Sweet Sue penned a short 'Dear John'
To her soldier at war long gone.
Said for old times sake,
With John's dear friend Jake,
She was going to carry on.
--- Dorman John Grace P9505

"I'm sorry but..." blah blah "...the end"
"I hope..." blah blah blah "... comprehend."
Blah blah blah "...too far"
Blah blah blah blah blah
"Remember, I'll still be your friend."
--- Irving Superior P9505

A French maid, who was quite put upon
By her beau, a Frog name of Jean,
Of a mind quite dismissive,
She did sent him a missive,
Belles lettres, a Dear John of Dijon.
--- Thomas G Keller P9505

A firebug by the name of Larsen
Was convicted of female arson.
He dropped a match
In his fiancee's snatch;
She sent him a Dear Johnny Carson
--- Tom Patton P9505

If the letters "Dear John" should occur,
Do not think too harshly of her.
Although love is gone,
Instead of "Dear John"
The bitch could have written, "Dear Sir:"
--- Irving Superior P9505

A buck with two does and a fawn,
Relieved themselves on the back lawn.
Which can give one a pause,
For reflection, because,
They're making the yard a 'deer john'.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505

A john costs a lot nowadays;
The style or the comfort conveys
That you give a shit
And freely admit
That a dear john's deserving of praise.
--- Al Willis P9505

The mail brought another Dear John;
I think is was sent by Yvonne.
Or maybe dear Fay
Was the sender today--
No wonder they call me Don Juan.
--- Norm Storer P9507a

"Dear John," her sad letter began,
"Please understand this if you can.
My new boyfriend, Rex,
Gives emoticon sex;
So do Steve, Alexander, and Dan."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Dear John, eight years together," wrote Vi,
"Were lovely. But last night in a bar I
Met a fellow named Cliff
Whose cock's almost a fifth
Of an inch longer that yours is. Goodbye."
--- Michael Weinstein P9505

Brad's hardware is simply revolting;
The screws he delivers are jolting.
He's nuts! He's obsessed!
So a card, I've addressed,
To nail him by writing, "I'm bolting!"
--- Mark Levy P9505

A dealer in tractors named Fetter,
Was spurned by his wife for one better.
The insensitive slut,
To pour salt in this cut,
Then wrote him a curt "John Deere" letter.
--- Bob Giandomenico

Since Slow John was a little naive,
His poor mother, though knowing he'd grieve,
Said, "I'll not sugar-coat
This missive Jane wrote;
As for you, dear John, just let her leave."
--- Mark Levy P9505

"Dear John" was the letter I got,
And my reputation is shot.
She measured my dong,
And she sang me this song:
"Little Things Still Mean A Lot."
--- Al Willis P9506

'Dear John' means of love you're bereft;
For somebody else she has left.
Since life now will suck,
You "fuck fuck fuck fuck",
One each for that lousy 4F.
--- Irving Superior P9505

Of Alden was Standish too fond.
Their friendship went (you know) beyond.
And then came Priscilla,
An Alden pants filla,
So nobly, Miles Standish, "Dear John-ed."
--- Irving Superior P9505

Dear John means that she has good-byed.
If doubtful, more proofs are supplied.
No " you" refrains;
No "...miss you" tear stains;
No condom coupons are inside.
--- Irving Superior P9505

The romance they once shared was gone,
So she wrote him a letter: "Dear John,
Enclosed is your key.
Please return to me
My pillow, with tear-stains upon!"
--- Observer

"That pillow ain't yours," he replied.
"Those stains ain't from tears that you cried.
I'll swear to Judge Judy,
'Twas all about booty.
And furthermore, my name is Clyde!"
--- Observer

"Bathroom fixtures are costly", said Ron,
"And my budget is now nearly gone."
So he sat down and wrote,
Sears and Roebuck a note,
Complaining about his dear john.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505

Suzanne, in pursuit of a mate,
Was never at loss for a date;
But, approaching the altar,
She always did falter,
And she sent Dear John Letters bulk rate.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9504

