A friend of ours living in Venice,
Found a guru who taught him what Zen is.
Meditating, my pal
Fell right in a canal;
Those flooded old streets are a menace.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

His Croatian tour guide was a hit;
Full of energy she never quit.
Her Zagreb and Dubrovnik
Gave him a big kick;
What he really liked best was her Split.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

On the ferry boat ride to Hvar,
The distance was not very far.
But the many wind spurts
Blew up the girls' skirts,
Causing views that were fit for a Czar.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

The idyllic old island Hvar
In our diary rates a big star.
On our walk near the shore,
We saw nipples galore,
'Cause nobody there wears a bra.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

A virile young fellow from Gallion,
Who was hung like a champion stallion,
Said, "I've tripped the world 'round
And from practice I've found
None can match the hot female Italian.
--- Grand Prix Lim 562

Deep 'neath the Isle of Capri,
The Blue Grotto is reached from the sea.
With awe it will fill you,
Overwhelm you and thrill you,
You'll soil yourself, I guarantee.
--- Theo M Heller P9411

On foreign affairs when in Pisa;
If girls tilt their heads that means she's a...
Head tilting's the cue
And that means that you
Can VENI to VICI like Caesar.
--- Irving Superior P9407

A call girl from Rome known as Lisa
Will take Mastercard also Visa.
She'll even take checks
For real kinky sex,
Performed in the Tower of Pisa.
--- David Miller

A Boston girl, visiting Napoli
Succumbed to a Latin, quite happily.
Her dream turned to dust,
The affair was a bust;
For the Latin made love rather crappily.
--- Don Boen P8201

My sweetie's a native-born Etnan;
She's forty, but still, she won't pet none.
In times of great need,
I walk into tall weed,
And daydream about a wild wet nun.
--- Anon

One night when we played table tennis,
Overlooking the Grand Canal, Venice,
Cried a stout gondolier:
"Look what I gotta here!"
It was Neil and his lovely wife Glenys.
--- Kevin Hale Q

In Naples a man named Mountbatten
Had purchased some porkers to fatten.
When he "Soo-wee'd" the swine
Only one came to dine,
For the other ones only spoke Latin.
--- Cyber Geezer

Make your next vacation to Pisa;
Town's got many a bosomy tease-a
You still have to pay,
But may shout "Hooray!"
In Pisa they'll always take VISA!
--- Marlene Lewis

In Italy the river Po
Through Po-land tends to gently flow
Till Polacks 'Po-land' hear.
Will Warsaw interferre
When southward Polack 'Paisans' go?
--- Irving Superior P8909

There once was a werewolf in Rome
Who lived in an old catacomb.
No gastronomical purist,
He gobbled up tourists,
Small cars, shoes, and old Kodachrome!
--- Charles Barsotti

Rome was not built in a day;
There was reason enough for delay:
The workmen all knew
That when they were through,
It would burn to the ground anyway.
--- Lims Unlimited

A person from fair Oklahoma,
Quite fervertly wished to see Roma.
But when he got there
He just sniffed the air
And suddenly fell in a coma.
--- Ernest B Mainze P8411

An extremely shy Roman from Thrace
Lay for hours in a sexual embrace.
When begged by the whore,
Will you please now withdraw!
He said, "Firsta you turna your face."
--- David A Brooks Q

There was an art-lover named Lisa
Who scoffed at the Tower of Pisa.
She said when she went,
"Nothing that bent
would ever be likely to please her."
--- Chris Young

The tale that Pisa's tower has cracks,
Of misrepresentation it smacks.
Many ponder the meaning
Of the old tower's leaning,
Which could be explained as parallax.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110

In Pisa, they've straightened the tower
With great engineering power.
Well, wouldn't you scoff
If Juliet fell off,
When she leaned to take Romeo's flower?
--- Tony Burrell

Galileo propounded the power
Of gravity on that same tower.
Did Julie fall off,
She would ding on her doff,
Just as fast as a feathery flower.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I think you have misplaced the scene;
Our Juliet there has not been.
The damsel of Pisa
Awaiting her geezer,
Was surely the other, Eileen.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm certain it was not our Juliet,
But maybe some other cocette,
Someone was up there
And having a tup there,
But Romeo was not there yet.
--- Dennis Hammes

If you've got enough cash to see Venice on,
Hire a Grand Canal gal as your benison.
But after you fondle her
On the poop of the gondola,
Remember to lay a few pennies on.

