With New Hampshire, our Joel's obsessed,
But the topic ain't one of his best;
Each limerick's same name
Is partly to blame,
Plus he mentions no penis or breast!
--- Mark Levy P0406

A limerick should pack a surprise
So devised as to give you a rise...
While a few want 'em clean,
Even quite epicene, (lacking characters of either sex)
This book ain't for those silly guys.
--- Grand Prix Lim 7

The limericks here are quite rude;
Some verge on being most crude;
If you write limericks,
Must it be about dicks?
Or could we have some that aren't lewd?
--- Anon

There once was a man from Racine...
No, this isn't the limerick you've seen,
This one's undergone cleaning
And removal of meaning.
Not much left of what might have been.
--- Fred Cohen P8309

This writing must really be easy,
Especially when it can be sleazy.
But let's not go too far,
Or upraise the bar;
We don't want our customers queasy!
--- Anon

I think that I once might have seen
A cute little lim that was clean.
'Twas flirty, and perty,
But not at all dirty.
I forget now what it might have been.
--- Anon

The Powers That Be of this site
Have vast editorial might.
If we wish to swear,
We must take it elsewhere,
As we can't even say shit or shite.
--- Anon

The limericks shown on this site
Cannot be as rude as they might.
Instead of conceding,
You might try misleading,
By making them think you'll shout "Excrement!"
--- aNON

I try to write limericks clean
And not in the least bit obscene;
But if I exclude
All the words that are rude,
There is little else left to be seen.
--- Anon

Are any of these limericks clean?
Or am I just being too mean?
Could I write on the Universe?
Or similar in verse?
Or would you find this most obscene?
--- Anon

Oh dammit!! I said (while away),
I'd be clean as a whistle and say
Not a thing about sex,
But instead I would flex
Intellectual muscles today.
--- Anon

Limericks are poised to be wrecked
By the curse of the politically correct.
So, quick - spoof religion,
Spout racist derision,
'Cause quite soon we'll ALL be fecked.
--- Meg McKenna P0507

This is a G-rated forum.
Write in the accepted norm.
Children are reading.
Before proceding,
Ensure us a proper decorum.
--- Hugh Clary

Proportioned precisely, this verse
Delivers a message that's terse.
Though often it may
Be slightly risque,
It seldom is downright perverse.
--- R J Winkler P8505

When it has a venomous sting,
The Limerick's a mightly good thing.
For in it, you know,
One can let himself go,
And shoot, as it were, on the wing.
--- J C Alden P9706

I was feeling quite down on my luck,
When I slipped over into some muck;
I went head over tit,
Got covered in dung,
And shouted quite loudly, "Oh bother!"
--- Anon

Printable limericks are clean,
Unless you go looking between
The words and the lines,
For suggestions and signs
That they don't always say what they mean.
--- Lims Unlimited

On the sins of my youth I have brooded:
"No more dirty rhymes, I've concluded.
So my motives, you see,
Are now pure as can be,
Though my limericks are sadly de-lewded.
--- Norm Storer P9506

The limerick's an art form complex,
That's chiefly devoted to sex;
But down by the sea,
Folks who run Amnesty
Want clean help save some necks.

(Amnesty Internation limerick contest, $5.00 per entry)
--- Bob Millington P9603

I want something new for my pleasure;
I could collect coins, or hunt treasure.
There's football and dance,
Origami, and stamps...
This limerick's too clean by a measure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

We don't do G-rated in here,
But g-strings and contents are dear,
And sexual perversion.
Perhaps a diversion
To Alt.arts...where folks write like Lear.
--- Archie

The limerick's callous and crude;
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth reading
By persons of breeding.
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2245

My limericks were written in haste.
You say they were done in bad taste?
If a limerick's too nice
And lacking in spice,
The reading is really a waste.
--- Naomi J Kahn

I'll react with a lim that is clean;
With no f-words that would be obcene.
Where I go I won't tell,
Don't care how hard you yell,
And I won't tell you where I have been.
--- Dirruk

At first I set out to devise
Some lyrics to win me the prize.
But once I had seen
That it had to be clean,
Half my words I was forced to revise.
--- Gene

L - I - M - E - R - I - C - K:
The verse for the poet at play;
But if you're too staid,
You won't make the grade --
Stick with poems for Christmas, Mother's Day!
--- Norm Storer P0510Q

There was an anthologist who
Decided that nought was taboo.
Her words are so rude,
Her verses so lewd,
I'm sure they'll appeal to you.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

All the purists say it's always best
If a limerick's beat is anapest.
Make it base and obscene,
Dirty, sick and unclean,
And take pains to avoid all the rest.
--- William N Nesbit

I like them best nasty and crude,
With images foul and rude
Like the girl from Azores
With the meat-festooned drawers
Which even the doggies eschewed.
--- Anon

Said an aging professor named Dwight,
Who composed bawdy limericks all night,
"Hell, my golf game's plumb shot,
I'm not partial to pot,
And my privates are suffering from blight."
--- Armand E Singer 1

The limerick is certainly based
On a rhythm that's beautifully paced.
But it's penchant for punning
And linguistic cunning
Is considered (by some) in bad taste.
--- Anon

Sure, I took a hiatus from rhyme,
But I can't say I had a nice time;
See, the air was too fresh,
(No allure of rank flesh)
It is here I belong, with the slime.
--- Mark Levy P9610a

Though limericks written as clean
Can still be amusing and keen,
I'm inclined to believe
And I strongly perceive
That the best ones are highly obscene.
--- Cap'n Bean P9912

This is file jzm

If you only like limericks clean,
There's a whole 'nother world you've not seen.
So check out the naughty ones,
Those raunchy and bawdy ones,
They're some of the best I've ob scene!
--- Writerman

