At twelve, we went 'round in a gang,
Causing havoc by swearing and bang-
ing on doors and made faces
At girls with their braces.
Their bra-straps we gave them a twang.
--- Peter Wilkins

Scoutmaster Stout deftly scouted
The bums of his Scouts, but he shouted
Out loud, "There's a cunt
On this one, up front!"
And so the young Brownie was outed.
--- John Miller

'Twixt Brownies and Boy Scouts I'd rather
Have Brownies; from what I can gather.
If I could just fit in
There's probably less shit in
The place I'd be leaving my lather.
--- John Miller

Small children can count up to ten
On their fingers and thumbs, only when
I am counting on mine,
I can reach twenty-nine
Before starting over again.
--- Funfax Limericks

My little one, she's one great big grin.
I know giving in is a sin.
But she's so darn cute,
I'm irresolute.
Can I say that without chagrin?
--- Bonnie

Her grin is a thing of great beauty.
As "Auntie", I see it's my duty
To spoil the grinner,
And usually her dinner,
With cookies and candy-type booty.
--- Marlene Lewis

The small ones all know how to con,
And big grins they often will don.
They're laughing at us
And that's a big plus
For them, or the goodies are gone.
--- Archie

A good friend once told me, "'Tis the duty
Of a grandparent to give in to the cutie.
The trick is to wait
Till it's getting late,
So the parents come for "Bouncing Beauty!"
--- Hilde na Beag

A horror of pink cotton candy,
Slipped down the throat of young Mandy.
She waved and she sputtered;
Her parents they fluttered,
But her brother he thought it was dandy.
--- George Cook

My mother believes me exchanged
At the hospital rather than changed.
She said that the others,
My sisters and brothers,
Were never so nearly deranged.
--- Larry Dahl

His grip on real life was quite loose;
The small child often thought "What's the use?"
Yet he brightened his days
With the comical ways
Of a doctor named Theodore Seuss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The 'Cat in the Hat' was his favorite;
He would read every word and just savor it.
Once a girl came to look,
She soon asked for his book
And so what did he do? Yes, he gave her it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A Victorian father named Udgeon,
Whose offspring provoked him to dudgeon,
Used on Saturday nights,
To turn down the lights,
And chase them around with a bludgeon.

(dudgeon - ill humor, resentment)
--- Edward Gorey

The NRA says he can bear
Any weapon he chooses, so there!
If this eight-year old brute
Meets the wrong gang, he'll shoot --
For he knows he's too young for the chair.

(NRA - National Rifle Assoc claims the right to bear arms)
--- Norm Storer P9601

The boys of today at age ten
Have sex over and over again.
A very high ratio
Have had fellatio
And they take their licking like men.
--- Thomas Patton P9601

Patiently I waited for weeks
Just to hear my Emily speak;
The sight of her smile
Made it all worthwhile;
When she hugged me my knees went all weak.
--- Anon

"Bubbee!," she cried with a grin,
As I hurried to quick let her in,
And reached for the other,
Her sweet little brother,
Who kisses with drool on his chin.
--- Anon

Three days we frolicked and romped;
My house shook with every stomp!
She cried when she left;
I too, nearly wept
With relief, I confessed to her Mom.
--- Anon

The toys are all neatly stacked.
The trashcan is no longer packed.
With smelly old diapers
And worse looking wipers,
And fragrance my house doesn't lack.
--- Anon

I love when they come for visit.
Though there's never a chance just to sit.
When two babies cry,
You can try and try,
But two year olds like to throw fits!
--- Anon

A Girl Scout came to John's door;
She was out to sell cookies galore.
He said, "None for me,
But I'll buy happily
A Brownie, or two, or a score."
--- Joe Long

While older Girl Scouts can be fun,
The price of their cookies can stun;
While Brownies are nice,
I find at the price,
Their cookies are too underdone.
--- John Miller

As being prepared was his motto,
A virgin the scout laid in his auto.
A condom was used
And no fluid oozed,
Except from her busted tomato.
--- Vie

Something I think will amuse,
Give children free access to booze.
they'll be too pissed to play,
Or to get in your way,
And crawl off to have a quick snooze
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My daughter was five -- yesterday?
Now she's three and twenty? -- no way!
But the years have flown,
And how she is grown,
And now is a mum since this May!
--- Archie

So now I tell you and your man,
Enjoy her at five, while you can.
She'll not be there long,
She'll grow big and strong
And leave you for some hairy man.
--- Archie

But if you have loved her just right,
It won't come as much of a fright.
For a choice you once made --
Like you, she'll make the grade,
And in white, she'll make a great sight!
--- Archie

Why thank you, your lim's really nice,
She's truly my sugar and spice.
The tooth fairy thief
Stole all her front teeth,
But a nice shiny coin will suffice.
--- Jayne

In a fit of unusual dolor,
Young Percival leapt from his stroller.
He ran off unheeded;
His nursemaid proceeded
To giggle and none could console her.
--- Paul Hoffman

You punched little sister once more?
How MANY more times, Theodore,
Must I tell you
Not to hit Sue?"
Teddy, wide-eyed, ventured...Four?
--- Tutta Gioia

A horrible brat from Belgravia,
Drove his parents to thoughts of the Savior.
"By Jesus," they swore,
"We can't stand any more
Of this son of a bitch's behavior."
--- John Ciardi

My neighbor asked me to baby sit;
This kid could give Mother Teresa a fit.
The little brat
Microwaved the cat;
And twice filled his diaper with shit.
--- Puff Adder

I went to the bathroom alone.
When I came back, he'd my cellular phone.
As I took it away
Saying, "That's not for play",
I found he had dialed porn in Rome.
--- Puff Adder