John Alden, pro Standish, raved on,
"He's handsome, successful, well-born.
The truth was divulged
When Alden's pants bulged,
So "Speak for yourself," she "Dear John-ed."
--- Irving Superior P9505

Donald Trump with Ivana now gone,
Has Marla to help carry on,
But Ivana won't quit,
Writing notes in a snit;
Their purpose, of course, to jeer Don.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505

Town Clerk to F. & G.P.: [?]
Since spending has been far too free,
It's clear that we're fated
To be higher rated,
So save on all servants but me.
--- Harold C Bibby

Sir - How strange that so many head teachers
Make statements whose dominant features
Imply that they must
Have the deepest mistrust
Of all but head-teacherly features.

(The Teacher, 27 June 1969 three verses snuck in)
--- Harold C Bibby

Engaged as I am in a college
Of education, I don't claim the knowledge
To tell every head
How to make his own bed
And this I most fully acknowledge.
--- Harold C Bibby

But how should I welcome some sign
That those who so strongly opine
On a job they've not tried
Could so modestly hide
Their omniscience quasi-divine.
--- Harold C Bibby

Dear Prof., In reply to your note,
We find you are far too remote.
To cut out conjecture,
We're cutting your lectures.
The Class (by unanimous vote).
--- Harold C Bibby

All flights that are leaving today
May well be hi-jacked on the way --
But don't lose your nerve,
For we shall still serve
A pleasant cold meal on a tray.
--- Harold C Bibby

From the Clerk of the Joint River Board.
Employees should note that the Lord
Of the Manor of Mews
Has not paid his dues.
His flooding should thus be ignored.
--- Harold C Bibby

That this House asks for a freeze
On prices and wages and fees,
And points out the need
For an action with speed,
To double the pay of M.P.'s.
--- Harold C Bibby

Dear Commodore, Will you say when
I may take firmer steps with the men?
The whole lower deck
Looks like an old wreck.
I. Whippem, Lieutenant, R.N.
--- Harold C Bibby

Dear Officers, be resolute;
Act not as the brute nor galoot.
In the face of true beauty
Remember this duty --
Your privates must rise and salute.
--- Brian Belge

This is file ium

In the shed at the end of the mews,
There's a bucket of old bolts and screws,
And right at the back
You will see a large stack
Of old junk that perhaps you can use.
--- Harold C Bibby

By bare and disputed majority
We must now give united priority
To support of each faction
That takes direct action
Against all established authority.
--- Harold C Bibby

The train that was due to depart
At 8:10 is not likely to start.
We're working to rule:
You'd best get a mule
Or a bike or a horse and a cart.
--- Harold C Bibby

If, when you have travelled by jet
And been by our courier met,
The sands are black silt,
The hotel's not yet built;
We trust you will not be upset.
--- Harold C Bibby

Admin. Memorandum to Staff.
I regret an unfortunate gaffe
By which every tutor
Received from computer
An incomprehensible graph.
--- Harold C Bibby

Please note the new list of prices.
All sandwiches, rolls and cream slices
Are up 10%,
And we cannot prevent
An increase in prices of ices.
--- Harold C Bibby

In future, by Senate decree,
I shall greet Student Reps. on one knee.
This is not lack of guts
(Which the Senate rebuts)
But a sign of our wish to agree.
--- Harold C Bibby

When cars are left here for repair,
Our charges are modest and fair.
And owners may rest
Quite content that we test
All work that is done with great care.
--- Harold C Bibby

Miss Manners has made this deduction
And offers it for girls' instruction:
All women well-bred
Will give men great head,
If every blowjob includes suction.
--- Travis Brasell

I am not Miss Manners, I'm meaner!
She is not like me, she is keener.
If men want some suck,
They're quite out of luck.
I pass them the vacuum cleaner!
--- Michelle

Miss Manners says ladies should hum,
While sucking to make their man come.
She says that the reason
Is that it's so pleasin',
Unless, of course, the gentleman's numb.
--- Jeanie

