A limerick's a pattern of rhyme
Specific to a certain time.
You must keep the beat;
Try not to defeat
The normal syllabical chime.
--- Tutta Gioia

I'm sorry I stepped on your toes,
Or seem to be thumbing my nose.
If my being pedantic,
Makes you nervous and frantic,
That has charm of its own, I suppose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With five little lines of verse
One can express ideas so diverse,
To let loose and let fly,
Make us laugh, make us cry,
Or write something to be called perverse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

To be a true limerick fan,
Sing "Popeye the Sailor Man."
That makes it clear;
The lines you put here,
You've got to chuck into the can.
--- John Miller

Another good Texan, by thunder!
Keep up the good work and I wonder
How we could do worse
Than write scads of verse,
And out-do thos dweebs from Down Under.
--- John Miller

Dweebs from down under, by thunder,
In such an ode, 'tis easy to blunder.
If we, hale a verse,
Both obscene and perverse,
They may read it in awe and with wonder.
--- John Miller

Regarding what you put in the can,
I suspect that it didn't quite scan.
But I had a stroke
And I almost did choke
When I read "Popeye the Sailor Man."
--- John Miller

A limerick is a five line story;
It's funny or sexy or gory.
Certain lines must rhyme
Every single time,
And the meter is so mandatory.
--- Tom Patton

You're perfectly right to repeat
That limericks have rules we must meet.
But for those that ain't willable
To count every syllable,
It's easier to count out the beat.
--- Edwina Leer

Now count out the rhythm now, can we?
And next, you'll be soon to demand we
Start making them rhyme,
So I'll stop you in time,
Returning my head up Myfanwy.
--- Hugh Clary

Edwina, we all have thick skin.
We need it for the game that we're in.
Don't ever say sorry
Or we'll start to worry
'Bout places that you might have been.
--- Archie

The limerick is neat and concise,
Yet crammed with delectable spice.
There's no need for pomposity
Or extraneous verbosity
When a four-letter word will suffice.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0026

It's long and it's knobbly and large,
Like an elephant's whang or a barge.
It's harder than clay
And erupts every day,
With a crunchy volcanic discharge.
--- PeterW

In a limerick a word can be neatly
Inserted to fit in discretely.
If a limerick can not,
For a word, find a spot,
Then that word will be wasted completely.
--- Albin Chaplin P9405

Moaned a limerick neophyte, Flynn,
"I don't even know how to begin."
Said his girlfriend, "Don't pout,
If it's hard, work it out,
And if you have a joke, work it in."
--- Anon

When I was a gassoon of five,
My grandad, no longer alive,
Pulled my ding-a-ling,
While reciting that thing,
Then showed me the way to muff dive.
--- Anon

He said: "Cunt, like limerick stew,
Is best when it's fresh and it's new,
And not wholly worn
And ragged and torn,
So fella I'm saying to you..."
--- Anon

..."We don't want stuff regurgitated,
From ages when cavemen were fated,
To fuck brontosauri;
So tell us a story,
That's new, fresh and what you've created."
--- Anon

A slave to the limerick grind;
These things are rotting my mind.
At first a diversion,
But now through pervision,
I think all day long in rhyme
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A limerick made without rhyme
Exists not in space or in time.
Be you ever so clever,
You'll flunk this endeavor.
Even church bells must end with a chime.
--- Laurence Perrine P9007

The poet just couldn't decide.
"It's such a dilemma!" he cried.
"Must all my poems rhyme?
Surely not all of the time?
Or else my professor has lied."
--- Tony Davie

Knock knock, and the old door bell chimes.
"Who's there?" Cries Miss Limerick-Grimes.
"It's Anna, that's who."
"Oh yes, Anna who?"
"It's just anapestical rhymes."
--- Anon

I notice you're good with a rhyme,
Well, three out of five of the time.
To me, if it's "arse",
It's rhyming with "parse";
I'll go on with this, given time.
--- Anon

