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Said the Bishop assigned at Fort Meyer, The Bishop told the novice, "No riddle; A Catholic bishop named Jabies The good Father Thelonious Birch A heathengone priestman from Hiermoyce, As to priestly behavior, perverse, Said a young man in an altar robe, I fear that you'll always be wild My goodness, you should be confessing, You want cash for Christmas? Well lass, An altar boy by the name of Cass, The celibate Priests always cheat us When priests become ever so randy, As always you're so very right For they are the ones who decide Thought a priest in confessional booth, The "Youth" of his church made him smile, The shoe on the other foot's worn; When John Geoghan was at last arraigned, But Geoghan was simply a blip When the priest was confirming Miss Noyes, The celibate old Father Gahagan At confession a fellow once said, Father Parrish, an old Catholic priest, A boy in confession was puzzled; Pious Father O'Toole was most kind. It seems that Bing Crosby made scads I'm really beginning to tire The pedophile priest scandal's global; I think that all perverts in frocks They then should be locked up in jail, A priest who loved plump little boys, The Pope hasn't a prayer nor a hope "Forgive me, I know I'd not oughter, The priesthood's again in the news; "All Fathers, give me your attention!" (no statute of limitations for cleric pedophiles in Hell)
Said the devil, "I deeply abhor TV clergy are flocking to Sears There once was a priest named Leroy, It's well known that the kind Father Reeve, There was an old priest of Penang, (ampallang - male genital piercing- McW)
There once was a neophyte priest Monsignor Abyssawait's joys A priest from the Isle of Choiseul, There once was a nun of St Gorgon There's a fortunate priest of St Paul's, There was a young maiden named Frass, There was a young priest of Nogales A sex-starved young priest, Father Gance, There was a young priest from South Ealing A priest amidst his congregation A nun and a priest, Father Mandel, A horny old priest named McGinnity The priest from the Cape of Good Hope The good Father Francis Ignatius A horny young priest, Father Kay, Father Brian went off on a mission, There was an old priest named Geraint; Strip me and then fuck my ass! A rotten old harlot of Oregon There was a young lady named Jessary, (Jessional) (While she thought RU486 irrational.)
There was an old father confessor Said the priest to his flock at a meet, Your typical priest, Bishop Jonas; Having proved to've been banging his flock, A synod of Anglican friars,
To his harem, the boys of the choir,
"I'm sure this'll thrill ya,
I've outgrown pedophilia.
From now on it's the priest, monk, and friar."
--- Arthur Deex P0204
Celbacy makes you high-strung as a fiddle.
Buy you can live your whole life
Without missing a wife,
As long as they're young lads to diddle!"
--- Dave Fisher
(There's no room for ifs, ands, or maybes)
Was caught at long last,
His pants at half mast,
Reproachably buggering babies.
--- Armand Singer
Who is loved and revered by the church
Molested small boys
And made them sex toys
But he never did stem cell research
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Who no longer believed in a higher voice,
By bishops got courted,
But was career-aborted
And lost all his access to choirboys.
--- Snaggletooth
Cardinal Law says, "Hey, it could be worse.
According to the Bible,
The Church is not liable."
He then quoted chapter and verse.
--- Norm Brust
"Father thinks I'm not a homophobe.
If the price is right,
I will squeeze him tight,
Only if the church will start a probe."
--- Tom Patton P0305
With rhymes that are fit for no child.
So wild and obscene
They shouldn't be seen;
Come closer and whisper my child.
--- Frank Fazed
It's been quite a while (I'm not guessing).
Step into the box;
Of course the door locks.
This magical rod just needs pressing.
--- Frank Fazed
(Or fella), you'd best sell your ass,
To Muslim or Jew
For a dollar or two,
Or a priest while he's doing his mass.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
Stayed late after one Sunday Mass.
It caused quite a mess,
As Father said "God Bless,"
As he annointed the altar boy's ass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For they cannot stand a dead foetus
They'd much rather come
With pricks up their bum,
And younger boys sucking their meatus.
