A limerick's a very low verse form;
Some have better, while some have far worse form.
So try if you can
To make every line scan,
Or upon my lips you'll hear a curse form.
--- Don Boen P8112

On a poetic soap-box I climb
For a limerick isn't just a rhyme.
It has rhythm in threes,
Which should come if you squeeze,
But to add dirty meanings takes time.
--- Virge

Well that one I've flushed down the pan;
It's simply too awful, young man;
But not because Cat
Ate whatever was shat,
But because of its dubious scan.
--- Anon

Of scansion, and meter, and feet,
My knowledge is quite incomplete.
From you I will learn
And respect I will earn
From you all, the rhyming Elite!
--- Beowulf

My boss, said a lady domestic,
Writes limericks and they are majestic.
But his rhythm in bed
Is a thing that I dread;
There is no way to fuck anapestic.
--- Albin Chaplin

I admit that my scansion was shit,
Just trying variations a bit;
And like it or not,
I'll not stop this rot,
But if John gets his gun then I'll quit.
--- David Miller

Of all the games under the sun,
Writing limericks must be the most fun.
To really get whythm,
You need just one rhythm:
A one-two-three, one-two-three, ONE.
--- Norm Storer

To scan is to keep to the meter
(The limerick can't stand a cheater);
If your beat's out of sync,
Your verses will stink,
And all of your fame will out-peter.
--- Norm Storer

Just checking, I'm new to the site;
Didn't know what I get in tonight.
These limericks are fun,
Though perverted by some.
They are just a kinky delight.
--- Mimi

Alas, though, your meter, young man,
(Or lady,) is rough; if you can,
Try fitting each word
To that rhythm absurd:
"I'm Popeye, the sa-i-lor man."
--- Anon

I tend to be quite a repeater,
Though rarely I'll falter or teeter.
But I'll say it once more,
What I love and adore
Are limericks that have the right metre.
--- Bob Birch P0204

A wonderous thing is the Limerick.
Writing a new one is a hard schtick.
It has a twist, do you see;
Brings you down to your knee,
And making it scan is the real trick.
--- Tobias

Christina, while you're on the floor,
And rolling in laughter, explore
The limerick fashion,
For which we've a passion,
And write one with scan we'd adore.
--- Anon

In writing a limerick -- that's how.
As you write along,
Keep singing this song.
This beat's what the purists allow.
--- Irving Superior

Anapestical verse is like leaven --
It raises girls passions toward heaven.
And it's even sweeter,
When I beat the meter
(My meter is three-nine three-seven).
--- Martin Wellborn P8808

We may find it's not rhyme that bewitches
Or causes libidinous twitches.-
What sets her a-tingle
Is not a guy's jingle,
But the meter he's got in his britches.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9106

When down and tongue-tied in fast mode,
My vocal chords can overload.
And though I can't talk,
I can still take my cock
And bang out a rhyme in morse code.
--- Anon

These limericks are easy, I think;
Just a Mexican hatdance (with drink).
But to my amazement
Such rhythic abasement
Is frequent, and most attempts stink.
--- Nevile Genie

Your over-syllabic excess
Has spoilt what is nevertheless,
A good line in rhyming;
It's just that your timing
Needs practice for future success.
--- Anon

At risk of an outlook punctilious,
Or being a tad supercilious,
I gotta point out,
Without any doubt
This scansion, quite frankly, is bilious.
--- Anon

Whenever a limerick you've done,
Please scan all the lines, one by one.
You'll know they are wrong,
If too short or too long,
Then unfocused meter you'll shun.
--- Chris Papa

Absurdly, as day turns to night
Or night turns to day, who is right?
As long as the meter
Enjoins cunt and peter,
Bad sense must give way to good shite!
--- Anon

Meter is not just that bit
About making the syllables fit.
The rhythm is needed
So when it's repeated,
It sounds like the meter's legit.
--- LadyJ

What is it about this meter
That brings to mind a man's peter?
A woman's big boobs,
Lust, dildos and lubes?
Do we all need some salt peter?

If a man writes a limerick that's "dirty,"
My wrath is not to overly stirred: he
Will ne'er gross me out --
But you can, without doubt --
If your scansion is overly wordy.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505

No malice in this brief critique,
But I flinch when one's metre is weak.
Some obviously miss
A limerist's bliss,
Not knowing of that which I speak.
--- Bob Birch P0204

In backward rhymes he would immerse
Himself and would keep his style terse.
His scheme anapestic
Was not quite majestic
But, like Bob's Spoonericks, was inverse.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402

While can be scanned, is more grand.
Thirteen feet, beating three,
With each syllable carefully planned.
--- Scott

I'm really not here to make waves;
It's meter and scanning I crave.
But lately this hole
Is out of control --
I think there are too many Daves.
--- David Miller

I sat at the table domestic,
And pondered a session incestic.
What rhythm to try
With young cousin Di,
Trochaic or maybe anapestic.
--- Archie

These limericks take me so long,
Because rhythm for me is no song;
But I'll labor and sweat
Till proficient I get --
I'll just climb there wrong by wrong.
--- Gunjan Saraf

A poet efficient, perplexed
Many folks, and it seems they were vexed,
For his theme, we deplore
Would end at line four.
The fifth line was first of the next,
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0022

A thing that left many perplexed,
For shortly his theme
Would run out of steam.
Since this line must rhyme with "the next",
It soon left the poor poet vexed

And somewhat perplexed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0022

This is file ism

Just five lines a tale you compress,
But compressing too much is a mess.