But maybe it's British you speak!
I've not heard such greatness all week.
Apparently "Class"
Just don't rhyme with "ass".
Is it snootiness? Are we just weak?
--- Rich

And please don't forget that it's true,
Whatever it is that you do.
Give me some gloss
And good dental floss;
I'm really confused through and through.
--- Rich

But all things do pass, given time,
To rhyme, with the pie of key lime.
Is it different to spell,
Is this clear as a bell?
Or are we just not worth a dime?
--- Rich

In Australia our accent, it's true,
Though similar, is quite different too;
'Cause when we say "class"
It does rhyme with "arse"
And an "ass" is a donkey like you.
--- David Miller

Sometimes my rhymes do come to aught
But am I discouraged? I'm not!
Pronoun, adjective, verb;
If it rhymes, that's superb!
Hey! I just do what I ought.
--- Barb

Though entering chrysalis fillers
Should not be pronounced caterpillars,
And although butterflies
Do not leave for the skies,
Correct sounds are sure limerick killers.
--- Prof M-G TP9806

Our favorite rhyme is "Nantucket" --
Goes with "pluck it" and "shuck it" and "bucket."
"Suck it"'s abused,
Even "Truck it" get used,
And of course you can always just -- chuck it!
--- John Miller 0011

These rhymes at times are just diluted;
And the scanning is oft convoluted.
But the humor is there,
And my meaning is clear,
Thus my aim is quite constituted.
--- William K Alsop Jr

One last one 'fore I goo.
I'm addicted you see, does it shew?
A limerick is done,
When the last word is one
Of the rhymes with the first line or two.
--- Anon

I've problems with finding a rhyme;
I fail at it time after time.
So of my depravity
With a female cavity --
Do you mind if I simply mime?
--- Anon

This is file irm

A willingness to hear accents
Boosts humor of rhymes these hacks sent.
So take grains of salt,
If not little malt,
And chuckle at verse from back vent.
--- Daniel Ford

Of love, I'm a lauder and hymner, ex-
cercizing my wit with a glimmer, ex-
tolling old lovers
Beneath untold covers,
Leaving loons, lust and lies for my Limericks.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505

There was an old man of Dunnoon
Who always ate soup with a fork.
For he said, "As I eat,
Neither fish, fowl, nor flesh,
I should otherwise finish too quick."
--- Gunjan Saraf

A limerick writer named Heim,
Who loved prehistorical time,
Explored his thesaurus
For "melgalosaurus",
Discovering more than one rhyme.
--- R J Winkler P8505

Composing a lewd limerick
Is hardly a difficult trick.
Once you've mastered the stunt
Of ramming a cunt,
There's nothing to rhyming a dick.
--- G2402

With limericks, don't forget rhyme;
It's overlooked much of the time.
This newsgroup gets worse
On ill-conceived verse,
(Though good ones are tuly sublime).
--- Buzzard

There was a young fellow from Limerick
Found that green fields made him quite hysteric.
So he sold off his farm
And flew off to the charm
Of regions much more esoteric.
--- England's Humor Sig P9012

I was looking for something sublime,
And have taken a great deal of time.
But "whimper"'s a word
That I've often heard,
But I can't find a word that will rhyme.
--- Bob Birch

Dear Child, I'm not really to blame,
If this verse appears futile and tame,
It's awfully hard
On a limerick bard
To meet an unrhymeable name.
--- Langford Reed P0503

Since your name will not rhyme, it can't go
At the end of a line, dear, and so:
I'll Margaret enter
In this verse in the centre.
With jolly good luck, cheerio!
--- Langford Reed P0503

They say "orange" you can't possibly rhyme;
'Tis easy, and the method sublime!
The secret, young fellow,
Say "Mixed, red and yellow!"
Try it; it works every time.
--- Chris Anton

Darling, I'm sorry that your inj-
Ury forfends fun, she said more in j-
Est than in shock,
When a bee stung his cock,
And it swoll up as big as an orange.
--- Anon

It is said that the name comes from Limerick
(A place that's Hibernian, not Cymric:)
I'm not too impressed
And beg to suggest
That the legend is probably chimeric.
--- C Bibby

