Though all work and no play makes jack,
It also makes for pain in the back.
So take a little time
For funny word rhyme,
Ere your sleepy head his the sack.
--- Daniel Ford

Perhaps we are out of new lims,
And need to be writing new hymns.
But call this a fluke,
Then I will just puke
At tales likely written by Grimms.
--- Archie

The time spent in writing a rhyme,
Is often considered a crime
By mate who's neglected...
She felt so rejected,
She called me "a bucket of slime!"
--- Anon

'Twould appear Edward Lear had no peer
Writing verse, humor-wrapped, bringing cheer.
His Nonsense in rhyme
Caught on in due time;
Pioneer whose penned words persevere.
--- Lims In Limelight P0206

"The Irish connection," says Jean,
"Is obviously there to be seen."
But just let me be pert:
Aren't we conned for a cert
By blarney, told by a colleen?

(on Irish claims to have invented the limerick)
--- Tony Butler P8501

Professional Irishmen stand
By the statement that it was their land
Where the limerick was born,
That the verse (not the porn)
Issued straight from St. Patrick's own hand.
--- A N Wilkins P9106

Some say limerick writers are smart,
Setting scanners and rhymers apart.
While others do jeer
And say with a Lear,
The writer is just an old fart.
--- Fred Cohen P8505

I don't need a computer or mouse;
I don't need an encouraging spouse.
Takes pencil and paper
To make limericks caper;
Don't need Samson to bring down the house.
--- Esther Koch P9911

There one was a limerick writer
Whose limericks got shiter and shiter.
'Twas nowt he could do
But run himself through;
'Twas the fate of the poor little blighter.
--- Anon

Edward Lear raised his glass in a toas
t. I've finally done something to boas
t. Limericks one forty four,
All clean, but no more,
At last I have written a gross.
--- Fred Cohen P8505

A severe lack of feminine lims,
Our AJL home's lacking wims.
No more will the girlies
Give us our fun whirlies --
I think that we've worn out their quims.
--- Anon

The biographer, Viven Noakes,
Discovered a Learian hoax
About 'Danish Descent.'
Lear did not repent,
The dottiest of all masterstrokes.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9706

There is a young old one called Art,
Who likes limericks straight from the heart.
He plans his day's times
To suit his day's rhymes;
I don't think he is terribly smart.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q

We know not how limericks started
And hope that we never are parted
From verses we treasure
In moments of pleasure,
That rhymes likes these have imparted.
--- R J Winkler P8505

There was a young fellow named Reed,
Who said, "there's a need, a great need,
For a limerick book."
So he maid one--and look,
Here's the book that he made, now proceed.

(preamble to 'The Complete Limerick Book', 1924)
--- Langford Reed P9709

There was a young man from Peru.
Where he's from doesn't matter to you.
But in limerick convention
It's worthy of mention,
And it may help the rhyming out, too.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505P

"It's lierature of the absurd!"
The critics in chorus concurred.
I thought how their theory
Would strike Edward Lear? He
'd say, "Nonsense! Their theory's absurd!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

Writing limericks is daily TRAVAIL.
We do try hard not to go stale.
But try as we might,
To be funny and bright,
There are times when our rhymes simply fail.
--- Norm Brust

In Elysium, a Tablet appears
With remarks one assumes to be Lear's;
"I think it's quite great,
Not too long a wait,
Only just over one hundreed years."

