In poetry, scansion's the aim,
And meter's the name of the game.
Adhering to rules
Divides poets from fools,
And avoids having newsgroupers flame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Thank you for the helpful advice;
Now my limericks sound much more nice.
It's all in the rhyming
As well as the timing,
And choosing a subject of vice.
--- KJ

Freedom of Speech's what it's called
And added to that I'm big-balled.
The ones who dispute me,
Go ahead, try to shoot me, (with limericks, of course)
If you're thinking it's crap that I've scrawled.
--- Nawahl Razak

Now the shoe is upon the wrong foot!
Prepositions cannot end a long foot.
The grammarians sing
"Now that sort of thing
Is a thing, up with which, we'll not put!"
--- Scott Oliver

It is right to whrite three anapests
As a limerick's line form suggests.
Then there's two lines with two
Where the topic turns blue,
So the last line can finish with breasts.
--- Virge

Once an ass, who likes sonnets, I saw
Go "hee-haw" in fourteens, without flaw.
But another donkey
Liked the limerick and he
Went "haw-haw," then "hee-hee," and then "haw!"
--- Prof M-G

The problem with writing a verse
Is that it has to be terse.
The words have to rhyme
With meter in time,
To a theme that is slightly perverse.
--- Donald McGill

But please don't threaten assault,
Though my statement was somewhat at fault.
Just live and let live
With the take and the give,
And bring all this stuff to a halt.
--- Donald McGill

Just once in a while, with great tact,
You can alter the foot, if it lacks.
If the humor demand it,
And scansion can stand it,
You resort to the foot amphibrach.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The limerick is Irish haiku;
The rhyming is easy to do.
Forget all that jive
About five, seven, five,
And lets have some fun, me and you.
--- Mikey TP9901

When I write to my sister or friend,
I try not to use words that offend.
But like baseball's first inning,
It's just the beginning;
With limericks, it's how it will end.
--- Bob Birch

My neighbors have learned what I write,
And it's made them a little uptight;
They're spooked that my verse
Is so grim and perverse;
Now they're locking their windows at night.
--- Cap'n Bean P0311

A limericker, sometimes, iamb,
But a furriner sometimes will slam
My misuse of feet --
But they're indiscreet,
Anapest, and I don't give a damn.
--- John Miller

To refresh on what lims are about,
Eight pages of rules I print out.
My head, now is reeling
And I have the feeling
The stressing I'm messing, no doubt!
--- Emma Mara

I get in a pattern; I'm stuck.
To change has not brought me much luck.
I'll learn, mark my word!
And will not be deterred,
Anapest sure to be, you'll upchuck.
--- Emma Mara

I doubt that your readers can stanza
Fast pace of this pun bonanza,
So I'll go fack a dactyl
Till it jabbers a quacktyl
At my assonance sex-travaganza.
--- Hugh Clary

With regard to the rhymes I'm purveying,
It's a bestial urge I'm obeying.
Every word of it's true,
And it's more fun to do,
Than to write about. Know what I'm saying?
--- Anon

A manic academic fanatic
Was joking, a geezer to panic.
No joking, a jerk,
No rhyme, no work;
You're testing my patience titanic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'm sorry if that's sounding crude
But Malo said lims should be lewd
When he ruled the roost.
He liked ladies juiced
And naked and very well screwed.
--- Anon

'Twas here that he made quite a splash
And set himself up for a bash,
Which I found a pain
'Cause I wanted Jayne -
Her tits and her flesh and her gash.
--- Anon

Agreeing with what the Sage sees,
The tired old limericks just tease.
We know Fuck it and Suck it
Both rhyme with Nantucket,
But come up with something new, please!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It certainly is revealing, how
Even innocent subjects like cows,
When in limerick form
Are the subject of porn;
This is no place for a lady now.
--- Anon

Poor fellow uses verse as a crutch,
For seduction and loving and such.
But a pen is too weak
And leads him to weep --
It's not meant for holding up such.
--- Anon

All the other foot types are a sham,
For the purist (who does give a damn);
The trochee and the dactyl
Are most often impractical;
And so on, I think, thus I amb.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It is just the natural way,
To speak with a limerick sway,
And spend all your time,
Just looking for rhyme,
And hoping the girl wants to play.
--- Archie

But now, I have to point out,
That rules you must not ever flout.
Who writes prose in this place,
Get a slap in the face
With a partially frozen trout.
--- Ericka

On reading this stuff, one would think,
You two have been driven to drink.
But when I look close,
I do spot the prose --
Provided I read and don't blink.
--- Archie

It's easy to speak with the beat,
And surprising just who you can meet,
When spreading the word
Amongst all the herd,
While sitting right there on your seat.
--- Archie

Be damned! It's a new way to write
Our limericks! Plain out of sight!
But all of the rest
Won't go for this test,
And complain and claim it is a fright!
--- Cyber Wizard

But I sit here and read, what the heck?
No matter the form, it's all dreck.
But don't get uptight,
I'll still read and write,
As long as you pick up the check.
--- Cyber Wizard

Now really, you people have got
To stop writing prose in this spot.
Just look at the FAQ
And get back on the track,
And then I won't have to get hot.
--- Ericka

This limerick form conserves space,
With ample room left for the chase
Of excellent quests,
Like fondling the chests
Of gals who squat down on my face.
--- Travis Brasell

I think I've gone limerick mad;
My speech is incredibly bad.
Having feet, anapest,
But you know the rest;
Not to rhyme this last line is forbad.
--- Elliot Schilling P0205

This is file iqm

To deal meter and scansion a smack
And to warp rhymes, takes a sure knack.
The hazards are scary;
The poet can't tarry,
For oftimes the envelope shoves back.
--- Bruce

