I hope that you'll dance with no clothes,
And that I can stand pretty close.
I'm sure you'll look fine
Like back in '69,
When we ended up coming to blows.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In '69 I was jail bait.
So, Tiddy, my dear, I hate
To go burst you bubble,
But man, you're in trouble!
Apologies now are too late.
--- Marlene Lewis

A difficult form we admit
And written with dactyls with wit.
To find a key word
That's not too absurd,
On a line, itself sounding legit.
--- Anon

A good limerick's got to rhyme,
Be off-color without too much slime,
The rhythm should breeze
Right along through the sleaze
And should get to the punch-line in time.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505

Practice is always telling;
It can keep your limericks from smelling.
So now that you've learned
How a limerick is turned,
Perhaps you could practice your spelling.
--- MrMalo

Most non-limerick stuff I view bleakly;
Most newbies write limericks quite meekly.
'Twixt sex and bad rhymes
(Both together, sometimes)
At least we do try it: Tri-weekly!

(old joke tri-weekly,try-weekly,try-weakly)
--- Anon

When a five-liner happily hums
With those neat triple-time ta-da-dums,
(Though it's anyone's guess
Why two lines have one less),
It appeals to us limericking bums.
--- Mary Sullivan

The time spent with limericks is fun
In the land where word magic is spun.
Read 'em or write 'em,
Critique 'em or cite 'em.
What we do's always wittily done.
--- Esther Koch

Your rhymes fail to glitter with glamour;
Their beat makes me stutter and stammer.
You never endeavor
To be funny or clever,
And you really should work on your grammar.
--- Jerry Nordal

The limerick's never averse
To expressing itself in a terse
Economical style,
And yet, all the while,
The limerick's always a verse.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

If our verse betimes goes beyond the pale,
It's proper for our editor to rail.
Our subject's not sunny?
Our excuse is "it's funny!"
And funny should always prevail.
--- Norm Brust

Your iambs and dactyls expressed
The genius of Keats and the rest.
But for quivering quims,
And lascivious whims,
The anapest's clearly the best.
--- TuttaGioia

The limerick, now cybernetic,
Has come to be peripatetic,
In hex or in plain...
(Error message again!
This renders me quite apoplectic!)
--- Wilbur Skeels P9804

In the North and the South and the West,
And the East, if you look for a jest
In a poem that is slick,
I say the limerick,
Is the poetic form that serves best.
--- Tom Matkin

The limerick should always be terse,
It hasn't the time to coerce,
But then the last line
Should reveal your design
To make the best use of one verse.
--- Ron Price

A limerick may play the part
Of a matron, stiff, proper, and smart;
But, if you would please her,
Just tickle and tease her;
At heart he's a bit of a tart.
--- Lance Payne P8505

The LIMERICK's been long on the scene,
We find it a verse fore serene.
Both smart and concise,
Exceedingly nice,
And once in a while may be "clean."
--- Chris Papa

Your tight definition of verse
That fits with this rhyme-scheme so terse,
Excludes those of us
Who try to discuss
A series of subjects diverse.
--- Anon

Three stresses for first line rhyme one,
And again, three stresses rhyme won.
Two stresses, rhyme two,
Who stresses, rhyme too,
We finish, three stresses, rhyme fun.
--- Daniel Ford

From tension and into release
Is the way that a limerick can please.
It's usually quite whimsical
And often quite quimsical,
But why dot all I's and cross T's.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8807

A limerick, just to be sure,
Should have five line and no more.
But if you are slick,
You can do it with six,
While others require only four.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

We thought that the limerick was dead.
"We're rid of the thing," critics said.
But of course they were wrong
For the limerick's a song
That comes from the glands, not the head.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

Philologists chose to delete
The quintain as now obsolete,
But lines that are five
Are spryly alive
As limericks, giving a treat.
--- R J Winkler P8505

What's wrong with limericks, my dear?
It's poetry, that much is clear.
A limerick rhymes
And conveys as it chimes
Many deeply-held feeling sincere.
--- Peter Wilkins

Oh thank you for leaving, dear wife,
To live with your mother in Fife.
Your sister's a dish
And we'd both like to wish
You the best for the rest of your life.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm sorry, dear Grandma, you're ill,
And likely to stuff it, but still,
I hope you don't mind
Holding out 'til you've signed
This new codicil here to your will.
--- Peter Wilkins

Dear Husband, I'm writing today
To ask for divorce, if I may;
But now I'm with Roger,
Caressing his todger.
I'll write to you later, Okay?
--- Peter Wilkins

You've worked here for forty five years?
And now you're retiring? Well, cheers.
Whoever you were,
I allowed us, dear Sir,
An excuse for a couple of beers.
--- Peter Wilkins

I hear celebrations are due;
A baby! Good heavens, dear Sue.
I certainly hope
It will learn how to cope
If it turns out as ugly as you.
--- Peter Wilkins

Best to start right off with a fuck,
Unless the lim needs a quick suck.
Then slam some spuzz home
And hope that the tome
Makes laughter and prudes to upchuck.
--- H Welchel

I was once told that metrical feet
Were to help me to stay on the beat;
And talk of how lines
One, two, and five rhyme,
Three and four ending sounds, too, repeat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Once you've got a good notion with pith
Then you rhyme it with something like "myth,"
Rhyming on a bit more
In lines three and four,
Matching up with the first in the fifth.
--- Anthony Euwer P8912

I'm a creature with thirteen feet!
Though naughty at times, always neat.
I'm constructed of lines
That my species defines,
And I end with a trick that's a treat!

