And just what does he mean by a cranny?
Is this something that you'd tell your Granny?
Are you a great coward?
Was a wallflower deflowered?
Does it allude to getting some fanny?

(dedicated to Mr Lefever)
--- Donald McGill

Just what do you mean by a fanny?
We Yanks think this vertical cranny
Is found where the Greeks
Oft poke between cheeks,
When buggering Tom, Dick, and Danny.
--- Randog

I wait by my mailbox, each day
For a document that will say,
"We gladly hereby
With pride, certify
That Lightbulb's limericks are okay."
--- Lightbulb

Why Lightbulb, you seem pretty bright.
(Maybe socially, though, not quite right.)
But the mail is so slow.
You've been waiting to go...
I hope you can keep busy at night.
--- HMWV

The life of a lightbulb's not grand;
(Made mostly of gas, and quartz sand),
See, only a few
Get more than one screw,
And sadly, this is done by hand.
--- Lightbulb

The Bulb's plight is worse than my own:
Turned on by some Alice or Joan.
It's always turned off
With no chance to boff,
And instantly dies when its blown.
--- John Miller

There once was a cocky old blighter
With a website called limerickwriter.
He pumps out his verse,
Which is bad to worse;
Mine's younger, disease-free, and tighter.
--- Graham Lester

He charges a ten dollar fee,
So why not contract one from me?
Just give me your name;
You'll be glad you came.
Don't pay for praise, get insults for free!
--- Graham Lester

And let's not forget about Pete;
To hear from him would be a treat.
But it could be, that bard
Is working too hard,
Or shacked up in some hotel suite.
--- Observer

And Travis has gotten too old;
At least that is what I've been told.
Let's not count on him
To write us a lim;
His limerick muse has gone cold.
--- Observer

Old Archie and Marty and Hugh
Should sit down and write us a few.
And I suppose I,
Too, could give it a try.
But you know, I ain't Goin 2.
--- Observer

Having Googled the post of one malo-
Derous punk, dim and hollow,
Who's flamed us and lamed us,
Defamed and them framed us;
If he ain't around, who'll we follow.
--- Cyber Wizard

Does he come no more here to play?
Will we see him here posting someday?
If we order online,
Will he sent divine
Lims? Ask him if you see Kay.
--- Cyber Wizard

I've noticed Shagnasty is gone;
I'm wondering just for how long.
MacFilth was his name
And lims were his game,
But his silence now speaks so strong

(Jim Weaver's alias)
--- Anon

His flesh is now picked by the birds
Of prey in a pasture, where herds
Just pass him on by,
And leave the lad lie
To share the whole place with the turds.
--- Anon

Shagnasty McFilth? I don't know.
We're pure here, as fresh driven snow.
We don't talk of pricks,
Cunts, or Randy French chicks,
Who'll give you an excellent blow.
--- Anon

Fresh driven snow, you might say;
But this is not a site I must pay
For rhymes of a color.
I can save my last dollar
And read any egg you might lay.
--- Anon

It's a shame he's gone by the way;
His rhyme could sure make one's day.
But the new crop that's here
Certainly adds to the cheer;
It's different, but, oh what the hey.
--- Anon

We're missing those rhymes with the smell
Of a skunk lying dead in a well,
That no one could admire.
So I have to inquire,
What happened to Travis Brasell?
--- Hugh Clary

I heard that his whorehouse caught fire.
He wasn't consumed in the pyre,
But lies broken-hearted.
He knows how it started:
The friction of pounding desire.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Yes Tiddy, I heard that tale too.
But to sooth the questioning Hugh:
Trav's final assault
Might have been my fault...
I bit off more than I could chew.
--- Sister Christina

Oh well, that explains the hiatus,
Your sadly non-posting new status.
You've been to the south
With an overfilled mouth,
And not with the God called Priapus.
--- Archie

'Bout Travis the rumors were fell;
They're worse then we dare to retell.
We thought you had died
Or gained a new bride,
Or gone all the way down to Hell.
--- Archie

I thought he was down on his luck
When Trav drove away in his truck.
But I knew very well
He'd not gone to Hell;
In Hell there's no livestock to fuck.
--- Cyber Wizard

I look here for Travis, old Tid,
He up and plain vanished, he did.
I'm left here to wonder
If he's up or under;
I hope he just ran off and hid.
--- Frank Fazed

A regular oldie I be
And "at it" at times, I'll agree.
But losing my hair
Means limericks are rare...
Yes, rarer than taking a pee.
--- SFA

A legend I fear I'll not be,
That title belongs to Tiddy.
But like you I've aged,
And at weak streams raged,
As on my new loafers I pee.
--- Frank Fazed

Compared to the Tid, we are weak
With lims that are boring and bleak.
But I'll tell you, chum,
He'll have to go some
To catch you if you're at your peak.
--- SFA

As for species that live in the wild:
There are thousand we haven't defiled.
But we keep on trying,
There's three of us vying
As first with an elephant child.
--- John Miller

Out here, it is way far too cold
And I'm not so bold now that I'm old,
To venture in perm-
Afrost, risk hypotherm-
Ia, to bugger the sheep in their fold.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now Tiddy, I know just what's grouse.
I'll sent some off to your house.
No, not in a sack,
But in a Post Pack;
Six kits for my favorite mouse.
--- Archie

Tsk Tsk Archie, I think that it's
A nice thing to sent Tiddy kits,
But haven't you loused
Up your favorite mouse,
By sexually exploding it to bits.
--- Cyber Wizard

I think so, 'cause I've got the notion
That here, way across a big ocean,
On night my mind wandered
And as I thus pondered,
I'm sure that I heard the sexplosion.
--- Cyber Wizard

