I once owned a pig that could fly;
He's been away since the Fourth of July,
Though a resident New Yorker
Said seeing a porker
Hit a moon-jumping cow in the sky.
--- H Myers

The best part is right in the middle;
Whatever you do, what you did'll
Seem worse, fore and aft --
Which is why the dog laughed,
Only after the cat and the fiddle!
--- Prof M-G TP9806

Hey, fiddle me, diddle me, soon.
The cat humped the cow on the moon.
The little dog laughed
As it played with its shaft,
And the dish began forking the spoon.
--- Peter Wilkins

An astronaut, one afternoon,
Signalled: "I'm coming down soon.
I've had such a fright
From a very strange sight;
A cow jumping over the moon."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

"The sky's falling!" squawks out the old hen;
Things are falling in Chick' Little's pen;
They're just blue ceiling tiles,
Coming loose in the aisles;
The low bidder has scored once again!
--- Anon

Though Scotland Yard is still resolved,
WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN -- still unsolved.
In Scotland Yard they talk
About his name COCK,
Suspecting envy was involved
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Poor Cock Robin lies dead in the snow,
And "Who did it?", the wren wants to know.
"No, not I!" cried the sparrow,
"Not with my bow and arrow,
'Cause I loaned them to Charlie the crow!"
--- William N Nesbit P0209

I wouldn't trade Comstock his lode,
Or Horace his outstanding ode,
For that speech about cream
And sewing a seam,
That got little Curlylocks snowed.
--- Lims Unlimited

Young Froggie went courting one day
With a white water plantain bouquet.
He said, "Marry me, do."
She replied, "Marry you?
That's pondweed, you cheapskate! No way!"
--- Graham Lester

He'd kiss and the girls called him Georgie.
They'd cry and the girls called him Porgie.
So he put Spanish Fly
In their pudding and pie
And had the first tin-tot orgy.
--- David Miller

The new Georgy of Pudding and Pie
Was arrested for making girls cry.
For his serial kissing,
Much school he'll be missing.
All the boys are now wanting to try.
--- Leslie Boker

The Gingerbread Man led the chase;
Even horses a poor second place;
Till a fox that he met
Got him bothered and wet.
He got in her but thus lost the race.
--- John Miller 0114

A gingerbread man name of Sonny,
Said, handing a baker his money,
"Please give me a wife
Made of spice and all nice,
And make sure I get a real honey!"
--- Diane Christian

The actions of one Goosey Gander
Have caused him to suffer great slander;
He grabbed by the balls,
A priest of St. Paul's,
And squeezed with quite unreserved candor.
--- Armand Singer

Grasshopper chewed slowly and spit
His tobacco, which flew out and hit
The Toad, who offended --
His person defended
By tongue-lashing Grasshopper a bit.
--- John Tomlinson

Said Hansel to lovely young Gretel,
"There's a problem that we've got to settle:
If we're goin to die,
I fail to see why
We can't pass the time in begetal."
--- Norm Storer P9605

Said Hansel to lovely young Gretel,
"There's a problem that we've got to settle;
The question is which
Of us two should the witch
Cook first in her big metal kettle."
--- Norm Storer P9605

Our research in folklore discovers
Hansel and Gretel were lovers.
Hansel did all his lovin'
In Gretel's hot oven,
Located under the covers.
--- Pretty Grimm

Said Hansel, "I want some sex, too,
But no one will follow my queue.
I've gotten so sick
That I can't dip my dick,
That I've christened it Little Boy Blue."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504

A handsome young fellow named Hansel
Was raping this beautiful damsel
Without one regret till
She cried, "My name's Gretel,"
By then it was too late to cancel.
--- Irving Superior P8701

There was an Old Man of Blantyre,
Who played all day long on a lyre.
All the dogs and the cats
And the mice and the rats
Sat 'round and sang songs as a choir.
--- Harold C Bibby

A savant who lived on Vesuvius,
Said it stood on a plum-pudding pluvious.
when they asked him to prove it,
He said "I can't move it,
And so it is impossiproovious".
--- Harold C Bibby