This is file kjl

He said that he wanted to eat
And he liked potatoes and meat.
He wanted cake
And a big milk shake,
Then he barfed all over my feet.
--- Puff Adder

He thought that he would have some fun;
He found and fired his fathers gun.
The report was so loud
That it drew a crowd,
The neighbors called 911.
--- Puff Adder

The police came and arrested me;
I was glad to be in custody.
If it's all the same,
I'll take all the blame;
He should not be my enemy.
--- Puff Adder

I'm Tommy, and I can sure pucker
When promised a big all-day sucker;
You see, though I'm four,
I know how to score
With the woman I call Mother Tucker.
--- Norm Storer P9602

Has anyone seen my Lolita?
There's no one I've met who is sweeter.
I fear she has left
Me alone and bereft
Of a hot clenching cleft for my peter.
--- Peter Wilkins

Well, the kids really get in my hair,
But I cannot afford an Au Pair
To rattle their brains,
Till they stop being pains
And protect me from getting the chair.
--- John Miller 0161

The newborn thought it ain't fair,
To be held upside down in the air.
"What have I done
To get slapped on the bum
And exposed to the chill of the air.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

Now, young hoods are considered 'way cool'
If they rumble or burn down the school.
But when I was a lad,
I was 'evil' or 'bad'
If I farted or played with my tool.
--- William N Nesbit P9601

My five year old's just started school;
She thinks she's incredibly cool.
She knows all the ploys
Of the naughty young boys.
I tell you, my daughter's no fool.
--- H Welchel

A comely and gentle young lass
Thought kids were a pain in the ass.
"They just scream and holler;
They're truly a bother
So I hope you don't mind if I pass."
--- Anon

There once was a dad from St Paul
Who didn't like children at all.
He wondered how he
Had turned up with three,
When he really'd not want them at all.
--- Anon

He looked and he saw and behold!
She had tits that had broken the mold!
He thought, "Oh, to touch...",
But didn't do such,
For, alas, she was just twelve years old.
--- Anon

A ten-year-old charmer named Dee
Was kind to her young playmates three:
For two or more nickels,
She'd tickle their pickles,
Which swelled to the size of a tree.
--- Armand Singer

Modern girls, the elevens and twelves,
Put their morals on very back shelves.
They dress up like trollops
And they get their wallops
By playing with each other and selves.
--- Thomas Patton P9601

The reason I called up today,
Is because I have something to say.
Your dog craps in my yard
And it sure makes it hard
To clean up the kids after play.
--- Kent B Hake P9606a

My kids like to build with their blocks;
They make castles and cities and docks.
Though they make lovely floors,
Working archwise, their doors
Just collapse like an old pair of socks.
--- Anon

Six year old Jimmy O'Doole
Would openly fondle his tool.
His sex talk with the priest,
Did not faze him the least,
So in church he would play pocket pool.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9604

"It is time," Dad told pre-schooler, Dan,
"That we talk about sex, man-to-man."
Dand said, "Certainly, Dad.
I would be more than glad.
Now, what is it you don't understan'?"
--- William N Nesbit P9603 a

Our little neighbor next door,
An inquisitive kid to the core,
He always asks why?
I give it a try,
But I end up with questions galore!
--- Clinton Jones

To bring up a child with good rules,
The parents should study at schools.
To raise pigs, one need knowledge
Which you get at a college,
But most families are raised by damn fools.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2775

Earth Mother Molly McGee
Thinks children ought to be free.
She lets them run 'round,
Spring loaded and wound.
I hope she don't move in near me.
--- Anon

When Jenny was but age seven,
Her thighs were a source of pure Heaven.
She's still learning yet
And it's my bet she'll get
Even better by the time she's eleven!
--- Anon

"How many boats do you see
Afloat in the tub, dear Marie?"
She said with voice small,
"I see them all!"
As she managed her fleet on that sea...
--- Tutta Gioia

In the old days, the children were mild,
Unlike many today who are wild.
Now the law has avowed
It's no longer allowed
To be on spanking terms with your child.
--- Observer TP9901

An immature lad of Quebec,
When pouting would grab his wee neck;
And his parents were sure
That he'd never mature,
For the blood, in his brain, was in check.
--- Anon

A mother who had a bad kid
Stuffed him into a bin, with the lid.
When the rubbish-men came,
She said, "Well I'm game--
You can take him away!" And they did!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

"Our tortoise is gone. Did you know?"
Said a boy to his mother, with woe.
"How can I tell?"
When I knocked on his shell,
And said: 'Are you there?', it said no.'"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Little kids still in grade school are faced
With temptations which must be embraced.
When they use Art supplies.
What kid then never tries
As he smells his paste, not sneak a taste.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0108

Liquoring kids works just dandy;
Some aunties may give them candy.
But when they're a pain
And your going insane,
Duct tape will then come in quite handy.
--- Karen

There once was a toddler named Dash
who went from happy to sad in a flash.
Things would be swell,
Then he'd start to yell --
It seems consistency gave him a rash.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

The gift shirt for the boy was in blue,
So his friends knew his age that day too.
On the back, plain to see,
"Not for child under three,"
But on the front in big print was "I'm two!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady from Ottawa,
Whose husband,'twas said, thought a lot of her.
Which to give him his due,
Was probably true,
For he'd sired twenty brats, all begot of her.
--- G1700

A well-known Ballina hatter,
Had two sons as like as don't matter.
To the former he said:
"Run along now to bed,"
But the young man replied, "I'm the latter."
--- Anon

There once were some breeders from Maine
Whose spoiled young brats were a pain.
They always let out
Some ear-splitting shout,
That made all the neighbors complain.
--- Anon