Godammit, I've screwed up my quota!
Of smut there is not one iota
Contained in this missive.
Not being dismissive,
But it's dirt mouth that jump-starts my motah.
--- Anon

A limerick that isn't obscene
Has no right to be written or seen
No need to say "fuck"
Or a word such as "suck."
But endeavor to keep them unclean.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With poems, I just want to win;
I sure would have had a large grin.
A dirty limerick
Would sure do the trick,
And this one's as dirty as sin.
--- Howard Tayler

A young man whose first named was Dick
Tried hard to write one limerick.
He wrote line after line
And he thought they were fine,
But the things that he wrote made me sick.
--- Bill Taylor P9808

To get down to the real nitty gritty,
When we started composing this ditty,
The dirt and the grime
That's emerged for sometime
Has created much muck in this city.
--- Gerry Busch

My limericks are all rated 'X'.
They're chock full of 'hards' and 'erects',
And 'humming' and hock',
And my sweet Peacock,
And sex, sex, sex, and more sex.
--- Ericka

There's a lady I know in Moline
Who writes limericks and they are clean.
It wasn't her aim
To continue this game,
And new ones are somewhat obscene.
--- Gerry Busch

Our lims about sex don't get far;
We've exhausted both pasture and bar;
Our prurient range
Of topics won't change,
As long as females stay as they are!
--- Anon

When reading these limericks, you'll see,
I've written with great liberty.
They're all about sex
In a literal context,
And not good for mixed company.
--- Anon

Though limericks will suit either gender,
Yet some are devised with such splendor
That they're far too stentorian
For young ladies Victorian,
Since they're not meant for ears that are tender.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0009

It needn't have ribaldry's taint,
Or strive to make everyone faint.
There's a type that's demure,
And perfectly pure,
Though it helps quite a lot if it ain't.
--- Don Marquis P9506

I make this disclaimer, post haste.
These limericks are not in good taste.
Before reading please sign
Below on the line,
To certify you're not too straight-laced.
--- M David Tilson

Dirty limericks are truly traditional,
With crudeness and insults additional.
But I have to agree,
They don't have to be:
Their depravity's not unconditional.
--- John Miller

If you're seeking your X-rated dose,
Rest assured that this ditty is GROSS.
With filth, sex, and gore
Till there's no room for more.
I won't write one again that comes close!
--- John Miller 0144

At one time a limerick was pure,
Quite innocent...harmless...demure.
It was playful and light,
But it dropped out of sight,
And resurfaced chuck full of manure.
--- Bob Birch

This sick and perverted old Jew
Tried expressing myself in Hai Ku,
But could not pass the test.
I find limericks best
For content obscene and taboo.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

A limerick need not be pure;
It may stink like a load of manure.
Nor need it be bawdy,
Off-color, or gaudy,
Though that does help, to be sure.
--- Laurence Perrine P9411

No wonder a sign has decreed
No limericks here of that breed.
I'm feeling quite ill
After reading my fill.
You've all put me off of my feed.
--- Gerry Busch

A Limerick, sketched in the rough,
Should undergo testing that's tough;
Does it scan like it ought,
Are the rhymes finely wrought --
And is it offensive enough?
--- Norm Storer P9804

Limericks are a test of the brain,
To get lines to rhyme yet again.
But a poem on farts,
Hardly ranks amongst arts,
Or is it just me that's insane?
--- Anon

So we hope for your edification
These Limerix bestir a sensation
The prudish call lust,
If not, they're a bust,
And pardon us for their creation.
--- Grand Prix Lim 990

"Ward Hardman fucks pigs in the ass,"
Starts a limerick that maybe will pass.
But line one's so bland,
the lim won't be grand,
'Less the rest of the verse is more crass.
--- John Miller

So junior, we ask, if you please,
The hour and moment to seize
And give us some more,
As lines two through four,
Full of all of the dreck you can squeeze.
--- John Miller

Ward Hardman fucks pigs in the butt;
If he can't find a pig then a mutt.
If it proffers its rear,
Though most folks will just sneer,
"Old Ward's a degenerate slut!"
--- John Miller

Since "pithy verse" is what I do
And though sometimes they scan askew,
If you're contented with
My forte -- basic pith,
I'll keep on raining pith on you.
--- Irving Superior P8701

The limerick meter you've hit;
And I see this one funny bit.
Your rhymes, though they're swell,
Give off a rank smell.
You're preoccupied with some shit.
--- That Guy

The prudes loudly voice condemnation
Of all forms of sex education,
But surreptitiously read
Limerick of THIS breed,
And rejoice in their edification.
--- Grand Prix Lim 5

The limerick form I eschew,
Except for a subject that's blue,
When rollicking verse
Instead of a curse
Enhances one's prurient view.
--- W H von Dreele P8904

My verse sounds like I'm drunk on hard liquor;
I'm afraid I got sick and then sicker.
My work's rarely clean
But if it's too obscene,
Don't print it and I'll never bicker.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

When I hear an answering machine
I get dirty and mean.
I must indict
Indite and recite
Limericks totally obscene.
--- Jim Jambor P9105

Limerick writing's a very crude art.
You're allowed to say teat, bum, and fart.
And if really silly,
Can even say willy;
Rhyme and scan's the cumpulsory part.
--- R Frederick

Many verses offensively rude,
Lascivious, ribald and lewd,
Are found in this book.
But please, have a look;
They're OK if you're in the right mood.
--- Dag Schjelderup P9103

My limericks it seems are inferior;
Some think they come from my posterior.
I don't mind the abuse;
It's not an excuse,
But I must have a rotten interior.
--- Tony Burrell

