MORE
Brigham Young was clever and witty; A prophet who took peoples' tithes A scoundrel in an act of ill will, An old business fellow named Gordon There once was a man they called Gord, (Gordon Hinkley) There was an old prophet called Gordon, (Hinckley) There once was a young girl of God, There was an occultist named Joe One of Joseph's wives came from Tottenham; There once was a man named Smith, Old Joe'd hoped to be a great saint, There once was a horn-dog named Joe, There once was a man from New York, The late Brigham Young was no neuter-- Pretty ladies in Utah, high strung, (I always say Frigham Young - McW)
Joseph claimed to see with a stone; There once was a man named Boyd There once was a prophet of God, There once was a Palmyra liar, A prophet somewhat indiscreet, There once was a prophet and seer There was an occultist called Joe, Joseph Smith was quite often laid, There once was a horndog named Joe As God is, man may become, There once was a huckster named Joe, Joe Smith was a remarkable groom, There was a young fellow named Joe There was an old prophet named Spence; (Spencer Kimball) "We'll be Gods!", Brigham said, "It's a fact!" There once wasa Mormon named Young, Precede us, O Lord, with thy grace. Said a virgin who lived in St. Ives At Harvard the gurus thought wise If three billion souls in dejection The Libbers' decline started when Amenhotep grew amgry when A pious old fellow named Pitt Forgive me, dear Lord, I have sinned. But Lord, it is much worse than that: "Prayers-R-Me", yes that's you, Billy Graham; When our prayers seem in vain -- waste of word, We have nothing to fear except fear. There is an old lady called Maud Whenever a Congress begins -- What's known as the Las Vegas prayer I drink hard whiskey, swear and use crack. Oh God, for as much as without thee At a temple they met in Bombay; There was a young man of Ascension The religious TENETS in life A renowned Gaelic scholar declares There once was a luscious young maid Said father to son, "Kiss your wife, In our schools, let kids pray to be free, Once worked with odd woman fanatic, The Argonauts's priest was heard say I'm sorry you're not feeling good. A young Chinese maiden, Princess Dove, There was an old hermit named Nevins On the very first Thursday in May, Young girls go through many a phase, There was an old spinster named Lakme, A pensive young person named Sayers There was a young maid named O'Hare "O dear God," prayed a woman named Hearne, A lady with breast lumps, aware
In his honor I write this small ditty.
He indeed was well-wived
His descendants all thrived
And they built that great place, Salt Lake City.
--- David Finely
Had a penchant for other mens' wives.
He's screw them at night
Taking utter delight
In hoodwinking them with his lies.
--- Exmormon
Said he found golden plates in a hill.
He lined up the fools,
And gave them some rules.
And some morons believe in him still.
--- Ghoulslime
Said, "Larry King, you sure you're recordin'?
God wasn't a man;
That's not part of the plan.
Just recruitment, that's all he's rewardin'.
--- Rick
Who claimed to speak with the Lord.
He covered up the past,
"The church is growing fast,"
Denying polygamy as part of the Word.
--- Beli
Who acted like he was a moron.
When asked what he knew,
He puffed and he blew,
But guess what? The questions ? He ignored 'em!
--- Anon
Who smiled when Joe gave her the nod,
Until the almighty
Lifted her nightie,
And she beheld Joe's iron rod!
--- Ghoulslime
Who wanted to put on a show.
Many thought him demented,
For the religion invented
Which took daughters, their freedom, and dough.
--- Poisen Pen
This girl with no manners had forgotten 'em.
Amidst Joseph's snickers
She rippped off her knickers
'Cause Joseph preferred her when not in 'em.
--- Sam
Who sold the world on a myth.
As time went by,
We discovered his lie,
And his myth's not worth a bucket of piss.
--- SD
And with bullshit he had no complaint.
He wrote us a story
In hopes of much glory.
He's a liar, but a saint he ain't.
--- Ghoulslime
Who lined up his wives in a row.
He said, "I'll admit
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the positions I know."
--- Anon
Who felt the testament of his own dork.
He started a movement
And with much improvement,
Made a cult and a harem to pork.
--- Kymba
No faggot, no fairy, no fruiter.
Where ten thousand virgins
Succumbed to his urgin's
There now stand the great state of Utah.
--- L0328
Would like to find husbands well-hung.
But Brigham decreed
He'd take care of this need,
And the pretty girls all marry Young.
--- Al Chaplin P9509
He might as well have used a bone.
All visions from Smith
Are nothing but myth.
As a joke, his church stands alone.
--- Stephen Clark
Who taught kids: "Masturbation avoid!"
But they think he's a dope
Who's lost touch and can't cope
And belongs on some far asteroid.
--- Pravda
Who was born with a passionate rod.
He asked the Almighty
If it was alrighty
To have sex with more than one broad.
--- Shaunteez
Who said to the gods he'd inquire.
And so not to fail,
He made up a tale.
Now he's burning forever in fire.
--- Ghoulslime
Sought to make a young lady his treat.
But after one round,
To his dismay he found,
A toddler can't take too much meat.
--- Ghoulslime
Who screwed every woman he'd near.
Till one night his wife,
Took an old rusty knife,
And rendered him into a steer.
--- Zelph Rules
Who said, "I'll give prophesy a go."
He looked at his stone,
And said what I've sown
Is nonsense, but no one'll know.
--- Eastern Boy
Three times a night; he never paid;
With husbands on missions,
in different positions,
As a sacrament, or so it's said.
--- Nephihaha
And after women he did go.
He claimed an angel said sex
Or to hell, and that makes
Some Mormons in charge just say Whoa!
--- Aint Sayin
Was taught to more than just some.
Hinckley said they don't teach,
But a lie he did preach,
But Mormons just nod and stay mum.
