On the hearth burns a log fire,
In front a rug to us inspire,
As we lay side by side,
Love burns in my eyes
And my fingers explore with desire.
--- Azul

Caresses we'll share through the night;
God this just feels so right.
I'd like to pretend
The night never ends,
But a new one will start at twilight.
--- Azul

Ell eye em ee are eye see kay:
The verse for a poet at play;
But for old maids and prudes
And Puritan dudes,
It's the sign of vile moral decay.
--- Norm Storer

So throw in the cutie for booty
And don't get your nose in a snooty.
If you rhyme just for fun
And don't dangle a pun,
Your bananas won't taste quite as fruity.
--- Anon

In that case you might hold her back,
Since the saggy ones spoil in the sack.
It's a fruit with a peel
And you're winning the deal,
With a fresh bite of old yellow, Jack.
--- Anon

AJL, AAL folks get hot
Over limerick doggerel; they're not!
The form is quite tight,
If you do it right.
But POETIC? I've not found a lot.
--- Bob 4

The rosebuds we gather in May
May wither and fade in a day.
But deep in December,
They're sweet to remember
'Neath skies that are sullen and gray.
--- Bob 4

Bestiality, incest, and sodomy,
Perversions, scatology, blasphemy.
Morality sans,
My god, it scans!
This limerick, without any profanity.
--- Q

The sonnet's for lovers delerious
Or for thoughts profound and mysterious.
The limerick's brevity
Encourages levity,
And keeps one from getting too serious
--- Norm

Perfection ain't too much to ask,
It's not such a difficult job, (task)
To get in the groove,
Your talent to justify (prove)
The in satisfaction to sunbathe. (bask)
--- Tiddy Ogg

A curious limerick this;
Trifle minimalist innit Chris?
Or maybe (what fun)
It's installment, part 1?
But more likely there's summat amiss.
--- Anon

Now, I think the chances are slim
Of making this into a lim,
Which is still just as witty,
Without sounding shitty,
Or using some stock word like "quim."
--- Anon

Limericks should never be taken
As a form fixed, unmoved and unshaken.
There is room to explore
Rhyme, rhythm, and more,
As long as the mickey is taken. (mickey finn??)
--- Duncan

Arnie writes poems by the tens,
But soon he'll be making amends,
For committing the crime
Of trailing his rhymes,
With a pen name he stole from two pens.
--- Keith Gilman P0202

The echo in here is astounding;
Distorted and strange, hollow sounding.
No lims in the air;
I lurk in dispair.
All I hear is my own heartbeat bounding.
--- John Miller

A silence that deafens, resounding
Through long barren halls and rebounding
From ceiling and floor,
Obscuring the door
Where the Reaper is silently pounding.
--- John Miller

Since New Years, the sparse elocution
Of feminine lim contribution
Has now got me pondering,
If ladies are wandering
Around in 'per verse' resolution.
--- Anon

There was an old man from Peru,
Whose limericks all looked like haiku.
He said with a laugh
"I cut them in half,
The pay is much better for two."
--- Anon

What's happened to all of my boys?
The ones with those wicked hard toys?
Who every night
Could rhyme at the sight
Of pussies and titties -- such joy!
--- Anon

The role of a lim is to shock,
Though gentleness I will not knock.
As tragedy bores
In G & S scores,
So lims should allude to some cock!
--- Anon

The Limerick is bastard or bitch;
Most times it is hard to tell which.
The fault is paternal
Or could be maternal:
Depends on which one has the itch!
--- Anon

This lewd group is my secret passion;
I haunt it to get my week's ration
Of lims, raunch and bawdy;
Then hide it, by gawdy,
To be ribald is just not in fashion!
--- Anon

Some limericks you need to read thrice,
And others you wouldn't read twice.
They just might be naughty
Or possibly bawdy --
But much that is naughty is nice.
--- James Montgomery

In limericks, it's not thought perverse
High muckety-mucks to ASPERSE.
Though they think we oughter,
Use just holy water,
We'd rather use rude bawdy verse.
--- J'Carlin

When 'bawdy' is all one can write,
And thinks that such stuff is all right,
And all one can do
Is appealing as poo;
It's certain one can't be too bright.
--- Bill Taylor P9912

I just want to go write something rude,
Something dirty, incredibly lewd;
Like an underaged louse
Getting screwed by a mouse,
Or the queen-mum is bathing all nude!'
--- Anon

The rhymes here are often salacious,
About poking and things quite fellatious;
To all of you wizards,
I say: "Leaping Lizards!
"Good Heavens!" and "My goodness gracious!"
--- Anon

Now my son, you should just hark,
'Twas written by gospeller Mark,
Those tales about Titian
And dumb mathematician,
Were writ on the walls of the ark.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A dame quite conversant in etiquette,
Tried to write dirty rhymes for Connecticut.
That bilingual wench
Even tried it in French.
But her quest to profane was patheticut!
--- Brian Belge

Because I'm so clever and keen,
No 'wrong' words will ever be seen
In limericks I write
Or prosily shite,
Since I'm apt to say what I mien.
--- Anon

You've seen from the words that we utter,
That most of us come from the gutter;
Our verses are rude
And are frequently crude;
They would likely cause Grandma to splutter.
--- Anon

The lady in search of five-liners,
Quite covered the table for diners,
With horrible scraps
Of sexual mishaps,
Of those who agreed and decliners.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

The limerick itself can be crude,
For those who're a bit of a prude.
Naughty thoughts quite free,
Written with pure glee;
I've even read some that are rude!
--- Maggie