(benison - blessing, benediction)
--- Conrad Aiken

At school I was made to take classes
In Latin. The problem, alas, is
Amo and amat
And amas and all that
Does not impress Italian lasses.
--- Peter Wilkins

There are men from the north of Helsinki
Who think teetotalism is kinki,
So the long nights pass by
With loud burps and the cry
of "Lesh 'ave anuvver li'l drinki."
--- Bob Turvey P0109

It's an old Scandinavian custom
To make maidenheads pop when they bust 'em.
That's why Swedes and Norwegians
Crown northernmost regions,
And virgin old maids so disgust 'em.
--- Grand Prix Lim 382

American's hardly can tell
Where the railway excursions are swell,
But any Norwegian
Confirms there's a legion
Of return tickets issued to Hell. (NOR)
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8805

The Vikings, in contrast, were kind,
But kept all the girls they could find
With exceptional looks,
As mothers and cooks,
And left all the uglies behind.
--- John Miller

I suppose, that accounts for the way
Scandinavian girls look today.
While Brits, by and large,
Look as good as a barge,
Though I'm told they're a pretty good lay.
--- John Miller

At what do you think you are driving?
They all look the same when muff-diving.
And as for their faces,
Would you look at such places,
The Paper Bag Industry's thriving.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The girls in the south were all Angles,
Who love to hang on to what dangles.
Make sure they are true --
Lest ere they are through
They feed them right into the mangles!
--- Archie

This is file kbm

Never think of a Lapp as a sap,
For they've oceans of passion on tap...
Lappafloozies bewail
Ever waving a tail,
Or they'll get a flail in their Lapp lap.
--- Grand Prix Lim 830

Old Hengist the Viking was coarse,
And took all his women by force.
They didn't complain.
Historians explain:
Old Hengist was hung like a Norse.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A cousin of Hengist unzipped
His trousers and out his meat whipped.
Laughed Ingrid, "Though Nordic,
Your freshly-bared poor dick
Is not very amply equipped!"
--- Randog

Old Hengist had taken by force,
An old nun he caught in the gorse;
"My God!" she cried, thrilled,
"I am now fulfilled,
And feel Like I could eat a Norse."
--- David Miller

A Scandiphile girl in Zagorsk,
Invited to do something coarsk,
Replied, "I have likings
For boardings by Vikings,
But you, sir, of coursk, are not Norsk.'
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A curious lady of Norway
Was wondering, "What does the score say?"
She referred to the fact
That the screwiest act
Was performed by herself as a door-lay.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9702

The Bishop of Bergen complains
That women within his domains,
Have dallied with legions
Of horny Norwegians,
And Heaven know how many Danes.
--- Paul Bowman

A poor Viking moaned, "Oh, alas!
These horns are a pain in the ass.
The Saxons shout 'Moo!'
And 'Who's milking you?'
And offer me handfuls of grass."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Said a man from a northernly region,
"I found in the south, sex is legion.
And I could avail
Myself of some tail,
But I prefer a Norwegian collegian."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

An eager young man from Stockholm,
After giving his girl a walk home,
Would coerce her surrender,
Then over he'd bend her,
And ram his hot throbbing cock home.
--- MrMalo

There once was a man from Helsinki,
Whose dilly was awfully dinky;
One eighth of a pound,
At a half inch around,
And not quite as long as your pinky.
--- MrMalo

Some ladies I met in Smolensk,
Had passionate yearnings for gentsk;
And since all their needs
Were served by the Swedes,
They hollered for men who were Svensk.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