When my energy's utterly spent
In confining my lyric intent
In strict rhyme and meter
To make it sound sweeter,
Should I say "it's been penned" or "been pent"?
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

A man picking flowers on Popocatapetl,
Decided to send S R Crockett a petal.
When asked would it keep
Through its trip o'er the deep,
He said, "Yes, If I carefully lock it up, it'll."
--- Maurice Healy, K C P0204

We all should know that a limerick,
Is a psychological gimmerick.
Through our defences it peels
'Til our psyche reveals,
And we laugh at ourselves 'til we hemmerick.
--- Charles K Watkins

A limerick writer named Pete
Wrote limericks that he thought were neat.
When told, "They don't rhyme!"
He said, "Your fault, not mine,
Because you're reading not right nor complete!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It's often the case, I confess
That my rhymes don't rhyme in the U.S.
And I think they're okay
But my wife says, "No way!"
Limeyricks I should call them I guess.
--- Graham Lester

I decided while flying a four-eng-
Ined plane that I couldn't rhyme "orange ".
To dream that I could
Or should, was as good
As hanging my hopes on a door hinge.
--- John Miller

In truth," wailed a bard from Twin Cities,
"I'm sick of good rhymes for big titties;
It's not just cocaine
That rots a man's brain --
It's penning erotical ditties."
--- Armand Singer

Oh dear! I'm addicted to Limericks!
My friends wish that I would turn stummer; "Ick!"s
And "Yucko"s abound
When I start to expound
On the schticks and the tricks that I hymn fer kicks.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412

I dreamed that I gave up the Limerick,
A prospect that seem rather grim, eh, Nick?
But rhymme's a seduction
That caused reduction
And my girl now complains I've a slimmer dick.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

The last word of line one is "Rhyme A."
Treat the second line just the same way.
Line three is "Rhyme B,"
And make line four agree;
Line five: back to "Rhyme A," okay?
--- Norm Storer

All hail to the town of Limerick,
Which profices a cognomen, generic,
For a species of verse
Which, for better or worse,
Is supported by layman and cleric.
--- H L Reed

If defined in the usual way,
As a verse from rhymed aabba,
God himself, a logician
With lots of ambition,
Can't write unrhymed limericks, No Way!
--- Laurence Perrine P9007

A limerick composer named Pitt
Liked rhyming "to wit" with "left tit,"
Or "love", "of," and "shove,"
With "thin rubber glove,"
And verses that ended in "shit."
--- Armand E Singer 806

Though not very bright, she liked Billy;
For him she would wear panties frilly.
She'd raise uup her skirt,
That brazen young flirt,
And Lil's frillies thrilled silly Billy.
--- Anon

As a poet, a young man named Buck,
Was utterly lacking in luck.
He tried limericks lecherous,
But found rhyming quite treacherous,
And to rhyme "Buck" and "luck" left him stuck.
--- Isaac Asimov

A mexican family whose
Rhymes were more visual that those,
Even though they were rough,
They still made lots of dough
Of the poems what were penned by Jose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A maiden from Jaun-les-Pins
Would pray every night for a man,
To roger her twat
With his big you-know-what,
(Because 'prick' doesn't properly scan).
--- Michael Horgan

In rhyming I'm very partic'lar;
You might even say I'm a stickler.
Rhyme babies with ladies,
And I'll wish you in Hades!
Such rhymes stink (please excuse the vernic'lar).
--- Don Boen P8201

When your sex starvation is grim, Rick,
And you find your hand on her quim, Rick,
Don't move too fast,
Let the Thrill last
And write about it in a limerick.
--- Ed Wolfert

A limerick has rules like the rest:
A-A-B-B-A rhymes the best;
Two feet in lines B,
While the A lines have three;
And all feet have the form anapest.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'll assume that the question's sincere
Or likely you'd not persevere
But a lim is unique
With a form that is sleek,
And rules that we have to adhere.
--- Anon