To those needing rhyme words for Cards,
In insane asylums, the guards
Will show you the cell
Where verse writers dwell,
Right next to the limerick retards.
--- Irving Superior P8612

At night when I'm lying abed,
A limerick just pops in my head.
I chuckle with pleasure
And joy beyond measure,
But next day, there's nothing instead.
--- Monique de Plume

There's a wretched, untalented guy,
Who was born of a sow in a sty,
And his limerick verse
Is appallingly worse!
If the quality's good, it is I.
--- Ward Hardman

There once was a fellow called James,
Who liked to make puns and play games.
He liked limericks best,
And was never a pest,
But he knew lots of folks with weird names.
--- Dena Norton

Note: Jarmo makes no excuse
For Limerick form overuse.
Nor for his views
Or attemps to amuse,
With targeted textual abuse.
--- Jarmo

Two hobbies has Frederick Hines.
He, limericks and fishing combines.
When out on a pier
And musing on Lear,
He fishes while using five lines.
--- Irving Superior P9203

So familiar to me was his name,
I wondered to what was his aim.
After Barbie departed
Lim writing he's started?
I think he is one and the same.
--- Anon

When prompted to write a Limerick,
A rhyme I just couldn't pick.
Though I thought really hard,
(I'm not much of a bard)
The last line had to end with a kick.
--- Anon

The TV this evening was boring
And soon I was sleeping and snoring;
And that's why I'm here,
Well past midnight I fear,
Writing verses exceeding deploring.
--- Anon

In order to sex educate,
I went to a sex surrogate.
Twelve lessons--four weeks.
Of homework she speaks.
My limericks this month will be late.
--- Irving Superior P9409

Your sex life, it seems to be dead;
Last limerick, that's what you said.
Your bulb may not be bright
But the problem? Its white!
Methinks you should change it to red.

Why lightbulb, you seem pretty bright.
(Maybe socially, though, not quite right)
But the mail is so slow
You've some waiting to go...
I hope you can keep busy at night.

This limerick game is so hard,
That my typing fingers are jarred.
So I think it is best
To take a short rest,
Or else I'll be writing like Ward.
--- SFA

I thank those who patiently waited
For this poetry to be updated.
A pox on the rest
Who think it'd be best
If I were locked up and sedated.
--- Phil T

How often I've studied what Izzy
Has written on Usenet, he's busy
On multiple groups,
To enlighten us troops,
But reading his lims makes me dizzy.
--- Anon

I possess an ambiguous name,
And that's why I chase after fame,
For the name, "Robin Kay,"
Sounds male, WASP-y, and gay,
And I want folks to know I'm a dame.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402

There was a young fellow named Don;
His limericks ran on and on.
As more subjects arose,
The more he'd compose.
His ideas just never are gone.
--- Bernard Gluck

It's so sad that you've lacked for diversion
From our limericks' calls of perversion.
You were worried, I'll bet,
That we'd crashed in a jet,
Or had undergone Christian conversion.
--- Joe Long

I'm elated to offer that I'm
Equal to the task of a good rhyme,
Since I'm the possessor
Of a Word Processor,
Many monkeys and much idle time.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805a

If one touched by the limerick curse
Should insist that he read you his verse,
Make post haste for the door
For he doubtless has more
Bad habits, maybe some even worse!
--- William N Nesbit P9605 a

I've used up the locations that rhyme
With limericks and names all the time.
There's little to do
Except write a haiku,
Or think of a suitable crime.
--- Mike O'Conner

Compared to an average limericker,
A greeting card verser is sicker.
To write saccharine
And never obscene
Needs ulcers with linings much thicker.
--- Irving Superior P8612

"We've visitors here all the time,"
Said Janet, "But still it's a crime
Tiddy Ogg never came,
Randog's just a name,
And -=H=- still refuses to rhyme."

There was a young man who said, "Blow it!
Something is wrong and I know it.
For I try all I can,
But I can't rhyme or scan,
So I'll never make it as a poet."
--- Richard Long

So what are the "ground rules" on this?
"Politically Correct," or amiss?
Much humor, you see,
Barbs both you and me;
Yet we on each other shan't piss.
--- Q

A failed limerick writer, Demyers,
Unwilling to join the keep-tryers,
Quit way too early,
Then got quite surly
When his story got no willing buyers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

One day in the Emerald Isle,
I was writing haiku by the mile.
But I craved a sensation --
Limerick metric elation --
Every other form 'twas mis'rabile.
--- Buckaroo

We English are patient enough,
Though we often find Yanks a bit bluff.
We do not offend
With verses we've penned
On musicians and other such stuff.
--- Alastair Thompson

My limericks are done on the spot;
The one simple talent I've got.
My agent, when paid,
Ran off to get laid.
The royalties have not been so hot.
--- Frank Fazed

Marsha, yes it's Balto again.
My heart's broken, I'm really in pain.
To get me in shit
With the Sage is the pits.
I beg you don't do that again!
--- Anon

Anon was the first, I believe,
This naughty verse form to conceive.
But then they were not
All juicy and hot;
The lims were quite tame, you'll perceive.
--- Anon

It's been a very long while, I must say;
The way this life goes, I'm away.
So now I am back
To launch my attack,
In the form of a limerick a day.
--- Nawahl Razak

How to write a good limerick you've shown,
(I had to ring friends on the phone)
Wiz is funny as hell
And if I'm careful, well,
I can claim it as one of my own.
--- David Miller

This is file ilm

While I'd deem it somewhat of a crime
To have writer's block in a rhyme,
It would be less perverse
To first run out of verse,
Than have earlier run out of time.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

