MORE
The axe murderer, Ignatius Vaught, Please God, see the problem that bothers; I can laugh in the face of a leopard To pray for some rain, tried Miss Fenster -- In Embarrass, Minnesota they're saying: There was an old pilgrim named Goss, The power of Faith, it is said, Her tears are like pearls in a shrine! 'Twas the night that the gals congregate An intricate problem had Ray; Let's cheer for school prayer, ONE-TWO-THREE! The Emergency Broadcasting squeal As I've said, I don't care if you pray, An overblown floozie from Aix If prayer is so sweet and sublime, In my youth it was not a big deal Grant me tolerance, Lord, when my Ben The Right Reverend Archbishop Foster In a land where the folks were devout Said the preacher, "The lawyers are fools There was a young lady of Twickenham, Dear father, last year weren't funny, Joy is where you find it; it's free. There was an old man who was spry. I do love a religious man, Bless you, my dear, now come here; If each team prays they'll be victorious, Sure, I'm living in Ballydehob, That devout Presbyterian, Shore There was an old fellow of Leeds; We thank thee, O Spirit of Truth, A shameless old shaman, Lone Bear, "My son you should not feel such guilt, Then I'll buy me some liquid Viagra, When young, Lord Alfred Tennyson Cockney Prelate, the Monsignor Tice, "Whenever my wife prays," said Lee, When Marty reflects on the bees We thank thee, Whom it May Concern, Dear Lass, may you grow, but not older; Dear Lad, may each lass whom you see Said mother to son, "Take this charm, A thought about reincarnation If your flesh, it will sink to the ground, In which case, my dear, open wide; I'm trying to live this life right, If population numbers allow A man from a small third-world nation A bore asked in brief conversation In each of my previous lives, The way that I heard it was this: My old aunt this faith promulgated; But the last time around, I did not; Saint Andrew, our bonny apostle; According to John Milton's ex, Celebrate is a wild, lavish way -- Saint Augustine found it quite odd, Augustine was a light-hearted bloke; While looking for fossils, six meters A newcomer greeted a saint: Saint Augustine was one the the greater St David of Wales is unique, Thomas said to a maid on an outing, The aptly named old man St Upid The aptly named hermit, St Upid A hermit, a social outcast,
In the whole U.S. was closely sought.
He prayed the hue and cry
Would pass him right by.
Prayer was answered, he never was caught.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0507
Each Irish lot fights all the others.
Pray, turn all the creed
Into heathens; The breed
Will then mix like true Christian brothers.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9008
When I wear my magical leotard.
There's nothing to fear
When danger lurks near,
For I know that the Lord in my Sheopard
--- Arthur Deex P9110
When rain failed to come, it incensed her.
And what made it more tragic,
She had not studied magic,
Or perhaps a lot more prayed against her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2569
Not a day should go by without praying.
We don't make a faux pas
That would cause a hoo-ha,
That could start our good name a-fraying.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who walked to the shrine with a cross.
For so long he went forth
With his face to the north,
That his pecker was covered with moss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2090a
Can sometimes bring life to the dead.
And the ages have shown
That it is not unknown
For the converse to happen instead.
--- Beelzebub T9801
O lord, let that treasure be thine!
But that rich source of rubies
Adjacent her pubes
Be an inexhaustable mine!
--- Lance Payne P8601
For a prayer group that always ran late;
Where they prayed for lost souls,
As they squeezed tight their holes,
And swore they would not fornicate.
--- Bob Birch P0511
He fell on his knees and did pray.
Now he was not devout,
As it later turned out,
But he knew there was no other way.
--- Albin Chaplin
How could prayer hurt our right to be free?
Religious rules
Wouldn't hurt kids in schools,
Just as long as they pray just like me.
--- John Miller 0363
Is loud enough to upchuck your meal.
But, never mind,
It's been very kind,
Never to have squealed for real.