Let's see you write a funny love story,
Bust a gut not to make it too whorey...
Forty sounds, even less,
Rhyming five-line finesse,
With the last line a hot blaze of Glory!
--- John T Coultard 8 P8504

The soul of the limerick is this:
A good one's a hot sloppy kiss.
But for the most part
They burp and they fart,
And the worst ones are brim full of piss.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

Some verses here are atrocious;
To call them limericks at all is precocious.
Replacing good wit
With offensive bullshit,
Would make Mother Theresa ferocious!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Verse of Limerick is rather strange,
And sometimes it is out of range.
But in case it is out,
I am sure, no doubt,
The unsuitable range must be changed.
--- Slava Meskhi P0007

True lovers say limericks don't rile 'em;
They simply collect and compile 'em --
The limericks of whores
And bastards and bores,
And virgins and those who defile em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0013

Here are neatly turned odes of small span,
Much concerned with our bodily plan,
And the intercorporeal
Highly sensorial
Love-life of woman and man.

(first limerick of Legman's second volume)
--- G0001

Now you have got it all wrong;
Clean limericks do not belong.
If it's clean and purty,
And not filthy dirty,
It's a Country and Western song.
--- Anon

Many's the girl I have wooed,
But there's dam fucking few I have screwed.
When it comes to a fuck,
I have no fucking luck,
No wonder this limerick is crude...
--- Anon

The limerick's admitted, a verse form:
A terse form: a curse form: a hearse form.
It may not be lyric
And at best its Satyric,
And a whale of a tale in perverse form.
--- Conrad Aiken 1964

In your swell NewsGroup I did post
A Lim seeking a ditty for toasts.
But alas, my friends dear,
Your replys made it clear
That titties not ditties matter most.
--- Susie Cue

Trip over to old "alt.arts.lims";
You'll find there no mention of quims.
While we are obscene,
Their language is clean,
With limericks they turn into hymns.
--- SFA

This endless bombardment of filt-h
Caused many a flower to wilt.
It should be a pain
That people complain,
But sadly, we just don't do guilt.
--- SFA

'Twas not the filth I deplored,
And not hoping was I to be gored,
But sad as it seems,
You have dashed my dreams,
And that, dear friends, is untoward.
--- Susie Cue

"Original" means many things,
And a change is okay if it brings
Real refreshment to Dave
And his well-aged sex slave,
Or "Asses like Jello on springs."
--- John Miller

The limerick is usually risque;
In this group, we like them that way.
But the ARTS group does not
So if that's what you've got,
Then post them in that group, okay?
--- John Miller

New limericks herein are presented --
Some simple, some bold, some demented.
There is here an arrangement
Of every derangement,
Either factual, supposed, or invented.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0012

You people are plainly disgusting!
In need of some mental adjusting!
You're all quite pathetic,
This crap ain't poetic!
Restrain your alternative lusting!

Some verses contained in this book
Include four-letter words such as "fuck".
They're rude and they're lewd;
They're not for the prude.
And if that upsets you -- don't look!
--- Michael Horgan P0409

The limerick's a queer aberration;
It's a form of sexual sublimation.
Words sent to the mind,
Like a "a rosy behind,"
End in doggerel, not copulation.
--- Limericks Hist & HysP0209

When limericking of tongue and of lips,
Do I mean of head or of hips?
Which end can I mean
Without seeming obscene,
As into the crater it slips?
--- Anon

Now we have come to the lewd,
The risque, the bawdy, the rude,
And all those narrations
Of sex aberrations
I'm certain you all have eschewed.
--- E O Parrot

I value my comfort with slang,
The freedom to name things that hang,
The right to pronounce
Those girl-things that bounce,
And use the F-word for a "bang."
--- Bob Birch P9912

It needn't be held in esteem;
The limerick is nowt but a stream
Of juvenile mush,
That's just fit to flush
Down the pan of a household latrine.
--- Donald McGill

A poet who loved to make hay,
Gave to us the 'Tip of the Day;'
"Limericks aren't clean...
They should be obscene."
To which we subscribe "Fucking A!"
--- Frank Fazed

Though your meter and rhyming be fit,
You must still add a portion of wit.
As has often been sin,
If you put garbage in,
What comes out is a bucket of shit.
--- Lance Payne P8505

The Limerick's the best poem I've seen;
If you've read them, you know what I mean.
You can read pages and pages --
They appeal to all ages --
Yet none of the good ones are clean.
--- John Patrick Riley

I'm just a dirty old man,
Getting thrills any way that I can.
Keep writing the porn,
And I'll get the horn,
While your limericks crude I will scan.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I lament, as a true connoisseur,
Clever limericks grow fewer and fewer.
For the sources are crass,
Like an old horse's ass,
And I think many stink of manure.
--- K C Morrill P0302

Or perhaps inspiration they lack,
Which explains why there's many a hack.
Without culture or genes,
They are just Philistines,
Having neither the means nor the knack.
--- K C Morrill P0302

For good limericks take time to compose;
One needs metre and rhyme, heaven knows.
But the best, I admit,
Call for deft, subtle wit,
Laced with sexual innuendos.
--- K C Morrill P0302

There once was a fellow named Bard,
Whose verse was like that in a card,
But most was obscene,
For to write stuff that's clean,
He found was just too goddamn hard.
--- Bob Birch P0508

There once was a shaggy old mutt,
Who lived in a drafty old hut.
He stayed out of the sewer
And shunned ripe manure,
But he loved to read rhymes filled with smut!
--- ROE

Here's limericks from ceiling to floor,
Just thousands o'er which you may pore.
A few might salute
A cute prostitute,
But some (GASP) refer to a whore!
--- Mark Levy P9502