Old King Cole was a bugger for the hole,
And a bugger for the hole was he.
He called for his wife,
And stuck her with a knife,
And out jumped a K-I-D.
--- L0933

King Cole said, "I'm just a nice bloke,
Who'd really enjoy a nice smoke,
But there seems no escape --
Those fiddlers will scape
And they're all out of tune. It's no joke!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

It been said that Old King Cole
Was a very merry old soul.
He'd call for his pipe
Each and every night,
Then he'd light up a monster-sized bowl.
--- Gearhart

As a king, he is fiendishly droll,
The monarch call Merry Old Cole.
His favorite wish
Is to mate with a fish,
So at dinner we never choose sole.
--- Ogni Gioia

The elder King Cole is so merry,
His subjects don't care he's a fairy,
Oft exploding his spend
In the court jester's end,
Enjoying a glass of fine sherry.
--- Armand Singer

Knock knock at the door. "Hello who
Is there?" "It's Little Boy Blue."
"Little Boy Blue who?"
"I'll tell you just who.
Little boy blew Mike Jackson, that's who."
--- Tiddy Ogg

By tradition, when guarding their sheep,
Shepherds sing, play the panpipes, or sleep.
But Little Boy Blue
Preferred a good screw
In the haystack with Little Bo Peep!
--- CeeJay

Horatio met Little Boy Blue:
Said, "Little Boy, what do you do?"
"It's best, Little said,
"To show you instead..."
Oooo, Boy...I'm a Hornblower, too!"
--- Travis Brasell

Mother Hubbard said, "Poor doggy, see
The cupboard's as bare as can be."
Sneered the dog, "What a shame,
You silly old dame!
It's because I've a duplicate key."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

When poor Mother Hubbard was gone,
She left Father Hubbard alone;
Each night in his car,
He'd drive to a bar
And pick up a dog for his bone.
--- Travis Brasell

There was an old mother named Hubbard
Who sat in a corner and blubbered;
For when she got there,
The corner was bare,
And she wanted a big corner cupboard.
--- Limber Limericks

This is file kom

There was an old spinster from Hubbard
Who sat in a corner and blubbered,
For the corner was bare
And she thought it was where
She had hidden a man in the cupboard.
--- Limber Limericks

Mother Hubbard was comely and fair,
But was terribly hairy down there.
To see through the thatch,
Her beau lit a match;
Now, not only her cupboard is bare.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208

Once a mouse took a thorn from the paw
Of a lion by psychical law.
Go straight to Manilla
If you have one scintilla
Of doubt that sticks in your craw.
--- Paul Niquette

Whether porridge is hot or is cold,
The ninth day, it's bound to be old.
And whether it's pease
Or whatever you please,
It's got to be covered with mold.
--- Lims Unlimited

Pete be nimble, Pete be quick,
Then she sucked on Petey's dick.
Did her duty;
Drank his spooty,
Then Pete licked her cooty slick.
--- Gearhart

Peter Piper thought it was just fine
To find peppers pickled in brine.
He said, "It would tickle
Me now if some chick'll
Come pickle my pecker in wine."
--- Norm Storer P9605

The magistrate counseled old Peter
(That lowdown debased pumpkin eater),
"It's no sacrifice
Renouncing your vice --
Try eating young pussy, it's sweeter."
--- Armand E Singer 990

Peter, Peter, titty grabber,
44's, he had to have her.
Petal's B-cups
Were not enough
44's he'd rather lather.
--- Gearhart

Peter, Peter, Petal-eater,
Also likes to suck on teater.
Likes her better
Dressed in leather,
Then with whips and chains he'll beat her.
--- Gearhart

With no help for a rhyme from my Funk 'n,
I must tell this about P P Duncan:
Both P's stand for Peter.
So what could be sweeter,
That having a sweetheart named Punkin.
--- Pierce Evans

The Queen baked a tray of jam tarts.
They were stolen by the Knave of Hearts.
On the way to his school,
He saw them getting cool;
He left not the smallest of parts.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Rip van Winkle arose from his sleep
To find that some people called CREEP
Had decided to crawl
'Neath a privacy wall
And thus, they began their deceit.
--- mdt1