--- Anon
They diddle young lads and say, "Dandy!
Although we're perverse,
Abortion is worse,
And justification is handy!"
--- Anon
Your wordage is neat and so tight.
But don't get them pissed -
You'll be on the list
And the fires of Hell you'll ignite
--- Anon
To Hell or to Heaven you'll ride.
Don't upset their game;
Your name they'll defame;
Accuse you of Vaticancide.
--- Anon
"I love this job; that's the plain truth.
I'm always inspired
And seldom get tired...
It's a virtual Fountain of Youth!
--- Observer
As he watched them traipsing down the aisle.
Now, no longer feared,
His smile's disappeared;
He's in a cell waiting for trial.
--- Observer
He's feeling withdrawn and forlorn.
While cell-mate is winking,
He's now time for thinking,
Regretting the day he was born.
--- Observer
The Catholic Church then explained:
Though we gave him the flock
Where he lifted his frock,
The outcome was not pre-ordained.
--- Limerick Savant
On the radar of a Fool's ship.
It begins to appear
That the scandal to fear
Is arch bishops exposed just the tip.
--- Limerick Savant
She lifted his cassock with poise
She fondled his schwanz,
But there was no response,
Since he used it, he said, just for boys.
--- Albin Chaplin
Was never turned on by Miss Megan.
But the sight of young boys
Which were his little toys
Could oft turn him into a pagan.
--- Archie
"My girlfriend is pregnant! I'm dead."
The priest thought for a while
Then replied with a smile,
"Stick to choir boys. They're better in bed."
--- Don Moore P0303
On choir boy's asses would feast.
At the altar they'd see,
During his sodomy,
Six inches, the member of the Beast.
--- Don Armadale
Why telling his sins got him muzzled.
Explaned Father Shanley,
"This penance so manly,
Absolves you, provided your muzzled!"
--- Peter Wilkins
He kept children foremost in his mind.
For the kids of this nation,
He espoused education,
Advocating, "Leave no child's behind."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409
When those Catholic Priest pictures were fads.
Spencer Tracy in fact
Also got in the act.
In those roles, did they screw the young lads?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508
Of sick priests caught in a mire
Of half truths and lies,
That gather like flies
Around a big shitpile fire.
--- Squat
Let's ship them all off to Chernobyl.
With drugs we'll sedate 'em,
And then we'll castrate 'em,
And render those sickos immobile.
--- Observer
Should firstly be stoned in the stocks,
Then hung by their feet,
Castrated then eat
A fricassee of their own cocks.
--- Cubmeister
Denied any chance to make bail.
As prisoners they're cleaner
'Cause without a weiner,
They won't even need a slop pail.
--- Marlene Lewis
In court, after kids made big noise;
Where they found the statute
Of limitations! Oh shoot!
He'll now stick with foam-rubber toys.
--- Allen Wolverton
Of stopping his priests while they grope
At the backsides of boys
With secular toys,
Like dildoes and soap on a rope!
--- Brian Belge
This is file uem
But vicar, I lust for your daughter."
You Catholic priests
Are no better than beasts;
Can't you wait till she's eight and a quarter?"
--- Peter Wilkins
To the clergy they're putting the screws.
The heirarchy winks
While the sex abuse stinks,
And the faithful must sit in the pews.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
(There are some things I'd rather not mention.)
"You're welcome down in Hell,
Where you'll find things are swell.
Except your cocks will now lack any tension.
--- Tom Patton P0308
All pedophile priests, and what's more,
There's no amount of time
That can erase the crime,
So the high court's limitation's ignore."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308
Where they're meeting with all of their peers.
Through the grapevine they've heard,
So they're spreading the word,
"Small boys pants are half off. Yea! Three cheers."
--- Tom Patton P0206
Who savored his share of lewd joy.
It might have been fun
To bugger a nun,
But he victimized more than one boy.
