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Have you heard of young Franchot Tone, Like Gene Kelly, a guy named Cohane Famous Harold Lloyd was put on God's shelf; The casting director Fred Foy An ancestor of Henry Fonda's In a film shot in gay Saratoga Over the cuckoo's nest Nicholson flew; James Cagney, his moment of fame. James Stewart was just a big ham We once dreamt about Jerry Lewis. Playing the Grinch was not bad of me; Jimmy Stewart, a great actor guy; Saturday Night Fever has John; Big Jake played a great Green Beret; Once a young man called John Wayne Dear Teacher, I know you're not vain, The night fell on Tombstone, and John I know a young blonde lass called Flossy This anecdote does not begin A man who had watched "The Titanic" A young couch potato in Orlando As Bugs, Mr Blanc was just swell, Mel Gibson will surely get bail; Mel Gibson looks fine in a kilt, I know I am no movie critic, There was a young actor named Rhet, The movie star Mr. Magoo "Oliver", a fine film of yore, Pink Panther and Clouseau were rivals; Have you heard the one 'bout Richard Gere Our greatest American actor Among those caught for murder and stealing, There was this famous actor, Rock Hudson, They say that Rock Hudson, the star There once was a stallion from Philly, A rich man whose marriage was wrecked, That Roger Vadim was no perv. My Grinch movie's knocking them dead; Says Russel, "The rules don't apply The judge might suggest, at a minima, Al Qaeda failed to get Crowe Russel Crowe will reap what he's sown; I'm sure, up that fellow was shook, Making movies is Peckinpah's mission. I don't know if you have read, An actor named Penn made a choice A film impresario named Kubric A film actor called Tommy Cruise I just saw Eyes Wide Shut, The movies just won't be the same The movie star, Anthony Quinn Tony Quinn is with us no more, There once was a husband named Walter, There was a young girl of Tahiti He's considered "ahead of his time" Comrade Alec is going away Baldwin said he would move to Australia, We admire the great Charlton Heston; (small bore)
It was not a Smith and Wesson but a Beretta Jack Nicholson's got a golf game, Although he's done a lot more, Mel Gibson is starting to grate; I went to the cinema last night, Said Mel Gibson, "It's not what you think, Riggs and Murtaugh again did their stuff, A mere mea culpa can't fix The booze is Mel's serum of truth
Who felt of his own peculiar bone?
It was long and quite narrow
And filled full of marrow,
And less edible that stale corn pone.
--- L0438
Had a girl who would drive him insane.
Each morn about seven
She'd send him to heaven;
He's happy just zingin' in Lorraine.
--- Thomas Patton P0306
As a star, was a very sly elf.
Though happily married
He never was buried.
He'd make a spectacle of himself.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Reached a panic state devoid of joy.
Nearly out of his mind
Since a typo said, "Find,
For a walk on, a two-headed boy."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0511Q
Flew up from Oz via Qantas,
Where he'd boffed kangaroos,
Koala bears too,
So now he thought he'd Pocohontas.
--- Anon
With all eyes on the first Conestoga,
All the people enroute
Straightened up to salute
The Commander in Chief, Humphrey Boga.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
He was Hoffa, and Jack Torrence too.
Pass the gin and vermouth,
I can't handle the truth,
If it means seeing "Mars Attacks II."
--- Larry Hollister
He'd viciously grapefruit this dame.
Her face being juiced,
Her wrinkles reduced.
So, Darling, don't move while I aim.
--- Irving Superior P9002
In many a good film program.
But I liked him the most
Playing Harvey's good host;
An eccentric, but no more than I am.
--- Prof M-G T9707
We were chaste, but he wanted to do us.
It was only a dream,
But it still makes us cream.
If we dream it again, he can screw us.
--- Btc
We were a match that just had to be!
But in my Christmas sack
There'll be one thing I lack --
Grinch roles don't excite the Acadamy.
--- Anon
Mr. Smith's the role critics rate high.
But I liked him the most
Playing Harvey's good host.
An eccentric, but then so am I!