(comment on Westminster Abbey Lear installation )
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8808

Limerick, spelt with one 'M'
Is as Irish as Jerusalem.
On whom do we blame,
This mistake in the name,
A man or cherchez la femme!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A limerick's not virgin, you fear,
Sans the intercourse that you revere.
But in its heyday,
'Twas merely child's play
That began and ends with a LEAR.
--- Limerick Savant

I tried to come up with a ditty
That was clever and clean and still witty.
But my failure was utter;
My mind's in the gutter.
Every one I came up with was shitty!
--- John Miller 0014

There was a young man who said: "I'd
Quite willingly swallow my pride,
And admit that my verse
Went from bad to much worse,
But at least I can say that I tried."
--- Richard Long

It's really a matter of knack;
The scansion must not be too slack.
The question of rhyme
You'll pick up in time.
Soon, like me, you're a hack!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On some limericks I stumble and curse
For the meter and rhyme are perverse.
They should have the right beat
And should stand on their feet--
They'll be better by far if they're verse.
--- Albin Chaplin P9207

You labor from midnight to morn,
Consuming a gallon of corn.
The last line comes neatly,
You pass out completely,
And thus is a limerick born.
--- Playboy Book Lim

Oft while driving from home to the lab,
With the news read, I take a first stab
At the limerick -- which poem
Oft improves driving home...
But at other times calls for rehab.
--- Prof M-G TP9806

I wish I could pen a good limerick
To Tessie the queenly old timber tick
Before time and the breeze
And the ticks in the trees
Snuff out and blow out and dim her wick.
--- William K Alsop P8910

If in traffic I'm stuck on the road,
I see guys lose their patience, a load.
But while they blow their stack,
I just calmly relax,
And think up another bad ode.
--- Anon

A limerick's easy to write
And provides a brief respite,
From sonnets and plays
On cold winter days,
And also on hot summer nights.
--- Anon

I've been lurking around for a while,
And some of the rhymes made me smile.
Then I thought to myself,
Let's hop down from the shelf
And discolor the group with some bile.
--- MrMalo

This limerick writing's an art,
But I'm just not feeling too smart.
With meter and rhyme,
I'm doing just fine;
The humor is the hard part.
--- Peter Derr

Things can always get worse than they seem;
I'm inventing a limerick machine.
And when I am done,
Where today I wrote one,
Tomorrow, one hundred fifteen!
--- John Miller 0039a

This is file ipm

On occasion while writing, I swear,
Comes a haunting thought quite hard to bear.
Did my rhyme accompli
Spring pristine out of me,
Or did I see the fifth line somewhere?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407

I have a limerick addiction,
Rhyming from fact and from fiction.
I lay away in my bed
With rhymes filling my head.
How many more have this affliction?
--- Funny Bone

When my poems are staring to grow,
And my pen in the night casts its glow,
And my mind's in a place
Where ideas give chase,
It is then that my limericks flow.
--- Cap'n Bean P0508

I don't require voyeurism to write
(He typed with a great deal of spite).
It doesnt need to be stiif,
To write down a riff,
But if I merit it, please give me a sight!
--- Anon

There are some here who just seem to drool,
At lyrics that stiffen their tool.
If you get writers block,
With the state of your cock,
Does it make you a lecherous fool?
--- Anon

Are there some here that get out their bits?
(I'm not averse to the sight of some tits)
Do I need lots of fame
To acquire their name?
Or should I sit here just squeezing my zits?
--- Anon

Will these rude words, my clean mind convert?
Will I end up just one more pervert?
Oh damn, do your worst,
If I am to be cursed,
But make sure your rhyming will divert.
--- Anon

I've not written poems for some time,
For I could think of no shit that would rhyme.
"Ha!" said my muse,
"Here's a fucking excuse:
Your the world's first limerick mime!"
--- Jeeves T9710

This holiday, before we begin
To visit our holiday kin,
For whatever it's worth,
I'll prepare for the dirth
Of limericks in here again.
--- Anon

Let vocab lightly echo Roget;
Fool around with odd rhymes every day.
Let word gems decorate
What your brains fabricate;
Next come plot twists, then, final okay.
--- Esther Koch

Limericks you should not confuse
With things like tobacco and booze.
I am not addicted,
Hooked or inflicted.
--- John Miller

I stare at this monitor dumbly;
My grey-matter flaky and crumbly.
Then quick as a flash,
A few lines I off dash,
Then relapse into senselessness numbly.
--- Anon

