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"I'll tell you the reason," said Francis, Tonight, before hitting the sack, Serialites in Tel Aviv face a mosaic There was a small student named Duffy, When she's traveling, Milady Bleekom He's horny, that schoolboy named Gates, A zoology prof, Dr Crunch, A man once from Garbology, Amalgamate two different parts Though the students are usually keen Librarians keep track of the books. A "B" at the top of your test There was a young schoolboy named Hy, I'm sorry; I haven't a clue, A perverse old Person named Rose, The Oscars are on the TV, There is a young lady in Whistletown, Once predicted were days of "Big Brother", There was a young man so benighted, There was a bright fellow of Vendre There was an old man from Cape Verde There are no apes in an apiary, In my youth there were rules without end There was a young fellow from Clyde, An amazing young man named Fred Walls When the morning blazed brilliantly free, I wish I had movie-star looks, There once was a person of Goring Vanished history, long out of view; An uncommonly popular fogey, "Au revoir, ma cheri, it's adieu." I stood there and heaved a deep sigh. An old librarian named Chester, I once knew a man and a mouse When the season begins, Mr. Balfour, I turned thirty the other day; I fought in a private domain, There was a bloke named I.D.S. Though this wonderful age has decreed, I picked up this phone from the ground; Did you ever get one of those feelings And there you are still on the phone. This is Pioneer Village. The sun So we climb the fence, trespass, explore. We poke about, ponder the place. We squint at the school through a chink. This proof-reading work is deploring, I spotted a nurse in the distance, Alas, I'm now back to the boring There once was a person of Ventry Now finally, a day all alone; I can wear all my old holey clothes, I don't have to cook for a horde; An old timer who was named Dederonder, The girl stared at the waxwork and thought There once was a Helen McKnight Her husband was the opposite way; There was an old man from Penrose The square peg in a round hole lost face; There was a young fellow of Perth, A woman from Upper Montclair There was an old fellow from Hull I sat through a very long talk Such tedium can't fail but grate I sat and I listened, quite bored, Recall fails me. My thinking's unsound,
"That I like to read true romances.
They are all as false
As a Viennese valse,
But a true one enhances the dances."
--- Laurence Perrine P9305
I took your mum's book off the rack.
I didn't intend
To get to the end,
But read from her front to her back!
--- Anon
Of alphabets, mod and archaic;
In order to read
Their journals, they need
To know English along with Hebraic.
--- Serial Limericks P8401
Who thought both his parents were stuffy.
He got into a snit,
Because they made him sit
For hours while reading McGuffey.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Carries with her a thick vademecum; (reference book)
At a posh ladies tea,
It's right there on her knee,
To be used if a posh lady bee come.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
And what he does rhymes with "the fates",
But it's not as it seems --
He on one of the teams
That practice scholastic debates.
--- Armand E Singer 667
Brought a specimen out for the bunch.
And his students reported
That he practically snorted:
"I distinctly recall eating lunch."
--- A N Wilkins P0211
Delved in modern scatology.
He dished out the crud
And slung scandalous mud,
And was a subject of psychology.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And their separate nature departs.
You'll find that it's fine
To blend and combine,
But teasing apart'll take smarts.
--- David Morin
To read limericks penned by the dean,
They say if, in the main,
They have cause to complain,
It's because what he writes is too clean.
--- A N Wilkins P0211
Card catalogs have improved all their looks.
A wee puff of smoke,
'Twas a bit of a joke,
But they frown at us now, like we're crooks.
--- Earl J Moniz
Denotes that you aren't of the best.
While "A+" receivers
Are over-achievers;
You're there in the back with the rest.
--- Anon
Who came to class wearing a tie.
His teacher didn't mind;
He was one of a kind,
But his classmates comments made him cry.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
So tell me just what you would do.
We haven't much time,
So answer in mime.
Oh, I see. Very well; same to you.
--- Bill Wall
Was attracted by sin, I suppose.
He would sit there and think
About women and drink,
Which is okay, as far as it goes.
--- Roger Morris
But it's of no interest to me.
I sit and I rhyme
Just killing some time
Before my bedtime tea.
--- Rev Joseph Blaylock
Which is neither a whistle nor missile town;
With nothing to do,
And with no one to coo,
She sits on her porch and blows thistledown.
--- Lims Unlimited
And that privacy such times would smother.
Now a nation of clones
Armed with camera phones,
We are visually tracking each other.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0509
He never knew when he was slighted.
He'd go to a party,
And eat just as hearty
As if he'd been really invited.
--- Francis Parkinson Keyes
Whose transgressions the whole world did ponder.
To gossips and press
He'd tell all, but confess
The whole story in double entendres.
--- Anon
Where nothing whatever occurred,
And things were so drear
That the first of each year
Was often delayed till the third.
--- William K Alsop P9211
Nor any knaves in an aviary.
Facts of life like these,
About birds and bees,
Deserve little space in a diary.
--- Steve Payne P0406
I'd obey them, or sometimes pretend.
There were do's, there were don'ts,
There were will's, there were won'ts,
Disobedience, doom would portend.
--- L E Ott P0206
Who once at a funeral was spied.
When asked who was dead,
He smilingly said,
"I don't know, I just came for the ride."
--- Anon
Has a balancing act which enthralls.
With a pole on his head,
And his nose painted red,
He can hop from the mall to St Paul's.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Wild euphoria swept over me.