Then Ichobod Crane rode right by;
He'd been a Jefferson guy.
Instead of some lead,
He just carried his head.
"You've a right to be armed" was his cry.
--- mdt1

A baby sleeping high in the trees,
Is rocked by a cool evening breeze.
When the wind grows much stronger,
The cradle stays no longer;
The babe's now very good at trapeze!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Oh, rub-a-dub-dub, here's a doozy:
Three buck-naked guys, one Jacuzzi;
Since one is a Jap,
One kike has the clap,
You can't claim they're overly choosy.
--- Armand Singer

Rumplestiltskin's an odd little man,
Borrows footwear from young Peter Pan.
He found lots of fame
From guessing his name,
But it's painted all over his van!
--- Jayne

A fairy tale (less Grimm more grim).
A princess fair both tall and slim
And bosom high
A dwarf doth spy,
Then climbs a stilt to rumple skin.
--- Irving Superior P8701

Simple Simon was off to the fair,
To sell products at profits whilst there.
He did not make a sale;
He drank plenty of ale,
Staggering home feeling full of despair.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Said the prince, "Beauty, wake from your sleep.
I've managed my prime to keep.
But for two days or more,
I've fought at your door
Through milk-bottles fifty rows deep.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

The princess slept for many long years;
A cup of tea brought her to, shedding tears.
As she drank it she stirred;
A slight whisper was heard,
Why use tea? I prefer ales or beers.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

When the witch, the fair princess would nick
With a scratch from a thorn off the thick,
The nice witch was deep,
Turning death into sleep,
Which was broke when she felt one more prick.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8701a

There once was a farmer named Jives,
Who grew tired of his seven old wives.
He gave each as her pittance
Some cats and some kittens,
And herded them out of St. Ives.
--- John Ciardi

Have you heard of the tale of three mice?
It's a tale to be told, though not nice.
A wife with a knife
Nearly cost them their life;
They would not take their parent's advice.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Said the wolf to three pigs, "You are dead.
Of your house, I will leave not a shred."
It was rumored in town
That he blew the house down,
But he blew the three piggies instead.
--- Al Chaplin P8701

Whilst high above, up in the roof,
A video camera gives proof,
Of couplings lascivious,
Which he thinks are so frivolous,
Which will compromise Officer Wolf.
--- Anon

Kids are often exhausting - Oh, brother!
It's always one thing or another.
They'll use any excuse
When they want Mother Goose,
Leaving Dad too worn out to goose Mother.
--- Jerry Nordal P0208

Said the turtle to his rival, the hare,
"You're faster but why should I care.
I'll be first at the goal
Where I'll pray for your soul."
Hares always get caught in a snare!
--- Dirruk

By the shoreline the hare sat awake
For the race was a grevious mistake.
To the tortoise, the hare
Said he was not aware
That the last mile was crossing the lake.
--- Al Chaplin P8701

Said the Hare to the Tortoise, "Dear chap,
I can catch you with ease, so I'll nap."
'Round a bend, Tortoise crept
While the Hare overslept,
And then lost, 'cause he can't read a map!
--- Prof M-G

The God of Luck I ought to shoot.
You saw I was in hot pursuit.
And at the finish line
Was just three feet behind;
That tortoise had a rabbits foot!
--- Irving Superior P8701

There was a young shepherd of Thrace
Who boasted a steely embrace.
Like Little Bo Peep
He'd grab him a sheep
And fuck it smack dab in the face.
--- Armand E Singer 85

I've a question for Little Bo Peep,
Just how did you lose all those sheep?
The pretty white lambs
With their dams, and their rams? --
"Just counting them put me to sleep."
--- Laurence Perrine P8701

Oh give me that soft woolly sheep,
Which says "Baa-aaa" as I thrust myself deep.
For it never complains
And has double the brains
Of that snivelling, whining Bo-Peep.
--- Jim Weaver Collection