--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0017

A limerick of five lines will do
But never with four, three, or two.
For three is too short --

--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0018

A foreshortened limerick's not pure;
Its need to exist is obscure.
It is very important
That it not be foreshortened.

--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0020

A poet who lived in Verdun
Wrote limericks that stopped at line one.
Since that's how it is,
This limerick's not his.

--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0019

Whatever you don't do or do do,
The fifth line is always a hoodoo,
It is gotten by pluck
And remarkable luck
And a generous helping of voodoo.

--- Limber Limericks

The man who writes six lines, I'll bet,
Has not been located as yet.
But I sense now and then,
He's still weilding his pen,
And he's someone that one time I met,

A meeting I'll always regret.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0021

It is simple to write limericks new;
You first write line one, then line two.
Line three is no chore,
And neither is four.
When you get to line five you are through.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0016

.front to back lines wrote poet One
.brunt the took ,abuse to exposed And
track the on remain To
;back to front write must One
.dunt say I ,perverse verse write who Those
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0025

So, take it from Archie and me,
Absurdity is the right key.
For songs to be sung
With rhythm, when young,
But oldsters drink limericks with tea!
--- Anon

A limerick is something quite vicious;
When done right, it can be quite delicious.
But it seems, Oh so sad,
That with pencil and pad,
I just can't seem to get with this.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The first, second, and last lines should rhyme
With the third and fourth, too, in their time.
And if a limerick purist
Thinks yours is the poorest,
You just might be charged with a crime.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a limerick purist
Who was also an Internet tourist.
He cited the rules
For posting these jewels,
Like we needed a poetry jurist.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Of all the verse forms I know,
There's one which gives me a glow.
So I do my best trick
And wax anapestic.
Dee Doe Doe Dee Doe Doe Dee Doe.
--- Bill Munsil P9009

The limerick which brings most hilarity
Is brewed with ingenious dexterity.
It contains an event
With improbable bent
And a dash of erotic vulgarity.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9106

How to write limericks, they all asked me,
So I answered them all with much glee:
"Take five phrases that rhyme,
Put each on a line,
And insert the two between three."
--- Tom Campbell

Limericks are written for fun;
Lines two and five rhyme with line one.
Then you rhyme some more --
Rhyme three and line four --
And that is how limericks are done.
--- Al Bienstock

There are rules that you have to obey --
Like the rhyme scheme A-A-B-B-A.
A lines have nine beats;
B lines -- six repeats.
Write limericks -- you must do that way.
--- Al Bienstock

A limerick must follow some rules;
A writer can find helpful tools;
With instructions galore,
Examples and more,
Tutorials, lessons and schools.
--- Bob Birch P0204

We'll give you a welcoming cheer
If you follow the rule which is clear;
You must post only rhyme
In a limerick time
As is shown by these verses just here.
--- Dick Hull

But should you depart from the norm
We'll consider it very bad form;
We'll flame you and roast
You if prose you must post
And if spam we will kick up a storm.
--- Dick Hull

Take care of the pattern of rhyming,
As well as the meter and timing;
Just give it a try;
There's no need to be shy;
Soon that limerick bell you'll be chiming.
--- Dick Hull

And finally maybe you've seen
That a lot of our verse isn't clean;
But we can and do vary
The themes, but be wary;
Of old ones we're never too keen.
--- Dick Hull

What's this that we hear at the door?
A new limmer, there's one, maybe more.
You're here just on time
But make sure you rhyme --
Ensure that your lim'ricks don't bore.
--- Dick Hull

A lim has five lines in its length
Its rhythm is much of its strength
Its subjects are crude
(And can be quite rude) -
Some rhymes can be made up, like brength!
--- Dick Hull

The older type lims were quite dirty
So here we are often limflirty
But subjects obscure
Like a Politic cure
Can sometimes be seen to be purty!
--- Dick Hull

But lims are supposed to be funny
Like, when you are screwing your honey
And up in the air
A bee sees you there -
And stings you right there on your bummy!
--- Dick Hull

If you will engage all your power,
And let your poetic sense flower,
The chances are slim
That writing a lim
Consumes even a tenth of an hour!
--- Ward Hardman

I'll have to construct a limerick,
Some time when I can learn the trick.
For now as it is,
I have no time to whiz,
Or to play with my very limp dick.
--- Anon

--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0023

This here is a rule you can't bend:
Rhyme line one and line two with the end.
The third and the fourth
Must rhyme also, of course,
And please mind the meter, my friend.
--- Phil T

A muddled young poet named Clyde
In upside-down writing took pride.
The strain of this work
Snapped his brain with a jerk.
He was hung by the heels when he died.

(upside down mirror writing but screw it - McW)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0024

The limerick should give you a chuckle,
Perhaps even make your knees buckle;
To this end, it must hang
On everyday slang
(Coitus won't do it, but fuck'll).
--- Norm Storer

And whats with this "Don't need to rhyme"?
You started off doing just fine!
If you do it half-hearted,
You just sound retarded.
Your rhythm sucks too! Keep in time!