A limerick has only five lines;
The first two and last one all rhyme.
Lines four and three
Must rhyme perfectly,
While the rhyme is somewhat like mine.
--- VOL 1

There are some who find LimGen sublime,
Because they have taken the time
To think up something clever,
But others could never
String three words together that rhyme.
--- Anon

The words that spew forth seem quite bright;
Then I think? Am I sure? Is this right?
To spend all your time
Watching limerick rhyme.
Shit! I'll have to stay up all the night!
--- Anon

So I'll watch and I'll learn and I'll take
A page from a mag...Take a break
And I'll watch and I'll holler
I'm sure you'll all foller
And I'll sit here and think...for fucks sake.
--- Anon

Is limerick writing an art
That Muses see fit to impart?
Some deem it the craft
Of those who are daft,
Dispensing their thoughts ala carte.
--- R J Winkler P8505

At a web site called,
There's a menu to choose first lines from.
Add four more of your own,
Whether nice or off-tone,
And get starred if they shine with aplomb!

(Toastpoint used to have ongoing contests)
--- Prof M-G

The fact is, your poem is perverse.
To your scansion, I am adverse.
For only great fools
Flout a limerick's rules;
You have taken a turn for the verse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In "How to Write Limericks" by Rose,
"Inside of one's shredder one throws
A Webster's, then takes
Some shreddings and makes
Them lie in five half-even rows."
--- Irving Superior P9304

Now some of my rhymes are absurd.
I try to avoid a cuss word.
Rhyme and meter take over,
And I'm a pushover
For "titty" and "pecker" and "turd".
--- Al Willis T9707

In order to get things to rhyme,
You not only must take the time,
To get in some schtick;
For a good limerick,
Is witty, upbeat and sublime!
--- Coolbreeze

A limerick's a damn fine excuse
For lingering over the juice.
But the trouble with that
Is that after you've sat,
The limerick don't wanna let loose.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

A maddening pet peeve of mine
Is completing the very last line
Of an otherise terse
And symetrical verse,
So I just write it first--it works fine.
--- Mike Dale

A well-written limerick is lewd,
Vile, disgusting and crude.
If you find it hard
To play the bard,
Try writing them while in the nude!
--- Van

I can't seem to think straight no more,
And writing's becoming a chore.
I start but then block,
And my brain's like a rock,
And my lims smell like hermit Dave's whore.
--- Gearhart

I have the same symptoms as Jon.
My creative spark is all gone.
If only dear Carol
Would lube up my barrel,
Choice limericks thenceforth I would spawn.
--- Anon

From the first joke that ever was told,
The topics have never grown old.
E.g., Aristophanes
Spoofed sex, drugs, celebraties;
Don't pretend that you do something bold.
--- Anon

Mourned a limerick written by Aiken,
"Sometimes when at night I awaken,
And think but for Lear,
I wouldn't be here.
O how by that thought I am shaken."
--- Conrad Aiken

There once was a fellow named Dave
Who to cute little rhymes was a slave.
He's no longer surviving
Since he read them while driving
And the last thing he read: Burma-Shave.
--- Don Moore P0301

Some say it all stared with Lear,
But limeral history's not clear.
For in Ireland's small cities,
They sang of firm titties,
Though no one's quite sure of the year.
--- Bob Birch

While decoding an old Dead Sea Scroll,
I came on a passage quite droll,
Which in limerick form
(Which is hardly the norm,)
Told of Pete and his two-cubit pole.
--- John Miller

Imagine at getting a peek
Of lims Aramaic or Greek.
Who'd guess the Essenes
Had the ways or the means
To write of a thing with such cheek.
--- Tom Allen

We assembled those wee bits of parchment
To find out what our church patriarchs meant.
But like e-mail today,
What it all seemed to say,
Merely advertised penis enlargement.
--- Tom Allen