(a limerick of course)
--- Laurence Perrine P8508

This is file itm

Some limericks are bound to offend
Because of the fact that they tend,
If they don't run amuck,
To be like a good fuck.
The climax comes right at the end.
--- A N Wilkins P9106

The limerick is no sacred cow --
It's a verse form profane, boy and how!
It allows us to worship
Our he-ship and her-ship;
Let the service begin, starting NOW!
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

A limerick's a poetic antic
With undertones that are semantic.
It's best if it's rude,
Or crude, or just lewd,
And its meter is frequently frantic.
--- Laurence U

Anapestic, lines 3-4 in dimeter,
With trimeter 'round the perimeter;
Its rhyming display:
Its last line must flash like a scimitar.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

A low-minded poet named Mick
Preferred the verse form "limerick":
It used words like "thumping,"
Rhymed "humping" with "pumping,"
And featured the vulva and prick.
--- Armand Singer P9811

Though the limerick can not be deaded,
In 'The Limerick Fringe' it's beheaded,
Is doubled, extended,
Unrhymed or up-ended,
Or else to the haiku is wedded.
--- E O Parrot P8701

A limerick that's penned 'squeaky clean'
Oft results in its wit being lean.
So please mention a prick
Or an oversexed chick
To ensure that your poem's obscene.
--- Limb Rick

The limerick when written with grace,
Will have thirteen feet, each in its place.
If there be more or less
You've created a mess
And the limerick falls flat on its ace!
--- Al Chaplin

The limerick doesn't take long;
It's about the same as a song.
Except for the meter
That's very much neater;
Weak strong, weak weak strong, weak weak strong.
--- Elly Webb

"A limerick packs laughs geographical,
And oftentimes themes biographical,
Into space that is tight,
Pledged sleazy downright."
Says an analist paleographical.
--- Anon

What other poetical genre,
Extolls the great smarmy entendre?
Or alternate, runs
To excess of puns,
I leave to with pleasure to pondre.
--- Chris Papa

The limerick secret is FUN;
Just think of a topic or pun;
You put it to verse,
And with out-ringing curse;
Consign it to POST NOW when done!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

As a limerick-lover I'm new,
But I yearn to make rhyme that is true.
If it could find courses,
And limerick resources,
My poems would scan less askew.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In a limerick, lines one and two rhyme;
If they both have nine beats, it's in time.
Three and four lines have six,
And they match; they don't mix.
And if five matches one, it is fine.
--- John T and Donna Burt

Ditty dab, ditty dab, is the form
Of the rhymes that are shared in the dorm.
A story is told
That is often quite bold,
In all truth, sex absurd is the norm.
--- John T and Donna Burt

Each limerick presents mental pictures
In all of the verses and scriptures.
In many you'll find
A lascivious mind,
Extolling our sexual fixtures.
--- Anon

The limerick has five lines sublime,
The first, fifth, and second ones rhyme.
It also is true,
The other two do,
So write one if you have the time.
--- Ron Price

All limericks do have a key;
They must rhyme harmoniously.
And the stories they tell
Must be clever as well,
And sometimes quite bawdy they'll be!
--- Warrick Elrod

The good ones are bad, but not rickety;
Their meter goes clickety-clickety
Through five lines of verse,
Growing steadily worse,
And ending "Hot diggity dickity!"
--- Lance Payne P8505

Fundamentalists always will tell us
(The ones who are overly zealous)
Our rhymes are not dandy,
They're overly randy;
But I think they really are jealous.
--- Frank Fazed

The limerick is a tool of Satan;
Of that there can be no debatin';
With peckers and twats
And of impure thoughts,
And a whole lot of good fornicatin'.
--- MrMalo

There's a metrical scheme to put feet in it,
And a small fit of rhyming to sweeten it,
Two short lines that may
Help it get underway,
And a last line with some trick or treat in it.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

These verses in series confound
With terms exponential, unbound,
(Regardless of wealth,
Their sickness or health)
The rex and regina uncrowned.
--- Nick

The limerick's the work of the Devil,
Who tempts us and leads us to revel
In all sorts of sin,
And attempts to get in,
And dealings not quite on the level.
--- John Miller

A limerick's by nature JOCUND,
And frequently samples the fund
Of rude humor and wit
And will frequently flit
Into subjects by all WOWSERS shunned.
--- J'Carlin

The words from Tiddy were good.
I seem to have been understood.
But the irony's lost
When languages cross
And grammar fucks up the mood.
--- Duncan

Some limericks are so Goddam apt
And the meaning is so damn well wrapped,
That when all is in place,
It explodes in your face,
And you laugh so damn hard you'll have crapped.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505a

The limericks that I try to do
Are too short or too long or not new.
The rhymes that I puts
Don't have the right foots;
Could grammar be my problem too?
--- Anon

In writing a limerick -- the test --
The meter must be anapest.
If not, then forget
Your brilliant concept.
The ruling is strict (and a pest).
--- Irving Superior

When out on a date with Miss Best,
A man quoted limericks with zest.
This disturbed the girl so,
That she told him to go,
And she called him a bore anapest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0005

While Adam was holding Eve's hanza
She kicked him quite hard in the panza:
"You don't like my peter?"
Asked he. "Dear, your meter,"
Said she, "has sure wrecked the last stanza!"
--- Anon

My apology's really sincere,
Pathetic as it might appear.
I feel truly ashamed,
As I often have claimed
To be writing the best metre here.
--- Par Svensson

I hate to be telling you this,
But puns in here must have a fizz.
A five line aeration
For correct narration
Or else you will only hear "Hiss!"
--- Archie

Since the weak between strong beats are double,
In order to stay out of trouble
In Limerick's Hallways,
Remember to always
EmPHAsize the CORrect sylLAble.
--- Jerry Nordal