--- Prof M-G
We'll never Get Shorty; he's gone.
These days we can see no
Vinnie Barbarino,
Just Michael, angelic Don Juan.
--- Satori Press
Showed True Grit in The Longest Day.
How the West Was Won,
Was Hellfighters for fun,
His best? By Hondo; In Harms Way.
--- Vie
Tried to kiss a young maiden from Spain.
The senorita he met
Gave him one heavy pet;
Called Fido, a randy Great Dane.
--- Donald McGill
And you write quite as well as Grey, Zane.
I will not embarass you
Or unduly harass you,
But you look a lot like John Wayne.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
'The Duke' Wayne said, "Pilgrim go yon-
Der quicker than syrup
And fetch me that stirrup,
That's holding Marines up near Bonn!"
--- Anon
Who some say is remarkably Saucy
Once, on meetin' John Wayne
Says she "Hey - I'm for layin'"
"How 'bout you - and the rest of your posse!"
--- Anon
To tell us why Kostner and Flynn
Of Hollywood fame
Robin Hood became,
And remained so excessively thin.
--- Irving Superior P9504
Was arrested for causing a panic.
He shouted out loud,
"Leo is in the crowd!"
And all of the girlies went manic.
--- Kermit Swift
Tried renting the movie 'Commando'.
But because of a bug,
He was found on the rug,
With an overdose of Marlon Brando.
--- Luigi Semenzato
And as Tweety and Porky as well.
Now he's gone, R.I.P.,
Th-th-th-th-thee,
Th-th-th-th-that's all folks! From Mel.
--- Rory Ewins
They don't want his type in their jail!
And I'll, from my pocket,
Fund a Hezbollah rocket
To fire the dumb klutz at Israel.
--- David Miller
He kills with his sword to the hilt.
His accent's not bad,
For a mere Aussie lad,
But those blue eyes, they cause me to wilt.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But Mel Gibson seems hypocritic
In attempt to get by
With his SCHWARMEREI,
Which pegs him as anti-semitic!
--- Chris Papa
Who found himself deeply in debt.
He gave up his chances
Of roles in romances;
He made more playing blood, tears and sweat.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had caught a bad case of the flu.
He coughed and he wheezed,
And often he sneezed,
And blew his nose a time or two.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Starred a young actor who tugged hearts sore.
That frail boy, still alive,
Now weighs three hundred five,
The result of eating all that "more".
--- LOREN FITZHUGH P0608
The first flic of many derivals.
But Sellars was classic,
His acting Jurassic,
And now all his films are archivals.
--- Ann Richards
And the Gerbil he stuck up his rear?
It's probably not true,
But what can you do --
You cannot believe all you hear.
--- Julie Wiskirchen
Is DeNiro and clearly a factor
Behind this impression
Is his deep obsession
With being a pure malefactor.
--- Larry Dahl
I'm a prisoner who is quite appealing.
They say, "Robert, you're cute!
And a movie star, to boot!
Give me that Downey-fresh feeling."
--- Anon
Who's reputed to be quite a stud, son.
When he died, Doris Day,
Said, "He's gay? There's no way!
I would never have thought him a dud, son."
--- Alexander Baron
This is file rrm
As handsome as you and I are --
So virile on screen,
Was often times seen
Back-seating a boy in his car.
--- Irving Superior P9111a
Who loved to beat meat that was chilly.
He needed some dough,
So he just shouted out "Yo!
I'll just go slap Appolo Creed silly!"
--- Anon
Went to college to gain intellect.
With help from his son,
He got the job done.
And he no longer "gets no respect".
--- Anon
From Bardot to Catherine Deneuve,
If it looked good he'd fuck it.
He's now kicked the bucket,
"Shagged out" as an epitaph will serve.
--- Anon
Carrey's keeping my family well-fed.
Getting just one more thing'll
Delight me, Kris Kringle:
A little more hair on my head!
--- Anon
To me; I'm a real macho guy,"
But the rest of us wonder
How a guy from down under
Can keep breaking laws and get by.
