My rooster no longer can fight,
Nor reach his old vertical height,
Not since Sister Chris
Was offered a kiss,
But gave it a fatal love bite.
--- SFA

I haven't had much time to play;
I'm working my ass off each day.
Two times I was sent,
To Texas and spent
Some days down in Eagle Pass way.
--- John Miller

So I am real busy up here,
With little time to write, I fear.
But I think a transfer
Just may be the answer,
If I move to Texas next year.
--- John Miller

San Antonio? Golly, who knows?
Not bad, as a cattle town goes.
But it seems great to me
That Carol might be
The Next San Antonio Rose!
--- John Miller

Ain't been there in 45 year,
But it's grown just a mite, so I hear.
And I can't pack no gun,
So there goes my fun.
Things ain't like they used to, I fear.
--- John Miller

While moving, come set here a spell.
I promise we'll treat you real well.
(There isn't a chance
I'll get into your pants,
'Cause Wifey'd be giving me Hell!)
--- John Miller

We're approaching the 4th of July
And the typical Northwestern sky
Will be threatening rain,
And so once again,
I'll be holdin my cook out inside!
--- Anon

For once I would like for God
To smile on Seattle and nod
His head yes, so that we
Had the 4th raincloud free.
Perhaps God just thinks I am odd.
--- Anon

A skinny chap from Sequim Bay
Didn't realize that he was gay.
It was hard in the shower,
But it gave him the power
To know just what style to portray.
--- Nancy Cee

There was a young stripper from Sequim,
Acting on an absurd whim,
Painted her cleft,
Both the right and the left,
And displayed it for us at the gym.
--- Nancy Cee

At the border approaching Seattle
The people are lined up like cattle.
Despite the Peace Arch,
Toward Seattle they march,
In what seems like a never-ending battle.
--- Darel

There's a Washington town called Tum Tum;
Whoever named it was dumb.
Tum Tum means nil,
Not Twice for a pill.
But a tom-tom is a kind of a drum.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Walla Walla WA,
Will in our memories stay.
The name isn't mod,
But it's doubly odd.
Surely, one Walla's enough to say.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The ultimate lewd bacchanalia
Can be found in the streets of Centralia,
Where proudly displayed
Are the floats on parade
Of paper-mache genitalia.
--- Ed Potts P8710

You'll find, if you go to Humptulips.
A man who loves fat kangaroo hips;
A marsupial rump
That is tender and plump --
Well-roasted and served with mint juleps.
--- Ed Potts P8710

The ladies, well-bred in Kalama
Go to school for their music and drama;
Learn to wash, cook and sew
From their mothers, you know --
But their fucking they learn from old Gramma.
--- Ed Potts P8710

In the Western town of Puyallup
There lives only a single trollop.
For the boys, it is boresome,
They would like it more whoresome --
But you can't fight with a poll by Gallup.
--- Ed Wolfert P8304

See the bosomy maidens in Seiku;
Wear provocative clothes one can peek through.
So the opposite sex
Spends the day craning necks
For a top, frontal, side, or oblique view.
--- Ed Potts P8710

Tacoma's a town to eschew;
It's pulp-mills create its milieu.
A fart in Tacoma
Improves its aroma,
And most of its citizens do.
--- Ed Potts P8710

A girl stopped one day in Tukwila,
And slept with a friendly gorilla
Which caused her to long
For a night with King Kong,
And a couple of bangs from Godzilla.
--- Ed Potts P8710

She'd not even said "Da-da" to me --
Our new babe whom I danced on my knee.
When she bellowed the worth
Of the town of her birth:
"Walla Walla", she gurgled with glee. (WA)
--- Laurence Perrine P8805

A new law in Walla Walla --
When mugged you must holler holler.
The law is precise,
You must holler twice
Before you can maul a mauler.
--- Irving Superior P8805

In Washington city, D.C.,
There are wonders around you to see --
The historical page
Of our great heritage,
But it's hard to find somewhere to pee.
--- Hugh Oliver A032A

Our guide, who's a local old hand,
Was explaining the lay of the land:
Over there, in back o' ma
Pueblo is Acoma.
Here, it's all cactus and sand.

(Acoma founded 1100 AD)
--- Anon

An Eskimo matron in Juneau
Is acknowledged as numero uno,
For although her veneer
Is a trifle severe,
She is only too anxious know.
--- Hugh Oliver A013B

A kibbutz volunteer near Ashdod,
At his classes just started to nod.
He was no sun basker;
He'd come from Alaska;
He was more used to a line and a rod!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Gals have given Alaska the nod
As the place to find husbands, by God;
For it's well understood
That the odds are quite good,
Even if all the goods are quite odd.
--- Jerry Nordal P2005

An elf made Alaska his home.
When a lady encountered in Rome
Asked, "Aren't you the boy
That I met out in Troy?"
He said, "No'm, I'm a gnome out of Nome." (AL)
--- Laurence Perrine P8805

Alaska's too cold for my liking;
I'd rather be beachfront and biking.
So I'll sit here and hack
And plan my attack
On Key West and Margaritaville hiking!
--- Ystap TP9802

An eskimo living near Nome,
Erected a sign by his home.
He hung on his totem,
A jock and a scrotum,
And the hair wore a walrus-tusk comb.
--- L1499

A well-traveled lecher of Nome
Became too exhausted to roam,
So now he makes passes
At Eskimo lasses
And gets all his nooky near home.
--- Allan Ottley, 1974

I courted a young lass in Kingman.
She asked, "Will you buy me a ring, man?
For it don't mean a thing
If I don't get that ring,
And I'll know you're just pulling my string, man!"
--- John E Mayhood P9805

Today off to Phoenix I go,
Where it will be too hot, I know.
It's always too hot
In that bedamned spot
Unless I am undressed -- like so!
--- Anon