--- Harry Rubin P9301
Just as long as you do it my way!
(Since Congress, rough-shod,
Stuck in "Under God",
I don't pledge allegiance that way!)
--- John Miller
Was truly enamored of sex;
She prayed, "O dear God,
You gave me a bod,
Now find me a pecker that pecks."
--- Armand E Singer 273
And assists in our heavenly climb,
Why propose to prepare
For a moment of prayer?
We should simply pray all of the time.
--- Albin Chaplin
In our family circle," said Neil.
"Mom was not a bad cook,
But we went by the book
And prayed at the start of each meal."
--- A N Wilkins P9008
Has a yearning to stray once again.
Grant me patience at length,
But do not grant me strength.
For I'll beat him to death, Lord. Amen.
--- Anon
Sidled up to this babe to accost her,
And was quick to agree
On a suitable fee --
Two Hail Marys and one Paternoster.
--- Hugh Oliver A105Aa
Came a spell of dry weather throughout.
So they prayed for some rain,
But to pray was in vain,
For some bastards, it seems, prayed for drought.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2542
Who think they can suppress it with rules.
As long as kids cram
For a final exam,
There will always be prayer in the schools."
--- A N Wilkins P8706
Who used to take cocks without pickin' 'em.
She'd kneel on the sod,
And pray to her God
To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.
--- Norman Douglas L0116
To promise me a nice young honey,
Who smelled of fish.
So please grant my wish
As I'm gay... and give me money.
--- David Miller Q
So if sane and happy you'd be,
Live, laugh, and be kind,
Leave all darkness behind;
I'll pray for you. Please pray for me.
--- John Miller
He once caught a fly on the fly.
As it tickled his palm,
He recited a psalm:
"Dear Lord, what a good boy am I!"
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
And am on my knees when I can,
To give many thanks
For long hot hard shanks;
They're always in my divine plan.
--- Carol
If you pray, then I'll whip out my spear.
If you gobble and suck,
You'll be in for a fuck
Up your orifices, frontal and rear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Quite confident, almost euphorious,
Their prayers, heard on High,
Would result in a tie --
Would the spectators think that was glorious?
--- Ann Gasser P9009
Away from that damn city mob.
I go to Confession,
Attend every Mission,
Say the Rosary each night by the hob!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Would pretend to find sex a big bore.
But at supper he'd pray,
"Dearest God, make my day;
Bless this food, 'rouse my wife, and much more."
--- Armand E Singer 709
With rosary he prayed for his needs.
He prayed like a demon
To be a great he-man;
He was short about eighty-four beads.
--- Albin Chaplin a
For delivering us from uncouth
Superstitious beliefs,
The false terrors and griefs
That once darkened the days of our youth.
--- A N Wilkins P0509
So aged, he just didn't care,
Would squat in his teepee
And drink his own peepee,
While deeply immersed in lewd prayer.
--- Armand E Singer 115
I know of the juice that you've spilt;
Now here's what I'm working on:
That 'bat' gals are jerking on
Will soon have a permanent wilt!"
--- Anon
This is file ysl
And my dick'll be just like Niagara.
The juice won't be stoppin'
'Cause Mycoxaflopyn
Will fix it and be my new Savior.
--- Anon
Found a road-killed deer. His benison:
Dear God, please freshen
These pounds of flesh 'n
Just call me the Merchant of Venison.
--- Anon
Prior to dining last Tuesday on Plaice,
Admonished his host,
"'ere, 'old off wif that toast,
Until I've 'ad a chance to say Grice."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
"She is asking the good Lord to see
If he can't make a sinner
In that instance a winner,
And have two plus two equal three."
--- A N Wilkins P9008
And the birds, she drops down to her knees
Then makes her chest bare
And whispers this prayer,
"Please give me two firm double-D's.
--- Peter Wilkins
For delivering us from that which we spurn:
Superstitious beliefs,
The false terrors and griefs,
And for what in our youth we would yearn.