--- Bob Birch P0303
Many miscreants he did relieve.
Bent them over his hassock,
Prayed, raising his cassock,
"Let's give thanks for what we'll both receive."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Wound a spiked ampallang round his whang.
When they asked, "Why'd you do it?"
The priest said, "Oh, screw it!
It's just for the young girls I bang."
--- L1509
Attending a holy day feast.
In a trance he went forth
With his asshole due North,
While the knob of his dong pointed East.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1149
Arise from the priests he employs,
To hold up his frock
While he makes his cock
A blessing to acolyte boys.
--- Travis Brasell
Was inordinately proud of his tool.
So this clerical stallion,
Bred a labor battalion,
To build him a chapel and schule.
--- L1656
Pursuing a priest they called Morgan.
She chased im right through
Almost every pew,
And caught him in front by the organ.
--- David Miller
Has a demountable penis and balls.
These, for urgent appeals,
And the nuns meals-on-wheels,
He can send out on house-to-house calls.
--- Douglas Catley
Who was having her first piece of ass.
"Oh, darling, you'll kill me,
Oh, darling, you thrill me,
Like Father John's thumb after mass."
--- L0531
Cursed with a most irreverent phallus;
In the Sanctum Sanctorum,
It forsook all decorum
And rapped a tattoo on the chalice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sinned grievously stroking his lance;
He pictured the joys
Of buggering boys,
And promptly went off in his pants.
--- Armand Singer
Who was very much into faith healing...
He'd assemble his flock,
While unfurling his cock,
And have them all hungrily kneeling.
--- Ogni Gioia
Was engaging in wild masturbation.
They called in the Pope
And he answered, "There's hope,
For I, too, am in his situation."
--- Lims For Year - 01
Thought his cock a convenient handle.
She gave it a crank
And then a big yank,
As it blew out on the altar, a candle.
--- Tom Patton
Has his doubt about Mary's virginity.
For he thinks that Old Nick
Has a much longer prick
Than all three (combined) of the Trinity.
--- G1132
Was tolling the bell for the Pope.
On the twenty-fifth bong,
The rope caught his dong,
And the priest was tolled off by the rope.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1862
Frederico Marconi Pilatius
Was caught in the rectory
Showing off his vasectomy
Scars to young girls? Oh good gracious!
--- Gearhart
And a girl in his parish, named May,
In a carnal delight,
They once fucked through the night;
He absolved her the very next day.
--- Cap'n Bean
And while staying there, started in wishin'
That a nun he would screw,
And his wish became true;
Now he's saying an Act of Contrition.
--- Cap'n Bean P9902a
By the Pope he was made a great saint,
When he lifted his frock
He put reins on his cock,
And he fucked all the nuns with restraint.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1029
Slap me and call me low class!
Pee on my face,
Then please leave this place,
'Cause soon I will have to say Mass!
--- Cruelty Jones
Had hoped to be pure to the core again.
She sought help from some priests,
But they fucked her, the beasts!
She was glad to be back as a whore again.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1139
Got deflowered while in a confessary. (confessional)
The priest who thus wrecked her
Would scorn a protector,
While she'd never heard of a pessary.
--- L0550A
Who said to his younger successor,
"If that redheaded chick
Comes in for a kick,
Caress her, possess her, and bless her."
--- Limber Limericks
"Some girls say I'm a GHOST. I repeat
That it's simply not true."
But one girl hollered, "You
Sure are a Booger Under The Sheet."
--- Theo Heller P9312
He thinks he's a Catholic Adonis;
His pride and his joy,
A succulent boy,
Plus a lecherous nun as a bonus.
--- Armand Singer
A profligate priest in Bangkok
'S been not only deflocked,
And defrocked but decocked
(Though at least, he had not run amok).
--- Aaron Bell P9702
Were discussing their carnal desires.
Said the priest from Tulagi,
"The Marys are baggy,
But a coconut truly inspires."
--- L1658
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