Miss Manners says teach by example,
So because you are so ample,
I will volunteer
For your hum, my dear;
Get started and give me a sample.
--- Travis

As you suck my dick's massive crown,
I hope with my load you won't drown.
This one you can follow
As my semen you swallow,
Hum "Yo Ho! Just blow the man down."
--- Travis Brasell

Miss Manners says men would be lacking
Politeness, if when they are snacking
On women's bare tits
And hair-covered clits,
To slobber and make sounds of smacking.
--- Travis Brasell

Well, Miss Manners is just for the birds!
I like hearing flattering words
And smacking's just fine
If on me you dine.
I'd offer you seconds...or thirds!
--- Anon

Miss Manners, I'd say, is a twit;
'Cause we're Speaking In Tongues, just a bit;
Good gals like that a lot;
Need to know that they've got
Such heavenly boobs, buns and clit!
--- Allen Wolverton

Miss Manners I think that you're wrong,
To complain about slathering, strong.
Now the root of your fears,
Is it's simply been years,
Since you've had in your mouth, someone's dong.
--- Chimera

Miss Manners says, those in glass houses,
When the ire of the neighbors it rouses,
For the sake of propriety,
To avoid notoriety,
Should be careful when changing their trouses.
--- Hugh Clary

Speaking as one who disrobes
By the window for fun (no bathrobes),
I find it a gas
To wiggle my ass,
As the neighbors admire my fine globes.
--- Jeanie

Miss Manners says gents should refrain
From leaving their ladies in rain;
If ladies get wet,
On this you can bet,
Their pussies will rust and cause pain.
--- Travis Brasell

Miss Manners once said in this place,
"A gal who wears panties with lace
Wants all guys to treat her
With boffing, then eat her,
Plus squirt some love juice on her face.
--- Travis Brasell

First, open a sliding glass door,
When running away from a whore,
Or else you will sever
Your dick, then whenever
You piss, it won't aim like before.
--- Travis Brasell

Miss Manners says ladies should brace
And gobble the goo with some grace;
If you swallow the slurry,
You won't have to worry
About getting a hit on your face.
--- Hugh Clary

Women should have more finesse
When swallowing -- 'twould be less mess.
As Monica knows,
The evidence shows
That hastily gobbling stains dress.
--- Travis Brasell

To the limerick I give this toast:
May you always find victoms to roast,
May your scansion be true,
And your topics be blue,
And your audience always en-grossed.
--- Norm Storer

Now this treatise has neither you see;
It's bland as a poem can be.
But it does have five lines
And the requisite rhymes,
So it serves as example from me.
--- Fred Cohen P8505

Two trimeters, rhyming, begin
The anecdotes limericks spin;
The dimeters (2)
A trimeter too,
Complete the narration therein.
--- R J Winkler P8505

There once was a man named Bruce,
And I'd like to hear his excuse,
For his horrible crimes
Of both lacking in rhymes,
And of limerick meter abuse.
--- Par Svensson

Those refusing a limerick to scrawl,
Certainly sit behind the eight ball;
A site suspicious
And not propitious
For the future of language, at all.
--- Daniel Ford

With adjusting my organ support,
I divined how to make limericks short.
My solution so solemn,
Is to write in one column.
Tell me what do you think of it, sport?

(submitted in five vertical lines)
--- Albin Chaplin P9104

"'Tis a contest," Sir Arthur decreed...
A challenge I readily heed.
But Lord cut me some slack,
If in humor these lack,
Or if metre or rhyming they need.
--- Bob Birch P0900

Iambic pentameter sounds
Like fox hunters riding to hounds.
It's snobish. Elite.
A symphonic beat.
I'd rather shoot limerick rounds.
--- Marlene Lewis

In this little war of the rhyme,
Iambic just ain't worth my time.
I'll dance to the beat
Out here in the street,
Where the limericks just cost a dime.
--- Marlene Lewis