A man with a price on his head
Was no poet, most folks often said.
He won't rob your purse
But he murders his verse,
Till you pay him to stop it, instead.
--- Erin Hinds

A MAVERICK limericist
With fourletter words, never missed.
He emboldened his rhyme
With much vulgar grime;
Now all of the censors are pissed.
--- Chris Papa

An effete poetaster of Corning,
From the moment he wakes in the morning,
Is obscenely obsessed
(He has often confessed)
By a passion for limerick porning.
--- Keith MacMillan AO17B

Most limericks here are hysterical,
Some have a cut, quite chirurgical.
But savant's are different,
As they do represent,
Subjects that seem mostly political.
--- Q

There are Internet viri and worse,
Such as punsters and people who curse.
But then up from the mist
Rises the limercist,
Thought by some, polymorphous perverse.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0109

There once was a young man who said:
"I have always been bored when I've read
Poems Byronic,
So I find it ironic
When limericks pour from my head."
--- Richard Long

There was a young fellow named Frank
Whose limericks are of a high rank.
He'll rhyme and he'll scan
As few other can,
Which is pretty good for a Yank!
--- Sue Mitchell

Of lately it seems I've been greedy,
Of space for my Limericks seedy.
Apologies, of course,
I'm really a horse,
And was nobbled with something real "speedy"!
--- Anon

I know if Bill does take his time,
He'll find some clean words that might rhyme.
Some say his are stronger,
But remember mine longer,
For it's hard to forget smut and slime.
--- Bob Birch P9912

The spouse of a limerick writer
Was arrested for trying to slight her.
He spoke only in prose
And everyone knows
He did it on purpose to spite her!
--- Pecos Bill

The limerick form is a hoodoo,
I start out composing a lulu
That is bubbling with fun,
But as soon as I'm done,
I find that I've written a booboo.
--- Limber Limericks

A limrist whose metre was vile,
Admits to his wife with a smile,
"My weak endings are phoney...
Syllabic baloney,
But we!...Don't we finish in style!"
--- Tutta Gioia

There are others here who write better;
Their lims work out right to the letter.
They might give more thought;
I know that I ought,
But, perfection is such a fetter!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young fellow that people called Dick
Tried composing a good limerick.
Since he spent so much time
Without finding a rhyme,
He deserved, in the end, a swift kick.
--- Book of Limericks P9804

A huge list of names old and young,
From Jim to this group has been flung.
I know quite a few,
And I'm in there too.
Still rhubarb will thrive on such dung.

(McW tallied the most prolific authors and sent to AJL)
--- Tiddy Ogg

About limericks, there's this CANARD
That says they all should be barred,
Or of those that write 'em,
Be sure to invite 'em
To ride poles all feathered and tarred.
--- Chris Papa

"They've rejected both me and my best,"
Said Tom Becket, the sad limericist.
"More than just a scant few,"
Said, as did Henry II,
"Who will rid us of this anapest?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Though you can't really say I'm a pillar
Of this newsgroup, my verse serves as filler.
I at least try to post
When it needs it the most --
But I wonder, just where is John Miller?
--- Scott Oliver

For the moment I'm here, just lurking.
My muse doesn't feel much like working.
So I thought that it's best
That I give it a rest,
While I practice the fine art of shirking.
--- John Miller

Guess he took a vacation to Oz.
He's gone south of the equator because
He's gone looking for Dave,
His bare face for to save.
He's done shaved all the hair from his jaws.
--- Scott Oliver

Shave? Why, not, sir, for years,
But what drives my poor wife to tears
Is not on my face,
But total disgrace,
The stuff that grows out of my ears.
--- John Miller

This morning as I lay in bed,
And poetry ran through my head,
I thought I could say
Something special today,
But I just wrote these limericks instead.
--- Ray Gessler

The limerick's a form of great art
And it has been. of course, from the start.
For better or worse,
We've married this verse.
Well, nobody said we were smart.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

Last month I wrote "up on Mars",
And was rewarded with one of your stars.
But at the end of my fun
I then had to run
From my wife screaming, "I'll show you scars!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This web site is warmly inviting;
Its editor savvy, exciting.
A man of seniority
And a world-class authority
On the science of limerick writing.
--- Anon

Shall I write out a limerick poem?
Our troll "Jim" has inspired a huge tome.
One could truthfully say
I can write them all day,
From the dawn to the fade of the gloam.

I'm writing a lim that is clean;
It's hard, if you know what I mean.
I've gotten a start,
Easys' that part.
The hard part is what's in between.
--- Anon

We Pentatette fans mourn Al Willis;
His limericks often would kill us.
It will take us a while
To catch up to his style,
An accomplishment that would fulfill us.
--- John E Maywood

Al, keep writing your rimes.
They're raunchy, just right for our times.
I think you are blessed
With a taste for excess
And a talent for violent crimes.

(In praise of Al Willis)
--- Gerard Van der Leun

Al Willis has written his last;
I hear that his life has now passed.
Though he is now gone,
His poems live on;
Our limerick flag's at half mast.
--- Cap'n Bean P9901

Al Willis is, sadly, deceased;
His limerick writing has ceased.
I enjoyed what he wrote;
He's a great one to quote;
I hope that he's resting in peace.
--- Cap'n Bean P9901

Al is gone -- but his gems will remain.
Turn an empty glass down. We feel pain.
But there's laughter up there;
His rhymed wit was so rare,
And our loss is St Peter's sweet gain.
--- William N Nesbit P9902

Though Arch here has opened a kettle
Of worms such that some folks, I bet'll,
Think his license (poetic)
Is slightly chaotic.
His courage should earn him a medal.
--- Anon