This is file jam

It's true, I'm a talented genius,
But, a secret, if kept here betweenius,
Is that chicks who like lims
Deny me their quims,
Because of my penius teenius.
--- Anon

In limericks it's often the plan
To start off, "There was a young man,"
Who did this or that
With a dog or a cat,
That few of the rest of us can.
--- Anon

The truth of the matter, I fear,
Is, excluding the regulars here,
Most work-a-day folks
On reading those jokes,
Would wonder why we think them queer.
--- Anon

The juxtaposition of consonants
Leads teeth, tongue, and lips in a dainty dance.
And an opus of vowels
Thrills me through to my bowels,
And causes a stir in my underpants.
--- Virge

So visiting's out, but who cares?
A Limerick can catch unawares.
So words we may trade;
Get verbally laid.
How well can you lay down those snares?
--- Anon

A good limerick is certain to vex
Those especially mod horses necks;
The 15 percent
Of adults who lament
That TV is more thrilling than sex.
--- A N Wilkins P9106

Most limericks that I have seen
'Bout the clergy have all been obscene;
Now, here is a change
(Though uncommonly strange);
A bunch that are actually clean!
--- Cap'n Bean P0206

I've given up sex for a while;
I've decided it isn't my style.
I'll live like a monk
Till my willy has shrunk,
And avoid all things vulgar and vile.
--- Peter Wilkins

Azul will so seldom attack us
Or smack us or hack us or whack us
For posting indecently
(Like I did quite recently),
But out of the blue she will FAQ us.

(Azul - Frequently Asked Questions for alt.arts.limericks)
--- Travis Brasell

Can a limerick be funny yet clean?
Instead of a fucking machine,
Could you write about shopping,
Or cooking or mopping,
Now I'm joking, and just being mean.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

If limerick writers seem lecherous,
Remember, appearance is treacherous.
They're often as mild
As an infant or child --
On that you can jolly well bet yourous.
--- James Montgomery

Danny? Hey Danny! Stop snoring!
I've millions more, I'm assuring
You; lims with no sex
Which I trust won't perplex
You. (But fuck it; they're awfully boring).
--- Anon

Said a limerick writer, "I'm stuck
For a rhyme for a stud known as Chuck.
Our staid population
Proscribes copulation,
And won't let me use the word 'fuck'."
--- Barrie Collins

Clean's okay, but a bit out of place;
It's certainly not a disgrace --
But the ones that are dirty,
Sexy, sassy, and flirty,
Sure put a smile on my face!
--- Kaylin

A limerick's often obscene,
Though a good one can also be clean.
The rhymes must be right,
The meter set tight,
The wit should be clever and keen.
--- Cap'n Bean

This ode I've composed just to show,
We don't need to be stooping so low.
As to post all that stuff
About cock, tit and muff,
I just thought I'd be letting you know.
--- Anon

My rhythm and rhymes are just fine.
You're jealous 'cause this one is mine.
I've made it look easy,
And charmingly sleazy,
So don't decent verses malign!
--- Ward Hardman

I'm waking this morning to find
The obscenities clouding my mind
Have all vanished away.
On this glorious day
I feel dignified, clean and refined.
--- Anon

That last verse had hackneyed old rhymes,
So I'd better quit, (not before time,)
And I'm getting quite maud-
lin and you'll be bored,
So farewell, 'fore I'm dropped in the slime.
--- Anon

In order to keep these lines chaste,
We must compose all our words without haste.
With allusions, be crafty;
Without clothes, it's drafty!
Those fingers keep well interlaced!
--- Priestess T9801

I've worked on this limerick all day
And now, to my utter dismay,
It's a perfect try,
But it seems that I
Forgot what I wanted to say.
--- Ericka

From Jersey writes our poor friend Gene;
He asks please not to be obscene.
It's a really tough trick
To create a clean limerick.
It's so hard to do that it's MEAN!
--- Gene

A limerick that's intellectual
And lacking in reference to sexual
Has long been pondered
But not being entendre'd
Is usually quite ineffectual.
--- MrMalo a

An old versifier, through vanity,
Preferred not to publish profanity.
The expletives he'd mention
Would temper his tension
And interfere with his insanity.
--- Virge

This poem's entirely clean,
Not a word that's profane or obscene.
Not a thought incorrect
To offend any sect,
And not funny -- see what I mean?
--- Jonathan Baker P9408

An anonymous poet online
In a really short period of time,
Can compose something lewd;
Usually quite crude,
Except all those limericks of mine!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901

Like our Mayhood and Patton and Bean,
I love limericks that turn out obscene.
But while sitting in church,
From above I heard, "Birch,
Repent now and keep your stuff clean."
--- Bob Birch

Well, it's partly the shape of the thing
That gives the old limerick wing.
Those accordion pleats,
Full of airy conceits,
Take it up like a kite on a string.
--- David MacCord

I'm bummed that I missed something rude
(And naughty, offensive and crude).
Oh well, guess that's life.
I'll play with my fife
And try to improve this foul mood.
--- Anon

We now need the poems of dead whores,
And limericks with festering sores.
We can't use green meat
Nor of hermits we speak,
So give them more slime at the cores.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Pen a limerick metaphoric!
With Dantesque depth -- allegoric;
In lieu of the drivel
Which makes our brains shrivel,
I crave some phantasmagoric.
--- Anon

Though limerick lines may be lewd,
I prefer that humor be shrewed
Or rather subtle,
So in rebuttal,
Rarely do I need to be crude.
--- Jim D

There seem to be hundreds of verses.
(I haven't yet read them all; curses.)
Of those I have read,
There's no mention of head,
Nor of doggy-positions with nurses.
--- Anon