To belittle New York with their bitching.
A word of wisdom holds true
And it works for you, too.
Hate the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
--- John Miller

New Yorkers are most impolite.
They're rowdy and nasty, and might
Grope you girls in the park,
Even 'fore it gets dark,
And make too much noise late at night.
--- Anon

They should say, "Welcome back" to John Rocker;
First Amendment got trampled - a shocker!
Let the liberals squeal;
What th' hell, no big deal;
It's perverted to love a Noo Yawker!
--- Anon

New York is great, I won't knock it,
But keep your door closed, and lock it --
Stay out of the park --
'Specially after dark,
And keep the cash in your front pocket.
--- Kaylin Brandon

A guy who feared he was a dork
Came damn close to blowing his cork.
Where is he today?
Well, what can I say...
He's in therapy, also New York.

--- Norm Storer P9603

New Yorkers can kick out the crutch
From a cripple and not get in Dutch.
They think that they rule
And love to say "Cool"
And "Fucking" just too fucking much.
--- Echo

In Brooklyn, it's, "Moider da bum!"
And choice phrases quite nasty, in some
Sort of English -- abused --
And the finger most used
Most assuredly isn't the thumb.
--- John Miller

It seems to shore owners of late,
That Spring flooding is now their fate.
Is it too much wet snow?
Is it too high stream flow?
Or has Champlain just grown to be Great.
--- Sumaq TP9804

Though New York is a wonderful milieu,
With sights and with sounds that will thrill you.
The place is so rough,
One visit's enough--
And you'll never go there again, will you?
--- Norm Storer

Far Rock's on the Long Island south shore,
Where there's fun in the sun, evermore.
If you play in the sands,
Keep that stuff off your hands,
Or your date will go home feeling sore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In Manhattan the cabbies are rude;
The graffiti lascivious and lewd.
Shopkeepers are mean,
And if you are green,
You can bet that you're sure to get screwed.
--- John Miller

I'm leaving New York! Which like Soddom
Had morals one time, but forgot 'em.
And Hollywood style
Now worships the vile
(For example, Ms Hillary Rhodam).
--- Anon

I never saw inside a girl's dorm.
In fact, I never even got warm.
For fun, after dark,
I used Prospect Park,
And occasionally got caught in a storm.
--- Norm Brust

About Prospect Park, I would say,
Though it was a nice place to stay,
With passing of time,
It's now bed of crime,
And I wouldn't go near it today.
--- Chris Papa

In olde days I'd sit on its strand,
And take in the large Goldman band.
But it's been replaced
By music less chaste,
And thugs who're the scum of the land.
--- Chris Papa

Oh Brooklyn! Where I used to play
And enjoyed such fun in my day;
Your spirit is gone.
I think it moved on
When the Dodgers were shipped to L A.
--- Chris Papa

Brooklyn Tech where I grew bright and strong,
Had 6000 boys, but ere long,
It's reduced by half,
The students and staff;
With coeds, another great wrong.
--- Chris Papa

History, the truth it displays
To elders, those set in their ways,
Who yearn for times yore,
For in memories store,
Those really were "the good old days!"
--- Chris Papa

The efforts to save and restore,
Is greatest New York at its core.
The job 'twill be complete
And back on its feet;
There'll be our proud city once more.
--- Chris Papa

Trysting in New York City's a breeze
And the clandestine liaisons please,
Giving way to temptation.
The clear implication
Comes with Breakfast at Epiphanys.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0112

A man in New York took a taxi
To visit the great Cotopaxi, (volcano in Ecuador)
But when he got there
It singed all his hair,
And his head became spongy and waxy.
--- Limber Limericks

Alligator? But surely I jest?
No way! With these reptiles we're blessed.
The newspaper there
Has photos, I swear!
(There's a link from my site, be by guest)
--- Anon

In New Mexico a guy named Gus
Got involved with a girl full of pus.
He ranted and raved,
"My poor penis has caved;
Carla's bad cavern caused all the fuss."
--- Tom Patton P0206

This is file krm

In a village in Texas, Cee Vee
There is not hardly a tree.
And, in this town
The lawns are all brown.
It is semi-arid, you see.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Coyotes and spiders and bears, oh my!
We have 'em in Texas, no lie!
Armadillos and snakes
And jackalopes (fakes),
And wolves and deer and blue sky.
--- Anon

There was an old woman in Austin,
A town that she always got lost in;
One day she was found
Six feet below ground,
In a hole that she hadn't been tossed in.
--- Limber Limericks

'Though incest their laws don't condone,
Most sex in Texas is home-grown;
And a Texan enjoys
Wild orgies with boys,
Much more when he comes on his own.
--- David Miller Q

Alas! You impugn our fair state!
I assure you, the men here are STRAIGHT!
No boy is abused
Where there's mares, hens, or ewes...
The sex, by and large, is just great!
--- John Miller

Down under, I'm told, grown men choose
Marsupial creatures like 'roos
And thingys with scales
(Especially males)
And lacking these, come in their shoes.
--- John Miller