This is file ijm

It has been a while since I've lurked;
I do see the point where you're irked.
The spas all seem ripe,
Not that I'd be the type;
I think that we're around being jerked.
--- Rich Grise

But it's been a long time, I admit,
Since I've come to see wherein I fit.
The poetry sucks,
I can't make the bucks;
So really, just who gives a shit?
--- Rich Grise

Ah there, dear boy, it's sublime.
Just give it a little more time.
Your ship will come in,
And it won't be a sin!
And not only that, I can rhyme!
--- Rich Grise

O frabjous day! he proclaimed!
These verses I've thoroughly maimed!
But when we all look
For hook and for crook,
We find I'm impeccably aimed!
--- Rich Grise

So let us all learn once and all;
It looks like we're taking a fall.
But down in the pit
Is the secret of it.
So let's all go over the wall.
--- Rich Grise

I will offer up this dire prediction
Of a rapidly growing affliction.
This compulsion to write
Well into the night...
I'm talking 'bout limericks addiction.
--- Bob Birch

Limerickosis I thought in remission;
Thought it had gone to perdition.
But it came back last night,
Full of vigor aand fight,
And in a much stronger condition.
--- Dan Sullivan

With the limerick bug I'm infected;
To be truthful I think I'm addicted
To this pattern of rhyme
And its metered time.
Is anyone else so afflicted?
--- Anon

If you're starting to get Limerickosis,
Swap it quick for some bad halitosis.
Friends will still turn away,
But it's less likely that they
Will start mixing up arsenic doses.
--- Dan Sullivan

I must say I'm very impressed
At this limerick combat contest.
Using rhyme as your swords,
You deserve your rewards,
Though you people border on obsessed!
--- Big Mick

But this damn pharmacology test
Coming up, has got me overstressed.
Please, forgive the blip
As quality takes a dip,
'Cause exams cause cerebral arrest.
--- Big Mick

By now you have probably guessed,
And others will surely detest,
That I'm using Rhymezone,
Not just finding my own
Words that end in or rhyme with "-est".
--- Big Mick

But if you should kindly request,
That I'd go back to what I do best:
Using only my brain
To find words most arcane,
To wind up the poem: behest!
--- Big Mick

It's been quite a while since I've come
To relish this group, stupid chum.
I've missed your lim jewels
And stanky lim drools
And airing my spurious bum.
--- Taxciter

With spurious softness thou hast
Not ever thy putrid gas passed,
And the odor of shit
From the din ye emit
Leaves even dung beetles aghast.
--- Hugh Clary

A limerick writer is cursed,
With desire to rhyme every verse.
And it matters how long
Every word in the song
Or the end may be better or worse.
--- Leon Blum

A sweet boy named Hugh really had it
With limericks. He wasn't bad at it.
He'll return quite insane,
Then he'll have to explain
When caught up and caught out and caught at it.
--- Cyber Wizard

I have a Limerick addiction;
With my bloke its causing some friction.
He says I waste time
Making up the rhyme,
And what's more I have lousy diction.
--- Anon

The answer is simple, I think;
I'll change my style quick as a wink
And simply compile
All my mail, limerick style...
Won't be long, I'll be needing a shrink!
--- Anon

Someone please throw a lifeline to me;
I'm drowning in a limerick sea.
Whatever I say
Just comes out this way.
It'll soon be the death of me.
--- Terry Braaten

I can't stop writing these limericks;
I started it just for a few kicks.
I thought it quite hard
To write like a bard,
But it seems like I've now learned some new tricks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A man at a poets convention
Declared, "It is now my intention
To give up writing verse,
For I find it a curse,
And the writing is such a pretension."
--- Don Mulford

Good morning, hello, and good night.
I cometh and bringeth the light.
My long absence spell
Was three years of hell,
Infected with festering blight.
--- Lightbulb

My ordeal, you cannot compare;
'Twas but a life changing affair.
My PC had crashed
And limmer hopes dashed,
Though chiefly: no more solitaire!
--- Lightbulb

I tried so in vain, to forget
This limmering life on the net.
Though I can't deny
Without it, I'd die,
And life isn't life with regret.
--- Lightbulb

People said, "Get it out of your system."
Of my limericks, they've said, "We don't miss them."
But the verses are dear,
So that's why I'm here;
I've abandoned the people who've dissed them.
--- James

When I had nothing better to do,
I wrote this limerick just for you.
Be it poem or prose,
I have to compose
When my brain gets into a stew.
--- William K Alsop Jr

In the shower, I do my best rhyming,
But that really is lousy timing.
To think them up when
I can't use a pen;
I should have just taken up miming.
--- Marlene Lewis

Now Marty, there's no need to pout;
A scribe's what you need, beyuong doubt.
I'll gladly take notes
For you, if my choat's
Massaged by you when you come out.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Well, rub-a-dub-dub in the tub!
You could write while I had a scrub.
And for all of your work,
I'd give you a jerk,
But I ain't massaging you, Bub!
--- Marlene Lewis

There once was a fellow named Tock,
Who surfed oft a newsgroup that was chock
Full of humor,
That he'd sooner
Share than ridicule and mock.
--- Tock

So his friends he quickly alerted
To the humor, both sanctifed and perverted,
At alt.arts.limericks
Then took 10000 licks
For causing their peace to be diverted.
--- Tock

But soon they discovered the joys
Of five rhyming lines that annoy
Innocent bystanders,
Mountaineers and flat-landers,
Playing with words like they were toys.
--- Tock

One by one, the all joined in
Abusing language -- Oh what a sin!
They'd compose and they'd rhyme
And have a good time,
And their laughter caused quite a din.
--- Tock