A limerick writer in training,
Was found with some poets complaining.
"I have all the time
To write a great rhyme.
I'll search for the rules without straining."
--- Al Willis

The limerick's a well know device,
But one should take care and think twice
When discussing things panderous,
To not be too slanderous,
For then you are skating on thin ice.
--- Andrew Purdom

Our discussion of rhythm and teat
In this art form would not be complete,
If we didn't give tips
On the use of one's lips,
To embrace its full passion and heat.
--- Virge

While the limerick's known for its contents,
It's quite frequently fancy or nonsense;
Should the reader be antsy,
There's nonsense and fancy,
But the rules may not seem to be constants.
--- J Maynard Kaplan P0212

Since limericks never do last,
Permit me to say to this cast:
Like sex, when you do it,
It's quick, so get to it,
And pump out your damn limericks fast!
--- Anon

Sweet ladies, I hold you all dear,
And your goodness and honor revere.
If some limericks you read
May offend, let me plead,
I'm not as they make me appear.
--- Warrick Elrod

Use three anapest feet, then align
Them in triplicate, ending at nine;
To the trimeters (rhymed)
Add two dimeters (rhymed);
Then combine, intertwine and refine.
--- R J Winkler P8505

Iambics beginning a line,
If anapests follow, are fine;
Embellish the text
With dimiters next --
Each trimeter, part of a trine.
--- R J Winkler P8505

But I do so enjoy when you write
Outrageous puns quite "out of sight".
So now, let's not shirk
Turn out some fine work,
And keep people happy and bright.
--- Fred Cohen P8505

Hexamter here are askew,
Pentameters likewise taboo;
Iambics in place
With trimeters grace,
A mixture of anapests, too.
--- R J Winkler P8505

The limerick form is a cow
For struggling poets (and how!)
Finding rhymes is a curse;
The metre is worse;
Anapestic feets don't fail me now!
--- Anon

Since confession is good for the sole,
And I'd rather my clodhops stay whole.
I'll admit that I don't,
Not to say that I won't,
Salute if it's run up the pole.
--- Anon

"A limerick ain't just about rhyme!"
We've heard this now thyme after thyme:
It's five lines well planned,
So meter, when scanned,
Avoids the appearance of chryme.
--- Anon

The RHYthm must BE anaPEST,
With ACcented SYLlables STRESSED;
When THIS is not DONE
No HEARTS will be WON,
And WE will leave REALly dePRESSED.
--- Anon

Lines ONE, two and FIVE have three FEET,
No MORE or no LESS makes them SWEET;
Lines THREE and four DO
Have FEET of just TWO
Which TAP out the TIME of the BEAT.
--- Anon

When RHYming with FEMinine ENDing,
The STRONG stress must LEAD the atTENDing
Last SYLlable SOUND
Or IT will be FOUND
To GRATE on the EARS -- quite ofFENDing!
--- Anon

A STRONG stress must NOT be emPLOYED
To START off a LINE when it's TOYED;
One WEAK stress will DO,
Or you MAY start with TWO:
Any MORE and the SCANsion's deSTROYED.
--- Anon

ReMEMber to HEAR with your EAR!
Let ACcents in SYLlables SEAR
Your BRAIN with their STRESS
And SOUND to imPRESS...
Then LIMericks RIGHT will apPEAR!
--- Anon

BeFORE we all TAKE a long LUNCH,
There's ONly one THING left to CRUNCH:
When WRITing line FIVE,
For LAND'S sakes aLIVE,
Please END with a KNEE-slappin' PUNCH!
--- Anon

I've become a bit disappointed
With limericks somewhat double-jointed.
'Cause try as I might,
The scanning's not right;
But fingers, from here, won't be pointed.
--- Frank Fazed

Some poets have master the style;
Producing sharp rhymes for a while.
But then extra words
Just pile up like turds,
Creating a big smelly pile.
--- Frank Fazed

I'm looking, unable to see
A touch of word economy.
I beg, I implore...
Less really is more.
I'll ask, once again, is it me?
--- Frank Fazed

If you wonder why I don't indent,
Just consider the effort I've spent,
Since I did take the time,
Finding words that would rhyme,
That explains where my energies went.
--- Bob Birch P9808

So who was the guy to invent
The rule saying I must indent.
And it does seem fair
To be docked for an error
On limericks I've already sent.
--- Bob Birch P9808

And who likes the capital letter,
I guess he must think they look better?
It would save me a stroke,
Were it not for that bloke,
And I'd just use those caps for the header.
--- Bob Birch P9808

If you've a penchant for rhyme,
But half the words are out of time,
da Dah da da Dah
Should be your man-tra --
The time of your slime soon will chime.
--- H Welchel

If you're a lamer or cheater,
I beg you please, correct your meter.
Squish up the words --
Smear them like turds --
As long as the beater is neater.
--- H Welchel

Your time still is lame? -- Eat some bran;
Go sit for a day on the can.
And shit like you wrote --
A few lines will float --
Maybe that rare loaf will scan!
--- H Welchel

A doctor I really must seek,
For I find everytime that I speak,
I'm talking in rhyme
Nearly all of the time.
My friends think that I am a freak!
--- Robert Hunt

Don't worry about what your friends think.
They might think that you need a shrink.
Just hang out with us,
No one makes a fuss,
'Less your rhythm is way out of sync!
--- Marlene

Mr Lear, I'm the Akond of Swat;
I am gracious and fat
In a very tall hat
And I'm heating a very large pot --
You know why, and for whoom, and for what.
--- Ethel Talbot Scheffauer

I learned limericks from an old nurse:
Five lines, bawdy and terse.
With sex she subdued me,
With poems seduced me,
Just like going from bed to verse.
--- Sam Pittman TP9806