I began the day strong
But that didn't last long,
For inertia soon overtook me.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0411
Or could write instant best-seller books,
Or some genius possessed
To solve world's unrest --
But no, I'm just one of the schnooks.
--- Cyd
Who though he would go out exploring.
But all that he found
Was the sky and the ground,
Which seemed to him dreadfully boring.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
London eating house, many in queue.
Patrons waiting for meats
And impatient for seats:
"Table's set, George the Third party, two."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Plies a mentally challenging bogey;
That meditation transcends
Both the means and the ends.
Mahhareshi Mahesh Yogi
--- Paul Niquette
She said "Ciao, farewell to you.
Tot ziens, wiedersehen,
I'll see you again.
Or as my dad says, toodle-oo."
--- Anon
Determined I was not to cry.
It wasn't the leaving
That set me a-grieving...
But why'd she not tell me goodbye?
--- Anon
Held grudges and let them all fester.
More bitter each day,
Wanted things done his way.
But he lost the best person to pester.
--- Earl J Moniz
This is file sym
Who lived in a very small house;
Each was eager to share
The meager things there --
Though the mouse was a bit of a louse.
--- Anon
Your pals must be sorry their pal for:
No golf and no Souls,
No nothing but Bowles,
Which is such a dull game, Mr. Balfour.
--- Punch 1902, Vol 122, p268
My sexual prime, so they say.
Alone in the house,
I just have to grouse,
There's no one with whom I can play.
--- Anon
And left there all bruised and in pain.
It's history now,
'Cause I made a vow
To never go back there again.
--- SFA
Who said: "Though this party's a mess,
My apathy is
So great for this bus-
Iness, that I couldn't care less."
--- Anon
We should all charge along at great speed,
Though we all know we're in it
Just hold hard a minute,
And then with due caution proceed.
--- A Brunton
I date the contraption around
Nineteen ninety eight.
It's rather too late,
To call up the numbers I found.
--- Anon
That you hadn't a clue what's the dealings;
When people are talking
And you are but gawking,
While counting the flies on the ceiling?
--- Anon
Your fingernails down to the bone.
Press press and then press,
While wrath you re-press,
While pressing against a dial tone.
--- Irving Superior P0800
Bakes a field of log-houses to dun.
Each historical hut
Is boarded up, shut,
We shout, shake the gates, wake no-one.
--- Ruth Silcock
There's a courthouse, a schoolroom, a store,
Barns of furniture, sheds,
Stacked with carts, double beds.
Freezers, motorbikes, prams cram the floor.
--- Ruth Silcock
Someone's missing. We call, rush and chase,
Search an outhouse, a shack.
Here she is, coming back,
A parasol shading her face.
--- Ruth Silcock
Yellow maps, lesson books, blackened ink.
We can just see the date.
Nineteen fifty-eight.
Museums for the living, we think.
--- Ruth Silcock
So boring I'm verging on snoring;
So after this verse
I'll go find me a nurse
For activities grindingly boring.
--- Peter Wilkins
But sadly, despite my persistence,
She swung back her pretty
Right foot without pity,
And threatened my very existence.
--- Peter Wilkins
Old proof-reading stuff I'm deploring.
I reckon quite soon
That by mid-afternoon,
I'll be yawning and probably snoring.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who called on the neighboring gentry;
He was such a bore
That they bolted the door,
So he rarely effected an entry.
--- Randall Davies P0107
I can do what I like on my own.
No company today;
With myself I can play;
I won't even answer the phone.
--- Anon
Including white socks that my toes
Stick out just a bit,
And I don't give a shit,
If anything else is exposed.
--- Anon
My pots and pans are washed and stored.
I can sit and relax,
All day long eat snacks,
My glass of white wine is now poured.
--- Anon
Every night finds himself on a wander.
His light of his life
Joined her family in Fife.
He thought of her as an absconder.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
That the image was perfectly wrought,
Which was certainly proved
When the figure's eyes moved,
And the girl ran away quite distraught.
--- Anon
Who woke up at two every night.
When her alarm would chime
At her getting up time,
She'd be dead to the world, just for spite.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
He'd nod off when his head hit the hay.
From two until four,
He'd snort and he'd snore,
Adding to Helen's dismay.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Whose snores interrupted each doze.
Now he sleeps undisturbed
For his snoring is curbed
But a peg which he shoves up his nose.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Was uneasy but felt no disgrace.
It was just he was daunted
And feeling unwanted,
Unwelcome and quite out of place.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
The funniest fellow on Earth.
He could squeak like a rat
And meow like a cat,
Which convulsed the whole district with mirth.
--- John Blyth
Went about with her nose in the air;
Pretentious and rich,
The snooty old bitch
Felt that nobody else could compare.
--- Cap'n Bean P0312
Whose life was unbearably dull;
He pulled out a tack
He had stuck in his back,
And pounded it into his skull.
--- Lims Unlimited
Whose giver just wasted her chalk.
If she'd read my mind,
She'd probably find
I'd gone for a very long walk.
--- Archie
Till I just want to cudgel my pate.
Trapped in the room,
Boredom will bloom;
It becomes a near-mystical state.
--- Bruce
But that wasn't the worst, as I tore
Out of the room,
Face blushed at my doom.
I'd not only slept, but I'd snored.
--- Archie
But it may be that I am renowned
For some outlandish thing.
Which involves a short string
In a bow and what it's tied around.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202
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