--- Aint Sayin`
Who gave fake religion a go.
He made up inscriptions
In Reformed Egyptian,
And got thirty wives just for show!
--- Gadfly
Who took twenty-two wives to his room.
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
--- Anon
who found poverty a real ego blow.
He thought, "This isn't funny,
But I might make some money
By giving religion a go."
--- Anon
'Bout sexual things he was dense.
He said, "You'll become gay
From wanking away,
Unless you gives up and repents.
--- Debbie
And I hoped for a heavenly flat.
Imagine my shock
When G Hinkley did talk,
Saying "I don't know that we teach that."
--- Pravda
Who had multiple wives that were dumb.
When told they should run
'Cause they weren't number one,
They lied and said he's just well hung.
--- Mark of SLC
As we travel through time anbd through space.
In all that we do,
May we magnify you,
Our reward as we run the straight race.
--- Frank R McManus
"Pray, good sir, ere my membrane you cleave
With your life-giving sword,
Let me first thank the Lord
For what I'm about to receive."
--- Hugh Oliver 40d
This is file ytl
By MBA candidates, prize
Those casebooks which say,
"Although the good pray,
The successful instead advertise."
--- A N Wilkins P9008
Point up in symbolic reflection
And in reverence they plead
To fulfill some great need,
Then each points in a different direction.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9007
AWOMEN and no more AMEN.
The movement in splinters
When Women Lib spinsters
No more can their prayers end, "Ah men."
--- Irving Superior P9008
The Hebrews end their prayers, "Amen."
"If they don't get in step
And finish with '...hotep,'
Then back to making bricks again."
--- Irving Superior P9008
Would never say cunt, twat or slit.
To avoid controversy,
He would beg the Lord's mercy
Whenever he sat for a shit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2232
It happens again and again.
I can't seem to stop it;
Cock springs forth like a rocket;
To temptation I always give in!
--- Travis Brasell
Young ladies are swinging my bat!
They drop to their knees,
And say, "Honey, please."
I oblige with some juice from my vat.
--- Greg Laing
It's down to the way that you say 'em.
But if you were viewed
In your birthday suit, nude,
Do you think that you could still sway 'em?
--- Professor
Just be thankful all prayers are not heard;
It could be this day
We'd be blasted away
By the prayer of some terrorist nerd.
--- Ann Gasser P9009
Though the end of the world may be near.
Though the threat of man's strife
Endangers all life,
We'll have faith that "it can't happen here."
--- Laurence Perrine P9005
Who compulsively prays to the Lord.
She gabbles away
For twelve hours a day;
He must get so terribly bored.
--- Anon
Forgive us, O Lord, our past sins.
And, as for today,
Lord, show us the pay.
November, that each of us wins.
--- Irving Superior P9008
Is used by each crap-shooting player.
"Come baby, Come heaven.
Come seven/eleven."
Like foxholes, no atheists there.
--- Irving Superior P9008
My school loans I never pay back.
And I chew tobacco.
But I'm so sorry, so
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack?
--- Willaim N Nesbit P0010
We are not enables to doubt thee,
Help us by thy grace
To convince the whole race,
We know nothing whatever about thee.
--- Ronald Knox
Kindred souls, they would silently pray.
She prayed for world peace,
That injustices cease;
And he fervently prayed that she'd lay.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Who thought sex was to sinful to mention.
When he got himself laid,
He accordingly prayed
To divirt (so he thought) God's attention.
--- Isaac Asimov a
All preach love, avoidance of strife.
But if you don't pray
Exactly my way,
I'm afraid you'll be put to the knife.
--- Chris Papa
That a Donegal manuscript bears
In classical Erse
The following curse:
"May the Lord answer all of your prayers."
--- A N Wilkins P9008
Who never her young man dismayed.
It's a matter of record
That before she was peckered,
He fell down to his knees and he prayed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0257
For fishing may well take your life.
The waves may deliver
You into the river
Where awful sea monsters are rife."
--- Matthew Montchalin
From the church, academically;
"Oh Lord, sepaarate
The church from the state,"
He was praying, fundamentally.
--- John Griffin
Who regaled us with tales autocratic;
When trouble did brew,
To chapel she flew,
And prayed for her God to "get at it."
--- Elois
To the big Double Blue -- "Let us pray
That disease and fatigue
Strike the rest of the league,
And we may win the Grey Cup some day."
--- Hugh Oliver 59a
I'd trade places with you if I could.
May the Lord heed the prayer
Of your brethren who care,
And return you good health if He would.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Knew a peasant boy, who she did love.
To start him revealing
What she knew he was feeling,
She offered gifts to the Gods up above.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who exclaimed in despair to the heavens:
"Dear Lord of my fate,
Please send me an eight,
I'm always at sixes and sevens."
--- Lims Unlimited
The government says we should pray.
But for those with no creed,
It's a conflict, indeed,
So instead, let's just oompah all day.
--- Meps N Barry
At the time of their difficult days;
At first, they are glad,
And next, they are mad,
From then on, they give the Lord Praise!
--- E E Potts P8502
Who prayed to the Lord, "You must back me.
You did not give me features
To attact the men creatures;
You must help some young lad to attack me!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1361
Ran off to the high Himalayas.
Now he sits on a peak
And refuses to speak,
Inventing inscutable prayers.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Whose cunt was so juicy and rare,
That her date, if you please,
Simply fell to his knees,
And he paused for a moment of prayer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0889
"You've warned me, no sex in the stern.
But please be aware,
I simply don't care;
Let me wind up in limbo or burn."
--- Armand E Singer 776
They could mean she'd cancer cells there,
Knelt and prayed they'd subside,
But they grew and she died,
Since a fact never yields to a prayer.
--- John Sandler P9204
MORE