This is file kqm

The plane was revoltingly rough;
My poor tummy ain't up to snuff.
No need for rebuke,
'Cause I never puke --
Nobody must clean up gross stuff.
--- Anon

I am sacked out here in the nude;
Don't look or I'll think that you're rude.
Forgot my PJs,
And so, for three days,
I'll sleep as though I'm in the mood.
--- Anon

The rich folk all winter in Scottsdale;
They can pay the top price at a lot sale.
They go North in the summer;
It's really a bummer;
The "haves" cheer, the "have nots" wail.
--- John E Mayhood P9805

I once knew a girl from Tucson,
Who liked to fuck with her shoes on.
She had a list that
She used to keep track
Of those she'd had on her futon.
--- GearHart

I live in the city of Tucson;
I don't know this girl with the futon.
I've become obsessed;
Give me her address,
And shortly she will be put upon.
--- Puff Adder

I flew to Tucson first class,
Attempting to find this hot lass.
I searched far and wide
And punctured my hide
With cacti needles in my ass.
--- Frank Fazed

A native called me dim-witty,
Said I should look in the city.
I checked all the streets,
But found no hot sheets.
Thus a sad end to this ditty.
--- Frank Fazed

In 'Zona's a town, Fifty-six,
Where the musicians play only hot licks;
And acrobats tumble,
With nary a fumble,
As they show off their athletic tricks.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There's an Arizona town they call Ink.
Though why, I surely can't think.
Is it something they make?
Or the hue of their lake?
We hope that their ink doesn't stink.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The town where I live, please don't mock...
It's a place in which I put much stock;
It was there I was born,
On a bright Autumn morn,
In the suburbs just outside Wedlock.
--- Arthur Deex P8809

As to origins, what can I say?
My town is conducive to play.
Thanks to freeways and streets
And auto's back seats,
We're never too far from El Lay.
--- Kathleen Martin P8809

If down in Hawaii, then you, too,
Could find a Wahine there who'd do,
Some things kinda sporty,
And let you be naughty...
You might kiss that gal Honolulu.
--- Anon

Hawaii -- the land of Aloha,
Where lives an old guy name of Noah,
Who offers each lass
In a skirt made of grass,
A wee trim with his trimmer and mower.
--- Anon

Hawaii -- explaining the Dole.
They show you a pineapple whole,
"The rich get to gulp
Nine-tenth of the pulp.
The poor get one-tenth plus the hole.
--- Irving Superior P8609

Well, good morning, my friend, so how are ye?
As for my interruption I'm sorry,
But the girls you decree,
While quite fine we agree,
Can not match the great leis from Hawaii.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow from Boise,
Who at times was exceedingly noisy;
So his friend's joy increased
When he move way back East
To what people in Brooklyn call Joisy.
--- John Straley

Away in far Pocatello,
The girls wiggle their asses like jello.
When boys try to get in
To commit venial sin,
They go off in the air with a bellow.
--- Ed Wolfert P8405

A cowboy out in Montana
Had never seen a gymkana.
He'd never seen fish
Or Lilian Gish,
An apple, a pear, or banana.
--- Spike Mulligan

A hitchhiker left Port Alberni
To travel to Elko and Fernly.
A young blonde in a Ford
Stopped and said: "Climb aboard!".
Which he did, interrupting his journey.
--- John E Mayhood P0900

I remember one time down in Reno,
I wandered into a casino.
Just like other saps,
I lost money on Craps,
And finally went broke playing Keno
--- Gifford Wherry

In Ely, they call their town "Eely"
And I thought I could court their girls freely.
I said: "I'm a guy
On whom girls can rely."
But the Ely girls answered: "Oh, Really?"
--- P9805

The people who live in Pahrump
Think their town is more than a bump
On all the road maps,
So they build speed traps;
They're hoping to catch Forrest Gump!
--- Marlene Lewis

A traveler stopped in Pahrump
And exclaimed, "This place is a dump!
The all-night casino
Has just Bingo and Keno,
And my waitress is kind of a frump."

(this valley has endemic fish species - McW)
--- Susan Addington

There's indisputable data
That it's often warm in Nevada.
Except here in Reno,
Playing blackjack and Keno,
Where it keeps getting colder and sadda.
--- Lynn Mostafa

A New Mexico town they call Pep,
From Taos, it's only a step.
In Pep they grow peppers
And lots of high steppers;
Those kids there really are hep!
--- William K Alsop Jr

A New Mexican lass from Pie Town
Was wearing a red satin gown.
On the front was a stain
That she couldn't explain,
She said, as she wore a deep frown.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The Oregon hamlet of Fossil (OR)
Has climate you could not call docile.
Just sage brush and heat
And sand 'neath your feet.
The place would vex an Apostle.
--- Larry Davis P8805

I searched for the Oregon trail,
Never dreaming my efforts would fail;
But, in fact, let me face it,
I found not a trace. It
Is myth, either/or a gone trail.
--- Laurence Perrine P8412

It's no one-horse town, that's Tooele;
So says the town's strumpet, Priscilla.
It now owns two horses;
The problem, of course is
Deciding on which one to fill her.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She lets them take turns, don't you know,
Then she lets the dogs have a go.
She sells tickets, too!
Now tell me, would you
Like watching her kinky floor show?
--- Bonnie

When Utah's good named they do taint,
By filing a baseless complaint,
They're perpetuating
A bargain with Satan;
For partners with angels they aint.
--- Anon

Just start with a comfortable chair,
Removing the cushions with care.
Then apply broken glass
And douse it with gas,
And land with your backside all bare.
--- Anon

The smart folk of Utah, collectively,
Can correct our problems effectively.
For Hatch and his kid,
Hope for the stupid
In voters and juries, respectively.
--- Anon