Our goannas have scales on their tails.
And the big males are from New South Wales;
So John, if I might,
I'll mail one tonight.
It'll give you a change from your snails.
--- David Miller

The snails that we use for such sport
Aren't native, I'm sad to report:
Though slimy and wet,
The best we can get
Are a sad California import.
--- John Miller

The goanna's a new one for me,
But please, not a male, send a SHE,
With a Shiela or two
I also can screw,
And I'll give them a try and we'll see.
--- John Miller

There's a town called Loco, Tee Ex.
The mayor who named it was Rex.
Rex must have been loco,
Clear off his cocoa,
When he vexed the town with this hex.
--- William K Alsop Jr

They say things are bigger in Texas,
So the thought of a penis perplexes.
For you girls out of state,
It's never too late,
To move where the world's greatest sex is.
--- Anon

There's a town in Texas, Gasoline;
Their main product is easily seen.
They worship their wells
From which oil swells,
And makes them as rich as the Queen.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There's a place that people call Noodle,
In Texas, about which I doodle.
So I list here this town,
Quick, write it all down!
Ere I forget the whole kit-and-kaboodle.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0308

A humble old fellow in Texas
Said, "The size of Alaska just wrecks us!
To turn things about
I'll have to get out
And find me a state to annex us."
--- Lims Unlimited

There are rattlesnakes three meters long
And chiggers, but don't get me wrong:
No State could be greater,
Even though alligator
Of late have been coming along...
--- Anon

Said a drawling old Texan named Pard:
"All my neighbors must think I got fired.
I worked hard when I would,
But retired when I could;
Now I just stand around in the yard."
--- Cyber Geezer

Two Rottweilers saw a Texan and assessed him.
His Cologne of the Saddle impressed them.
They ran quickly to greet him,
But declined then to eat him,
For they knew they could never digest him.
--- Shelby Forrest

Texas is known for the steer,
For oil and Lone Star Beer,
For horses and cattle,
And the Alamo battle
That was won by that Mexican queer.
--- MrMalo a

A stubborn old Texan named Dowd,
For decades stood out from the crowd.
Contrarily proud he
Had never said "Howdy!"
Where no other greeting's allowed.
--- Cyber Geezer

I've read lots of books on Amarillo,
With their cowboys, steers and armadillo.
It's all lies I tell you,
There's not a damn thing to do,
Except watch for the wind in the willows.
--- Anon

There's an old Texas town, name of Bastrop,
Where they think that Wal-Mart's the class shop.
Too long some have tarried,
They're now intermarried,
And resent one more artsy-crap shop.
--- Anon

Home Home on the range,
In Texas everyone's strange.
They call themselves Tex
And no matter the sex,
Their wardrobes will all interchange.
--- MrMalo

Of all the names on Ottley's list,
The name, Glasscock! Who can resist?
But since it's apparent
That glass is transparent,
Perhaps the place does not exist.
--- Irving Superior P8805

In Glasscock, Texas, tourists stare
At nudist campers everywhere.
And since it's apparent
That glass is transparent,
The men look just like women there.
--- Irving Superior P8805

In Glasscock County, State of Tex.,
The homos will convention next.
"...and since it's apparent
That glass is transparent,
For good clean fun bring spray Windex.
--- Irving Superior P8805

Enough with pruning poor Glasscock.
Of see-through blouses, I now talk.
While Glasscock stretches wit,
Through see-throughs lie a teat,
And that, my friend, will stretch a jock.
--- Irving Superior P8805

We celebrate the New Year in Texas
With women both fat and orexis.
We douse their fair names
With vintage champagnes,
And confetti their sweet solar plexus.
--- Ken Rose

There was a young lady of Pasco,
Who thought she was hot as Tobasco.
But just when it mattered,
Illusion was shattered;
Her honeymoon was a fiasco.
--- John E Mayhood P9805

There's a Texas city, Edcouch,
And I'll bet old Ed is a grouch.
What kind of ill-fame
Made the citizens name
Their town for a grumpy, old slouch?
--- William K Alsop Jr

I'm sitting here sad and depressed
And lonely, well, haven't you guessed?
No boobies or bits
Or feminine wits
To console me -- There, I've confessed!
--- John Miller

Oh Girls, Are you hearing me, Girls?
It isn't the toss of your curls
Or the hint of a kiss;
No here's what I miss:
Your charming, sweet limerick pearls.
--- John Miller

I see that your gloom only thickens.
It's true we have very thin pickin's.
So in these times sultry,
Go bugger some poultry.
There's nobody here but us chickens.
--- SFA

Where once we were crowing all night,
This absence of hens is a blight.
Although it's a bore,
I'm straight out the door,
If someone should call a cockfight.
--- SFA

There's cocks? And they're fighting? Say where!
I'll bring my bad habit to there!
They'll need a blessing,
And maybe field dressing!
Let's expose them all to my care!

(Could be Sis Chris)
--- SFA