This is file jym

Sphincter a-twitch with delight,
Tool-drooling at verse with some bite,
I shot-wadded a pair.
'Twas that breath of foul air
From your fecally lim, set me right!
--- Anon

A limerick of classic proportion
Should have meter and rhyme and a portion
Of humor quite lewd,
And a frightfully crude
Impossible sexual contortion.
--- Anon

If you can't guess the name of the game,
Entendres Galore is its name.
The lucky one finds
What we do with our minds,
Would put Jocelyn Elders to shame.
--- Anon

There once was a poet named Rick,
Whose limericks were nowhere near slick.
His lacking in meter
Was matched by his peter,
And as funny as shitting a brick.
--- Anon

Gross and with impropiety
And never a slight hint of piety,
Is the way we all write
And some day we might
Be called the Smug Smut Society.
--- Chris Papa

Some people think they're quite witty,
Making up a humorous ditty.
But what some people write
Should not show in daylight,
As they sound really quite shitty.
--- Anon

These poems have come out of my forehead.
The subjects are all fairly torrid --
Except for a few
That will make you say, "Pugh!"
And those are the ones that are horrid.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A large part of this type of verse
About practices lewd and perverse
Is quite scatological,
Bullshit. And some is much worse.
--- Michael Horgan

You guys with the poems of dead whores
We can still use the festering sores.
We may not use green meat,
Nor of Dave may we speak,
So give them disgust to their cores.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a poet one day,
Who on limericks was oft known to say,
"Unless they are blue,
They cannot be true."
To which other poets say "Nay!"
--- Joe Long

A poet "naughty" is down on its luck;
All its poets have chosen to duck.
So I'll write, out of pity,
This sweet little ditty.
Which is too clean to be here! Oh, fuck.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'm always intrigued by the wit
Displayed in the lims that are writ;
Take Jane, for example:
She loves when we sample
The taste of her tits and her slit.
--- Anon

For your limericks you never will score --
They are rotten right down to the core.
They're abusive and crude,
Offensive and rude --
I love them, keep telling me more.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0014

Vagina snot jism ass clit,
Transvestite cock anus balls tit.
Turd urine fart fuck,
Piss rectum dick suck,
Erection twat nipple cunt shit!
--- Steve

The limericks we all love today,
Evolved a circuitous way,
From pure and quite clean
To gross and obscene,
And that's how it seems they will stay.
--- Bob Birch

The limerick's form is demanding;
To write one that's really outstanding,
You must stick to the beat,
Be sure rhymes don't repeat--
And use four-letter words in the anding.
--- Norm Storer P9505

The limerick is easy to chart,
It's more of a craft than an art.
The trick's to be cautious
And not use those nauseous
Words: shit, cock, piss, fuck and fart.
--- G2247

If things could return once again
To how they were way back when,
I could write a nice poem
About hearth and home,
Before limerickosis sets in.
--- Terry Braaten

A limerick can sing with its words;
Sweet song that can rival the birds.
But subjects profound
Very seldom are found.
A more usual topic is turds.
--- Fred Cohen P8505a

I'll make this real simple and plain.
From your advice, I shall abstain.
Words like fuck, suck and licks,
Guys with huge throbbing pricks,
Are lims I find that most entertain.
--- Anon

Dirty old man Lionel Muire,
Wrote a limerick both vile and impure.
And you'd think it most wrong
If your morals were strong,
But you won't 'cause your mind's like a sewer.
--- Donald McGill

In my heart are these harsh words engraved:
"Although it is clear that you've slaved,
No way can you sit
For the Nobel in Lit,
With verses so vile and depraved."
--- Norm Storer

My limericks, I have been told,
Are filthy as well as quite bold.
I'll clean them today,
And every washday,
Until I get rid of the mold.
--- Arden

After reading the limericks by Taylor,
My complexion grew quite a bit paler.
For I and the rest,
Well, we write at our best,
When we swear like an old drunken sailor.
--- Bob Birch P9912

If I can't write a limerick with "fuck"
in it, Damn -- all my verses will suck.
I'll go play in the street
And tell all that I meet,
That I hope I get hit by a truck.
--- Anon

Some of the group's limericks, I fear,
Seems from the SATYR's pen, dear.
They're lecherous and bawdy;
Some downright naughty!
The 'boys' seem to write with a leer!
--- Maggie

A pure poetess name of Gert,
With the limerick form she did flirt.
But beware of the yanks
And their terrible pranks,
Or they'll have you right down in the dirt.
--- Anon

The first of all people was Adam,
And out of his ribs appeared Eve;
Her primary task was to pad 'em,
The pain of her birth to relieve.
She fed him with fruit

And attempted a suit...
--- Moira Blyth

And attempted a suit...
But God said: "How crude!
Though you cease to be nude,
Never hope, my unfortunate madam,
Your apronless state to retrieve.
--- Moira Blyth

There was an old person of Dover
Who called on his sister in Deal,
With a sack hanging over his shoulder
In which was a whopping big eel.
It leapt down the area, scuttled upstairs,
--- Walter De La Mare

It gobbled up bolsters and wash-jobs and chairs.
Her boots, shoes, and slippers, in single and pairs;
And alas! when this Ogre
Had finished its meal,
There was no one in Dover with a sister in Deal.
--- Walter De La Mare

There was an old man with a gun,
Who espied an old lady named Pheasant;
She sat on a seat in the sun,
And he stared and he stared -- most unpleasant:
But at last drawing near,
--- Walter De La Mare

He made it quite clear
That he had no intention so rude to appear,
But was merely confused,
Being out with his gun,
At espying a lady named Pheasant.
--- Walter De La Mare