Finally the police did arrive
And stopped the fun from which they derived
All sorts of pleasure,
From mining the treasure
Of English, which of course, is alive!
--- Tock

From the bowels of their jail cells they still
Continue to write limericks until
Their fingers grow weary
And eyesight goes bleary
And their funny bones have just had their fill.
--- Tock

Now Tock is taking donations
For legal fees and some bribations,
To spring all his friends
Whose only offense
Was playful verbal combinations.
--- Tock

Our verse will be judged without bias,
By a jury of peers who will try us.
They'll ponder our poems
Like critics and gnomes
And if verse comes to worse, they will fry us.
--- Marc Davis

I can't quit now, I am ahead,
And what would I then do instead?
Twiddle my thumb?
That would be dumb!
I might just as well stay in bed.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A writer of limerick rhyme
Was composing too much of the time;
Until one day his boss,
Tired of taking the loss,
Proceded to kick his behime.
--- Ryan Waldron

With limerick writing I'm cursed.
While in other forms I well-versed,
My limericks are minor,
There are others much finer.
Like Germans, I have the knackwurst.
--- Gerry Busch

I knew that he wasn't about;
His very existence in doubt.
His light, just not dimmer,
Not even a glimmer;
I thought that the lightbulb went out.
--- John Miller

Some thought, "Lightbulb's in his dotage.
Others said, "He's retired to a cottage."
Though he's been gone long,
'Twas not a swan song.
He was just burning a very low wattage.
--- James

It's true what he says, "on low power;"
Been hiding, awaiting the hour.
I stalk and I lurch
As I slyly search
For a young lady to deflower.
--- Lightbulb

Good luck on your maidenhead quest!
Though pickin's are slim now, at best.
I still recall when
Girls older than ten
Could pass a virginity test.
--- John Miller

With that I tend to disagree;
I've sampled the lot, so you see,
If you want to tongue her,
Stay way from those younger.
They tast like dried blood and stale pee.
--- Lightbulb

Ladies in their twenties are best;
They know how to clean up when messed.
I dive in head first
And quench my dying thirst,
With nectar sweeter than the rest.
--- Lightbulb

There was a young girl with a pen
Who wrote a few lines now and then.
But at night in her bed,
She could cower with dread
From that terrible limerick yen.
--- Meps N Barry

I am dizzy with rhyming today,
Bending words in impossible ways.
When you spin on the rim
Of a lim, don't fall in,
Or you'll probably be lost for days
--- Jayne

At limericking you'll do just fine,
If your mind's in a rut same as mine.
This fatal affliction
Don't bank much on diction,
As long as the words fit the line.
--- Don Tidwell

There is no way you can excuse
Yourself not beeing here. Just use
The time at night
When the moon is bright.
Forget real life, you have to choose.
--- Joschi Cichon

Alas, on limericks I'm hooked.
My brain, you reckon, is cooked?
Asleep I see words
Like cattle in herds.
A date with my shrink I have booked.
--- Reminisce P9310

There was a young fellow named Chris,
Who said: "You are clearly remiss,
If upon a weekend
A lim you've not penned;
So in haste I have scribbled out this.
--- Murphy

I inherited it from my grandfather,
Who then passed it on to my mother,
An obsession with poem
A desire to show 'em,
In stanzas one after another.

If your mind is alive all the time,
Turning rhyme after rhyme after rhyme.
Even while you're in bed
Rhymes come into your head;
I'm afraid that one's just past one's prime.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A poet possesses a curse,
For he thinks in the madness of verse.
My sanity's ample,
For this small example
Is just an attempt to rehearse.
--- Anon

From the moment I got out of bed,
I rhymed everything that I said.
I know it's a crime;
I wasted my time;
I should have been working instead.
--- Bob Leclerc

As the moon wanders over my head,
My fatigue is beginning to spread.
As it reaches 12 AM,
I hear you all sayin'
"Get the hell outta here! Go to bed!"

The moment my eyes meed the dawn
And fetching the news from the lawn,
The words I keep rhyming
While checking their timing,
Until a new limerick I spawn.
--- Bob Leclerc

You should see the bags under my eyes.
I can't fool my wife, she's too wise.
But my late nights online
Reading rhyme after rhyme,
Posted here by all of you guys.
--- Anon

I once had a gal who would straddle
My gear while I sat in the saddle.
I slipped her a bun,
While doing a ton...
Just noted this Limerick is twaddle.
--- Anon

I'm sorry that I showed my face;
It's truly a great waste of space.
I hadn't the brain
To compose this refrain,
So please kick me out of your place.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Limericks are like diet pop;
When you start, it is so hard to stop.
I write twenty a day.
At work, or at play,
Until I am ready to drop.
--- Sal R

I am going to bed now -- no more!
It is already 12:54.
The only thing is
I feel guilty -- gee whiz!
'Cause I should have gone hours before.
--- Sal R

On money I'm short, to my sorrow;
No more can I beg, steal, or borrow.
I'll have to stop lurking
And go back to working,
But I guess it can wait till tomorrow.
--- John Miller

Backgammon's a game I don't play.
It would take many hours away
That I need in my work
And my other odd quirk,
All the limericks written each day.
--- Sheila B

Been absent from here for so long
I'm glad limericks is going strong.
Who else is still here
Each year-after-year,
And who in here has a big dong?

This is file jim

It's a pleasant surprise when you flounce
Back in, and I'll happily pounce
On the flimsiest chance
To get in your pants,
And answer you "Yes!" on both counts.