--- Observer
That Russel be given an enema.
He's got a clogged can
And he ain't no real man...
He only plays one at the cinema.
--- Observer
To star in a sword-swinging show
Where, bound in a blindfold,
His beautiful mind rolled
Onto the sand in slow-mo.
--- Jarmo
Something at a night clerk was thrown.
He's not without sin,
So should not begin
By casting the first fucking phone.
--- David Miller
When aim at him, Russel Crowe took.
I hope that the judge
To punish, won't fudge,
And at him will throw the phone book.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Check out "Strawdogs," his latest addition.
It's the flick of the year
And it's mission is clear --
You don't fuck with a mathematician.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
That Sean Penn's got it in his head
That a photographer --
I don't fully concur --
Is really much better off dead.
--- Julie Wiskirchen
To go to Iraq to "find voice."
He may find his audition
Cut short by munitions,
Then he won't be around to make noise.
--- Noel P0301
Made computers and space-jocks his rubric.
When they cried, "There's no sex!"
He tried Clockwork effects--
Rape, buggerery, and foul blows sub-pubric.
--- G2622
Is short but he still can confuse.
It's his latest date
Who causes this state,
Her name is Penelope Cruz.
--- Tony Burrell
It should be called Eyes Wide Slut.
She has a GREAT bod;
I'd slip her the Rod,
But Tom has her inside his HUT.
--- Anon
Without 'Mighty Quinn' and his fame;
But I'll make escapes
To watch him on tapes;
To Zorba he gave a good name!
--- Travis Brasell
Said: "Oh what a fix I am in!
I always play rough
Stuff and tough stuff.
I wish there'd be a girl I would win!"
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
He stayed here six years and four score.
He sure was prolific,
Thirteen kids, terrific,
In ages from sixty to four.
--- Frank Fazed
Who found his wife's virtue did falter.
So, her lover he shot,
In a most vital spot,
With intent, not to kill, but to alter.
--- Stan Armstrong
Who dreamed of the star Warren Beatty.
"Wishful thinking, my lass,"
Said her man, "'Cause your ass
Ain't gonna get screwed by that sweetie."
--- Alexander Baron
And to some his star still has a shine.
It was therefore prophetic
Woody Allen, frenetic,
Stammered. "I will play Hamlet in Mime."
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
To down there where they greet you, "G'day!"
It is perfectly plain
That's their loss and our gain.
Oh shit! He decided to stay!
--- Bill Nesbit P0205
If the Gore campaign turned out a failure.
But the laws of our nation
Prevent such deportation.
We're so glad he'd not bet genitalia.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0205
On a talk show, the bugger was guestin'.
"Plese allow me, perchance.."
Then he reached in his pants
And pulled out his big Smith and Wesson.
--- Al Willis TP9807
He pulled out from under his sweater.
It was 9mm
Used to shoot a wife beater;
Heston was always a trendsetter.
--- Al Willis
Though one day, and it is a shame,
He used his own putter.
It still makes me shudder;
He brought a Mercedes to shame!
--- Julie Wiskirchen
Julie won't let me explore
The foibles of Jack's
Exploits in the sack,
But maybe he should have yelled "Four!"
--- Julie Wiskirchen
He's spewed out a mouthful of hate.
"His mouth proved to be,"
Said deputy Lee,
"Mel's most Lethal Weapon to date."
--- David Miller
Some violence and more than one fight.
Lethal Weapon 4,
It wasn't a bore;
For a sequel, 'twas more than alright!
--- Jayne
And it fucking near drives me to drink!
Why would I abuse
All you fucking Jews?
I've been set up by some fucking fink."
--- David Miller
Eleven years and they've not had enough.
So full of wit,
("Not too old for this shit")
And Mel Gibson I'd love to handcuff...
--- Jayne
The harm that was wrought by this prick's
Intense, vitriolic
Outburst that's symbolic
Of bigotry towards Jews and chicks.
--- Randog
That bared what was hidden since youth.
No credible witness
Would vouch for his fitness,
To be more than simply uncouth.
--- Randog
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