In Sweden's old region of Gotland,
Plagued by rodents and mice, was a pot land.
But deductable cats
If held for hunting rats,
And a farmer's appeal made it hot land.
--- Cyber Wizard

In Sweden's old region of Gotland,
Plagued by rodents and mice was a knotland,
But held hunting the cuss,
Some deductable puss,
And the farmer's appeal made it hot land.
--- Cyber Wizard

The Swedes have all sat on their tushies
And let the rats turn them to woosies.
So to poison they turn
And the carnivore's yearn,
But it's good they're supporting the pussys!
--- Cyber Wizard

The Chamber of Commerce in Sweden
Has tourist brochures most misleading.
They've changed Sweden's name
But spelled it the same.
Now Sweden, they claim's S. W. EDEN.
--- Irving Superior P8709

Said a Spaniard, with little illusion,
As he felt on his head a contusion,
"The thugs from South Spain
Are not only a pain,
They are also a snare Andalusian!"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

If only Big Bertha would ask,
I'd really quite fancy the task
Of helping her bigger
Than average figure
Squeeze onto a minuscule Basque.
--- Peter Wilkins

My lover once said with aplomb
As he dived on me like a bomb,
"I know you're a tease
But please, help me please,
Squeeze into this JUMBO condom."
--- Wobbly

Though bigger than average I'm not,
I'd happily give you a shot,
At squeezing your peter
That's long as a meter,
Right into my minuscule twat.
--- Carol

Been working, dear Carol, I fear
For almost the whole of this year;
And though rather tired,
You reply has inspired
Me to hump you right now from the rear.
--- Peter Wilkins

My homage to Catalan, bona-
Fide language of fair Barcelona;
Some speak it in Spain
And in France. (This plain
Way of writing's my Orwell persona.)
--- Anon

My vacation is over and done,
Spain's hot sunny beaches were fun.
The food's always great,
The wine is first rate,
But now I weigh close to a ton.
--- Carol

Got our first Christmas card today,
With Christmas still one month away.
This doesn't seem right;
We go to Spain tonight
For our late summer holiday.
--- Tony Burrell

An aeronaut chap, Spaceman Sid,
Would never do what he was bid.
When told to pass Mars
And go on to the stars,
He nipped off with his girl to Madrid.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

My vacation was spent in Torbay.
I had hoped for the sun every day.
With grey clouds and rain,
I said never again.
From now on it's Majorca, Ole!
--- Arthur Pattafy

In two weeks now I'll be in Spain;
Sorry if I'm being a pain.
Tapas, sangria
You'll hear me cheer
Unless, of course, I see some rain.
--- Anon

A cute girl from Spain once asked me
For lessons in English for free;
"How do you spell 'sexed'?"
She asked, quite perplexed,
I taught her to spell it: I-T.

(not a clue - McW)
--- Anon

I'm of two minds over Spaniards.
Some flamenco charm - their young lads,
But generally turds
Whilst chomping through thirds
Of plates of bulls ears and gonads.
--- Anon

Dear Chuck, he with minimal brain,
Has passed English For Dummies again;
Yes; he's now at Grade 3
And as happy can be,
'Cause he's won a vacation in Spain.
--- Anon

But god knows why Spain for he shan't
Be too happy out there 'cause he can't
Speak the lingo at all,
Though I seem to recall
That a relative lives there -- an aunt.
--- Anon

But anyway, Spain was the prize.
Coming third in the class -- no surprise
That dear Chuck won 'cause
I discovered he was
In a class with but two other guys.
--- Anon

So "Chuck", I said, "Very well done.
That's the best thing you ever have won."
And he beamed and went red;
"I've heard rumours", he said,
"That in Spain, it's all sand, sea and sun."
--- Anon

"Now *that*, Chuck, depends where you go."
"It's the Costa del Packet, you know;
And my friend, Lucky Jim
Says it's heaving with quim.
I said, 'Quim Jim? What's quim?" He said. 'Oh.'
--- Anon