In re: limericks I'm known to have said,
My frustration at times turns me red.
I start with a great plan
But the damn things won't scan,
So the best ones are all in my head.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107

Some people will here post attacks
On Liberals, Far Right, and dumb hacks;
But the form that is KING
Is the limerick thing,
Which most that you wrote sorely lacks!
--- Anon

Don't try limericks, dears, they're addictive!
That sweet little beat turns vindictive!
Forced time after time
To seek rhythm and rhyme,
You'll spout anapest tales, real and fictive.
--- Cyd

The Internet brings out the worst
Of typists whose lips are all pursed.
But it gives me the hammer
When I see such bad grammar,
From ones who should all be well versed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When Earl puts his thoughts into rhyme,
He gave them a bit too much time.
On extra beat more
In lines three and four--
An error, not really a crime.
--- Earl and Moniz

Uncle Remus will shortly commence
To turn in his grave; that a dense
Poetmaster would shame
Brer Rabbit's fine name,
Writing verses so lacking in sense.
--- Anon

Does a limerick have to be crude
Or simply insightful yet rude.
I prefer politics
Over rhymes about dicks,
But perhaps I'm a bit of a prude.
--- Anon

"Oh God, no!" screamed a roach on my bed,
As I aimed Legman's book at his head.
"Not that limerick crap.
Have a heart buddy, zap
Me with Shakespeare or Milton instead."
--- Michael Weinstein

I dislike becoming the brunt
Of people who grumble and grunt.
They'll call you a wart
Or big stupid fart;
Those people whose speech is so blunt.
--- Anon

Been running with scissors today,
And I ain't been nice when I play
With those other guys.
But, take my advice --
Be careful when you get risque'.
--- Anon

We're going to play musical chairs,
The kind where you should say your prayers.
Don't think me unkind,
You open your mind,
When it should be closed for repairs.
--- Marlene Lewis

Doggerel is really bad verse
And from novices, always gets worse.
Our animal rhyming
Has such awful timing,
You'd think it was some kind of curse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

You limerick folk think you've wit,
But your crossposting gives me a fit.
Do you think ATJ
Gives a fuck either way
'Bout your humorless lame-rhyming shit?
--- Labrat

I'm afraid that your limerick sucks;
No titties or panties or fucks?
Depravity, sleaze,
Are the best, if you please;
For good lims these things are the crux!
--- Jayne

An ardent proponent of minimalism
Thought all other music was criminalism;
And what's even worse
He believed rhyming verse
Was verging on bourgeois subliminalism.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A limerick's easy to write;
You could pen ten or twenty tonight.
But when 'neath your words
Lurks a fetish for turds,
It's sick and disgusting and trite!
--- Ward Hardman

Hey, what the fuck happened to Ward?
Did he sicken from dipping his sword
In the ass of a sow
Or a horse or a cow,
Catching syph as his lasting reward?
--- John Miller

Like your pecker, lims aren't very hard;
Even you could put out like a bard,
Posting limerick poop
To this wonderful group,
'Stead of being some stupid re-tard.
--- John Miller

John Miller was rude to T.Pot.
His justification was what?
My post was too short
But his ugly retort
Has injured my feeling a lot.
--- Tepperpotamus

Now, there, take it easy, my boy;
My ugly retort was a ploy,
Which worked as it should
To prove that you could
Write a lim that we all could enjoy.
--- John Miller

But your lim doesn't work as a joke.
So now, if you'll be a nice bloke,
You'll give us some verse
On some subject perverse
That'll cause us to laugh 'til we choke.
--- John Miller

Or explain, if you can "Yanquipig".
This challenge can't be very big,
For a man with your brain;
If it proves too much strain,
Try it after a toke or a swig.
--- John Miller

I can't write these lims on computers
Unless I've had several shooters,
And if they'd be good,
Then I really should
Toke up on some really big hooters.
--- Cyber Wizard

Let it be said and be heard,
I was a tad harsh on you nerds.
Okay, I'll admit,
That I'm no hypocrit,
But I'm often seen eating my words...

For the limerick, the feminist crew
Have only contempt. In their view
It is substitute sex
For those physical wrecks:
The farts who are too old to screw.
--- A N Wilkins P9106

Polish Limericks? Hooray and whoopee!
Like Chinese of the Ming Dynasty,
Though poignant and clever,
Despite my endeavor
To translate, they're all Greek to me.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

Those sensitive souls who must scowl
At males who write limericks foul,
Might well lose the blues
If they would just use
An APERIENT just 'fore they howl.
--- Observer

Now what in the hell is this fluff?
You geezers are swiping my stuff.
The rhymes aren't right.
They give me a fright.
I'm going to storm out in a huff.
--- Frank

Your quote brings a smile and a dimple,
'Cause we all know the limerick is simple.
In this group I have found
That great minds abound,
And others, I guess, merely wimple.
--- Anon

Composing a limerick that's clever
Can be quite a tricky endeavor.
A pithy result
Whose gist is adult
Makes all of us chortle, however.
--- Randog

Don't you hate these last minute corrections,
That result from a writer's reflections;
When there's words to be changed,
Or some lines rearranged,
Or the limerick alters directions.
--- Bob Birch P0800

I'm so glad that you are enthused,
But you are most sadly confused.
Tainted by corruption,
Our steady eruption
Of rot is what keeps us amused.
--- Carol