--- Arthur Deex P0509
May your love always flame and not smolder;
May your tits never sag,
Nor your ass never drag;
May your twat be the tightest cock-holder.
--- Travis Brasell
Be quite eager to screw you for free;
May you give her a smile
When you boff doggy-style,
With a cock that is grand and not wee.
--- Travis Brasell
So nothing will hurt or give harm
To you or your net,
Or that which you get.
But if it should fail, just yell "Darn!"
--- Matthew Montchalin
Which fills me with slight trepidation,
Is being reborn
As a barbecue prawn,
Or some equally tasty crustacean.
--- Peter Wilkins
And a prawn's life will be your next round.
If you end on my plate,
(Thought it might be too late)
You'll end in my mouth, whole and sound.
--- Ulla
There's no reason to wait 'til I've died,
And returned as a prawn;
So come chew on my brawn,
As a foot past your tonsils I slide.
--- Peter Wilkins
Because there's a chance that I might
Require re-birth
And come back to earth
Disguised as a hermaphrodite!
--- Anon
Past lives of all persons of Now,
To be well-to-do --
Where there were so few --
Will someone please explain how?
--- Paul Niquette
Believed in reincarnation.
He worshipped the cat,
But came back as a rat;
It was to his great consternation.
--- Monique de Plume
If I believed in reincarnation.
I said, "Yes! You of course
Were the back end of a horse;
Your presence is pure confirmation!"
--- Ray E Gessler
I've had numerous girlfriends and wives,
Who in each incarnation
Bore the next generation,
Into which my dead spirit revives.
--- John Miller 0081
Don't run somewhere else, seeking bliss.
Wherever you work,
You'll find the same jerk,
And still find that something's amiss.
--- Hilde na Beag
I'll tell it as it was related:
Think everything great,
For that which you hate
Is how you'll be reincarnated.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I wasted my time smoking pot.
I forgot to beget
So I'm not quite here yet,
Someone else is here filling my slot.
--- John Miller 0081a
Och, Aye, he's an icon colossal.
But wha's tha, the noo?
Andy's their patron too?
How can whiskey and vodka jostle.
--- Anon
That old Puritan fart loved to vex
His friend and his foe
By pretending to know
What the angels above do for sex.
--- A N Wilkins P8710
Costly wines with a subtle bouquet.
Bring the dancing girls on
And carouse until dawn.
After all, April Fool's is our day.
--- A N Wilkins P8612
How the spirit would fight with the bod.
So he wrote his "Confessions"
To purge his obsessions,
And then wrote "The City Of God".
--- Anon
He poked all the gals he could poke.
When the finger of God
Gave him the old prod,
The "Confessions" revealed 'twas no joke.
--- Annie Jay
From Basilican altars, Prof. Jeeters
Claimed to find relics quaint --
Holy bones of a saint --
But the bones that they found were all peters.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2191a
"It's ol' Peter, goddam if it ain't!"
"Sir, here you may use
Any language you choose,
But, God damn it, you cannot say ain't!'"
--- Laurence Perrine P8907
Confessors -- a true master baiter
Of sin in its lair --
And here's Augie's great prayer:
"Make me chaste, Lord, but not just now -- later!!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409 a
But not for the words he would speak,
Or the life that he led;
He's, oddly, instead
Remembered for taking a leek.
"What's this 'sex' all the masses are touting?
Sure, I'd like to be saint,
But a martyr I ain't--
Can I resist temptation? I'm doubting."
--- William N Nesbit P9609
When ignored by the Greek God Cupid,
A hermit became,
And then he gained fame,
For the locals he constantly duped.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The locals he constantly dup-ed
By giving advice
On all kinds of vice
Misusing the urgings of Cupid!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested for sins in his past.
Told, "Don't dawdle so,
You are going too slow,"
Replied, "No, I am going to fast."
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
MORE